【喜洋洋杀G大队】jesse，7月10号作业

mustjesseUID: 2659977

刚加入，第一次写ISSUE，确实很难，往指教修改。字数有点少。。。、
while we value the contribution of the artist , we usually focus on how many great works one artist has created. However, this is only one fact , there is no need to trivialize the significance of the critic`s work.
It is self-evident that without artists there would be no works of art of any sort. Beethoven, Germen famous musician, created many classic well-known melody. Russia author Tolstoy , numerous person of all over the world have benefit from his great novels. One of the 19th century greatest artist Van Gogh, who is from Holland, created many great works which are known by the world, for instance, sunflower. So, if there are no these artist of music, literature and so on, who would create art works for us.
However , it is usually the critic who discovers the artist, makes him or her known to the public, and records his or her achievements in history books.There are so many artist in the world, and there are so many art works, especially in nowadays, how can we know which artist`s works are valuable to enjoy? I think most person get known a good artist from the critic`s comment on the artist. For example, although I know Tolstoy from school, I never have impulse to read his book until I read Dmitry Sergeyevich Merezhkovsky `s comment .This is the charm of critics. With the help of these critic , artist`s achievements are recorded in history books.
Additionally, the critic`s criticism helps the artist to improve his
or her writing. It well-known that it is the critic`s job to evaluate a artist`s works
and the result plays a important role in guiding people . So a artist only try his or her best to create better works, he can get recognized by the critic, and furthermore, get recognized by public.
From what has been discussed above, we may dawn the conclusion that with help of the critic ,the artist create great works. Without the critic, many good artist might be not got known by public, and the critic can also help the artist improve his or her works. So it is not only the artist, but also the critic gives society valuable works.

mustjesseUID: 2659977

补上7月10号的ARG137，多指教！
In this argument, the arguer concludes that in order to increase recreational use of the river, the Mason City will need to increase its budget for the publicly owned lands improving along the river. To support this conclusion, the arguer point out that at present, Mason City resident`s seldom using of the Mason River must be result from the thinking that they don`t believe the river clean enough. In addition, the arguer believe that once the river is cleaned up, the use of this river is likely to increase. This argument suffers from several fallacies.
The major problem with this argument is that the unwarranted assumption that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river.  From the complaints of the residents about the quality of the water in the river, the arguer conclude that residents seldom use of the water because of the poor quality of the Mason River, but the arguer fails to provide any evidence for his conclusion. We can also think the residents seldom use the river for recreational activities because they do them in other place, for example, in swimming pool. Even though residents have been complaints about the quality , we still have reason believe that residents complaints just because of other things, for instance, maybe they afraid of their health ,as the water they drink is from the Mason River.
The argument is also based on the unfounded assumption that recreational use of the river is likely to increase. As we know, the arguer think the recreational use of the river is likely to increase is based on the unwarranted assumption that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river. Soeven though the water become cleaned up ,the use of the Mason River might be still seldom, because residents are used to do recreational activities in other place.
In conclusion, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between increasing Mason City`s budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River and  the residents` increase of using the river for recreational activity. To strengthen the argument ,the arguer would have to provide evidence that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river. we would need more information about the relationship between cleaning up the river and the increase of the river use.

pinokuUID: 2435028

while we value the contribution of the artist , we usually focus on how many great works one artist has created. However, this is only one,a fact , there is no need to trivialize the significance of the critic`s work.这里你是想表达什么意思呢？我没读懂。是说我们value 艺术家，但是却只是关注于数量。而我们不应该贬低critic的工作吗？但是感觉前后不搭。前面好像在说艺术家，突然一下评论家跑了出来。
It is self-evident that without artists there would be no works of art of any sort. Beethoven, Germen famous musician, created many classic well-known melody还不如说是symphony. Russian author Tolstoy , numerous persons of 去掉吧all over the world have benefited from his great novels. 这个地方感觉句子结构不对。前面说了Tolstoy和后面一句话接不起来。而且和前面Beethoven的例子间最好有连词。The Russian author--Tolstoy wrote many great novels from which numerous people around the world benefit。One of the 19th century greatest artist Van Gogh, who is from Holland, created many great works which are known by the world, for instance, sunflower. So, if there are no 看起来很别扭，用without 简单明了。these artists of music, literature and so on, who would create art works for us.
However , it is usually the critic who discovers the artist, makes him or her known to the public, and records his or her achievements in history books.There are so many artists in the world, and there are so many art works, especially in nowadays,变句号吧，下面单独一句 how can we know which artist`s works are valuable to enjoy? I think most person people读起来顺些get known a good artist from the critic`s comment on the artist. For example, although I know Tolstoy from in 还可以说是小学，这样证明critic的作用school, I never have the impulse to read his book until I read Dmitry Sergeyevich Merezhkovsky `s comment .This is the charm of critics. With the help of these critic , artist`s achievements are recorded in history books.
Additionally, the critic`s criticism helps the artist to improve his
or her writing. It well-known that it is the critic`s job to evaluate a artist`s works
and the result plays an important role in guiding people . So a artist only try单数 his or her best to create better works, he can get recognized by the critic, and furthermore,Only a artist does his or her best to create better works,he or she can get recognized by the critic,and finally get recognized by public.
From what has been discussed above, we may dawn the conclusion that with help of the critic ,the artist create great works. Without the critic, many good artist复数 might be not got known by public, and the critic can also help the artist improve his or her works. So it is not only the artist, but also the critic gives society valuable works.

J这篇文章似乎没有写开头吧。第一句的意思我不是很明确。你的观点还是比较鲜明的，但是在用词，和造句上还有蛮多问题。一些单复数的小错误尽量不要犯。例子和例子之间衔接不紧密。感觉每一句话是和另一句话脱节的。加油吧！

pinokuUID: 2435028

In this argument, the arguer concludes that in order to increase recreational use of the river, the Mason City will need to increase its budget for improving the publicly owned lands改了一下语序  along the river. To support this conclusion, the arguer point out that at present, Mason City resident`s seldom using of the Mason River must be 去掉result from the thinking that they don`t believe the river clean enough. In addition, the arguer believes that once the river is cleaned up, the use of this river is likely to increase. This argument suffers from several fallacies.
The major problem with this argument is that去掉，否则是个从句，后面又没有句子 the unwarranted assumption that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river.  From the complaints of the residents about the quality of the water in the river, the arguer concludes that residents seldom use of去掉 the water because of the poor quality of the Mason River, but the arguer fails to provide any evidence for his conclusion. We can also think the residents seldom use the river for recreational activities because they do them in other place, for example, in swimming pool. Even though residents have been complaints，complained about the quality , we still have reason to believe that residents complaints just because of other things, for instance, maybe they are afraid of their health ,as the water they drink is from the Mason River.这一段的攻击有点乱。几句是不是稍微精炼点，感觉就一直在说因为河水脏，人们不去这个事实。后面说道了可能的原因开始反击，可是我觉得不是很有力，比如怕死？这个并没有排除水脏人们不使用
The argument is also based on the unfounded assumption that recreational use of the river is likely to increase. As we know, the arguer think the recreational use of the river is likely to increase这个应该是一句名词形式的话，改为the arguer’s supposition is based on the unwarranted assumption that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river. Soeven though the water become cleaned up ,the use of the Mason River might be still seldom, because residents are used to do recreational activities in other place.
In conclusion, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between increasing Mason City`s budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River and  the residents` increase of using the river for recreational activity. To strengthen the argument ,the arguer would have to provide evidence that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kinds of recreational activity due to the poor quality of the water in the river. we would need more information about the relationship between cleaning up the river and the increase of the river use.
模板套用还是可以的。有些语法错误。关键还是攻击点找的不够准确，或者没有表述清楚。

jahsonUID: 2628322

while we value the contribution of the artist , we usually focus on how many great works one artist has created. However, this is only one fact , there is no need to trivialize（好） the significance of the critic`s work.
It is self-evident that without artists there would be no works of art of any sort. Beethoven, Germen famous musician, created many classic well-known melody. Russia author Tolstoy , numerous person of all over the world have benefit from his great novels. One of the 19th century greatest artist Van Gogh, who is from Holland, created many great works which are known by the world, for instance, sunflower. So, if there are no these artist of music, literature and so on, who would create art works for us.
例子多 但是说理不充分
However , it is usually the critic who discovers the artist, makes him or her known to the public, and records his or her achievements in history books.There are so many artist in the world, and there are so many art works, especially in nowadays, how can we know which artist`s works are valuable to enjoy? I think most person get known a good artist from the critic`s comment on the artist. For example, although I know Tolstoy from school, I never have impulse to read his book until I read Dmitry Sergeyevich Merezhkovsky `s comment .This is the charm of critics. With the help of these critic , artist`s achievements are recorded in history books.
角度不错 例子不够有说服力
Additionally, the critic`s criticism helps the artist to improve his
or her writing. It well-known that it is the critic`s job to evaluate a artist`s works
and the result plays a important role in guiding people . So a artist only try his or her best to create better works, he can get recognized by the critic, and furthermore, get recognized by public.
From what has been discussed above, we may dawn the conclusion that with help of the critic ,the artist create great works. Without the critic, many good artist might be not got known by public, and the critic can also help the artist improve his or her works. So it is not only the artist, but also the critic gives society valuable works.
整体思路很成熟啊 再展开点就好了
1# mustjesse