[习作点评] hugesea的作文修改铺 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-2-28 20:00:24 |只看该作者

这是我的第一篇，用词和逻辑可能都有点欠缺，还有3周就要考了，是不是应该一天2个issue了？

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1065062-1-3.html

kulewy531
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107楼

发表于 2010-3-1 20:01:33 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1062211&highlight=
谢谢

双非DIY美硕申请总结

kulewy531
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108楼

发表于 2010-3-1 20:04:06 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1062211&highlight=
谢谢

starshane
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109楼

发表于 2010-3-5 09:43:53 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1773671182
issue144 谢谢~~~~~

秋水★长天
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110楼

发表于 2010-3-5 21:48:13 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1067483-1-1.html
Issue112~谢谢LZ啦~

不要因为自己的准备的不够充分而把成功拒之门外！

magyzhang
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111楼

发表于 2010-3-6 00:14:50 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1067652&extra=
Issue28 谢谢LZ！

秦殇0925
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112楼

发表于 2010-3-6 22:00:58 |只看该作者

argument51
In the letter, the author recommends all the patients who suffer from muscle strain take antibiotic to inhibit the secondary infection. In order to support the recommendation, the author cites a primary study in which two groups of muscle strain patients are treated by two different doctors, in the end, the group of patients that take antibiotic recuperate faster than the group do not. However, several logical flaws in the newsletter render the recommendation unpersuasive, as discussed below.

To begin with, the author falsely assumes the comparative quality of treatment and medicine used, instead of any other factors, are responsible for the comparative effect. The argument ignores the strong possibility that the difference on patients’ physical condition might be a main factor influencing the result of the study. For instance, the patients in the antibiotic group are relatively strong, or they might have already received some treatment before the study. Yet the argument fails to provide any information regarding the difference between the two groups of patients. Unless the author rules out such kind of possibilities, the argument cannot draw any firm conclusion based on the study.
Even there are no big differences between the patients in the two groups, author neglect some other difference between the doctor's treatments. The doctor of the antibiotic group specializes in treating such sports medicine might give the patients some extra medicine and advise them to do some effective exercises which might be the most direct reason why the patients in this group recover faster than the control group. If so, the fact would seriously weaken the author’s claim that antibiotic is the reason solely responsible for the faster recovering. Lacking evidence that whether taking real antibiotic is the only difference between the two doctors’ treatment renders the result of the study which the recommendation relies on unreliable.

Even assuming that the result of the study is reliable, the author falsely draws a general conclusion that all the patients who suffers from the muscle strain should take antibiotic during the treatment. The argument provides no information that the survey’s respondents are representative of the overall population who have muscle strain. The author fails to show any evidence that the conclusion can typify all other such kind of patients.

Based on my analysis above, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the author should offer some information regarding whether the result of the study has been influenced by some differences between the patients and the difference between the doctors’ treatment. To better assess the recommendation, I also need the author use strong evidence to prove the conclusion can be applied to all the patients who have muscle strain.

秦殇0925
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113楼

发表于 2010-3-6 22:03:47 |只看该作者

不好意思，第一次写，第一次来修改，心里太急了。竟忘记谢谢您了。实在抱歉
而且也忘记写原题了。在此补上
The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."