julianlod 写作贴 大家请指教~

JulianlodUID: 2688193

刚进入小组 还不知道作业时啥 就发一篇自己刚写的文章做一楼吧 希望大家指教

Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?

In recent years, among numerous hot spots in the world of our young generation, job hunting is one of the most heated ones undeniably, and there is much controversy about the necessity of practicing different kinds of job, for most adolescents, before they take a career in a long term. The speaker asserts that it is essential for young people to take several different kinds of job before they take one of them as career. As for me, in weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential drawbacks, I strongly agree with this allegation.

As a threshold problem, some practical work require their practitioner to have various experience, even some human resource managers prefer the candidates who have ever taken different kinds of job. For example, in the software realm, if one’s major is computer science, the common sense is that he should directly find a job in a software company and to be a programmer. This idea is somewhat convincing, however, we fail to take into account that, in contemporary software market, there is serious competition in seizing some major clients from various kinds of business and industry. So the one who has the real world work experience in different kinds of job must be competitive in hunting jobs of some celebrated company and have a promising career.

In addition, taking various kinds of job is really conducive for someone to acquire different kinds of knowledge and cultivate some essential qualities. It can be given as a concrete example that to be a salesperson can learn how to communicate with clients and even empathy with them. To be a human resource manager tells person how to evaluate employers and arrange them efficiently. Management work makes one know how to lead a group of members to achieve success and avoid failure. These valuable real world knowledge and essential qualities will make one to be a successful leader and administrator.

To some extent, it is indisputable that taking different kinds of job has every benefit. Nevertheless, we seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that taking many kinds of job may distract our focus and consume energy, a good case in point is that if we change our jobs frequently, hardly can we get the promoting opportunity which often be given to the employer who have devoted in the position of the company for many years. Considerable drawbacks though taking different kinds of job leads to, they cannot match the benefits that it brings about.

To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that it is essential for young people to take several different kinds of job before they take one of them as career.

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8.12 作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life
As is often the case, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused that one’s success in life hinges on whether he make sure other people know about his strengths and accomplishment. The speaker asserted that if someone does not make sure other people, especially influential people or his employers, know about his strengths and accomplishments, he will never get successful in life. As for me, I find this allegation to be specious, in weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential risks, I side on the opposite.

As a threshold matter, one reason for this perspective is that to determine whether someone is successful depends on what your definition of success is. If you define a successful person is a man who has powerful authority and immortal feats, the speaker’s assertion maybe make the sense. Nevertheless, is a man who has powerful strengths and inimitable accomplishments are successful? Adolf Hitler is undeniably one of the most charismatic leaders during World War 2, the army of Nazi Germany and its Axis Power dominated much of Europe. Do you think Adolf Hitler is successful? Nobody can deny his strength and accomplishment, but he is just a slaughterer rather than a successful leader. In short, informing other people one’s strengths and accomplish does not suffice to indicate that someone is successful, even leads to some irredeemable loss.

In addition, a really successful person does not always make other people know and respect his strength and accomplishment. For example, Mahatma Gandhi and his celebrated philosophy of nonviolence, for which he coined the term satyagraha, has influenced national and international nonviolent resistance movements to this day. He led the struggle for India’s independence from the British Empire. He did not inform tens millions of Indians that he has powerful strength and immortal accomplishment, instead only using the highest moral standard. In reality, he is indeed a successful and powerful man rather than an emaciated old people.

To some extent, it is indisputable that speaker’s statement is an unwarranted and oversimplified assumption, however, we fail to take into account the basic fact that it has some conducive points, a good case in point is that making sure other people know about one’s strength and accomplishment could help him get support from those people and give confidence to his underlings and supporter. If you want to be a charismatic leader, you must make your employer know that you are a powerful person and could lead them to achieve success and avoid failure like your previous ones. Considerable benefits though informing other people one’s strength and accomplishment leads to, I cannot believe that it is one prerequisite of success.  

To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which were discussed above, I firmly disagree with the statement that if someone does not make sure other people, especially influential people or his employers, know about his strengths and accomplishments, he will never get successful in life.

longxue26UID: 2687755

When fighting（个人更喜欢用HUNTING JOB，只是建议）
这里 我其实想过用hunt 但是我为了突出工作不好找 就用了fight for

test of resume review（test of resume review不太明白
这个地方是 简历筛选 我还真不知道该怎么说 瞎说的 呵呵

also was I been（怎么又俩个BE动词） hired by the company
这里是倒装 所以这么说的 莫非 我语法错误了?

(个人愚见 貌似老外毕业之前绝大多数都打工的 找工作不会是那么大的一个挑战 可能考官看你作文时候会不那么理解吧)
这里 我觉得 工作还是难找的 况且 我们都是考托福的外国人 不能写成美国的事儿吧  当然你的意见我也收着

In addition, despite of all strengths and accomplishments, none of us（有这些成就就很PERFECT了 为什么说我们没有好的东西呢 个人觉得这个观点不是很合适）
嗯 其实 工作中 情况是比较复杂的 我不是在说 我们没有好的东西 是再有成就的人也会有缺点 而有缺点就会暴露到工作中去 会产生影响
也许我没表达好  

谢谢你给我的批改  你的意见我都好好的收着 受用着呢 呵呵
还有就是整体格式问题  其实 这种两边都说的作文也是可以的啊  
第三段 我觉得 就是综合一下 但是 貌似我没综合好  哈哈
反正 谢谢你了  

JulianlodUID: 2688193

3# longxue26

恩 那个倒装的正常语序回来就是 I was been hired.....
这样说看不出是啥时态 也感觉有语法错误 DO在倒装时候可以提前 WAS提前我就没见过了

恩 我很欣赏混合换点的 以前写G作文也都是混合观点的
你的作文水平很不错的 词汇量也很大 一起加油吧
我写作文也就是应付个考试 不对的地方真的要多包涵

longxue26UID: 2687755

提个小建议 下次搞个附件上去哈
要不然copy来copy去的太麻烦了 而且总有乱码

longxue26UID: 2687755

点评完毕

纯属个人意见

言语不妥当之处 敬请谅解 莫怪莫怪哈

JulianlodUID: 2688193

6# longxue26

恩 我发帖数还不够 GTER鄙视我 不让我贴附件:mad:
收到建议 也很受用 这个题目其实实在是不太好理解 所以理由和论证有点偏移 第三段的建议对我很有启发
那个第二人称是不小心用上去的 呵呵  
还有我建议你的是表述一下自己的观点 不是不要俩边都说 表明一下自己稍微倾向一个方面 可能会更觉得你的立场鲜明

我总是改不了G作文那些毛病 老用些红宝词 其实还是应该以简单准确的用词为好的 接受建议 下次注意
我确实是用了模板 感觉考试不用模板字数基本凑不够啊
咱们这次很有收获啊

谢谢你啦

penn4uUID: 2696512

到我给lz改作文，我没修改，因为我觉得楼主写的很好。
我还是很认真的阅读了，水平很好了。单词也比较丰富，
运用的例子很好，从你们这里学习了。我也收到了楼主的建议我会认真考虑和修改的
没有写过g作文呵呵
和你们一起加油吧

penn4uUID: 2696512

还有就是我觉得例子上，希特勒这个例子是不是很合适，我个人觉得希特勒更多的是欲望
ambitious而且他也不需要向有影响力的和雇佣者证明。这只是我个人的想法

JulianlodUID: 2688193

8月14日作业

09.08.07NA      
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.

As is often the case, it is much concern to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused that who should make choices for children, in other word, who determine their future, their parents or themselves. Traditionally, quite a few citizens assert that it is essential for parents to scheme the future of their offspring and help them embark on the deck of successful career. As for me, in weighing both the prospective benefits and potential risks, I side on the opposite and reckon that parents should allow children to make their own choices.

As a threshold matter, one reason for youngsters’ making their own choices is that it could bring about numerous negative effects that parents determine their children’s future. Imagine that if our parents make any choice of their children during the course of growing up, after our new generation step into the competitive and realistic modern society, how could they deal with the problems they must be faced in their work and daily life? A survey conducted by the influential magazine China Education suggested that, in China, nearly 74 percents of high school graduates left their parents and entered universities, and hardly can they organize everything when they are freshmen even have a messy first semester. Consequently, our next generations will be more fragile when they are facing difficulties.

In addition, turn to the aspect of development of our society, it is an undeniable fact that an accumulating number of teenagers tend to choose applied science and business program as their major, rather than some natural science and education programs just because their parents’ impact. If this trend develops, our society will pay a high price. Some natural science, such as biology, environment, ecology, which have close relation with human beings, could not develop further because of lack of professional researchers. Therefore, children should make their own choices according to their wills and interests rather than be determined by their parents.

To some extent, it is indisputable that determination of children’s future by their parents has every drawback. Nevertheless, we seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that children make their own choices will face some risks. Because our parents have sufficient experience of facing difficulties and dealing with them, they can help us to avoid some mistake we could make when we are young. Considerable drawbacks though making choices by children themselves leads to, they cannot match the disadvantages that determination of their future by their parents brings about.

To sum up, given those reasons which were discussed above, I firmly commit to the notion that it is essential for parents to let their children make their own choices. Furthermore, when children make their own choices they should consider their parents’ advices seriously.

lynn27UID: 2774627

= =。。
好不容易才挑了一点点我认为是错的错。。。。

20063843UID: 2799819

内容很空虚

JulianlodUID: 2688193

12# 20063843

噢 有何建议

JulianlodUID: 2688193

2008.5.16 NA
independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects

In recent years, as accumulating number of innovative techniques have been applied in the communication and mass media industries, it is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion had been aroused that whether telephone or television has more effects on human beings. Quite a few citizens hold the standpoint that television is technically more advanced and interesting because of its combination of dynamic images and sounds, therefore, television influence more on our daily life. As for me, in weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential drawbacks, I side on the opposite.

Admittedly, the emergence of television exerts numerous positive effects on our patterns of entertainment and life. From the news broadcasting in the television, we can know what is happening in the outside world even without stepping out our living room with television in it. Moreover, watching television with family members after supper is a good way to relax after one day’s hard work. Nowadays, digital technique has also been involved in the television realm, thereby, we can not only watch the TV programs that broadcasting company arranged, but also interact with television and request a program from TV station.

Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the significant impact that the invention of telephone brings about. As a threshold matter, at the period before the telephone was invented, the only way of people communication was sending letters to each other, which could have a long period of time between the writer send the mail and the receiver respond it. Thereby, it must be a time-consuming method of communication, not to mention the frequently lost letters. After the beginning of telephone widely applied in every aspect of modern society, it dramatically promotes the progression of certain areas, such as military communication, business transaction, international banking settlement and so forth.

As the technology was booming at the end of 20th century, an accumulating number of new techniques have been used in the production of telecommunication facilities. For example, recently, the Apple Inc. has presented its fourth generation of mobile phone, iPhone 4, which not only involve the multimedia technology of Apple Inc.’s patents, but also incorporated the GPS system and function of accessing the Wi-Fi network. Undeniably, modern cell phone and telephone are more and more sophisticated and have great influence on pattern of people’s life.

In sum, considerable positive effects though the television leads to, they cannot match the benefits that telephone brings about. Given those reasons which were discussion above, I firmly commit to the notion that telephone has exerted more effects than television on human beings.

huangkai6278UID: 2585655

8月14日的， 前几天都在火车上，昨天晚上才到家~不好意思晚了