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发表于 2009-10-10 13:37:28
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Whether people are less friendly than the past or not is a heated debate nowadays. Some people hold the ideas that people have more chance to communicate by the help of the modern technology and people become more intimate. Others, however, claim that people are not as friendly as before. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter position. The following are some importanct reasons for my view. q6 q0 W% p7 |0 n
Even if people have more opportunity to communicate, the communication is not as friendly as before. Nowadays, people could take a amount of ways to contact with others. Advanced transportations, telephones and internet facilities the convenience for communication.(这句话的动词呢??) However, at the same time, people have been distracted from the real relationship or friendship, so the relationship between people turns to apathy.(这个理由没有解释清楚) For example, a white-collar would prefer to stay in front of the computer other than to talk with his friends. Briefly, people are reluctant to communicate with others, let alone to be friendly.1 f1 ~) p6 Y1 d* O1 O& B/ `
People become less friendly because they are more independent today. Usually, friends play a important role in sharing the happiness and facing the difficulties with us. However, people are more independent and they could achieve a lot of things easily and do not want to bother others. For instance, when our electronic fan is broken, we are hesitant to turn to our friends and other people, we had better to pay the money to professional people.(给钱叫人来修,是independent吗??)
$ i) _1 K/ A- i9 i% z* v5 Z) e3 k+ \+ A" M: C% D$ j
The increasingly fierce competition among people make people less friendly. Modern technologies have a lot of advantage to our society, however, it will impose the unhealthy relationship on people. Owing to the competition, stable friends may degrade to rivals or even enemies. To prove it, we could just observe a company. In order to be promoted and seize the limited resource, everyone is forced to be ambitious and aggressive. In this respect, most people have to behave less friendly.. f4 a. g, E! B( X9 ]
To conclude, through it is more convenient for people to communicate with others, people are not as friendly as before.
文章开头模板味很浓。
主题没有链接词,让人感觉结构松散。
几个论点比较明确,但是缺乏detail说明。例子举的不是很贴切。
结果过于简单,没有实质内容。
总的来说,还需要多加练习。虽然不能过于依赖模板,但是文章的结构要保证,不然要拿高分还是比较困难。
楼主加油。 |
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