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[未归类] angell的独立写作小组作业 from2.22 [复制链接]

love_angell
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-2-22 22:30:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 love_angell 于 2010-2-22 22:33 编辑

第一次交作业~感觉题目挺难的~~严重超时T_T大家多提意见^_^
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

Nowadays, education is becoming more and more vital in our competitive society. The controversial issue whether a government should distribute more money on young children or universities, urges great attention from both public and individuals, since the actual complexity of this issue lies behind the case-specific fact. I strongly believe that universities should earn more from government.

As we all known, universities are the important organizations that responsible for fostering qualified person in every country of the world. They do technology and science researches in different fields, which represent the soft power of a nation. Universities play an important role of development of a nation. Consequently, they should earn more money on their constructions.

Admittedly, young children education is of great significance either, since it is the foundation of higher education. A person whether s/he can enter into a key university and make contribution to his or her country depending on the basic education to great extent. But compare with primary education, universities cost much more money.

There is no doubt that both researches and projects in universities need huge amount of money. For example, an ordinary project in space field may cost 10 thousand dollars for even a tiny accessory on the spaceship, rather than the whole one. The money which spends on the universities’ project may be equals to a year’s expense of a kindergarten or a primary school. So there is no doubt that they should be assigned more from government.

Another reason why I hold the opinion that universities should earn more money is rely on the economic policy of our country that most our universities and colleges are established and get economic support by government. So the budget from government is the most dominant capital source of them. Although they can also receive money from enterprises and corporations which need their research on certain technology, such as software and database system, the income is not stable, depending on the opportunities and lucky to some extent. Moreover, most hi-tech corporations are running by our government so that only a few ones can afford to the large scale researches. On the contrary, a kindergarten need less money and can be easily running by a private entrepreneur.

From all reasons mentioned above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it is sagacious to make the decision that government in our country should focus budget more on universities rather than the young children.

独立写作, 小组作业

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love_angell
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沙发

发表于 2010-2-23 21:47:28 |只看该作者

改armstrong的作文

which is more important between children education and universities. According to the daily experience, people tend to hold different point of view about it. Someone believe that government should pay more attention on elementary school, while other oppose it. As far as my concern, the importance of them is equal. （感觉equal这样写不是很好，一般用A
is equal
to B的时候equal前用单数，但表示两者的话还是应该are equal，但我不确定importance是不是可以加s，所以这句话可以改为both of them are equal in importance）

To begin with, the Confucius, great philosopher and educator in ancient China, stated that children is the hope of a country（哈哈孔子这样说过么）. It is true that in the future, children will become adult（adults,和前面children保持一致） as manipulate the operation of a country（这句有点诡异..改为children will become adult as manipulators of operation of a country）. So, elementary education is indispensable for people. Through imparting(应该是imparted吧，children应该是被传授知识，被动语态) more knowledge, ranging from history to science, from philosophy to social science, children will have ability to control the "steer"（你确定steer可以当名词用么？我是用的lingos，里面有托福词库和牛津高阶，没查到这种用法） as driving our society to brilliant future. For example, during children education, we should cultivate children interests and then pick up some gifted one and genius. As a result, the level of science and technology will pose a leading position.

At the same time, it is meaningful investing huge money on children education because the rewards for us is great. For instance, our government
indoctrinate（词汇量好大，佩服，呵呵） sustainable development into children. This behavior is valuable. They provide the（去掉the） more opportunities to visit nature and endangered animal. （前面加个for
example之类的吧，感觉好突然，前面说这种行为是有价值的，然后突然冒出来濒危动物）our children will establish the sense of protecting environment. in next generation, they will embrace the strong desire to continue the immediate
issue, like capturing carbon dioxide(capture 二氧化碳？？应该是reducing吧，拦截并capture应该是减少二氧化碳的一个方法，这里应说清楚，不然误解太大了), using new clean energy. it is exciting.
总体来说，感觉这个例子不太好，这个只是说children education可以包含可持续发展的方向，并且你只说明了它的影响，这甚至无法证明重要性，更不能说明children education需要很多的钱，个人意见^_^

although educating next generation is so necessary, university education can not be ignored. （作为这段的中心句来说，不准确，不是大学教育不容忽视，而是需要资金投入）government need to depend on them to develop our society now. America is a reasonable example. its higher education stays top level all over the world. American universities are the agent of advancement. Mit, as a excellent institute, bring up the great number of experts for society. When coming to NASA, the majority of scientists have education experience in IVY. When coming to wall street, famous business college is "homeland" of many elites. So, higher education should be supported strongly by government. （个人感觉这几个例子描述的不错，但例子本身缺乏说服力，MIT为社会输送了大批人才，NASA很多人来自常青藤，只能说明这几个学校好，并不能说明大学教育重要，并且需要与幼儿教育同样的钱）

All in all, we can not the(去掉the) split the whole education system into isolated "island”.（这个观点很好） From children education to university education, politicians and senator should understand the importance of them.
全文有些偏题，说白了就是没提到钱的什么事儿，只是比较重要性，个人感觉是不够的。

个人意见供参考:)
批改by Angell

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2010-2-23 22:45:06 |只看该作者

改armstrong的作文---nicole

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地板

发表于 2010-2-23 23:00:39 |只看该作者

改2、22love_angell作文----nicole

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5楼

发表于 2010-2-24 00:46:34 |只看该作者

2.23angell的小组作业

本帖最后由 love_angell 于 2010-2-24 00:51 编辑

2.23
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who do not work because they get enough money are rarely happy.

With the highly increasing quality of people’s daily life, more and more people are becoming millionaire and even the billionaire do not have to work day and night which is envious by large amount of ordinary people. Nevertheless, are they really happy? Some people believe that they are happy because they can buy anything they want directly without taking everything into consideration, while others hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, I would like to judge this statement from different respect, since I am of the opinion that the answers are controversial for different group of people.

For young people, I think the answer should be “agree”, that is to say if a person do not go to work since he has earned enough, he will rarely happy. First, young people enjoy challenges and they regard it as a way of gaining the sense of achievement. It is the very age that they should strive for success and bigger success all the time and challenge the utmost limits of themselves with great intelligence and also persistence. There are numerous examples of notable elites, cite the most wealthy one----Bill Gates for instance. As we all known, Bill Gate won the fame of top-wealthy person for the first time when he was forty years old and he did not stop working and then won the fame continuously during the following thirteen years. If someone has deprive his right of working, undoubtedly, he will be unhappy. So the conclusion is obvious, for young people, though having enough money, work will make them happy.

For the old ones, by contrast, I am on the opposite position. An old person who spends his or her whole life on earning enough money has accomplished one of the most vital goals of his or her life. Therefore, it is time that s/he can enjoy the life by travelling with beloved person or staying at home to do anything s/he wants to. So I strongly believe that it will make them happy when they get enough money and do not have to work. How splendid the life will be!

From the discussing mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that whether a person who does not work with enough money is happy or happy depends on specified situation. And young people will probably less happy than the old ones.

辛苦帮偶改作文的童鞋啦，angell在此先谢过啦

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6楼

发表于 2010-2-25 20:44:12 |只看该作者

唉。。。23的没人帮改。。
先贴25号的吧，自己要坚持，加油！

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7楼

发表于 2010-2-25 20:47:26 |只看该作者

RE: angell的独立写作小组作业 from2.22更新至2.25

本帖最后由 love_angell 于 2010-2-25 21:19 编辑

Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's famly.

When asked which is more important in ones life, working, or staying with family, people's opinions differ. Someone who has big ambitions to achieve the higher goals may vote for working since they regard working is the only way to realize their value of society. As a student in university, I definitely disagree with this point of view and I will probably maintain this position after my graduation and even during my whole life. Family is always in the first place in my heart.

Firstly, as a member of both society and family, family provides us with the first connection to the society on our way of socialization. We learned nearly everything from our parents when we are little girls and little boys who are immature and naive to the world. In addition, family does not only teach us when we are young or at school, but also during our entire career lives. We shape some virtues at home which can hardly be learned at work, such as honesty--the first thing almost every child learned in his or her early age and even after they have jobs, parents always tell us to be honest both in business and in our relationship with colleges, even the ones we dislike.

In other respect, family gives us the most precious gift----love, which is the most valuable wealth we own and no one can take it away. In that sense, we should keep our treasure carefully. Cite a concrete example of myself. My father had been working in the other city before I entered into the primary school so that I always complain about his absent in my life and even a little bit hate him for leaving my mum and I far away. Every time he called home I do not want to talk to him. Things changed when I fell off the window and broke my leg and forced to stay in the hospital. My dad quit his job immediately and returned home on that day and then accompanied me every day and night with countless jokes to make me keep good mood during my first long-term illness. From then on, the intense relationship between dad and I relieved. One day when I grew up and mentioned this case, my father told me that was the most decision he had ever make. Admittedly, working is important, especially in today's increasingly competitive society, but no more than love and family, because work can be changed easily if you are qualified, while love may be only one chance.

Moreover, family is reliable, like a sanctuary. When we have difficulties in work, staying with family always comforts us, though our parents or husbands and wives may not help us solve the certain problem, but they are always the persons who can supply their sincere advises to us. Every weekends, my uncle(brother of my mum)and his family come to my home and chat with my parents about working、traveling、cooking and so on and so forth.

From all mentioned above, though work is important in our life, but it is not the only thing we pursuit. Compared with work, family is the perpetual wealth of everyone and should not be ignored.

word版本在附件中:)
提前感谢帮偶改作文的童鞋

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8楼

发表于 2010-2-26 13:51:18 |只看该作者

2.25作业批改

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9楼

发表于 2010-2-26 14:23:00 |只看该作者

改完了

见文档吧

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10楼

发表于 2010-2-26 14:45:20 |只看该作者

我稍微修改了一下，可能说得不对，有问题再沟通~~~加油~~~

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11楼

发表于 2010-2-26 15:30:48 |只看该作者

People who do not work because they get enough money are rarely happy.
我已经看了你给我改的作文了，发现我自己写跑题了。。。这个题目应该是因为有足够的钱而不去工作的人不快乐对吧？所以好像你也有点偏题了。。。
我觉得可以写那些人不能获得工作带来的其他快乐（出钱以外）例如朋友专业知识提升，自我完善，与时俱进
然后说如果人其实在世界上不做点什么，那他就没有目标，活着没意思有多少钱也不会快乐
这是我的意见你觉得呢？

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发表于 2010-2-26 21:32:29 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 love_angell 于 2010-2-26 21:49 编辑

10# happyfaith2008

03呀03~~~感动死我了
还有问题想问你
站短了

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13楼

发表于 2010-2-26 21:47:07 |只看该作者

9# amanda_qinyy

暧暧，我还没开始细改文章，先对你的批改问几个问题
1 Every time he called（call是当拜访讲吧，用这里好像不合适） home I do not want to talk to him. 这里的call我是想说打电话，如果不用call的话用什么比较合适呢？

2
Admittedly, working is important, especially in today's increasingly competitive society, but no more than love and family, because work can be changed easily if you are qualified, while love may be only one chance（这里的表达有问题。）.
这个我开始在记事本里写的是while love maybe have only one chance但提示错误，就把have去掉，把maybe拆开了，暧暧觉得应该怎样表达呢？

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14楼

发表于 2010-2-27 01:07:45 |只看该作者

1 Every time he called（call是当拜访讲吧，用这里好像不合适） home I do not want to talk to him. 这里的call我是想说打电话，如果不用call的话用什么比较合适呢？'
噢，我理解成了爸爸回家。。。如果是打电话的话，那就没问题啦，是我理解错了。
2
Admittedly, working is important, especially in today's increasingly competitive society, but no more than love and family, because work can be changed easily if you are qualified, while love may be only one chance（这里的表达有问题）
语法没问题，我是觉得这个one chance这里太省略了点，把while love may be only one chance这句说完整点吧，我突然想到，love是不会变的啊，怎么会突然就变了呢？所以这个one chance有点不对。不如说用再好的工作也换不来love... 有没有更好的说法，你再想想吧，我现在也想不出来了。。。

不许急功近利！不许偷懒！不许丧气！

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