[i习作temp] 【help】第三篇issue 159~ 求猛拍~ 有拍必回! [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-1-29 22:30:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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本帖最后由 jellyjar 于 2010-1-29 22:39 编辑

159"The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."

Nowadays, with the popularity of some science fictions concerning wars between robots and humane being, we are beginning to throw light on the relationship between machines and humane. Some even worry about what is in the sci-fic may come to reality one day. However, I fundamentally agree with the speaker that machines will never dominate human life because they are manmade and designed to serve people.

First and foremost, there is no denying that the ability of machines, even the magic artificial intelligence, are inferior to humane intelligence. Any contrast points of view may result from the ignorance of the fact that what kind of complicated jobs the machine can do depends on how people produce it. Considering robots, the protagonist in many science fictions, people's mastery of machine languages enable them to understand the instructions of human and the fundamental application of electronic engineering endows them with the ability to do mechanic work such as sweeping the floor or making tea. the more advanced the robots are, the more crystallization of human wisdom are used to produce them. Undoubtedly, humane minds are more complicated and unfathomable than machines, which have no ability to form thoughts or to take action unless the programs are input and the digit signals are given. Without the scientists' mastery of such technology, the so-called robots, even the "deep blue" which triumphed world champion on chess, are merely combination of steel and wires.

Moreover, machines are designed to meet people's needs, as a result of which machines must bring convenience to people instead of dominating people. For instance, to release housewives from heavy housework, we created washing machines and microwave ovens; to insure the safety of workers and ameliorate their working conditions, oil pumps were developed to take place of labour work in mines; to enlarge profits of companies, assembly lines are used to improve efficiency of production. None of us can conjure up a single example of machine that can be an end itself without purpose or utilitarian function for humane. Although some people may argue that machines can do a lot of work out of our physical and mental power such as lifting gigantic rocks or finishing millions of calculations within one minute, whatever dramatic capacity of machines, they are tools to serve human being and the every aspect of them are under human control.

Admittedly, there exist some problems caused by the use of machines. On the one hand, many people are complaining about the difficulties to get familiar with the machines especially when hundreds of kinds of machines are taken into use with more and more functions. Since learning how to operate them is a pre-requisite of taking advantages of them, the benefits and enjoyment brought by machines far outweigh the pains and energy to take before. Besides , with the fast development of science and technology, there are enough reasons to believe that in the future the operation of machines will be simplified to facilitate users in every aspect. On the other hand, layoff rate has increased because employers are in favor of the high efficiency of mass production with machines. But meanwhile people's enthusiasm about handcrafts have aroused the income of tailors and weavers hundreds of times, which is the very evidence that human labor is more valued and still keeps its priority to machines in modern society.

For the final analysis made above, despite some negative effects, it is quite fair to characterize machines as tools of human. And insofar as human have unique capacity for independent thinking, subjective judgement and emotional response, it is reasonable to claim that human will maintain our superiority to machines especially when human are continuing to explore unknown areas and make breakthroughs.

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沙发

发表于 2010-1-29 22:30:40 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ahmxwd 于 2010-1-30 00:49 编辑

Nowadays, with the popularity of some science fictions concerning wars between robots and humane being, we are beginning to throw light on the relationship between machines and humane[human beings]. Some even worry about what is【is去掉，语法问题】 in the sci-fic may come to[become] reality one day. However, I fundamentally agree with the speaker【the saying；很囧，不解释】 that machines will never dominate human life because they are manmade and designed to serve people.[标准的大众化开头，挺不错，给出了观点，过渡的自然]

First and foremost, there is no denying that the ability of machines, even the magic【magic用得不妥，magic有一种超自然地意思，或者说超出自然规律和准则；有点说不通】 artificial intelligence【人工智能是machine？？？】, are inferior to humane intelligence. Any contrast 【这个词只有两个词性：动词和名词，知道错在哪里了吧~】points of view may result from the ignorance of the fact that what kind of complicated jobs the machine can do depends on how people produce it【从审美角度来看，建议前面用一个it然后将主语从句后置，老美看到头重脚轻的句子会很不爽】. Considering robots, the protagonist in many science fictions, 【插入语用得不错】people's mastery of machine languages enable them to understand the instructions of human and the fundamental application of electronic engineering endows them with the ability to do mechanic work such as sweeping the floor or making tea. the more advanced the robots are, the more crystallization of human wisdom are used to produce them【这个观点怎么出来的？既无原因推理，又无实例论证，前面那些能力的描述并未提及这个观点】. Undoubtedly, humane minds are more complicated and unfathomable than machines, which have no ability to form thoughts or to take action unless the programs are input and the digit signals are given. Without the scientists' mastery of such technology, the so-called robots, even the "deep blue" which triumphed world champion on chess, are merely combination of steel and wires.

Moreover, machines are designed to meet people's needs, as a result of which machines must bring convenience to people instead of dominating people. For instance, to release housewives from heavy housework, we created washing machines and microwave ovens; to insure the safety of workers and ameliorate their working conditions, oil pumps 【pump不是机械，建议换成其它例子】were developed to take place of labour work in mines; to enlarge profits of companies, assembly lines are used to improve efficiency of production.【这个例子很失败，首先assemblylines与machine完全是两个概念，其次profit 和生产率没有逻辑关系，造得多不一定卖得好，卖得好不一定挣的多，例子本身就站不住脚，更别说支持论点了】 None of us can conjure up a single example of machine that can be an end itself without purpose【最好加一些修饰限定，否则很难明白purpose是指什么，让人莫名】 or utilitarian function【直接function即可，否则意思重复了】 for humane. Although some people may argue【我知道你想从对立观点来证明这段分论点，不过请再仔细看看，你列举的这个观点真的是in confliction with你的分论点吗？为人服务和具有power不矛盾；除非是特别指明具有自我意识或是可以独立行动】 that machines can do a lot of work out of our physical and mental power such as lifting gigantic rocks or finishing millions of calculations within one minute, whatever dramatic capacity of machines, they are tools to serve human being and the every aspect of them are under human control.

Admittedly, there exist some problems caused by【from】 the use of machines. On the one hand, many people are complaining about the difficulties to get familiar with the machines especially when hundreds of kinds of machines are taken into use with more and more functions. Since learning how to operate them is a pre-requisite of taking advantages of them, the benefits and enjoyment brought by machines far outweigh the pains and energy to take before.【开始有点偏题了，你的中心论点是为人服务以及人造，而学习使用方法和这两个方面根本扯不上关系，按照你的话说，如果使用过程复杂，那么都不能算是为人服务了？另外，对于复杂这个概念，见仁见智，到底什么才算是复杂，是人的能力问题还是机器设计的问题？不知你有没有想过】 Besides , with the fast development of science and technology, there are enough reasons 【毫无根据的结论，最好在前面说明一下这个reason，否则很难站得住脚】to believe that in the future the operation of machines will be simplified to facilitate users in every aspect. On the other hand, layoff【unemployment】 rate has increased because employers are in favor of the high efficiency of mass production with machines. [继续偏题，这个又脱离了中心，为人服务的内容不包括找工作！所以工人失业不能说明机器无法很好的服务人类，换句话说你又脱离了自己的中心论点所及的范围]But meanwhile people's enthusiasm about handcrafts have aroused the income of tailors and weavers hundreds of times, which is the very evidence that human labor is more【务必删掉此词，否则自相矛盾不说，而且前面的例子以偏概全，无法站得住脚，纺织业的手工优势难道就可以推出手工在所有的生产中都有优势？】 valued and still keeps its priority to machines in modern society.

For the final 【删掉为妙】analysis made above, despite some negative effects, it is quite fair to characterize machines as tools of human. And insofar as human have unique capacity for independent thinking, subjective judgement and emotional response, it is reasonable to claim that human will maintain our superiority to machines especially when human are continuing to explore【exploring，否则意思会很荒谬】 unknown areas and make breakthroughs.

看得出来，事前经过了一定程度的准备，语法虽然有些错误，但没有硬套一些长句或是大词，而且没有影响正常阅读，这个很好，保持下去；
注意到了分论点和主论点的衔接，但是论据方面就不敢恭维了，建议从提纲入手，好好再想想该怎么组织，怎么develop
至于语法问题，建议多查查韦氏大辞典，真的很有用，尤其是在涉及到一些关键语句的时候，往往一个词会影响到你整句话的意思，至于其他细节，多练练自然会好起来的

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-1054301-1-1.html我的备考贴，如果感兴趣的话就随便挑没被pat过的狠拍吧，基本都是初稿，没有经过我的进一步修改，被恶心到了不要怪我哈O(∩_∩)O~

学习不分时间，睡觉不分空间~

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