hugesea的作文修改铺

tequilawineUID: 2702008

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1062030-1-1.html
我从写了一遍， 还是想让你帮我看看。谢谢了，

bzr2915UID: 2612029

发的时间不对 哎 现在的铺子好少啊 跪求一拍 先谢了！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1061865-1-1.html

nieyongUID: 2742661

我准时发的  符合规则  希望能被改到  谢谢哈  下面是链接https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1062107&extra=
TOPIC: ISSUE218 - "In order for any work of art-whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song-to have merit, it must be understandable to most people."

    Should any work of art meet the most people's appreciation in order to have merit, as the speaker asserts? It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that most people are just fascinated by the lights, colors or other superficial forms of art. Nevertheless, the purpose of the art is to express the artists' thoughts rather than to meet the majority's interests.

    First and foremost, many art works are created at such a high stage that transcends the comprehension of the ordinary people. One apt illustration involves the art form of impressionism. Derived from the title of a Monet’s work: Impression, Sunrise, it discards the convention of painting. Purely visual effects are stressed and often have obscured theme which incurred numerous criticism at that time. But now no one can deny the achievement of impressionism and it also followed by reforms in music, literature and so forth. Furthermore, as their difficulties in understanding, they often have no practical use for the public, so people constantly ignore their existence. That is another factor that those works understandable to people are in minority.

    Secondly, Art--whether film, literature, sculpture, or songs are usually open to large quantities interpretations of various forms. No aesthete knows exactly what in the mind of the artist. Let's take Moonlight Sonata composed by Beethoven for example. The theme of it remains controversial till now. It is rumored to be dedicated to his pupil, 17-year-old, with whom Beethoven was, or had been, in love while a music critic Rellstab, compared it to moonlight shining upon the lake and named it Moonlight Sonata. Some others believe that it is because of the moonlight spilled on the piano when he was playing the music for the poor which inspired him. Unfortunately, Beethoven is no longer alive, the secret will continue, so as the dispute.

    Last but not least, we should be aware of the fact that not all masterpieces are intended to be understood and appreciated by the rest of the world and therefore the simple majority's opinions about the merit seem to be not that essential. Apart from the story of Van Gogh and his masterpiece----sunflower, another great painter involves the example of Jan Vermeer. In retrospect, Jan Vermeer, a Dutch Baroque painter who seems to have left no legacy but debt to his family. Because the idiom of luxury is prevailed in his era, while he specialized in exquisite, domestic interior scenes of middle class life, he has never considered selling one of his paintings during his lifetime. But he clang tenaciously to creating a perfect world of his own and delivering the eternal theme: Love. Fortunately, with changes in people’s perception, Vermeer's reputation has grown, and his unique appreciation of life is finally understood by the public.

    In conclusion, the merit in art is not simply determined by the poll of the majority, and therefore don't necessarily required to be understandable to others which are of minor importance. A masterpiece is only successful when its creator's heart is thoroughly expressed.

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

我已经很详细的自己改了一遍课，不够有几个问题我自己不知道则么处理，帮我额外的看一下好吗，我还有9天就考了。来不及了55555~~
我有问题的地方已经自己标注出来了


中间段简易提纲：
0给社会化下定义
1 社会化在一定程度上是重要的。
2  仅仅有社会化是不够的。
  2.1个人层面，其他品质
  2.2社会层面，法律约束
3不应该以社会化的好坏判断教育，而是balabala
4我们的教育在人的一生中都还是不错滴~~~



In this issue, two specious assertions are concluded by the speaker. The first one is that how precedents’' socialization determines the future and the other is that we even now hardly achieve effective methods to nurture our precedents. I partially disagree the former one for the absence of other factors, like the creativity, knowledge and persistence of a child, which also count in leading a better society. And the later one, mainly because discord with the fact, is poorly supported.

Whether the conclusions that how precedents are socialized determines the future of our society as well as the one that we hardly achieve successful approaches to nurture our children are both complex issues- which are fraught with the problems of the definitions of socialization and education in the first place.（至今不确定as well as的单复数怎么用，上面这个句子错了没有？有错的帮着改改 However, with further deliberation about such assertions, I found them specious both.（时刻提醒自己，来短句，来短句~） By taking all the factors into consideration, it is more reasonable to hold the conclusion that we human beings have already mastered effective education system to equip our precedents with not only socialization limited by our laws and morality but also other merits like creaticity, persistence and knowledge to embrace a more harmony and prosperous future.
基本推翻重写了，还是标准的套路比较好。没几天了，越套路越好。

To begin with，we should give the definition of the process of children's
（为什么我说话这么拖沓。。）socialization. As far as I am concerned(我觉得这个像废话，没有好像有不行，谁帮我改一下), this process means the course that, mainly by participating in social activities like in parties and sport matches, children get better understanding of the role they play in the connections with others, more suitable performance within the society（人际交往怎么表达？）, and more mature habits and methods to deal with the complex relations.

I admit that the socialization is an essential factor to build a prosperous and harmony society. For a child, better understanding of corporation, leadership among its group, and the habits to keep pace with the outside world could be gained from this process, assisting a lot in its later life to build a better society(定语从句没有紧跟限定词). From this process, children could gain better understanding of corporation, the sense of leadership(貌似直接说leadership太夸张了) among its group, and the habits to keep pace with the outside world could be gained from this process, contributing significantly to their later construction of the society. Take the widely held form of sport-football as an instance. (短句) From the football games experienced nearly in every boy's childhood these experiences， a boy（不会有性别歧视的嫌疑吧。。） could learn to cooperates（这个错误是悲剧啊） with his teammates to win the game，and . Then,
if he is gifted to be the best one, he would consider not only about on the level of individual himself but also of the whole team, and(觉得这个and不伦不类，怎么改？) in this way he cultivates his leadership the sense of leadership is cultivated. What's more, to pursue a higher level of his skill（哪个大大推荐个短语？更上一层楼？）, he might learn from other mates, from the elders and even from books and websites. After a long time doing so（有问题没有，这个表达？或者我们来as time goes by？）, he would certainly form the habits of learning from and keeping pace with the outside world automatically. When this boy steps into the society as an adult, these factors merits of socialization would equip him with more harmony relationship with his colleagues, more opportunities to stand out and more updated knowledge. In this way, children socialized contribute their unique and necessary efforts for a better（我看到better就想哭了，求助。。。） world.

感觉例子通俗，但分析的还算到位，就没多大改动。。
However, we'd better not take this assertion too far. Besides the socialization, there still stand a myriad
of other significant factors, among which the socialization can hardly weigh the most. On the level of （前面用过一次了，谁有类似的表达推荐一个？）a person’s achievement, for example, the creativity, logic and knowledge, and persistence count. Some people could even pursue their goals without the gifts offered by the socialization. Take Planck，the founder of the theory of quantum, as an instance. The theory of Planck, the founder of the theory of quantum,(读着不爽。。) is ahead of time and far beyond the comprehensive scope of the mass scientists of his time, drawing attracting magnificent critics and misunderstanding to him. The same situation also happened to Einstein, Copernicus and Bruno, whose ideas are opposed by the whole society.
that the whole world is against the ideas of these creators.
However, without the supports and avocations of the society, merely by their creative inpulse impulse, authentic passion and unbearable persistence rather than the merits of socialization, they made their crucial contributions to the improvement of the whole world.
感觉这段讲的和上一段的针对性不是很强啊。上一段说的是社会化衍生出来的好处，这一段的例子主要是说直接不被社会接受，感觉有点瑕疵，不过如果要一一对应上面的好处的话，也不能针对社会化，毕竟这些好相处不是只能与欧社会化带来的。
纠结。。

What's more, the laws and morality to guide and confine the social activities seem more
（什么玩艺儿。。）of greater importance because without this essential laws and morality, the immoral and illegal incidences, ranged from fight between classmates and quarrels between parents to drug addiction, could be severe disservice to children, far from nurture.
precedents may not only learn nothing from the social activities but also be misleaded by immoral and illegal process(再次，什么玩意儿,连例子都没有。。). Admittedly, these factors are by no means incompatible with the gifts achieved from the process of socialization and . And (不要让人一口气读的想吐)both the child and the society could embrace a brighter future if the children combine all these altitudes well. But the degree how the children are socialized cannot determine the future unless it goes with the other factors.
得过且过吧，不然是在太长。。。不过没有例子是万万不可的

Then, how about the assertion about the education?
By digging the logic of the speaker, the main evidence of this estimation is that I concludes imply that this conclusion is drew mainly because the speaker hold the opinion that
（这句子是个悲剧啊。。）today's education system fails to provide enough opportunities for students to be socialized. However, the conclusion as well as the evidence is(依旧纠结于as well as的用法。。) vulnerable. Firstly, because, as mentioned above, socialization alone can hardly determine the future of human beings, we cannot judge evaluate（judge太多了。。）the education merely only （merely也太多了。。）by the degree of the socialization. Education is the fundamental element of all the intellectual inquires in that it provides the building blocks from which the civilized communication are produced and its ultimate goal is to make the civilization continue by helping the student digest knowledge, cultivate the habits of thinking and form the right value system. With this precondition, the author fails to convince me of his assertion.(还是觉得结构不完整，另外多来点短句总是好的~)


What's more, the fact is that we human beings have already mastered almost （太绝对了，不过可以almost every这么搭配吗？）every possible approaches to nurture their precedents to embrace for a better future, even though it is not always effective to every particular person. Just from the birth of a baby, the education of its family begins(有点想倒装啊， begins his education,有问题没？). For example, responsible father and mother avoid quarrel with each other in front of their children. Parents are the initial teachers to cultivate the child's value system for its entire life and guarantee most children to be rational and honest, which
（找不到限定词）constituting the basic of the better a harmony and prospers future. Besides, we also educates our precedents with our experience and failures in exploring the nature and technology. This is a traditional work for school and other teaching departments, where children also firstly contact the world outside the family and learned to be socialized as the issue mentioned. To a further step, we also as well pay attention to children's body building and creativity cultivating by provides them P.E. courses and the way to appreciate and enjoy the arts esthetically.
in an esthetic way. Although there are still many uncertainty of every single student, but the booming quarter century has proved this education system's contribution.

In sum, although we can hardly tell the future by judging the precedent's socialization and we have not developed a prefect education system to guarantee the better future, we have attained considerable achievements in nurture and we will never stop find a more effective way of education to embrace the future!

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1061993-1-1.html
链接

yataUID: 2764788

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=1062318&extra=

要考试了 谢谢lz了~

after17UID: 2681985

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1062679-1-1.html

rudygwxUID: 2520533

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1063734&extra=

拜托LZ了，感激不尽！

ella_dylUID: 2595060

[url=https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1063468&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D101[/url]https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1063468&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D101[/url[/url]]
麻烦LZ~~先谢过了

yanamourUID: 2767665

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064148-1-1.html
谢谢了！

tequilawineUID: 2702008

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064085-1-1.html
有时间的话帮我看看，谢谢了

yanamourUID: 2767665

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064148-1-1.html
谢谢了！ 新规定是零点之后吗？

mianfeidewucanUID: 2705713

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1064633&extra=
谢谢帮忙呀楼主

mianfeidewucanUID: 2705713

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064633-1-1.html
刚才那个连接好像有点问题

mianfeidewucanUID: 2705713

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064633-1-1.html
不知道是0点还是8点，反正再争取一次。