2009雪候鸟作文贴

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

10.17 Technology cause children show less creative than they were in past


Accompanied by the ever increasing advancement of technology and science. There is an increasing number of people begin to question the negative aspect of technology on children. That case is, people argue that the highly sophisticated technology results a decrease of children's creativity. As for me I totally disagree with such statement with following substantial reasons.

To begin with, thanks to the developed technology makes the study environment quite different from the past that benefits the children's ability of creativity development. Coming along with the computer science and world wide web is the voluminous amounts of information presented daily around us that opens a wide window for students to widen horizon. And actually, those useful knowledge will make students more creative. Also, internet used in class turn the boring traditional teaching into a funny and enjoyable state that likewise will inspire students’ creative thinking. Hence, because of the technology that children can enjoy those conveniences that helps to their creativity sprout.

Another equally important factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that nowadays the toys shelf is more gorgeous than ever before, especially some kind of deliberately designed to make the children thinking. Take model of plane or Rubik's Cube for instance, require children design the operating program to make it work, would doubtless motivate the spirit of creativity. Otherwise , children who lived decades ago cannot have access to this playthings, in other words, it is the technology make those toys available that plays a crucial part on the children’s ingenuity. Moreover ,lots of modeling competitions are quite common nowadays bring a wonder platform for children to display their talents of creativity.

However, as everything is a double-edged-sword, compelling these merits that technology development can bring to children. Its significance should not be exaggerated for it is not without its problems. One of the controversial aspect involves the fact that underdeveloped children may be addicted to computer games and toys. As it varies from person to person, and there is never a standard for this. So parents are responsible to guide their children. In such occasions, technology maybe counterproductive.

In the final analysis, above the forgoing discussion, we can safely come to the conclusion that technology indeed plays a positive role on the children's creativity development for there good learning environment and playthings that technology brings to us.

beangtUID: 2691375

Accompanied by the ever increasing advancement of technology and science.(,) There is an increasing number of people begin to question the negative aspect of technology on children. That case is, people argue that the highly sophisticated technology results (in) a decrease of children's creativity. As for me I totally disagree with such statement with following substantial reasons.

To begin with, thanks to the developed technology makes the study environment quite different from the past that benefits the children's ability of creativity development. Coming along with the computer science and world wide web(World Wide Web) is the voluminous amounts(amount?) of information presented daily around us that opens a wide window for students to widen horizon. And actually, those useful knowledge will make students more creative. Also, internet used in class turn the boring traditional teaching into a funny and enjoyable state that likewise will inspire students’ creative thinking. Hence, because of(这两个能连用吗？) the technology that children can enjoy those conveniences that helps to their creativity sprout（好词啊~）.

Another equally important factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that nowadays the toys shelf is more gorgeous than ever before, especially some kind of deliberately designed to make the children thinking. Take model of plane or Rubik's Cube for instance, require children design the operating program to make it work, would doubtless motivate the spirit of creativity. Otherwise（by contrast） , children who lived decades ago cannot(couldn’t, didn’t) have access to this playthings, in other words, it is the technology make those toys available that plays a crucial part on the children’s ingenuity. Moreover ,lots of modeling competitions are quite common nowadays bring a wonder platform for children to display their talents of creativity.


However, as everything is a double-edged-sword, compelling these merits that technology development can bring to children. Its significance should not be exaggerated for it is not without its problems(没看懂). One of the controversial aspect（s） involves the fact that underdeveloped children may be addicted to computer games and toys. As it varies from person to person, and(去掉) there is never a standard for this. So parents are responsible to guide their children. In such occasions, technology maybe（may be） counterproductive.


In the final analysis, above the forgoing discussion, we can safely come to the conclusion that technology indeed plays a positive role on the children's creativity development for there good learning environment and playthings that technology brings to us.
内容和结构几乎无可挑剔了，词汇用的也不错，有些错误还是需要避免的。
不过，楼主是不是写错了，17号的题目不是这篇啊~

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

2# beangt   感谢哈！你的 我晚些评哈

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

Accompanied by the ever increasing advancement of technology and science. There is an increasing number of people begin to question the negative aspect of technology on children. That case is, people argue that the highly sophisticated technology好 results a decrease of children's creativity. As for me I totally disagree with such statement with following substantial reasons.开头很好的简洁

To begin with, thanks to the developed technology,(有个主语吧) makes the study environment这2个并列是啥意思 quite different from the past that benefits the children's ability of creativity development. Coming along with the computer science and world wide web is the voluminous amounts of information presented daily around us that opens a wide window for students to widen horizon. And actually, those useful knowledge will make students more creative. Also, internet used in class turn单数第三人称 the boring traditional teaching into a funny and enjoyable state that likewise will inspire students’ creative thinking. Hence, because of the technology that children can enjoy those conveniences that helps to their creativity sprout.

Another equally important factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that nowadays the toys shelf is more gorgeous than ever before, especially some kind of deliberately designed to make the children thinking. Take model of plane or Rubik's Cube for instance, require children design the operating program to make it work, would doubtless motivate the spirit of creativity. Otherwise这个连词..不对吧.貌似逻辑不通 , children who lived decades ago cannot have access to this playthings, in other words, it is the technology make those toys available that plays a crucial part on the children’s ingenuity. Moreover ,lots of modeling competitions are quite common nowadays bring a wonder platform for children to display their talents of creativ

However, as everything is a double-edged-sword, compelling these merits that technology development can bring to children. Its significance should not be exaggerated for it is not without its problems. One of the controversial aspect involves the fact that underdeveloped children may be addicted to computer games and toys. As it..什么varies..??(主语)varies from person to person, and there is never a standard for this. So parents are responsible to guide their children. In such occasions, technology maybe counterproductive.例子不够啊

In the final analysis, above the forgoing discussion, we can safely come to the conclusion that technology indeed plays a positive role on the children's creativity development for there good learning environment and playthings that technology brings to us. 思想还行个别地方表达没很准确. 除了首段其他的感觉没以前的好

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

4# 我是chineselady

应该是 immature child

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

18 日
To truly understand world event, we should get our news from newspaper; television cannot provide enough information.

No man is an island, we living in a world connection with others around us and influenced by voluminous information. And when it comes to the issue that which media is more reliable, people's statements are divergent. As for me I firmly believe that to truly understand world event, It is advisable to get news from newspaper rather than television.

Foremost, information or news presented by TV mostly from the positive perspective of events that more or less may lose the reality. Since, television enjoys such a high popularity that hardly can you find a family without it. Under this coverage, special kind of news on the TV have to change some contents or avoid unhealthy information. Like suicide, plunder, violent, and war. If those events including corpse, ruins, and disorder directly presented front of people, no doubt will result untoward outcome, that may threaten our harmonious society. Thus, those news from the TV virtually have lost reality to some extent, or just a fraction of the affair, both of which will keep you grasping a wider pattern of the events. By contrast, newspaper allows us to fully understand events in more depth that TV can never address this need.

Another essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that TV is driven by economical profit, quite obvious, in cater to the audience the programs provided is not as real as itself. An obvious instance support this opinion is the talk show, quite hot nowadays, mostly invite super stars to make show to tell the public about their unfortunately past and then through countless failures they succeed in the end. However, those stories sometimes are not real even deliberately fabricated to gain more popularity. Also, television as the most prosperous market of advertising. Information often exaggerated to display to fool consumers. In sum, TV mostly as a recreation, programs designed for the public is helping people relieve stress from life that cannot be recognized as a formal approach to get news .

However, we have to admit that television has the evident advantages of timely, convenient, and little cost in conveying news. So, as everything is a double-edged-sword. We cannot ignore those merits of television brings to our life.


In the final analysis, though television plays a irreplaceable  part in our life, considering how to better grasp news of the event. I am totally in favor of turning to newspaper to know the world event rather than TV.

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

10.20People will spend less time in cooking and preparing food in 20 years later. Do you agree or disagree?

Accompanied by  the ever increasing development of  science and technology, the space of our life also speeds up. And currently, a majority of people begin to question that whether people will spend less time in cooking and preparing food after 20 years. As for me, I am totally disagree with such statement with following substantial instances.

The decisive factor I want to put in the very beginning is that cooking in the kitchen is a way to relax from city life. There is no doubt that present people under severe pressure from work and study that sometimes the work schedule is so tight that no time left to cook. However, as a old saying goes: "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" . we need relaxation to energize our body to better work for future. And cooking I believe is an excellent way to suit this needs because it dose not acquire large amount of physical movement and mental activity. When I am upset by some troubles I usually choose to cook for myself and indeed I can feel a  refreshing mood after this process. Thus, cooking serve as a relaxation under this competitive world, it will attract more and more people in future.

Another essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that eating at home is much healthier than dinning
out, so people would likely to prepare food for themselves. nowadays, although technology makes our life easier, faster, and safer, it cannot make the food healthier cooked by machines. Since those machines work mostly depend on heat radiation that can cause a sharply decrease of nutrition like protein, vitamin, and some special minerals. thus those kinds of food lack the energy and nutrition, are harmful for body development. Ironically, fired chicken and potatoes, popular fast food, are high in energy and caloric can result in fat, diabetes and so forth.In a word, food are less healthier compared to those cooked by natural ways.Concerning the health issue, there is no doubt that people would spend more time cooking and preparing food.

However, we have to admit that advanced technology contributes the tendency of people unwilling to cook and prepare food at home. For the increasingly sophisticated new technology make food provided in the restaurant with higher nutrition and more tasteful that opens up wide possibility for people eating out.

In conclusion, as it described by Montages, the value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. Compelling these potential benefits of cooking can bring to us and our family. I am firmly believe that more and more people will realize this point and choose to cook and prepare food at home stead of dining out.

spyUID: 2295035

10.20People will spend less time in cooking and preparing food in 20 years later. Do you agree or disagree?

Accompanied by  the ever increasing development of  science and technology, the space （pace）of our life also speeds up. And currently, a majority of people begin to question that whether people will spend less time in cooking and preparing food after 20 years. As for me, I am totally disagree with such statement with following substantial instances.

The decisive factor I want to put in the very beginning is that cooking in the kitchen is a way to relax from city life. There is no doubt that present people under severe pressure from work and life that sometimes the work schedule is so tight that no time left to cook. However, as a old saying goes: "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" . we need relaxation to energize our body to better work for future. And cooking I believe is an excellent way to suit this needs because it dose not acquire（require） large amount of physical movement and mental activity. When I am upset by some troubles I usually choose to cook for myself and indeed I can feel a  refreshing mood after this process. Thus, cooking serve（serves） as a relaxation under this competitive world, it will attract more and more people in future.

Another essential  factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that eating at home provides a opportunity to gather with friends and family. Most people because of heavy work and study have little chance to communicate with family members. Some maybe back home once a week that is really harmful for family harmonious, and as it known to all, lots of divorce result from people don't go home.（这句有语法问题） Even worse, the child cannot get enough attention and care from parents, if this situation continues child’s development will suffer serious outcome. In this sense, people cook for themselves at home. The chances of communication between child and wife will doubtless increase that rate of divorce may down immediately.（整段的意思感觉和主题没有多大的关联）

However, we have to admit that advanced technology contributes the tendency of people unwilling to cook and prepare food at home. For the increasingly sophisticated new technology make food provided in the restaurant with higher nutrition and more tasteful that opens up wide possibility for people eating out.（个人感觉饭馆吃饭应该不在这个主题的范围内）

In conclusion, as it described by Montages, the value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. Compelling these potential benefits of cooking can bring to us and our family. I am firmly believe that more and more people will realize this point and choose to cook and prepare food at home stead of dining out.

第一点写的不错，后面两点有点脱离主题，在不在饭馆吃饭与做饭时间长短没有直接的关系

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

22作业：
With the burgeoning of science and technology, there are increasing number of people begin to question that the relationship between parents and children is not tight as well as before. As for me, I firmly disagree with such statement with following substantial aspects.

To begin with, children in today's family receive more attention and care compared to those who lived decades ago. It is quite common that, especially in our country, one family own several children in the past, that hardly had parents enough time and energy to care every child. Thus they cannot know well about children's inner world. Take my dad for instance, my father has five brothers and two sisters, and my aunts often complained  in their childhood my grandmother loved my father most that virtually all toys and tasteful food are occupied by him. But conversely, the other ones lack of love and attention. In this sense, if my grandmother only had one child, she would not make the imbalance love emerge. Having enough care and love from parents actually benefits the chances of communication, in turn, a more solid reliance and trust will grow.




Another equally essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that parent's concerns on child development is much higher nowadays. In old days people are growing on the arduous work to support family and survive is the most important concerns, food and shelter means necessities to everyone. At this point, parents that can give essential food to their children for basic living are quite admirable. So there is little attention on the child's other aspects and the only communication may just through telling them how to search food. Otherwise, today parents pay highly consideration on every tiny step of the child’s growth, and private talking is quite common among the family. In sum, assisted from the plentiful substance world and ever stability of the society allows for people establish a well relationship with children.



However, as everything is a double-edged-sword. Overextended this point maybe counterproductive even harmful. One controversial aspect is that nowadays people's pressure from work or life is drastic that may results insufficient communication between some parents and their children.


In the final analysis, from the foregoing discussion, we can safely come to a conclusion that present parents know better their children in comparison to those who lived 50 years ago.

DriftKingUID: 2664045

  你男朋友照片吗？ 真帅啊，真想冠希哥，仅从长相上说。
22作业：
With the burgeoning of science and technology, there are increasing number of people begin to question that the relationship between parents and children is not tight as well as before. As for me, I firmly disagree with such statement with following substantial aspects[个人感觉还是reasons比较好，aspects在这比较不当吧]

To begin with, children in today's family receive more attention and care compared to those who lived [是不是加个several？]decades ago. It is quite common that, especially in our country, one family own several children in the past, that hardly had此处感觉有语病 parents enough time and energy to care every child. Thus they cannot know well about children's inner world. Take my dad感觉还是尽量书面语比较好吧，保留意见 for instance, my father has five brothers and two sisters, and my aunts often complained  in their childhood my grandmother loved my father most that virtually all toys and tasteful food are occupied by him. But conversely, the other ones lack of love and attention. In this sense, if my grandmother only had one child, she would not make the imbalance love[\love感觉其实没必要，比较中式] emerge. Having enough care and love from parents actually benefits the chances of communication, in turn, a more solid reliance and trust will grow.我总觉得这个跟题目不太关联，可能是我读题有问题吧

Another equally essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that parent's concerns on child development is much higher nowadays. In old days people are growing on the arduous work to support family and survive【动词作主语？】 is the most important concerns, food and shelter means necessities to everyone. At this point, parents that can give essential food to their children for basic living are quite admirable. So there is little attention on the child's other aspects and the only communication may just through telling them how to search food. Otherwise, today parents pay highly consideration on every tiny step of the child’s growth, and private talking is quite common among the family. In sum, assisted from the plentiful substance world and ever stability of the society allows for people【如果是我的话，我会这么写allow people to establish】 establish a well relationship with children.关于过去和现在家长教子的不同，过去很少有关怀，很少交流；现在关心无微不至，不过跟understand感觉还是有些距离，难道你意思是过去misunderstood，现在understand了？

however, as everything is a double-edged-sword粉色表示好句子. Over extended this point maybe counterproductive even harmful. One controversial aspect is that nowadays people's pressure from work or life is drastic that may results insufficient communication between some parents and their children.

In the final analysis, from the foregoing discussion, we can safely come to a conclusion that present parents know better their children in comparison to those who lived 50 years ago.

不知道我们谁对题目的理解有偏差，我总觉得有些跑偏，欢迎跟我讨论
其他的都很好了，内容，结构，都很不错的，而且还有这么多字
你是牛人 向你学习

sunliang3361UID: 2502234

With the burgeoning of science and technology, there are (an) increasing number of people begin to question that the relationship between parents and children is not tight as well as before. As for me, I firmly disagree with such statement with following substantial aspects（你只有两个方面，呵呵，substantial会不会太过了）.

To begin with, children in today's family receive more attention and care compared to those who lived decades ago（很好）. It is quite common that, especially in our country, one family own several children in the past, that hardly had parents enough time and energy to care every child. Thus they cannot know well about children's inner world. Take my dad for instance, my father has five brothers and two sisters, and my aunts often complained  in their childhood my grandmother loved my father most that virtually all toys and tasteful food are occupied by him. But conversely, the （去掉the）other ones lack of love and attention. In this sense, if my grandmother only had one child, she would not make the imbalance love emerge(句子不对吧—). Having enough care and love from parents actually benefits the chances of communication, in turn, a more solid reliance and trust will grow.$ l+ j2 S. k- Q
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Another equally essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that parent's concerns on child development is much higher nowadays. In old days people are growing on the arduous work to support family and survive is the most important concerns, food and shelter means necessities to everyone. At this point, parents that can give essential food to their children for basic living are quite admirable. So there is little attention on the child's other aspects and the only communication may just through telling them how to search food. Otherwise, today parents pay highly consideration on every tiny step of the child’s growth, and private(这个词不好) talking（communication更书面） is quite common among the family. In sum, assisted from the plentiful substance world and ever stability of the society allows for people establish a well relationship with children.
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However, as everything is a double-edged-sword（是double-edged sword）. Overextended this point maybe counterproductive even harmful（没看懂）. One controversial aspect is that nowadays people's pressure from work or life is drastic that may results insufficient communication between some parents and their children.
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In the final analysis, from the foregoing discussion, we can safely come to a conclusion that present parents know better their children in comparison to those who lived 50 years ago.

觉得结尾可以更强化下。

sunliang3361UID: 2502234

不知道为什么乱码

Jodie_310UID: 2439321

10.20People will spend less time in cooking and preparing food in 20 years later. Do you agree or disagree?

Accompanied by  the ever increasing development of  science and technology, the space （pace）of our life also speeds up. And currently, a majority of people begin to question that whether people will spend less time in cooking and preparing food after 20 years. （最好能换一下句式或词语。比如cooking and preparing food will take up less time in people’s lives）As for me, I am totally disagree with such statement with following substantial instances.

The decisive factor I want to put in the very beginning is that cooking in the kitchen is a way to relax from city life. There is no doubt that present people（present people是不是有点Chinglish，我觉得说nowadays， people……好一些） under severe pressure from work and life that sometimes the work schedule is so tight that no time left to cook.（这个句子有点绕，不如改成Under severe pressure from work and life, people have to arrange their schedules so tight that no time left to cook.） However, as a（an） old saying goes: "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" . We need relaxation to energize our body to better work for future. And cooking I believe（语序有问题，应该是I believe cooking is） is an excellent way to suit this needs（need） because it dose not acquire（require） large amount of physical movement and mental activity. When I am upset by some troubles I usually choose to cook for myself and indeed I can feel a refreshing mood after this process. Thus, cooking serve（serves） as a relaxation under this competitive world, it will attract more and more people in future.4
指出一个问题，因为题目中包含了这么几个元素，spend less time, cooking and preparing food, 20 years later,那么你在点题的时候，最好说明since people could relax from cooking, people prefer to spend more time on it.老美其实是死脑筋，喜欢你什么都说明白。任何一个思想上的跳跃在他们看来都是不好的。

Another essential factor accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that eating at home provides a（an） opportunity to gather with friends and family. Most people because of heavy work and study have little chance to communicate with family members. (换成Because of heavy work and study, most people…)Some maybe back home once a week that is really harmful for family harmonious, and as it known to all, lots of divorce result from people don't go home.（这句有语法问题） （花多少时间做饭吃和回不回家的联系不是那么密切）Even worse, the child cannot get enough attention and care from parents, if this situation continues child’s development will suffer serious outcome. In this sense, people cook for themselves at home. The chances of communication between child and wife will doubtless increase that rate of divorce may down immediately.（整段的意思感觉和主题没有多大的关联）3 \& N4 E: n% H7 U) N. L
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However, we have to admit that advanced technology contributes the tendency of （改成that比较好）people unwilling to cook and prepare food at home. For the increasingly sophisticated new technology make food provided in the restaurant with higher nutrition and more tasteful that opens up wide possibility for people eating out.（个人感觉饭馆吃饭应该不在这个主题的范围内）- a: w% k* C# Y* Z# ~

In conclusion, as it described by Montages, the value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. Compelling these potential benefits of cooking can bring to us and our family. I am firmly believe that more and more people will realize this point and choose to cook and prepare food at home stead（instead） of dining out.! v0 Z1 q/ S$ L) J0 R. F# K

.第一点写的不错，后面两点有点脱离主题，在不在饭馆吃饭与做饭时间长短没有直接的关系
同意之前的修改者。后面都跑题了。没说到点子上，这样会被扣很多分的。

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

有很多钱不工作的人都不快乐，你支持否 。我写的21号的补上 ，谢谢了
The question of what is happiness has become vague during the past decades. And there are varied opinions on this issue, recently a group of people begin to realize that there is no joy of a no working person, even though he owns a large amount of fortune. As for me I quite agree with such statement and the reasons are as follows.

The decisive factor i want to point out at the very beginning is that most people work is for psychology need rather than money, thus no work likewise means no joy. One certain job of the society is an essential element of our developed life that acquires people to fulfill to make our work and study run regularly. So people have highly expectation on those workers. Without a cleaner, we cannot live in a comfortable environment, one day of absenteeism  of bus driver can totally disrupt our routine, also manger’s correct decision of the company is a guarantee of staff’s living. Because of undertaking so much responsibilities from the public they feel their life is meaningful and happy. In contrast, lacking the feeling of expectation and reliance, as well as trust from others, people are more likely to feel unpleasant and even upset.


Another aspect accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that usually people can only feel happy after progress in work. History abounds with such instances like scientist Einstein and Marie Curie often work that forget to eat and sleep, for they are joyful during the work. Similarly, the notably composer, Beethvoen, began to lose his hearing in 1801 and became entirely deaf by 1819, however, this physical obstacle didn't prevent him becoming the most famous and prolific artist in history. Though countless difficulties were waiting for them along the road toward success, trouble seemed to be dwarfed when they succeeded in the end. That is the happiness drive those famous person to bring so much miracle. In other words, people's happiness is largely resulted from the work achievements.

However, we have to admit that there are also groups of people who can find enjoyment in life if they have no jobs. To stem this reason, most of cases can address that those people have no dreams, pursuits, and personal values. And they fall in a dispirited state finally.

In conclusion, after the forgoing discussion, we can safely come to this point that happiness is a kind of psychology need getting from others expectation, reliance, and trust, and the enjoyment of achievements on work that those rich people with no jobs can hardly get the true meaning of pleasure.

Jodie_310UID: 2439321

The question of what is happiness has become vague during the past decades. And there are varied opinions on this issue, recently a group of people begin to realize that there is no joy of a no working person(chinglish, no joy of a person who do not work), even though he owns a large amount of fortune. As for me I quite agree with such statement and the reasons are as follows.2 y

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The decisive factor i want to point out at the very beginning is that （加个for）most people, work(working) is for psychology need rather than money(如果觉得用两个for重复了的话，可以换一下，working can not only satisfy our psychological need, but also bring us money), thus no work likewise means no joy. One certain job of the society is an essential element of our developed life that acquires（acquire是获得的意思， require是要求） people to fulfill to make our work and study run regularly（后面有点redundancy，直接在people后面说to run their work and study regularly就行了）. So people have highly expectation on those workers. Without a cleaner, we cannot live in a comfortable environment, one day of absenteeism  of bus driver can totally disrupt our routine, also manger’s correct decision of the company is a guarantee of staff’s living. Because of undertaking so much responsibilities from the public they feel their life is meaningful and happy. In contrast, lacking the feeling of expectation and reliance, as well as trust from others, people are more likely to feel unpleasant and even upset.
例子和论点不是很切合。看你的论点，我会认为你的意思是工作不光可以带来收入，还能满足心理上的需要。这种需要一般是个人的。而后面的论证，你都是用来说别人对于一个工作岗位的期待。一般而言，别人的想法和个人工作起来快不快乐是两码事。

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Another aspect accounting for my propensity lies in the fact that usually people can only feel happy after （making）progress in work. History abounds with such instances like scientist Einstein and Marie Curie often work that forget to eat and sleep （把前面那个work that放到后面，改成when they are working）, for they are joyful during the work. Similarly, the notably composer, Beethvoen, began to lose his hearing in 1801 and became entirely deaf by 1819, however, this physical obstacle didn't prevent him becoming the most famous and prolific artist in history. Though countless difficulties were waiting for them along the road toward（towards） success, trouble seemed to be dwarfed when they succeeded in the end. That is the happiness drive those famous person to bring so much miracle. In other words, people's happiness is largely resulted from the work achievements.

However, we have to admit that there are also groups of people who can find enjoyment in life if they have no jobs. To stem this reason, most of cases can address that those people have no dreams, pursuits, and personal values. And they fall in a dispirited state finally.; x2 g* F6 o* M1 p4 L; m

In conclusion, after the forgoing discussion, we can safely come to this point that happiness is a kind of psychology need getting from others expectation, reliance, and trust, and the enjoyment of achievements on work that those rich people with no jobs can hardly get the true meaning of pleasure.

总结：看到最后，我还是不太能理解第一个论点。也许是我太笨啦。如果按我的理解来看的话，那么第二个论点和第一个其实是有重叠的。
        语言和用词方面还不错，不过有时候要注意下语序。
        关键还是逻辑，好的文章要观点明确，例证丰富。
        比如这篇文章，可以说这么几点。
       1.working could bring people a sense of achievement, while money can not bring people this kind of feeling.
       2.working creats an environment for communication. People need some friends to share their happiness or sorrow.
       3.Having a job also means that you have to study. Since the world is developing so fast, we need to absorb new information. 甚至可以举例说，会计准则不断变化，一个会计人员必须不断学习新的会计知识，才能较好的完成工作之类的。
      
        我们总是抱怨没东西写。但如果仔细回顾身边的例子，总还是有话可说的。比如我提的前2点，不就是包含在你的第一个论点里面的么。只是我把它specific了。读完题目，可以先想想，工作能为我们带来什么？有哪些是只有工作能带给我们的，而钱不能起作用的。想着想着，也许就能有思路了。
       慢慢来，这是一个过程。
      希望我说的对你有帮助。