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[i习作temp] Issue109 求批改【已批阅 by 版友sitting-dog】 [复制链接]

水蜜桃tb
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楼主

发表于 2012-5-11 22:24:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-14 14:45 编辑

519选手，求各路版友及大神批改一休。感激不尽！

【109】Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.
一些人认为科学发现让我们更好的了解外部世界。另外一些人认为科学向我们揭示了---世界远比我们认为的更加复杂。
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

【提纲】
观点：科学帮助我们认识世界。科学并没有让世界复杂，是人们的求知心理和对科学运用的不力导致了复杂。
1. 科学帮助我们认识世界，驱散迷信
2. 有人说科学让世界更复杂。其实不然，是人们的求知心理导致问题和未知领域扩展；而科学在其中的作用是解答未知
3. 有人说科学的方法也让世界复杂。其实不然，人们觉得它复杂是因为理解不够，运用不力

While some people positively believe that science help us to gain a better understanding of the world, other people doubt the efficacy of science claiming that science is actually concealing the truth. From my perspective, it is our inquisitive nature and inadequacy in using science that leads to the perception that the world is more complex than we realized. Science itself, however, does not disservice people's understanding of the world.

Nobody can doubt that scientific discoveries play a vital role in people's perception of the world. Science and scientific discoveries equip people with the ability to recognize the world more closely and more precisely. In medieval times, when science was less developed, one major way for people to know about the world was astrology. Not until the significant development of science come to pass did people give up believing that their fates were determined by the stars in the sky. It is science that dispelled the illusion superstition and pseudoscience gave them. I cannot imagine how people's cognition would be limited if the light of science did not shine on them.

Sometimes, however, people may find science impeding our way to truth, for they reveal to us the complexity of the world. It is true that scientific discoveries are keeping casting more questions on human. When people had a good knowledge of the earth, they were curious to explore other planets; when people have step on other planets, they are even more curious about the outer space. However, what lead to a more complex world is not science itself. In fact, it is human's inquisitive nature that leads to complexity. People's willing to know, like the universe, is infinite. Once people know something with the help of science, other related issues come up. The role science play in this knowledge expanding process is to give people a hand to get close to the truth, instead of confusing them.

In other situations, people claim that science is inhibitive for us to recognize the world due to the complexity of the scientific methods. A common case is that many student find it clear to understand how planets move watching to toy models while they get confused when trying to calculate the actual motion of planets using formula. This confusion, however, is not because that science is ambiguous. Most of the time, people find scientific method complicated to employ because they do not have an adequate understanding of them. Too often people are mired viewing scientific methods as an expediency to solve every problem. In many cases, people rush to use theories to explain phenomena before they can correctly applied them. It is people's shallowness rather than scientific methods that blocks our way to understand the world.

To conclude, the seemingly complexity brought about by science is actually the result of people's inquisitive nature and people's inadequate employment of scientific methods. Science actually gives us tools to better understand the world and lead us to expand our horizons, rather than concealing the truth.

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水蜜桃tb
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沙发

发表于 2012-5-13 23:23:56 |只看该作者

不能给沉了啊。

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板凳

发表于 2012-5-14 13:34:01 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sitting-dog 于 2012-5-14 16:50 编辑

2# 水蜜桃tb
楼主，你的文章写得蛮好的。
不过我和你对这道题的理解不一样，我提出来我们讨论下哈~~
Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us.
Othersbelieve that science has revealed to us that theworld is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.
楼主的第一段：
Whilesome people positively believe that science help us to gain a betterunderstanding of the world, other people doubt the efficacyof science claiming that science is actually concealingthe truth. (Reveal the truth = concealthe truth?)
我对题干的观点二：科学发现揭示了世界无穷复杂的本质。
楼主的理解：科学发现隐瞒了事实的正像。

楼主具体的论证我晚上回来看，这里先跑出个话题吧~~
我肥来了~~
Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us.
Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complexthan we ever realized.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with yourown position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. Indeveloping and supporting your position, you should addressboth of the views presented.

While some people positivelybelieve that science help us to gain a better understanding of the world, otherpeople doubt the efficacy of science claimingthat science is actually concealing the truth.(Reveal the truth = conceal the truth?)

From my perspective, it is our inquisitive nature and inadequacyin using science that leads to the perception that the world is more complex than we realized. (inquisitive nature 正面的 while inadequate use of science 负面的，两个方面放到同一句话中，会不会显得感情色彩混杂。

My version~~:
From my perspective,the more we learned, the more complex and deeper questions we will ask, becauseour inquisitive nature keeps us stay hungry for the unknowns. While, sometimesinadequate use of science, which can be totally avoid, also makes problems complex.)
Science itself, however, does notdisservice people's understanding of the world.

Nobody can doubt that scientificdiscoveries play a vital role in people's perception of the world.
Science and scientific discoveries equippeople with the ability to recognize the world more closely and more precisely.
In medieval times, when science was lessdeveloped, one major way for people to know about the world was astrology.
Not until the significant development ofscience come to pass did people give up believing that their fates weredetermined by the stars in the sky.
It is science that dispelled the illusionsuperstition and pseudoscience gave them.
I cannot imagine how people's cognitionwould be limited if the light of science did not shine on them.

Sometimes, however, people may find scienceimpeding our way to truth, for they reveal to us the complexity of the world. （impeding our way to truth 和 reveal us the complexity of the world是不对应的）

It is true thatscientific discoveries are keeping casting more questions on human. (我喜欢~~)
When people had（have） agood knowledge of the earth, they were （we are） curiousto explore other planets. When people have step on other planets, they are evenmore curious about the outer space. (我觉得用 people、they似乎是从非人类的角度来写的)

My version：

When we have had agood knowledge of our earth, we set out to explore other planets out of curious.After stepping on other planets, we now pay much attention to the more complexand charming out space.
However, what lead to a more complex worldis not science itself.
Infact, it is human's inquisitive nature that leads to complexity. （为什么我在下面的话中没有找到对这句话的论证，需要举个例子什么的吧。比如说XXX实验方法不当导致现象很complex什么的）

People's willing toknow, like the universe, is infinite. （人的求知欲是无限的？是这样表达的么）

Once people know something with the help ofscience, other related issues come up.
The role science play in this knowledgeexpanding process is to give people a hand to get close to the truth, insteadof confusing them.（这里的观点是说科学帮助我们认识自然，属于总结性语句，不过这个观点前面已经申诉过了吧）

In other situations, people claim thatscience is inhibitive for us to recognize the world due to the complexity of the scientific methods.
A common case is that many student find itclear to understand how planets move watching to toy models while they getconfused when trying to calculate the actual motion of planets using formula.
This confusion, however, is not becausethat science is ambiguous.
Most of the time, people find scientific method complicatedto employ because they do not have an adequate understanding of them. （the complexity of scientific method = inadequate use ofscience?
我觉得，仅仅是我觉得，thecomplexity of scientific method 是因为我们对某个现象的本质还不能够很好地、很简洁地去解释，但复杂的解释不一定有错

Inadequate use ofscience 是说我们把科学用错地方了。比如我们把牛顿经典力学用到了量子现象上。

个人愚见~~仅供参考）

Too often people aremired viewing scientific methods as an expediency to solve every problem. In many cases, people rush to usetheories to explain phenomena before they can correctly applied them. It ispeople's shallowness rather than scientific methods that blocks our way to understand the world.（我喜欢这几句话的用词~~）

To conclude, theseemingly complexity brought about by science is actually the result ofpeople's inquisitive nature and people's inadequate employment of scientificmethods.（和开头略有雷同哦）

Science actually gives us tools to betterunderstand the world and lead us to expand our horizons, rather than concealingthe truth.
（简简单单的结尾，不失为是一种好的选择）

我突然想到那句话：黑夜给了我黑色的眼睛
我却用它来寻找光明

Science equips uswith complexity mind, and we will go on the tour to simplify our life.

我也是以改带练了，有什么不对的地方，楼主不要太介意呀~~
我们可以再讨论讨论啦。

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地板

发表于 2012-5-14 23:25:25 |只看该作者

3# sitting-dog
亲，谢谢你！改得好详细~本来今天没准备上网，用爪机看到你改了我的作文，就回来开了可耻的电脑。

正题开始：
Some people believe that scientific discoverieshave given us a much better understanding of theworld around us.
Others believe that science has revealed to usthat the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your ownposition and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developingand supporting your position, you should address bothof the views presented.

While some people positively believe that science help us to gain a betterunderstanding of the world, other people doubt the efficacyof science claiming that science is actually concealingthe truth.(Reveal the truth = concealthe truth?)
【嗯。其实是因为不想用题目里面的表述，如果在文章里总是说“人类被科学展示了世界的复杂”，以人为主体的论述就会显得很被动，于是就改了一下。我想：对“向我们展示世界更复杂”取非也就是“挡住人们认识世界的路”“掩盖世界的真实面目”，就表述成了concealing the truth，好像不太准确，也许不应该用truth.】
From my perspective, it is our inquisitive natureand inadequacy in using science that leads tothe perception that the world is more complex than werealized. (inquisitive nature 正面的 while inadequate use of science 负面的，两个方面放到同一句话中，会不会显得感情色彩混杂。
【会…囧…当时就想着把两个论点放一起，没想太多…】
My version~~:
From my perspective, the more we learned, the morecomplex and deeper questions we will ask, because our inquisitive nature keepsus stay hungry for the unknowns. While, sometimes inadequate use of science,which can be totally avoid, also makes problems complex.【这样意思表达得很清楚。不过我还是比较喜欢那个it is A that..的句型~直指某方观点中的缺陷，表达自己的观点，不会在开头就散掉。】)
Science itself, however, does not disservice people's understanding of theworld.

Nobody can doubt that scientific discoveries play a vital role in people'sperception of the world.
Science and scientific discoveries equip people with the ability to recognizethe world more closely and more precisely. In medieval times, when science wasless developed, one major way for people to know about the world was astrology.Not until the significant development of science come to pass did people give upbelieving that their fates were determined by the stars in the sky. It isscience that dispelled the illusion superstition and pseudoscience gave them.
I cannot imagine how people's cognition would be limited if the light ofscience did not shine on them.

Sometimes, however, people may find science impeding our way to truth, for theyreveal to us the complexity of the world. （impedingour way to truth 和 reveal us the complexity of the world是不对应的【Indeed，为了便于论述，我用了很多这种简单的取非，可能忽略了准确性~~】）

It is true that scientific discoveries are keepingcasting more questions on human. (我喜欢~~)
When people had（have） a good knowledge of the earth, theywere （we are） curious to exploreother planets. When people have step on other planets, they are even morecurious about the outer space. (我觉得用 people、they似乎是从非人类的角度来写的【囧啊！我当时确实怀着一种极客观的detachment，以至于觉得人类是“他们”。】)
My version：
When we have had a good knowledge of our earth, weset out to explore other planets out of curious. After stepping on otherplanets, we now pay much attention to the more complex and charming out space.
However, what lead to a more complex world is not science itself.
Infact, it is human's inquisitive nature that leadsto complexity. （为什么我在下面的话中没有找到对这句话的论证，需要举个例子什么的吧。比如说XXX实验方法不当导致现象很complex什么的【这里把上面的earth-other planets-outer space当作论证，这一段还没有说实验方法的问题，都在说求知欲。】）

People's willing to know, like the universe, isinfinite. （人的求知欲是无限的？是这样表达的么【是这个意思。】）

Once people know something with the help of science, other related issues comeup.
The role science play in this know ledge expanding process is to give people ahand to get close to the truth, instead of confusing them.（这里的观点是说科学帮助我们认识自然，属于总结性语句，不过这个观点前面已经申诉过了吧【这里是想把这段的观点和第一段的观点进行联系，不然第一段会显得和全文联系不紧密。】）

In other situations, people claim that science is inhibitive for us torecognize the world due to the complexity of thescientific methods.
A common case is that many student find it clear to understand how planets movewatching to toy models while they get confused when trying to calculate theactual motion of planets using formula.
This confusion, however, is not because that science is ambiguous.
Most of the time, people find scientific methodcomplicated to employ because they do not have an adequate understandingof them. （the complexity of scientific method =inadequate use of science?我觉得，仅仅是我觉得，the complexity of scientific method 是因为我们对某个现象的本质还不能够很好地、很简洁地去解释，但复杂的解释不一定有错【恩，我也想表达这个意思，比如：一些复杂的公式能很好地解释问题，但是人们很多时候没有理解公式运用的情况，所以就不假思索地乱用，也就是对科学方法的理解不深刻。和你略有不同的是这里我说的是对“科学方法”的认识不深刻。】Inadequate use of science 是说我们把科学用错地方了。比如我们把牛顿经典力学用到了量子现象上。个人愚见~~仅供参考）

Too often people are mired viewing scientific methodsas an expediency to solve every problem. In many cases, people rush to use theories to explain phenomena before theycan correctly applied them. It is people's shallowness rather than scientificmethods that blocks our way to understand theworld.（我喜欢这几句话的用词~~）

To conclude, the seemingly complexity brought aboutby science is actually the result of people's inquisitive nature and people'sinadequate employment of scientific methods.（和开头略有雷同哦【一直很纠结怎样让开头和结尾看起来不一样！！求讨论。】）
Science actually gives us tools to better understand the world and lead us toexpand our horizons, rather than concealing the truth.
（简简单单的结尾，不失为是一种好的选择）
我突然想到那句话：黑夜给了我黑色的眼睛
我却用它来寻找光明
Science equips us with complexity mind, and we willgo on the tour to simplify our life.【妙语！我就不擅长隐喻之类的。】

再次感谢友情批改，祝亲人品大增考高分！

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5楼

发表于 2012-5-15 00:12:45 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sitting-dog 于 2012-5-15 00:16 编辑

4# 水蜜桃tb
你好~~
我觉得结尾还是应该注重对自己观点的总结，最好可以继续升华~~
对你的文章有些地方没有理解，所以改的有些不知所以，多多谅解哈~~

In fact, it is human's inquisitive nature that leadsto complexity. 当时在看这句话的时候光想着找下文的论证了，没有注意这个还是和之前的例子有关。

还有就是，我给出我的版本，版主觉得不妥的地方，请尽量回拍哦

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6楼

发表于 2012-5-16 23:18:48 |只看该作者

其实有一句话用在这篇文章也特别好
if we compare our known part to the word to the space within the circle, the unknown part to the world grows as our knowledge of the world expands.

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