hugesea的作文修改铺

hugeseaUID: 190158

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1056144-1-1.html
charlesAFA 发表于 2010-2-10 00:00

修改完成了，请查收

hugeseaUID: 190158

楼主 我这篇写得自己感觉有点非主流 把论点分开写了 不知道行不行啊 你给看看啊

ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger so ...
qyr1987 发表于 2010-2-10 09:04

嗯，你这样的写法不行，issue不能忽略两句话之间的有机联系

已经改完了，请查收

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

请楼主帮忙修改，谢谢咯~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1058830-1-2.html

hugeseaUID: 190158

请楼主帮忙修改，谢谢咯~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1058830-1-2.html
爱上千年的猫 发表于 2010-2-10 20:00

你好，你的文章，我会明天改出来，因为我今天要坐火车回家

呵呵

后面发的文章，我也会明天晚上改

海王泪UID: 2673613

要回家啦？ 一路顺风！
话说我年三十才回去~~呃

大海G改了好多文章咧~~赞无私！

偏执出国UID: 2634895

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1059885&extra=
请楼主指正！

dreamernationUID: 2732007

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1773601156
越来越慌 完全迷茫中 求指点！不甚感激

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

你好，你的文章，我会明天改出来，因为我今天要坐火车回家

呵呵

后面发的文章，我也会明天晚上改
hugesea 发表于 2010-2-11 10:58

好的，辛苦您啦~~:loveliness:

vangossUID: 2761618

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

When we talk about the historical events, those famous figures that have [url=]standed[/url][U1] at [url=]the wind gap of the history[/url][U2] is probably in the centre of the topic. This phenomenon is actually the result of our first and most concern in the study of history, which ignores the function of small potatoes. As a matter of fact, it is those neglected people that decide the development of most significant and the trends in history.

As the famous saying goes" [url=]while thousands must die so that the Caesar may become great[/url][U3] ", the history is actually not decided by the famous figures. [url=]Whereas[/url][U4] , the small potatoes, who have nearly been forgotten by us, have played a much more significant role in history. [url=]Venerated and admired by common people[/url][U5] . Those figures were able to become so-called [url=]famous figures.[/url][U6] Therefore, their fame and reputation was granted and not acquired automatically. [url=]For instance[/url][U7] , George Washington became the first president of America after the war against [url=]foreigners[/url][U8] . The historical study of this fight for freedom mainly overemphasizes the action of George Washington and neglects those who devoted all their lives to the process of pursuing liberty. Perhaps during the war the report could help resembling people to fight. However, for the purpose of return to the truth of history at that time, we should not be inclined.

Although small potato's power is limited, but once resembled, it can remove the mountain. [url=]The history of them[/url][U9] seems to be not glorious as that of famous figures, but is greater. To cite the Anti-Japanese war for example, the whole triumph relies on victory of innumerable battles. These battles bear witness to the action of small potatoes, soldiers, as well as children, women and elders all spare no effort to manage to achieve the final victory. The pictures which show that women take the food of all family to [url=]the men[/url][U10] moved a lot of people. The more common the story is, the greater it is, isn't it?

But that is not to say that famous figures can be ignored or treated as common man. As impetus of the history, they can partly influence the development of significant events and are the witness of them. Without those charismatic leaders, to cite George Washington and Chairman Mao for example, the process maybe more arduous, though the final result will not change. Famous figures, emerged as the times require, are supposed to be remembered due to the devotion they made[url=].[/url]
[U11]
To sum up, the study of history should return to the actual state of affairs and then the small figures can receive the deference which they deserve[url=].[/url][U12]

最后求救一下hugesea兄，我现在就是限时不行，老是在规定时间内完成不了，issue得一个多小时，argument也得一个小时，2月23就考呢，请问怎么办呢？急啊！

[U1]stood



[U2]gap of history？这个比喻我咋没听说过?好奇怪
呵呵，这个比喻我见过的，我昨天又翻出来对了一下没错！



[U3]一将功成万骨枯！不是while…而是What millions died that Caesar might be great或者
We have an old Chinese saying describing how a soldier becomes a general. It goes to the effect that a general's reputation is built upon sacrifices of tens of thousands of soldiers.
这个短语是从我一个同学摘抄的谚语中借过来的，也是原话！



[U4]Whereas是连词，这里最好换成However
同意！是我错了！



[U5]无主句？英语里面是不允许出现汉语里面一样的无主句的。而且，这句话出现得实在太突然



[U6]这里咋又冒出the famous few了？我完全的。彻底的confused了，你这段到底是想写ordinary people的作用呢，还是写the famous few？
确实，我后面举得例子不能证明这一段的分论点，应该举小人物方面的例子。



[U7]因为不清楚你的point，所以这个例子的论述，我觉得很不靠谱



[U8]说清楚，是英国



[U9]历史不仅仅是ordinary people的，也是the famous few的，我们能把历史分成一部分是普通人的，一部分是英雄的麽？



[U10]The Chinese army，the Chinese soldier



[U11]这段在写the famous 的作用了，没啥毛病，但是论述肤浅
同意！



[U12]最后要说的，首先，文章结构看似严谨，实则逻辑还是有些混乱，其次，文章还有一个最大的硬伤，就是对题目的第一句话任何回应都没有，（是啊，多亏你指出了，谢谢，可能我以前写得时候也犯过这方面的毛病，确实论述应该切题，我应该再举些具体的例子，例如当我们谈到art的时候，首先想到的都是毕加索，贝多芬，米开朗基罗，科学家都是爱因斯坦，牛顿，现在的新闻媒体也长聚焦在政治明星或是体育明星上）通篇在讲小人物以及大英雄的作用。有点偏题；再次，文章的语言chinglish还比较严重，还得雕琢




47# hugesea

vangossUID: 2761618

不好意思，hugesea兄，我还是新手上路，不能上传附件，已经修改完了，谢谢！你看下

hellogtUID: 2763670

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1060035&extra=
多多指教！~

arguthinUID: 2749592

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1060115&extra=

反复修改过的，但感觉还是不怎么样……
很急，眼看就要考了……
恳请板砖
LZ的指点我一定会仔细研究的

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

楼主~这是我反复修改过很多遍的文章了~
希望帮忙指点一下！
更希望你能看到我的进步~呵呵~谢谢！