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nieyong
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-2-24 01:00:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 nieyong 于 2010-2-24 01:01 编辑

ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
严重超时，请大家帮忙看看吧~~谢谢啦  有拍必回~~

提纲：
history does have great significance to our contemporary world，but The value of studying history as well lies in the future of humans and the spiritual aspects.
1.
In the first place, I concede that when serving our daily life, the study of history is invaluable
2.
strictly confined to the range of "daily lives", it can be a short-sighted contention. We should not merely focus on our everyday life, history's impact on the advances in the future is more important than ever.
3.
it supports us with motivation, and strength in our spiritual world.



   It is without doubt that history does have great significance to our contemporary world, that is why numerous historians study it continuously and innumerable museums are established to record it. Nevertheless, is the study of history valuable only when comes to the realm of our everyday life, as the speaker contends? In my opinion, the speaker cannot see beyond the length of his nose. The value of studying history as well lies in the future of humans and the spiritual aspects.

   In the first place, I concede that when serving our daily life, the study of history is invaluable. Our inherent curiosity motivates us to explore how our ancestors eat, entertain, cure disease or grow plants, all of which are closely related to our daily lives. One apt illustration involves the traditional Chinese medical science, which is invented by ancient Chinese. Although accurate theory cannot be researched out of it, we will never ignore the "magic" function it has generated throughout the process of history. Today, not only Chinese, but also large quantities of people all over the world are benefitting from it. Thanks to the traditional Chinese medical science, various kinds of diseases have been cured by the accumulation of history. What have said above is just a tip of the iceberg. The value of history emerged in our daily life here and there.

   However, strictly confined to the range of "daily lives", it can be a short-sighted contention. We should not merely focus on our everyday life, history's impact on the advances in the future is more important than ever. The epidemic of SARS in history has appalled numerous people; the cause of the eruption largely lies in the delinquency of certain departments. Therefore the inspection of the history has led the government to make detailed laws to limit the source of diseases and create accurate principles to address such pressing events efficiently. Another example involves the history of developing nuclear technology. On one hand, the use of the nuclear energy has relieved the crisis of natural resources. On the other hand, the process of mastering atomic bomb have broken up the orders of the world, international cooperations have been set up and more are needed to assure the peace and equality to avoid the disasters in Japan again in history. These have all transcended the concept of "daily lives" and given lots of guidance to the vista of we humans' future, most of which are really beneficial.

   More often history may not simply provide us with accurate answers or guidance in dilemmas of the future, but what of the utmost importance, it supports us with motivation, and strength in our spiritual world. Via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and fairly influenced by the excellent giants and mostly the tenacity of their will. Such as Columbus, the greatest explorer in history, clang tenaciously to his ambition of finding new land even though all the sailors were on the edge of desperation; Dr King, an American activist and prominent leader in the African-American civil rights movement, whose intrepidity incurred the extremists' bullets. Unfortunately, core value of the history has changed over times, and we are little by little losing more and more praisable virtues that our forefathers emphasized, the great pioneers of different eras act as the beacons of our soul, bending the arc of history and break down the obstacles in the reality, searching for the bright future.

   In conclusion, the speaker's contention has undervalued the strength of history. For the part of innumerable individuals or groups, the study of history spurs the improvements in creating a better future on the basis of the former beneficial experience and generates great inspirations to our spiritual world, far beyond the range of merely our daily lives.

103, Issue

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nieyong
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沙发

发表于 2010-2-24 14:12:29 |只看该作者

自己先顶一下~

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2010-2-24 19:27:27 |只看该作者

这篇比较纠结希望有人来改~~ 再顶一下~

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地板

发表于 2010-2-24 19:27:40 |只看该作者

这篇比较纠结希望有人来改~~ 再顶一下~

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发表于 2010-3-11 12:29:01 |只看该作者

It is without doubt that history does have great significance to our contemporary world, that is why numerous historians study it continuously and innumerable museums are established to record it. Nevertheless, is the study of history valuable only when comes to the realm of our everyday life, as the speaker contends? In my opinion, the speaker cannot see beyond the length of his nose. The value of studying history as well lies in the future of humans and the spiritual aspects.（开头比较清晰）

In the first place, I concede that when serving our daily life, the study of history is invaluable. Our inherent curiosity motivates us to explore how our ancestors eat, entertain, cure disease or grow plants, all of which are closely related to our daily lives.（此句略诡异。古代人吃啥穿啥跟我们的日常有那么相关吗？谁管辛追的晚餐是啥，对襟汉服又是什么样子啊。） One apt illustration involves the traditional Chinese medical science, which is invented by ancient Chinese. Although accurate theory cannot be researched（abstracted更合适） out of it, we will never ignore the "magic" function it has generated throughout the process of history. Today, not only Chinese, but also large quantities of people all over the world are benefitting from it. Thanks to the traditional Chinese medical science, various kinds of diseases have been cured by the accumulation of history.（理是这个理没错，能给点具体例子么？提到中医就可以提一提针灸推拿汤药之类，再说说能治的病。具体一点会更有说服力） What have said above is just a tip of the iceberg. The value of history emerged in our daily life here and there（医学一个领域接着就跟here and there觉得有点不够诶，要不来几个such as简单列举一下历史对日常的其他影响？）.（用传统中药来代表“the accumulation of history”，比较特别，感觉不错~）

However, strictly confined to the range of "daily lives", it（指代？如果想指代题目的话，感觉这个it不够清楚，还不如直接说the statement或the author's contention之类） can be a short-sighted contention. We should not merely focus on our everyday life, （+and）history's impact on the advances in the future is more important than ever.（这个比较级有必要吗？后文论述了历史确实很重要，但是没提到比以前重要了= =嗯这点也可能是我carp了= =请选择性参考吧） The epidemic of SARS in history has appalled numerous people; the cause of the eruption largely lies in the delinquency of certain departments. Therefore the inspection of the history has led the government to make detailed laws to limit the source of diseases and create accurate principles to address such pressing events efficiently. Another example involves the history of developing nuclear technology. On one hand, the use of the nuclear energy has relieved the crisis of natural resources. On the other hand, the process of mastering atomic bomb have broken up the orders of the world, （+and或者逗号改句号）（一句话里如果有并列的结构完整的句子，要用逗号+连词连接，勿漏连词）international cooperations have been set up and more（more what?) are needed to assure the peace and equality to avoid the disasters in Japan again（删） in history. These（指代啥？these examples?） have all transcended the concept of "daily lives" and given lots of guidance to the vista of we humans' future, most of which are really beneficial.（段首提出只看日常是狭隘的，随后来了个不痛不痒的历史对将来的进步有帮助，就开始举例。私以为观点还不够清楚。“历史有助于将来的发展”太过笼统，是否可以再具体一些？这个具体也可以放到例子分析里面。比如举完SARS的例子，可以来一个小结，如过去的错误能够为现在和将来的政策制定提供借鉴云云。核武器可以说是历史给了我们全局观念能够正确把握事情的利弊做出合适的抉择等等。光是例子显得很模糊。重点是例子要为观点服务，所以例证时要挑明该例与观点的联系。）

（还有，段落间空行了，每段段首就不用空格了= =）More often history may not simply provide us with accurate answers or guidance in dilemmas of the future, but what of the utmost importance（结构不完整）, it supports us with motivation, and strength in our spiritual world. Via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and fairly influenced by the excellent giants and mostly the tenacity of their will. Such as （有句式杂糅的危险，such as引导的内容可以独立出来成一句吗？）Columbus, the greatest explorer in history, clang（clung） tenaciously to his ambition of finding new land even though all the sailors were on the edge of desperation; Dr King, an American activist and prominent leader in the African-American civil rights movement, whose intrepidity incurred the extremists' bullets（结构不完整，缺谓语）. （全句（从such as开始）结构不完整，缺谓语）Unfortunately, core value of the history has changed over times, and we are little by little losing more and more praisable virtues that our forefathers emphasized（解释：啥东西变了？缺了哪些精神？有证据么？）, （句号）the great pioneers of different eras act as the beacons of our soul, bending the arc of history and break down（三个橙色词是否是并列地位？若是，请用相同的时态语态等） the obstacles in the reality（弯曲历史的arc，打破现实的障碍？这是啥意思，求解释）, searching（也许act和break是动词，bending和searching是定语？不过这样混起来看着不太舒服） for the bright future. （最后一句很大很华丽，奈何觉得空了点。还是例子没有跟观点联系起来。哥伦布跟金给了我们什么inspiration or motivation？如何激励我们寻找美好未来的？联系！）

In conclusion, the speaker's contention has undervalued the strength of history. For the part of innumerable individuals or groups, the study of history spurs the improvements in creating a better future on the basis of the former beneficial experience and generates great inspirations to our spiritual world, far beyond the range of merely our daily lives.

观点OK，还要注意一下如何将例子跟观点紧密结合。最常用的手法就是举例之后加一句小结将例子跟观点接起来。

以上~加油~