[活动] TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组lulufriend第十次作业 [复制链接]

lulufriend
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-3-7 22:22:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

Along with the rapid development of our society, people’s command above some mental requests is improved to a large extent instead of simply physical issues. There arises a hotly discussed controversy about which field should be more financially supported—arts or athletics.

China, my mother land, is a country with long history. Chinese ancient culture stands on the top the whole world for a long time, especially the art part which includes Peking opera, Chinese architecture styles and so on. I clearly remember last time I went to the forbidden city and saw the gorgeous palace. I was so proud of being a Chinese to witness the left fortune of our ancestors. Definitely it is our obligation to reserve this extraordinary art and make it brighter by combining it to the current society. Due to this great job, we should finance the art without any hesitation.

What is more, the support of arts can enrich the people to some extent. A exhibition or a concert would help people to learn something about rhythm and broaden the horizon in the same time. For the reason that arts do not have edge, we can visit different people and have different experience within the arts part.

However, sport is another vital realm for countries. There is no doubt that the level of sports is one of the crucial areas to judge a country’s strength. It is obliged to support athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. We Chinese people will never forget the 29th summer Olympic Game held in Beijing, which make all Chinese people acclaimed and proud of our mother country. Whereas, these could not be the reason to distribute more money to sports which could not directly improve our people’s life.

As far as I am concerned, I am strongly convinced that it is the art field that can lift people’s quality to a new height. Only by these can our country becoming wealth not only in the perspective of materials but in every respect.

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angelmuziflyer
UID：2548676

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沙发

发表于 2009-3-8 09:06:26 |只看该作者

Along with the rapid development of our society, people’s command above some mental requests is improved to a large extent instead of simply physical issues. There arises a hotly discussed controversy about which field should be more financially supported—arts or athletics.
China, my mother land, is a country with long history. Chinese ancient culture stands on the top (in)the whole world for a long time, especially the art part which includes Peking opera, Chinese architecture styles and so on. I clearly remember last time I went to the forbidden city and saw the gorgeous palace. I was so proud of being a Chinese to witness the left fortune of our ancestors. Definitely it is our obligation to reserve this extraordinary art and make it brighter (这个表达有chinglish的嫌疑)by combining it to the current society. Due to this great job, we should finance the art without any hesitation.
What is more, the support of arts can enrich the people to some extent. An exhibition or a concert would help people to learn something about rhythm and broaden the horizon in the same time. For the reason that arts do not have edge(还是有点中国化), we can visit different people and have different experience within the arts part.

However, sport is another vital realm for countries. There is no doubt that the level of sports is one of the crucial areas to judge a country’s strength. It is obliged to support athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. We Chinese people will never forget the 29th summer Olympic Game held in Beijing, which make（made） all Chinese people acclaimed and proud of our mother country. Whereas, these could not be the reason to distribute more money to sports which could not directly improve our people’s life.
As far as I am concerned, I am strongly convinced that it is the art field that can lift people’s quality to a new height. Only by these can our country becoming (become)wealth not only in the perspective of materials but in every respect.
总评：1、看得出，功底不错，在努力变换句型和词汇，继续加油！
2、不足之处跟我一样，还是太短了，共同进步哈！
不过第一次写成这样，不错了

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zrtibt
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板凳

发表于 2009-3-8 09:46:29 |只看该作者

Along with the rapid development of our society, people’s command above some mental requests is improved to a large extent instead of simply physical issues(这句很棒啊~)There arises a hotly discussed controversy about which field should be more financially supported—arts or athletics.
China, my mother land, is a country with long history. Chinese ancient culture stands on the top (of)the whole world for a long time, especially the art part which includes Peking opera, Chinese architecture styles and so on.I clearly remember last time I went to the forbidden city and saw the gorgeous palace. (例子似乎可以再稍微多一些细节)I was so proud of being a Chinese to witness the left fortune of our ancestors. Definitely it is our obligation to reserve this extraordinary art and make it brighter by combining it to the current society。we should finance the art without any hesitation.（我喜欢这句~）
What is more, the support of arts can enrich the people to some extent. An exhibition or a concert would help people to learn something about rhythm and broaden the horizon in the same time. For the reason that arts do not have edge(有点不太地道), we can visit different people and have different experience within the arts part。（也许应该有个例子~）
However, sport is another vital realm for countries. There is no doubt that the level of sports is one of the crucial areas to judge a country’s strength. It is obliged to support athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. We Chinese people will never forget the 29th summer Olympic Game held in Beijing, which make（made） all Chinese people acclaimed and proud of our mother country. Whereas, these could not be the reason to distribute more money to sports which could not directly improve our people’s life.
As far as I am concerned, I am strongly convinced that it is the art field that can lift people’s quality to a new height. Only by these can our country becoming wealth not only in the perspective of materials but in every respect.
表达挺好得，我得向你学习，观点要是再明确点就更好了。

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