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[经验思考] GRE作文6分教学博客   [复制链接]

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发表于 2014-11-21 18:16:34 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-17 16:33
109. Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of th ...

看了王老师的分享和点评,很受鼓舞。一战aw时,已经列了所有issue提纲(自己简单想的,没有按照1+3模式来)全篇自己也都练了不少,成绩是3.5,有点丧气。不仅仅是对这个分数丧气,更多是因为身边的考友和同学都跳不上去。本来觉得二战要提高作文成绩很困难,万念惧灰时发现了这里,谢谢您的奉献~
看了不少您的文章和写作思路点拨,很明了。但我有一个问题:我发现您的文章大都是按照分类方法,以并列的逻辑来写的,这种写法确实很清楚,容易把握,但我们知道gre作文爱考察逻辑,这种写法对于语言功底一般以及相关领域学术知识或生活阅历不够丰富的考友来说是不是很难拿高分?比如您109范文中诸如general relativity;quantum mechanics,甚至是一些社会学、经济学的例子,恐怕不是段时间内可以积累起来的吧?真诚地请求指点~

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-11-21 18:25:23 |显示全部楼层
杨家齐 发表于 2014-11-21 18:16
看了王老师的分享和点评,很受鼓舞。一战aw时,已经列了所有issue提纲(自己简单想的,没有按照1+3模式来 ...

感谢关注
不太清楚你说GRE作文爱考察逻辑是什么意思
在我看来 只要你能够做到 主旨句和主题句的呼应 以及例子能够切实支持分论点就可以了  
关于阅历的问题 确实需要长期积累 但是 我们也应该对自己有信心 毕竟受过几年的高等教育 有些东西还是知道的 我一般不建议去讲名人历史事件 而应该从身边的经验入手 比如尝试思想实验
我也是一把年纪才达到6分的水平 对于大多数同学来说 4分其实并不应该那么难 估计还是思路和语言方面存在一些明显的问题  希望在我的帮助下 你能拿到4分或更高
ETS有一个服务 可以告知你issue和argument独立的分数 可能要花一些钱  你可以考虑一下 ~~~

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发表于 2014-11-21 19:31:30 |显示全部楼层
Issue 141.It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Issue43 The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

这两个,没有思路啊,老师。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-11-21 21:18:10 |显示全部楼层

issue 141 思路

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-8-17 11:11 编辑
raikkonen36 发表于 2014-11-21 19:31
Issue 141.It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Write a resp ...


Issue 141.It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Whether this statement holds true or not depends on the social roles of the people who hold the beliefs and the foundation of the beliefs.  In the field of politics, legislators and government officials have to compromise their beliefs about specific issues in order to reach consensus in the process of policy making. For the judges in the courts, they need to adhere their beliefs in the rule of laws. For scientists and researchers, they should examine their own beliefs critically using empirical evidence.  

  
TS: Whether the statement holds true depends on the fields in which the belief is challenged.  For religious people, it is more desirable to adhere to their beliefs in order to remain spiritually healthy. For scientists and politicians, however, it makes more sense to compromise one’s beliefs that are challenged by empirical data or political reality.  

ts1: Religious people should stay faithful to their beliefs in God or other doctrines which form the essense of their spiritual identities.
- many religious people grew up with their religious beliefs
- they draw strength and energy from the beleifs
- the religious beliefs are also the foundation of the religious communty
- things will fall apart for them if they compromise their own beliefs

ts 2: scientists should test their beliefs against the empirical evidence
- science is an open system in which all theories are refutable
- scientists are ready to abandon their own theories in light of new evidence
- they believe their theories are justified with the exisitng evidence
- but they are open to the possibility that they might be wrong

ts3: politicians may also change their beliefs in face of political reality
- some conservatives may believe that homosexual relationships are immoral
- but the reality is that increasing number of nations now recongize it as an acceptable form of relationship
- gay and lesbian marriages
- politicians who want to serve the nations need to rethink their beliefs   

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发表于 2014-11-21 22:11:17 |显示全部楼层

issue 43 思路

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-8-15 23:43 编辑
raikkonen36 发表于 2014-11-21 19:31
Issue 141.It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Write a resp ...


Issue43 The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


I strongly agree that the increasing pace of life creates more problems than it solves in our technology-driven society.  I will illustrate my position with examples about transportation, communcation, and diet .  

With the advent of private cars, people in modern society have live their lives in the fast track
- commute and travel by cars - faster, more convenient and comfortable
- problems: car accidents, road rage, sendentary lifestyles (obesity, high blood pressure)
- more problems: income gap; isolated from others on the road; inequality  


With the advent of digital computers and the Internet, people can communicate more rapidly but the new technology often causes more problems.  
- email saves time and improves efficiency  (solve some problems)
- but people write faster without thinking carefully
- email becomes a burden for many people
- security is a big issue as well  



Fast food is another consequence of the rapid pace of life
- it solves the problem of time shortage (grab a hamburger to go)
- but fast food is junk food (too greasy; too much calorie)
- no time to spend with family (dinner time used to family time)  




之前的提纲

In modern society that is heavily industrialized and globalized, the rapid pace of life has solved many problems in areas such as public transportation and emergency response. While some people may argue that the rapid pace of life has stressed out people and led to public health issues, many people have learned to manage the problems by taking vacations and planning early retirements.   

ts1: The rapid pace of life has enabled people to enjoy efficient public transportation that is essential for everyday activities.  这里指出生活节奏快使我们可以享受高效的生活  包括 高效的交公共交通
这里如果觉得仅仅说公共交通不够的话,也可以提一下各种生产和服务业都是高效的运作 比如iPhone手机的批量生产 银行的便捷服务等等

ts2: With the fast lifestyles, the society can also respond to emergencies promptly through the fire services, the police and the hospitals.  这里以火警、匪警和医疗救护为例指出快节奏可以使社会快速应对紧急情况 保障公众生命安全

ts3: Despite the great pressure caused by the rapid pace of life threatening public health, many people have learned to deal with the problems through vacations and early retirements.  承认快节奏生活会带来公共健康问题,比如抑郁、焦虑、自杀等等,但是现在很多人都会利用度假和计划提早退休等方式来处理这些问题,而能够度假和提早退休也有赖于快节奏的生活和工作。



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毉易-牧羊人 + 1 感觉老师的思路,总是高屋建瓴,跟自己的一.

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发表于 2014-11-22 00:54:13 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-29 20:30
Two years ago, radio station WCQP in Rockville decided to increase the number of call-in advice pr ...

finally段写得极好:从听众会不会tune in这个维度跟前两段构成极其严密的说理结构,不仅如此,妙处更在于从这个维度可以同时质疑survey的适用性以及听众可能出于别的因素导致不收听。

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发表于 2014-11-22 21:16:11 |显示全部楼层

关于在版面发全文被检索的问题

有版主提醒我不要让组员在版面上发全文,否则可能会被ETS索引而导致被判抄袭。对于这个问题,我其实有点怀疑,因为ETS并没有权利索引版友的习作,所以这件事按照常理来讲是说不通的。当然,由于ETS透明度不够,我们并不确定究竟有没有风险。为此我写了一封信给ETS

ref_web_page: http://www.ets.org/gre/contact?WT.ac=grehome_grecontact_130807

email2: hswanghk@gmail.com

message: If I join an online forum and post my practice essays there to get feedback from others, will my post be indexed by ETS and my writing in the real test be judged as plagiarism because I reused the words in my posts?

name_first: Simon

name_last: Wang


过了几天收到ETS的模板回复,让我哭笑不得

Thank you for contacting the GRE Program.

Dear Simon Wang,

Regarding your inquiry:

Please note that ETS tests and related test materials, publications, reports and other materials in all forms of media are copyrighted. We ask that you follow the instructions on our website at www.ets.org/legal/permissions/ to request the permission necessary for you to reproduce ETS copyrighted material. Permissions are only granted in writing. Verbal grants of permission are not considered binding.

Information regarding ETS Licensing policies is available at www.ets.org/legal/permissions/licensing.

ScoreItNow!TM Online Writing Practice is a tool that can help you sharpen your writing skills and prepare for the Analytical Writing section of the GRE® revised General Test. Using the ETS® patented e-rater® technology, the ground breaking automated scoring system provides immediate essay scoring in a confidential, risk-free environment.

This service lets you:
•       Respond to GRE revised General Test Analytical Writing topics created and tested by ETS test authors.
•       Submit your responses online and get immediate scores on your responses from e-rater®, ETS's groundbreaking automated scoring system.
•       Review scored sample essay responses on the topics you select.
•       Review general suggestions for improving your writing skills.
•       Receive diagnostic feedback on your response.

The service costs US $13, and entitles you to write two essays and receive an e-rater score for each.

NOTE: Although performance on ScoreItNow! Online Writing Practice essays is not an exact predictor of how a test taker might perform during an actual test administration, learners are encouraged to write the ScoreItNow! essays as a timed practice to get a better sense of performance on an actual test.

To use this service, please visit www.ets.org/gre/scoreitnow.

We hope this information is helpful and we wish you success in your future endeavors.

Thank you for your inquiry. We appreciate the opportunity to assist you.
If you have additional questions, please contact our Customer Service team at (866) 473-4373 or (609) 771-7670, or visit our Web site at www.gre.org If you contact us via e-mail, please include all previous correspondence or a summary of information regarding your inquiry.


今天有同学问起这件事,我又写了一封邮件给他们

Thanks for your reply. Considering the content of my message, however, I do not think you have answered my inquiry. Please pass my question to someone who can actually answer my question rather than sending me a canned reply that only illustrates how inefficient your customer service is.  

This is my original question; please do READ it before you send me another canned message.  

If I join an online forum and post my practice essays there to get feedback from others, will my post be indexed by ETS and my writing in the real test be judged as plagiarism because I reused the words in my posts?


下周看看他怎么回复!

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发表于 2014-11-23 15:42:15 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-5 21:17
argument 118

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.


The article argues that companies should hire people who need less sleep because these employees are more likely to succeed based on a survey of 300 Mentian advertising executives.  In order to examine the validity of the argument, we require evidence about the generalizability of the survey result, the reliability of the reported need of sleep and other related issues.  

     To begin with, we need evidence to support that the survey results can be applied more broadly.  The subjects of the survey are all from a single industry, namely, advertising.  Maybe it is important for people in this field to burn the midnight’s oil to prosper.  But this rule may not apply to other industries, for example, insurance or manufacturing. Hence, we need to investigate of the correlation between sleeping hours and executive efficiency in other industries. In addition, the survey only asks the executives who may have to work extra hours to lead the companies.  But for employees at lower level sleeping less may not be very helpful for achieving success.  Therefore, we need to scrutinize the relationship between sleeping hours and working efficiency of lower level employees.
      In addition, information is required to demonstrate that the subjects were telling the truth about their lifestyles during the survey.  It is possible that the survey respondents just want to impress others or show their attitudes towards sleep when answering the questions. Without further data to verify the reliability of the survey results, it is not reasonable to apply the finding in the hiring processes.  

   We need information about the causal effect of lack of sleep on executive efficiency. As we all know, correlation does not necessarily imply causation.  A host of other factors unrelated to sleep may have caused the success of the executives. For example, they might happen to have a good team of people working efficiently towards their goals.  Or they were lucky enough to meet some clients who were willing to pay higher fees which boosted the profit margins and the growth rates. Without looking into how they achieved success, it is too hasty to attribute their accomplishments to their sleep patterns.   

Finally, evidence is required to prove that executives with less need for sleep can succeed in the long term.  Maybe they manage to accomplish more than their peers with their abilities to sleep less.  But we do not know how the relatively small amount of sleep would have any negative impact on their health and their performance in the long term. As a result, we need information about the correlation between health and amount of sleep. We also do not know how their lifestyles may affect the overall job satisfaction of themselves and their co-workers.  If their abilities to sleep less would enable them to work overtime, maybe they would also force their colleagues to work overtime, which may not benefit the long-term success of a company.  Therefore, evidence related to the job satisfaction is valuable in verifying the argument.

In conclusion, it is not reasonable to recommend hiring people who need less sleep based on this survey on a relatively small group of executives from a single industry.  More evidences are needed before we can make a more reasonable hiring policy.  

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发表于 2014-11-24 16:09:43 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-31 11:00
argument 87

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University  ...

关于77楼argument87的练习
第一段第一句:总结arguer的观点和主要原因;第二句:挑战arguer的假设并提出下文要分析的三个分论点。
第二段主要讨论library records的两个点。由浅入深,首先质疑馆藏类型,然后递进,质疑借书频次是否能真实反映reading habits,在这个点的说明过程中举出了两个具体的反例。
第三段讨论了出图书馆借阅意外的其他方式,举例直接购买和网上下载电子书。采用总分总结构论述。(这段的总起改为other sources of literary classics是否更恰当?因为我认为reading habit是通篇需要论述的问题,放在分论点恐怕不合适?)
第四段跟第二段论述方式比较接近,由浅入深,从the first study的取样范围,到问卷题目的导向存在问题这两方面发出质疑。
最后总结段。

此类题目的关键是specific evidence:列举出arguer没有提到的可能会弱化他结论的情况并按照逻辑顺序分类论述。

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发表于 2014-11-24 18:01:16 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-13 18:50
Issue 38

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves ...

老师,依我愚见,根据wikipedia其实family也是social group之一(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_group),我觉得反面观点应该侧重在个人的特点上,可以说每个人都有自己的性格和特点,每个人都是与众不同的,这些特征是无法通过social group define的。比如说个人的经历(比如求职简历),个人的性格,个人的生理特征(如指纹)等等,我们都可以通过这些来定义一个人。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-11-24 18:24:54 |显示全部楼层
gzc405933323 发表于 2014-11-24 18:01
老师,依我愚见,根据wikipedia其实family也是social group之一(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_g ...

有道理
不过即使你说的性格、生理特征往往也会成为社会群体形成的依据,比如 长头发的女孩子
所以还是要看你如何界定社会群体吧  

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发表于 2014-11-25 21:09:42 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 杨家齐 于 2014-11-27 20:39 编辑

issue10)提纲在以下链接39楼 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=3#pid1779003952
issue49)提纲在以下链接沙发 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779004137
argument87)练习在以下链接129楼 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=9#pid1779008495
issue38)提纲在以下链接地板 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779008860

argument74)已附件全文 提纲在以下链接沙发 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779012708
argument162) 提纲在以下链接板凳 http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779012646

二战前3天反思:一战gre作文写完感觉不错,出分3.5之后觉得自己已经无法提高,一度陷入低落。所幸二战前一个礼拜加入了这个小组,看了王老师和考友们的分享,真的很多启发。虽然相识太晚 但往事不可追,做好当下。总结一下我这些天在作文上的感悟。
argument:知道了在新G中写作指引的重要性。一定要本着“我要使这个论述变得更有说服力”的目的,而不是“我要来推翻这个论述”的态度去写文章。模版句可以背一点,一方面写起来心里有底,不浪费时间;另一方面通过模版句,思路会被打开。总之一定要挣脱一味地反驳fallacies的镣铐!
issue:3+1模式一定要学着写,这个模式可以帮助我们搭起高分文章的结构框架。要将整篇文章的分论点总结起来是有难度的,但要练!因为总结的过程就是critical thinking提升的过程。另外,关于让步段昨晚纠结了许久,分享我的结论:不要写无效让步段(无效让步段即轻易可以想到的反方观点,并且此观点不能为自身观点服务)除非你能够去驳倒这个反方观点以此加强自身观点(比如说在让步段结尾指出这只是特殊情况,或者这个反方的观点可以通过某种途径来解决)

目前的领会就这么多,可能会有偏颇,请大家指正。这个小组我会一直跟下去,共勉。

issue18)提纲在以下链接9楼 http://bbs.gter.net/thread-1780336-1-1.html
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发表于 2014-11-26 09:48:39 |显示全部楼层

argument 74 Girls college Switches to co-education示范

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-25 11:22 编辑




The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men. Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducation, the president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment. However, the director of the alumnae association opposes the plan. Arguing that all-female education is essential to the very identity of the college, the director cites annual surveys of incoming students in which these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove. The director also points to a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored keeping the college all female.


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.



According to the president of Grove College, admitting male students will increase the number of applicants and enrolled students.  On the other hand, the alum association director uses data from survey of incoming students and alumnae to oppose the recommendation.  Questions have to be answered regarding how comparable Grove is to other all-female colleges, the attitudes of prospective students, current students, faculty members and alumnae in order to evaluate the argument.  

We do not know for sure if switching to a co-educational college will indeed increase both applications and enrolment.  It may or may not be useful to compare Grove to other all-female colleges which recently made the move.  Maybe the other colleges have introduced certain changes, e.g. hiring more first-rate faculty members or building new dorms, that have attracted more applicants.  The increase of applications under such circumstances would have nothing to do with the change to co-education. We also need to know how attractive Grove is to the male prospective students compared to other colleges. If other colleges have some attractive features for male students that Grove does not share, the data from the other colleges would not be relevant for making decisions at Grove.  

To address the director’s claim that all-female education essentially defines Grove college, we need more information about the attitudes of not just incoming students and alumnae but also current students, faculty members, employers and the entire society.  Of course, the survey on incoming students and alumnae over this issue need some improvement in terms of sampling and question design.  It is important to get a sufficiently large sample of randomly selected respondents in order to gather valid and reliable data.  In addition, we also need to know what current students, faculty members, employers and other members of the society associated with the college think of Grove being an all-female college.  Their attitudes and values about single-sex education are important for deciding if Grove can afford losing the status of an all-female college.  

Finally, it is also important to review the capacity of the college and the quality of prospective male applicants that Grove would expect if switching to a co-educational college. If the college does not have extra space and teaching capacity to accommodate more students in the near future, expected increase in enrolment would not be desirable for Grove and could not be used to justify the recommendation.  Meanwhile, we may have to predict how strong the applications of male students are compared to their female counterparts.  If for whatever reasons, the male applicants for Grove would not be as competitive as females, the change would unlikely increase the enrolment, either.  

In sum, in order to evaluate the arguments for and against the recommendation, we need to answer the questions about the validity of the survey, the attitudes of other stakeholders, the specific circumstances of Grove college with respect to admission applications.  




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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-11-26 10:02:59 |显示全部楼层

请捐款支持维基百科基金会或你喜爱的慈善机构

我将长期在寄托辅导GRE考生,一方面是为了我的科研,另一方面也是出于我对这件事本身的热忱。我相信通过GRE写作教学,有可能帮助更多的同学学习批判思维、同时为将来的学术写作打下基础。如果你觉得我的博客或指导对你有帮助,希望表达对我的工作的感谢和支持,请考虑向维基百科基金会或你自己喜爱的慈善机构捐款。  

Wikipedia is the #5 site on the web and serves 500 million different people every month – with billions of page views.

Commerce is fine. Advertising is not evil. But it doesn't belong here. Not in Wikipedia.

Wikipedia is something special. It is like a library or a public park. It is like a temple for the mind. It is a place we can all go to think, to learn, to share our knowledge with others.

When I founded Wikipedia, I could have made it into a for-profit company with advertising banners, but I decided to do something different. We’ve worked hard over the years to keep it lean and tight. We fulfill our mission efficiently.

If everyone reading this donated, our fundraiser would be done within an hour. But not everyone can or will donate. And that's fine. Each year just enough people decide to give.

This year, please consider making a donation of HK$100, HK$200, HK$300 or whatever you can to protect and sustain Wikipedia.

Thanks,

Jimmy Wales
Wikipedia Founder

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US-applicant

发表于 2014-11-26 10:55:42 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 黑白沉默 于 2014-11-27 15:05 编辑

我也来建一层 很惭愧很久没跟着老师练习了。。。老师的方法还是很有帮助的,自己懒真的是要命的事情。。。

arguement 刚开始练,感觉不同的instruction我写下来的内容差的不多,问evidence,answer什么的自己就是把两个单词缓了换,整体回答内容差不多,有点换汤不换药的感觉,不知道是不是以前不看instruction的遗留问题,思路转变不太明显。

10.25  argument 14
10.26   Argument 10/21 Dr Field/ Karp Anthropologists
10.26  Argument 9/88/90 New Franchise for Health products

11.27  Issue 62
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