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[作文] 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】nadine 作文帖 [复制链接]

nadine1009
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电梯直达

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楼主

发表于 2012-2-11 20:43:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 nadine1009 于 2012-2-14 10:16 编辑

大家一起加油~共同进步~！自知作文很弱~欢迎各位拍砖狠戳~！

1.开头的话题引入不够深入。分析的也不深入。
2.注意小小动词！多斟酌.
3.s/he,etc,缩写，禁用
4.戒掉大白话啊！！！

2.11 独立
Movies are worth watching only when they can teach something about realism.
   Have you ever seen a comedy until midnight even when all the details in the film are unrealistic? Have you ever found yourself indulged in the fantasy movie such as Harry Porter? Have you ever waiting for months looking forward toan upcoming film even if it has nothing about realism? If you have never hadsuch experience, you may probably have already laid down the principle thatmovies are not worthy watching if they teach something about non-realistic.Hence in my eye, movies are worthy watching not only because they can teachsomething about realism, but also involves many other reasons, such asentertainment and charity.
To begin with, I can not emphasize the importance of the entertainment features ofmovies too much. Just imagine, if movies only have the function of teaching,then much of our leisure time would be passed through almost the same as wewere in school. How terrible it is! I think few people would go to theatre then.According to the survey conducted by China Data Center,48 percent of cinema customers choosing movies that can amuse them instead ofteaching something about realistic. Those surveyed people claimed that the relaxation bringing by films is what they value most.
   Another equally important reason is that some of the movies are not only for commerce,but also for charity. A good case in point is what happened to my sister, Liu.She is the founder of a charity called Out of School Foundations, and she decidedto raise funds by making a short movie uploaded to the Internet. And hermovie-has nothing about teaching something realistic-won tens of thousandsclicks. Apparently, people who click did not expect to study somethingrealistic, they just care about the children out of school and try to help them.
   From what has been discussed, we can easily draw the conclusion that movies are notonly worth watching when they can teach something about realism, but also whenthey are funny and charitable.

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nadine1009
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沙发

发表于 2012-2-11 23:26:29 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 nadine1009 于 2012-2-12 10:29 编辑

2.11  独立
Does modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly?
   Have you ever used you cell phone looking up for answers you are rushing to know? Have you ever communicated with your tutor through Internet? Have you ever downloaded a book that is not available in bookshop? If you have never had such experience, you would never know the importance of modern technology in study. Hence in my eye, modern technology helps students a lot in their studies. The opinion includes many aspects, including modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly.
To begin with, modern technology do supply students with ample information through a great amount of applications such as iphone and laptop. Just imagine what would be like if a student are forbidden using computer in their study. The student have to get information only from limited books or people around them, which means limited information as well. By contrast, the student can type few key words in Google and get hundreds of pages of information he/she need, which supplies more information than other way.
Another equally important reason is that modern technology helps students learn more quickly. A good case in point, is that if one search information in library, it may takes him/her a few hours even days to get what he/she wants, and this process can be shorten to only few seconds if we use computer to search on the Internet. With time saved, students can have more time studying their subject, and of course, more quickly.
Just as an English verb said, 'Every coin has two sides', modern technology also suffers some disadvantages. For instance, some students may indulge in playing computer games instead of studying. However, the advantages overweight disadvantages. Therefore, we should cherish those merits of modern technology and make full use of it. From what had been discussed, I reinforce my opinion that modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly.

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板凳

发表于 2012-2-13 08:28:23 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sillyds 于 2012-2-13 22:01 编辑

Have you ever used you(your) cell phone looking up for answers you are rushing to know? Have you ever communicated with your tutor through Internet? Have you ever downloaded a book that is not available in bookshop(in a bookshop)? If you have never had such experience, you would never know(用realize好些) the importance of modern technology in study. Hence in my eye, modern technology helps students a lot in their studies. The opinion includes many aspects, including modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly.

To begin with, modern technology do supply students with ample information through a great amount of applications such as iphone and laptop. Just imagine what would be like(what it would be like) if a student are(is) forbidden using computer in their study. The student have to(用could好一些) get information only from limited books or people around them, which means limited information as well. By contrast, the student can type few key words in Google and get hundreds of pages of information he/she need, which supplies more information than other way(much more than information got in other way).

Another equally important reason is that modern technology helps students learn more quickly. A good case in point, is that if one search(searches) information in library, it may takes(take) him/her a few hours even(and even) days to get what he/she wants, and this process can be shorten to only few seconds if we use computer to search on the Internet. With time saved, students can have more time studying their subject, and of course, more quickly.

Just as an English verb said, 'Every coin has two sides', modern technology also suffers some disadvantages. For instance, some students may indulge in playing computer games instead of studying. However, the advantages overweight disadvantages. Therefore, we should cherish those merits of modern technology and make full use of it. From what had been discussed, I reinforce my opinion that modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly(learn more information much more quickly).

文章总体一般，有语法问题，纯属个人意见
还有是不是搞错作文题目，不好意思迟了改

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地板

发表于 2012-2-13 09:49:43 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 nadine1009 于 2012-2-14 09:19 编辑

3# sillyds

谢谢~如你所说，确实写的很鸡肋,,,,看到你的作文，学到很多，刚开始我居然都没意识到-_-||| 总之多谢！~

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5楼

发表于 2012-2-13 13:53:43 |只看该作者

Does modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly? " o5 c! s4 W O3 B4 }7 N
Have you ever used you(your) cell phone looking up for answers you are rushing to know? Have you ever communicated with your tutor through Internet? Have you ever downloaded a book that is not available in bookshop? If you have never had such experience, you would never know the importance of modern technology in study. Hence in my eye（汗，可以这样用吗？）, modern technology helps students a lot in their studies. The opinion（为啥是这个？） includes many aspects, including modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly. E& O. B9 ^0

记得谁跟我说过议论文别写太多you啊you喵？
To begin with, modern technology do（does?） supply students with ample information through a great amount of applications(应用程序？软件？iphone是硬的撒？) such as iphone and laptop. Just imagine what would be like if a student are forbidden using computer in their study. The student have（has） to get information only from limited books or people around them, which means limited information as well. By contrast, the student can type few key words in Google and get hundreds of pages of information he/she need, which supplies more information than other way.8 a4 S2 g8 ^% |: I4 |
Another equally important reason is that modern technology helps students learn（及物动词不加宾语?） more quickly. A good case in point, is that if one search information in library, it may takes him/her a few hours even days to get what he/she wants, and this process can be shorten(shortened?) to only few seconds if we use computer to search on the Internet. With time saved, students can have more time studying their subject, and of course, more quickly.. k: ]& k) N, O& e
Just as an English verb said, 'Every coin has two sides', modern technology also suffers some disadvantages. For instance, some students may indulge in playing computer games instead of studying. However, the advantages overweight disadvantages. Therefore, we should cherish those merits of modern technology and make full use of it. From what had been discussed, I reinforce my opinion that modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly.

楼主君，您写的貌似不是作业哦，所以观点什么的我没啥太大感触，就觉得挺流畅的，嘿嘿，只改了一点点语法小问题，蓝色是膜拜啊，紫色是修改，橙色是讨论下？
不好意思晚交了喵~~~

当里个当。

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6楼

发表于 2012-2-13 15:25:38 |只看该作者

5# loveinwc 谢谢喵的修改和指正~我第一次写没看清规则，自己找的机经题目-_-|||
关于你说的 hence in my eye ,还有一堆you，我是照一很牛的人（对于我来说）抄的，也没细琢磨....地址http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-522941-1-1.html

其他的橙色确实都是我滴错...
ps:忘给你作文里的崇拜部分做标记了！原谅我啊....

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7楼

发表于 2012-2-13 21:43:46 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 nadine1009 于 2012-2-13 21:45 编辑

2.13 独立

One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professinal tutor for help. Include reasons and details to in your response.

   Human life is full of difficulty. And normally we seek help from two kinds of people: people who have richer experience and people who are suffering the same circumstance. So do students. When facing some complicated problems, some of them would ask their classmates for help, while others prefer to find a tutor. I definitely fall into the second category.
   To begin with, we should notice that tutors have had systematic education, thus they are quite clear about where the key of the problem lies in and which method is more proper to solve it. As an old Chinese saying goes," The wise shall go on by taking advantage of others." With the help of tutors, the student will have a quick and precise understanding of the puzzle instead of spending several days doing nothing but confused.  Besides, if the student can have a deep thinking of what taught by the tutor, I am sure s/he will learn more from it, such as the method of analysis, the structure of certain knowledge, etc.
   As a matter of fact, when students go to tutors for help, they can not only enhance their academic levels, but also they can save time. Although solving problem by oneself will do some good to one's mental development, there are still much in life to be explored and it is wiser to seek help from someone who is more sophisticated. And in today's rapid developed society, students are not only evaluated by their scores, so the time saved can be used to get familiar with social life and have adequate preparation for it.
   Admittedly, discussing problems with classmates do have some advantages, such as improve the ability of independent thinking. However, it's disadvantage overweight disadvantage. From what has been discussed, I choose asking help from a professional tutor as my recommendation.

感觉这篇思路越写越模糊无力...唉...请您狠狠下手~！:handshake

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8楼

发表于 2012-2-14 00:25:38 |只看该作者

改了哦，个人的一点小小的意见哈

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9楼

发表于 2012-2-14 01:02:36 |只看该作者

8# stancy_zhang
谢谢~你说的很对很对，只会写大白话，命中要害啊....请问这个怎么改呢？请指点一二~万分感激~

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10楼

发表于 2012-2-14 02:00:55 |只看该作者

9# nadine1009 其实我自己水平也不高哈，但我觉得你可以去找一些好的句子，然后试着模仿，可能会有效果

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11楼

发表于 2012-2-14 02:10:29 |只看该作者

已改~
楼主觉得自己语言不够丰富的话，多从阅读中找一些好的句子多积累。。

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希望以及为了希望所付出的醉生梦死般的努力，才是我们青春存在的意义。

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12楼

发表于 2012-2-14 08:54:11 |只看该作者

10# stancy_zhang
多谢~！

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13楼

发表于 2012-2-14 09:10:58 |只看该作者

11# sodapeng
谢谢~！你的指正都特别对~尤其是那些小动词，经你一改就地道多了~
还有关于我贫乏的文字....这个问题真的很致命啊，你和stancy都给了我很多启发~多谢~！

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14楼

发表于 2012-2-14 11:40:41 |只看该作者

13# nadine1009 嘿嘿木事啦。。。大家一起进步嘛~~

希望以及为了希望所付出的醉生梦死般的努力，才是我们青春存在的意义。

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15楼

发表于 2012-2-19 15:21:02 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 nadine1009 于 2012-2-19 15:44 编辑

2.18
We should never be impolite to another person.

In Chinese traditional ethics, being impolite to others is always related to unkind, mean, rude, uneducated, and so on. However, I think it is too absolute to never be impolite to others and in some circumstances it would be ridiculous to keep in good manner. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion that people should never be impolite to another person.

To begin with, I think people only need to be polite under normal circumstances, but under abnormal cases, such as life-threatening situation, there is nothing worthy mannered. A good case in point is what happened to my friend Sue last year. That day Sue was working alone until midnight and robbed by a young man on her way home. How can she be polite in such dangerous situation! The only right thing she could do is to cry loudly to attract others attention and she did. After hearing the cry, the robber ran away immediately. I think it is wise for her to cry loudly even though it is an impolite behavior.

Moreover, being impolite is an essential part in emotional communication and sometimes can help people to express themselves better. Many people would have the experience in which their friends are prone to take something unexpected as joking. In order to convince them as soon as possible, adding some emotional words in their talking can help a lot, even if it seems rude. Such impoliteness is an acceptable part in human's communication.

In conclusion, whether people should be polite depends on circumstances, and from what has been discussed, we can easily draw the conclusion that being impolite is an unavoidable part in human's life. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion given in the topic.

唉第二个例子不知道怎么写结果字数不够啊...

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