草根修改铺(楼主不在）

leslinUID: 2571497

我来改一改by leslin
Issue 103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

It cannot be doubted that history studying has much to do with people’s daily life. The issue holds the opinion that only to be relevant to our daily lives can we realize the value if studying history. But I believe that many other factors other than daily life also present to us the value of the study of history.
（观点很简洁直接，十分值得提倡，个人感觉这里可以把原题的改写再稍微扩展那么一些）
    To begin with, we really can benefit a lot from the study of history. （这段的段首有些太笼统，不太明确的感觉，比如说可以说具体是历史的哪一方面使我们的哪一方面受益之类的，下面也比较好举例子，而且我看下面的论述比较抽象，缺乏具体的例子）When comes with daily life, the study of history seems very useful and necessary. The way people lived before is to some extent a kind of very good reference to us, especially when we are in trouble due to some daily problems. We often tend to take our ancestors as models, not only in daily life but also many other fields. But no one is perfect. So the study of history can help us distinguish the old-fashioned customs from the up-to-date ones, which can make our lives better in the contemporary society. To tell the improper ones from the old traditions, studying history is quite necessary.

    Secondly, studying history is beneficial to the whole society, politically and economically.（这一段感觉有些不对劲，都是说学习历史对某客体有好处，这里提到的受益对象是社会，上一段是我们，也就是日常生活方面，即题目叙述的。而社会本身的受益也是关乎日常生活的） Governments will learn lessons from history so that they are more possible to avoid the mistakes previous ones have ever made, which can help itself to be a better one. Meanwhile, economists, who study economical phenomena every day, may take history economical events for reference to analyze the current economical situation. The suggestion proposed by these economists, concerning the historical and current economical circumstances, may be more precise and practical, which is quite beneficial to the society. Both politically and economically, we can benefit a lot from the study of history. （同样还是太抽象了，倒不是说抽象不好，只是具体例子相比较而言有说服力）

    History studying is also useful to scientific research as well as politics and economics.
New ideas may be born when scientific history is learned. (这里用的德布罗意的例子感觉有些不太妥当，德布罗意的物质波理论是个科学方面的例子，以史为鉴这个主题一般在社会上表现的比较明显，科学的例子可以作为次要，比如说联合国的建立吸取了国联的教训这样的例子)For example de Broglie, the man who proposed that relation between momentum and wavelength of light should be also applied to matter, called matter wave. His idea was simply based on Bohr’s and Einstein’s work. Combining their work and historical law, he proposed the idea, which is, now to us, quite important and natural. Such great idea was proposed without much experiment and complex computation, just by simply studying history with some basic knowledge. （刚才用的是科学的例子，这里可以换一个方面）What’s more, we could have a proper attitude towards scientists and their achievement, if the scientific history was well studied. We can tell the really scientific work from those unscientific one. Also, some scientist that are not very famous but contribute greatly to the scientific history can be known by the public via studying history. At the same time, a lot of scientific scandals may be uncovered in this process, from which we can learn lots of lessons. The scandals is the real history as well as alarms to us. So studying history is more than useful to scientific through so many ways.

    In conclusion, the study of history has great value when relevant to so many aspects, not only people’s daily life.（最后的总结好像短了些.....我个人的意见是把前几个段子的关键词稍微汇总一下，这样总结感觉更丰满全面）

总体来说，作者的观点是很标准的，段落的安排也很好，只是思路的说明和论述方面还需要加强，尤其是实际例子的使用。
个人愚见，还望多指教（语法我就不改了，鉴于本人的语法水平很一般.....）

leslinUID: 2571497

求批~~~~~~ Issue 235

235."Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
Words: 457
In the following statement, the speaker thinks that loyalty is more like a force of destruction rather than that of virtue, no matter where loyalty takes place. As far as I concerned, before making a judgment on the essence of loyalty, it is necessary to catalog loyalty into respective situations. And the result of catalog will show that loyalty can be either a positive force or a negative force in the same ratio.

It should be admitted that loyalty sometimes can be a destructive force. Loyalty can be categorized into a kind of emotional action, which must have an object to bear. The object can be friend, family, higher authority and so on. The result of loyalty will be fluctuating with the changes of its object, and inevitably, there appears a type of loyalty which owns inappropriate objects. In the history of World War Two, false loyalties spread across Axis. For example, Rommel, one of the most famous generals in this war, devoted his loyalty to Hitler, the Nazis. Although he never betrayed his fidelity, yet his deeds not only brought great pains to the world, but also failed to rescue himself from unfair death. Again, Japanese soldiers, who have been regarded as the army of loyalty, were loyal to Mikado in the war as well. However, their loyalty only made themselves commit brutal slaughter and inhumane genocide.

But on the contrary, though loyalty owns the possibilities of destruction, we still cannot deny the fact that it has numerous positive effects in human affairs. Loyalty, as I mentioned above, is a kind of emotional action that having its object. If loyalty chooses proper objects, then the effect of it will be constructive but not destructive. For instance, in United States, when an individual formally becomes a civilian of America, there will be a procedure of pledging to Star flag, which is a sign of loyalty for the country. In this condition, loyalty acts as a bond between each civilian and the nation, and the bond binds the nation together. It is easy to imagine that a nation without this kind of loyalty will readily fall into chaos or anarchy. What’s more, in wedding ceremonies, spouses will swear that they will be loyal to each other forever. The loyalty in this situation acts as a power to bring about families, which is a constructive power as well.

In conclusion, loyalty plays an important role in human society. According to the classification of loyalty in different status, loyalty is a two-edged sword which can be either destructive or constructive. Thus, it is imprudent to identify loyalty as a force of destruction. Only through careful analysis on certain occasions can we reach a convinced conclusion about the effects of loyalty.

emteddybearUID: 2699606

又来啦，改LS
235."Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
Words: 457
In the following statement,为啥子是following，而不是above呢 the speaker thinks that loyalty is more like a force of destruction rather than that of virtue, no matter where loyalty takes place. As far as I concerned, before making a judgment on the essence of loyalty, it is necessary to catalog loyalty into respective situations. And the result of catalog will show that loyalty can be either a positive force or a negative force in the same ratio.
首段提出观点，很鲜明
It should be admitted that loyalty sometimes can be a destructive force. Loyalty can be categorized into a kind of emotional action, which must have an object to bear. The object can be friend, family, higher authority and so on. The result of loyalty will be fluctuating with the changes of its object, and inevitably, there appears a type of loyalty which owns inappropriate objects. In the history of World War Two, false loyalties spread across Axis. For example, Rommel, one of the most famous generals in this war, devoted his loyalty to Hitler, the Nazis. Although he never betrayed his fidelity, yet his deeds not only brought great pains to the world, but also failed to rescue himself from unfair death. Again, Japanese soldiers, who have been regarded as the army of loyalty, were loyal to Mikado in the war as well. However, their loyalty only made themselves commit brutal slaughter and inhumane genocide.


But on the contrary, though loyalty owns the possibilities of destruction, we still cannot deny the fact that it has numerous positive effects in human affairs. Loyalty, as I mentioned above, is a kind of emotional action that having its object. If loyalty chooses proper objects, then the effect of it will be constructive but not destructive. For instance, in United States, when an individual formally becomes a civilian of America, there will be a procedure of pledging to Star flag, which is a sign of loyalty for the country. In this condition, loyalty acts as a bond between each civilian and the nation, and the bond binds the nation together. It is easy to imagine that a nation without this kind of loyalty will readily fall into chaos or anarchy.
What’s more, in wedding ceremonies, spouses will swear that they will be loyal to each other forever. The loyalty in this situation acts as a power to bring about families, which is a constructive power as well.
In conclusion, loyalty plays an important role in human society. According to the classification of loyalty in different status, loyalty is a two-edged sword which can be either destructive or constructive. Thus, it is imprudent to identify loyalty as a force of destruction. Only through careful analysis on certain occasions can we reach a convinced conclusion about the effects of loyalty.
读完了，感觉是个大牛，语言那些真的没的说，很抱歉实在 没有挑出毛病，不是我没有仔细读哦，结构也很清晰，就是说面对忠诚的对象不同的时候，要做出选择。但是我觉得那个美国对国家要忠诚那个分析得好像有点点不是那么特别的清晰。It is easy to imagine that a nation without this kind of loyalty will readily fall into chaos or anarchy.其实公民对国家的忠诚，一方面是体现在为国家办事的时候。另一方面是体现在本国与国内的事物上，不知道我这个思路对不对。如果错了请指正哈。

文章写得真的很好，我要好好学习学习

emteddybearUID: 2699606

咋办还有8天了 还是这个样子，而且还要花好多时间哦 ，大家给我说一下我该怎么做


NO.131 艺术

"The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."
艺术（绘画、音乐、文学等）展现了那些如果没有艺术，是被隐藏的观点和社会的脉动。
1.Why a society or people may hide some ideas and impulses:
(a) 从主观上说，人类的想象力太丰富，现有的知识和经验跟不上， 感情太丰富，不能准确的表达
(b) 从客观上说，很多时候受某些事情的限制没有办法表达真实的感情，或者人们的呼声太弱，不能引起大家的注意
2.So call for the emergency of arts

3.How could arts reveal these otherwise hidden ideas?
(a) 对于那些主观上没有办法表达的，艺术创造了一些其他的形式也帮助人们表达
(b) 对于那些客观问题不能表达的，艺术可以很隐晦的表达，或者放大那些被缩小的思想

As the limitation of human knowledge and experiences, many ideas and impulses are hidden, or even disappeared in the history, and obviously, it is the pity for our human beings, so something else to reveal these hidden ideas and impulses of society is eager to be needed.

It is well known that the civilization of human beings was not so advanced at the beginning. From people using tools to the occurrence of the language, the society has gradually developed. That is to say, people are slowly building up the knowledge and experiences. Therefore there are many limitations for us to reveal our social ideas and impulses not only from the subjective but also form the objective. When thinking subjectively, the imagination of human beings is always so rich and sometimes so abstract that the development of our knowledge and experiences cannot catch up with it. In addition, people are the most emotional animal. The simple words, such as laugh, cry, sad, etc. are not enough to satisfy the needs of communicating with each other effectively. All these two situations call for something can reveal what we are thinking about but have no ability to do this. On the other hand, from the objective view, there are many other difficulties, which make our individual or society thoughts undersurface. Not only for that our society is not democratic enough to have citizens expressed some real thoughts. But only for that even some times, we express our thoughts, the power of influence is too small, which cannot take others or society's attention. At this time, we need to get help from some special method to show them to society.

Based on these reasons discussed above, people eager to find out something else to tell others what we are thinking, what the impulses of society are. Thereafter people make the arts came out to complete these functions. And the arts indeed did and are doing and even will do it.

According to how could the arts do this, also we can from the view of subjective and objective. Firstly, as for those imaginations or emotions, which normal people cannot express well, the arts create other forms to finish it. Take the delusions as an example, some people suffer from these psychological disease. But unfortunately they cannot share this painfulness with others; because they cannot say it exactly what is it with poor words. And even they tell them out, it stands for nothing, because others, who have not such experience, cannot understand them. For the time being, the arts make it cone true. A typical work is the film "A Beautiful Mind", in which a genius mathematician suffers from it and it lasts all his life. I think this film just speaks to the hearts of people who suffers from it, make other people trust such kind of things happen in the world, or even catch the attention of psychologist to research it. What’s more, as the development of technology, many people like to imaginative what will be in the later 100 years, what are the outer space looks like, or is there any other life in the space. Too much such kind of thoughts hovers in our minds but cannot release out. Artists do us a favor. They create many great works to illustrate these imaginations. "Avatar" shows our guess of lives in other planet; "WALL-E", a story about a garbage-collection robot searching for life, tells people's future assumption and fears of today's pollution. And similar works are too numerous to mention, which show us a rich inner world of our human beings.

Secondly, regarding the objective reasons, the arts play a large role. For one thing, there are many times people cannot tell the truth. The arts have the function to express facts or thoughts more vague, which will not be easily felt, and the person involved will be less implicated. For example, in 19th century, black slaves, who were the bottom of the society, have no rights to gush their dissatisfaction. But "Uncle Tom’s cabin" by Stowe illustrates their lives and impacts the entirely American history a lot. For another, there are many other times that although people tell their thoughts but limited by their own infamous, their thoughts cannot draw attention of others. And at this time, the artists can add the ideas into their creations by exaggeration and symbolic means. When people are attracted by the creations, they can get the ideas at the same time. This is the arts’ magic, and other methods cannot do it.

In sum, as illustrated above, the arts indeed reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society.

leslinUID: 2571497

不要不改啊~~~~

emteddybearUID: 2699606

正在改哈，莫急，一会儿传上来 35# leslin

bzr2915UID: 2612029

NO.131 艺术

"The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."
艺术（绘画、音乐、文学等）展现了那些如果没有艺术，是被隐藏的观点和社会的脉动。
1.Why a society or people may hide some ideas and impulses:
(a) 从主观上说，人类的想象力太丰富，现有的知识和经验跟不上， 感情太丰富，不能准确的表达
(b) 从客观上说，很多时候受某些事情的限制没有办法表达真实的感情，或者人们的呼声太弱，不能引起大家的注意
2.So call for the emergency of arts（由此对艺术的需求，这个point不太切题，原题中并没有这层关系，此题为事实类题目，重点讨论艺术展现XXX这一事实到底是否成立，而不是讨论因为XXXX所以CALL FOR 艺术，1、3均没问题）

3.How could arts reveal these otherwise hidden ideas?
(a) 对于那些主观上没有办法表达的，艺术创造了一些其他的形式也帮助人们表达
(b) 对于那些客观问题不能表达的，艺术可以很隐晦的表达，或者放大那些被缩小的思想

不要着急，8天还很长，找准原因，密集练习，如果限时不行，就狂限时写，直到写出来为止，不要回避困难，现在能做的只有多练习，再多练习狂练习！
以下修改仅代表个人意见，请批判性接受~

As the limitation of human knowledge and experiences, many ideas and impulses are hidden, or even disappeared in the history, and obviously, it is the pity for our human beings, so something else（这里看不到有ELSE) to reveal these hidden ideas and impulses of society is eager to be needed（这个表达不太好用不着被动，is urgent need）.

第一段写完了需要某种东西来揭示XX，感觉下面一段写这种能揭示XX的东西可能对味一点，另外我觉得这个开头引领的不太好，更像一个过渡段。

It is well known that the civilization of human beings was not so advanced at the beginning. From people using tools to the occurrence of the language, the society has gradually developed. That is to say, people are slowly building up the knowledge and experiences. Therefore there are many limitations for us to reveal our social ideas and impulses（这里有偏差原题中说的是 hidden ideas and impulses of a society，你在这里偷换概念变成了人的社会观念和动力）not only from the subjective but also form the objective. （前面的因果关系不太充分，不一定是由于知识经验的不足（也可能是人们的一些观念，道德约束）才导致了社会的一些隐藏XX未被发现）When thinking subjectively, the imagination of human beings is always so rich and sometimes so abstract that the development of our knowledge and experiences cannot catch up with it. In addition, people are the most emotional animal. The simple words, such as laugh, cry, sad, etc. are not enough to satisfy the needs of communicating with each other effectively. All these two situations call for something can reveal what we are thinking about but have no ability to do this（去掉，加他容易让人以为替代THINK ABOUT了,额，也可能我理解错了..）. On the other hand, from the objective view, there are many other difficulties, which make our individual or society thoughts undersurface. Not only for that our society is not democratic enough to have citizens expressed some real thoughts. But only for that even some times, we express our thoughts, the power of influence is too small, which cannot take others or society's attention. （这里还是放在了人的想法而没落脚到社会的IDEAS)At this time, we need to get help from some special method to show them to society.

感觉写的挺隐晦的，不如直接把艺术拿出来说，一直用something给我的感觉是有点HESITATE

Based on these reasons discussed above, people eager to find out something else to tell others what we are thinking, what the impulses of society are. Thereafter people make the arts came out to complete these functions. And the arts indeed did and are doing and even will do it.

和第一段有点像了，个人建议一开始就把ART点出来，速度切入主题，重点讨论ART到底揭没揭示XXX

According to ？how could the arts do this, also we can from the view of subjective and objective. Firstly, as for those imaginations or emotions, which normal people cannot express well, the arts create other forms to finish it. Take the delusions as an example, some people suffer from these psychological disease. But unfortunately they cannot share this painfulness with others; because they cannot say it exactly what is it with poor words. And even they tell them out, it stands for nothing, because others, who have not such experience, cannot understand them. For the time being, the arts make it cone true. A typical work is the film "A Beautiful Mind", in which a genius mathematician suffers from it and it lasts all his life. I think this film just speaks to the hearts of people who suffers from it, make other people trust such kind of things happen in the world, or even catch the attention of psychologist to research it. What’s more, as the development of technology, many people like to imaginative what will be in the later 100 years, what are the outer space looks like, or is there any other life in the space. Too much such kind of thoughts hovers in our minds but cannot release out. Artists do us a favor. They create many great works to illustrate these imaginations. "Avatar" shows our guess of lives in other planet; "WALL-E", a story about a garbage-collection robot searching for life, tells people's future assumption and fears of today's pollution. And similar works are too numerous to mention, which show us a rich inner world of our human beings.

Secondly, regarding the objective reasons, the arts play a large role. For one thing, there are many times people cannot tell the truth. The arts have the function to express facts or thoughts more vague, which will not be easily felt, and the person involved will be less implicated. For example, in 19th century, black slaves, who were the bottom of the society, have no rights to gush their dissatisfaction. But "Uncle Tom’s cabin" by Stowe illustrates their lives and impacts the entirely American history a lot. For another, there are many other times that although people tell their thoughts but limited by their own infamous, their thoughts cannot draw attention of others. And at this time, the artists can add the ideas into their creations by exaggeration and symbolic means. When people are attracted by the creations, they can get the ideas at the same time. This is the arts’ magic, and other methods cannot do it.

FIRSTLY SECONDLY 去掉，直接主客观，这两端还是对hidden ideas and impulses of a society理解有偏差，不过就‘人的想法’而言分析的不错

虽然你用的句子结构简单，但能表达出来你想的东西，这点已经很不错了。 多总结一些固定句型和结构，适当的背一下用在文章里。提纲列详细+脑子里有写作框架+基本表达=不愁说不出话，完不成作文。
In sum, as illustrated above, the arts indeed reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

还是朋友的~留下一篇请楼下狠拍~
69"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"

------------------------------
Main idea: support although a little disagree under some situraions
1.restriction of purpose: urgency issue, for majority’s profit, bad purpose           SARS \earthquake in Chile
2. restriction of development method: financial and resources                  
3. restriction of the structure: balance the studies                       rare foreign languages\philosphy
4.on the other hand, give free to them in some extent             potential results unknown researches

13:12~
Just as the word implies, government is the organism that control an area and its people, meanwhile has a strong influence on them. Thus, it is impossible that government almost influent nothing on the field of scientific research and development. Without the restriction of government, scientific research and development suffer more disadvantages than advantages. However, only when focusing on special kinds of research the government, the liberty should be given to researchers.

If we cast upon the human development process, we may have a rough understanding of the government restriction. As it duty requires, the government restrict in research and development so that it can match up with the majority’s need. For example, in the fast developing modern society, it is not rare to see epidemic-prone disease all over the world. In the shadow of SARS, bird-flu and H1N1, the researchers ought to focus on the solving of these problems not only for academic purpose, but also a mercy on human beings and the achieve of the final goal of progress-to help people live a happy life. This is the proper time of government to restrict them and ask them to mainly focus on the urgent societal cases.

Besides, there is a great chance that the researchers are even with a bad purpose to start their studies, under this condition, the government should do everything it can to protect the innocent. Perhaps, the force to make him continue to work hard on his study is nothing but the huge profits he will attain even sacrifice the majority’s rights. Once upon a time the invention of clenobuterol hydrochloride is surprising since it improves the lean meat percentage which will make the meat popular in the market. Not too long after it exists, some experts do realize the side influence on customers. However, attracted by the material profits and academic fames, they chose to be silent and continue the study as well. If so, the government should restrict or even punish them to ensure the safe of majority.

In addition, the government’s restriction is a beneficial supplement for research and progress in some extent. The abundant fund, preferential policy and human resources which government offers are far more sufficient than any other organism affords. All these can create a favorable situation to research and development. Focus on the concrete academic subjects, due to the different influence on society in short term, learning of byway such as philosophy or astrology is lack of researchers. Common people prefer to choose hot areas as their study areas, the numerous applications for economic majors prove it. The government should take some efforts to balance the progress of various areas so that society develops in a healthy way and it is stable in the long term.

On the other hand, despite the situations above, it is essential to give enough freedom to research to provide a sufficient develop space. Compared with the experts in each subjects, the members of government don’t have enough knowledge to distinct which research is worth to carry on. The restriction to every research plan may lead to the ossification and misleading development. The trust of researchers is a kind of wisdom governors should learn which is no less significant to the restriction.

In the final analysis, the government should restrict research and development to solve the urgent society problems, protect the rights of the majority and balance the science development. To make the conclusion suit more situations, freedom of research and development ought to be a common character ruling out the cases above.

dengbeiyinUID: 2765999

38# bzr2915
占楼~~~改楼上的~~~~

dengbeiyinUID: 2765999

69"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"

------------------------------
Main idea: support although a little disagree under some situraions
1.restriction of purpose: urgency issue, for majority’s profit, bad purpose           SARS \earthquake in Chile
2. restriction of development method: financial and resources                  
3. restriction of the structure: balance the studies                       rare foreign languages\philosphy
4.on the other hand, give free to them in some extent             potential results unknown researches

13:12~
Just as the word implies, government is the organism that controls an area and its people, meanwhile has a strong influence on them. Thus, it is impossible that government influent(这个好像是支流或者是流动的的意思。。。） almost nothing（改成have no influence) on the field of scientific research and development. Without the restriction of government, scientific research and development suffer more disadvantages than advantages. However, only when focusing on special kinds of research the government(去掉吧）, the liberty should be given to researchers.

If we cast upon the human development process（the process of human develoment), we may have a rough understanding of the government restriction(restrictions from government). As it(its) duty requires, the government restrict(s) in research and development so that it can match(是catch还是match??) up with the majority’s needs. For example, in the fast developing modern society, it is not rare to see epidemic-prone disease all over the world. In the shadow of SARS, bird-flu and H1N1, the researchers ought to focus on the （去掉）solving of these problems not only for academic purpose, but also a mercy on human beings and the achieve of the final goal of progress-to help people live a happy life. This is the proper time of(for) government to restrict them and ask them to mainly focus on the urgent societal cases.

Besides, there is a great chance that the researchers are even with a bad purpose to start their studies, under this condition,（用这个短语要把前后句子断开） the government should do everything it can to protect the innocent. Perhaps, the force to make him continue to work hard on his study is nothing but the huge profits he will attain even sacrifice（sacrificing) the majority’s rights. Once upon a time the invention of clenobuterol hydrochloride is surprising since it improves the lean meat percentage which will make the meat popular in the market. （注意时态）Not too long after it exists, some experts do realize the side influence on customers. However, attracted by the material profits and academic fames, they chose to be silent and continue the study as well. If so, the government should restrict or even punish them to ensure the safe of majority.

In addition, the government’s restriction is a beneficial supplement for research and progress in some extent. The abundant fund, preferential policy and human resources which government offers are far more sufficient（这个形容词没有比较级） than any other organism affords. All these can create a favorable situation to（for） research and development. Focus on the concrete academic subjects, due to the different influence（s) on society in short term, learning of byway(s) such as philosophy or astrology is lack of researchers. （这个句子结构有问题）Common people prefer to choose hot areas as their study areas(换一个词吧，这个词似乎比较适用与地理方面）, the numerous applications for economic majors prove it（后面应该加从句：which is proved by the numerous applications for economic majors). The government should take some efforts to balance the progress of various areas so that society develops in a healthy way and is stable in the long term.(这一段是陈述政府通过限制使科学家的研究成果有益于人民，和第一个论据性质相同，应该放在上一段前面比较好）

On the other hand, despite the situations above, it is essential to give enough freedom to research to provide a(space 是不可数名词） sufficient  space (for development). Compared with the experts in each subjects(用单数）, the members of government don’t have enough knowledge to distinct which research is worth to carry（carrying) on. The restriction to every research plan may lead to the ossification and misleading development. The trust of(for) researchers is a kind of wisdom governors should learn which is no less significant to the restriction.

In the final analysis, the government should restrict research and development to solve the urgent society (social) problems, protect the rights of the majority and balance the science development(science不能直接做形容词吧。。。）. To make the conclusion suit more situations, freedom of research and development ought to be a common character ruling out the cases above.

总体：语法错误比较多，但是考虑的方面挺全面的，不过我对结构的看法可能跟你的不一样：）
本人不才。。。希望对你有帮助：）

dengbeiyinUID: 2765999

题目：ARGUMENT121 - The following is a memo from the president of Cyberell Computer Company.

"All of our customer-service employees recently attended a two-day retreat during which they received retraining in effective customer service. Subsequently, Cyberell's employee-performance study showed that the retreat benefited new employees-those who have worked with Cyberell for less than two years-far more than it did experienced employees. According to the study, after the retreat new employees were able to handle an average of ten percent more calls per hour, and the total number of customer complaints about new employees decreased, but experienced employees showed little improvement in these areas. Therefore, Cyberell should send only new employees to future retreats and should use the resulting savings to double the length of the retreats so that the retreats will be more likely to yield optimum employee performance."

这个题目有点让我头疼。。。。不知道这么写对不对，请版友拍拍~~~

1、没有提出具体的训练内容，因此对于老员工并没有较大提升可能是因为授课内容本身比较适合新晋员工，而老员工本身已经熟习这些业务。授课内容本身并不适合老员工，甚至有可能是老员工本身的参加和交流把经验传授给新员工，因此引起表现的良好上升。
2、没有证据证明处理电话的总量提升以及顾客投诉减少就是工作进步的表现。也许是因为顾客提出的问题相对容易处理了，并不说明培训的有效性。投诉的减少可能并不因为员工服务的提升而可能是由于本身的顾客量减少或者在这段时间期间顾客的要求相对容易满足。因此，新晋员工的客服表演并不能仅仅依靠其工作数量作出判断，应该在了解顾客的意见以及满意度之后才能做出客观的分析。仅仅以此作为是否进步的判断标准对老员工并不公平。也许老员工的工作并不是以此为主，也可能老员工在其他方面有所提高而未被反映。
3、是否应该增加培训的时间。没有证据证明培训时间及其效果有正比关系。必须视乎培训的内容以及难度进行设计，还必须考虑新员工的接受能力。没有做出评量，可能会造成资源的浪费。
4、因此决定培训的时间的长度以及对象并不能够仅仅依靠数量上的多少做出判断，公司从培训内容及其难度、培训对象的能力以及相对应的时间做出针对性的设计，才能最有效地提高公司整体工作客服人员的素质。


With a comparison between the new employees who work with Cyberell for less than two years and experienced employees after a two-day retreat including retraining in effective customer service, the author demonstrates that the former benefie more than the latter according to the result which shows a considerable increase in dealing with calls by new employees per hour and a decline in the number of customer complaints about them.Therefore, the arguer made a conclusion that future retreats should only be available for new employees, which can result in savings to double the length of retreats and yield optimum employee performance.This suggestion seems reasonable at the first glance but careful scrunity reveals several critical logic fallacies in its reasoning thus making it unconvincible as it stands.

To begin with, no detailed information about the training designed for employees is provided thus leaving the argument open to doubt that whether the programs in this training are suitable for the experienced ones. The author falis to take into account other possibilities that have an crucial impact on the results got from the study. For instance, the retraining probably aims at developing abilities to handle affairs which are strange to the grren hand while familiar to the experienced, which indicates that little improvement can be made by those experienced employees.At the same time, the author suggests a necessary causal relationship between the retraining and the improvements of the new employees' performance without any comprehensive analysis, which ignores the possiblity that considerable improvements made by new employees are mainly due to the attendence of the experienced ones rather than the retraining because of much more communications about working experience during the two day than usual between them and this benefit them a lot more than taking lessons. Any of these scenarios, if true, would weaken the logic of the argument and undermine its presumption about the effectiveness of the retraining.

Another threshold problem in this argument involves the result of the study about employees' performance the author cites as evidence, which lends no strong support for this recommendation. The author unfairly infers that the number of phone calls and complaints about new employees are the only two criteria to judge improvements. It is possible that the experienced  focus more on the management of human resourses in customer-service, the performance of which can not be reflected by the two criteria mentioned aboved. Even assuming that the two criteria can be applied to examine performance,the author fails to ruling out the possibility that problems raised ny customers are much more easier to solve than before, which results in the increasing number of calls handled by the new employees. Besides,the decline in complaints can also be explained by the synchronize decline in the number of customers or another reason that requirements from customers can be met more easily during that period of time. Allowing for these cases, the author cannot drop any conclusion about the improvement of the new employees comparing to the experienced ones.

Additionally, the authors suggestion about the length of retraining is gratuitous. Length of retreats should be designed and modified contrapuntally according to the abilities of subjects and the degree of difficulty about the lessons. It is necessary to supply different courses concentrating on various respects for different groups of employees in order to yield optimum employee performance overall.

To sum up, the recommendation made by the author is short of legitimacy. In order to strengthen this argument, specific information should be offered about the courses employees took for retraining and attitudes towards the performance of new employees from customers in order to substantiate the effectiveness of the program. Furthermore, the author should also design retreats especially for experienced employees in order to improve their abilities in all respects.

__ayUID: 2688700

43 " To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards." [05/36; 06/4]
一个政府官员要想成为一位有成效的领导者，必须有极高的伦理和道德修养。

The author contends that an effective leader requires its highest ethical and moral standards. I partially agree with the author, since for a better regulation, widely respect helps the leader works wonder. However, the highest ethical and moral standards are not the only factor which decides the leader's performance.

Admittedly, a qualified leader needs a highest ethical and moral standards for charming a widely respect of the people, which means a favorable way to ensure his position and support his work. In this rapid development of the society full of the dramatic information and exploring needs from all over the world, indicating the increasingly profits and the keen competition for the companies, the commercial leader commonly requires a widely respect which could help the expansion of his company in return for the reason that a impressive corporate image presented by a leader contribute to achieve the favor from the customers. On one hand, the leader with the highest moral standards is beneficial to encourage his employer performing a better work-- an effective way to reduce the prime cost indirectly. On another hand, attaining the preference of the customers with an unforgettable impression of the company leads to the increase of the sales volume resulting in more profits for the company.

However, does a leader without a laudable moral must fail to work wonders? Obviously, the answer is not. The politician deemed as a double-side man, a side of devil and a side of angel, sometimes takes the measures out of the moral standards while sometimes impresses the citizens as a kind-hearted man. After all, the politician should maintain the highest moral standard in order to winning more advocates to support his work. On the other side, politician should attain a more powerful influence in policy by defaming the rivals, cheating the spectator, etc.

Further, the ability rather than the moral of a leader, in fact, is the key to decide the performance of a leader. To truly effective promote the work of his group and the society, the excellent and appropriate decision made by the leader which requires a profound analysis to the situation and the scientific statistics for the masses of complex information are necessary. For instance, the Confucius, which is widely respected in ancient China, are regarded as be with highest ethical and moral standards. Although his works exert an ever-lasting and positive impact on human’s mind, lacking of an exceptional ability to expand his power results in his failure-- he successful sharpen people's mind, but fails to change the people's life.

To sum up, on wonder that being widely respected contributes to a better regulation and performance for a leader while a leader can hardly accomplish the success effectively without the outstanding talent and capability which are the main factor to effect the work of his group.

461 words
提纲：
1.在商业上,一位合格的领导者需要极高的伦理道德修养
        随着信息技术的发展,the needs of customer implying the dramatic profits leads to the increasing keen competition among the companies.
在消费者心中,领导者代表了公司的形象
        一来,领导者拥有极高的伦理道德会激励员工,提高效率,降低成本prime cost
        二来,可以提高公司在消费者心中的地位,提高销售sales volume

2.那么是不是没有素质就无法effective了呢？显然不是的
政治家politician都扮演着2方面的角色 无法保持素质
一方面 政治领导者需要高素质以更好的管理群众, 获得群众好感以提高他的支持率
另一方面 政治领导者必须站在自己的立场去欺骗群众,诽谤对手defame ravals,等等 以扩张他的权利以及影响力

3.光有素质,没有能力是没法effective的
一个effective leader最最基本的是需要杰出的能力来帮助团队成功
有能力才能通过分析complex的信息,做出正确的决定
        ~例子 孔子 Confucius, a widely respected philosopher in the ancient China, is attributed to be with the highest ethical and moral standards.

昨天改完了别人的忘了发自己的了。。。。。  今天补上

dengbeiyinUID: 2765999

42# __ay
那请问能帮我改改么。。。。
怕被闲置了。。。。T . T

bzr2915UID: 2612029

改42楼I43 41楼文章在楼下 请大家继续接力！

43 " To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards." [05/36; 06/4]
一个政府官员要想成为一位有成效的领导者，必须有极高的伦理和道德修养。

The author contends that an effective leader requires its highest ethical and moral standards. I partially agree with the author, since for a better regulation, widely respect helps the leader works wonder(何解？）. However, the highest ethical and moral standards are not the only factor which decides the leader's performance

Admittedly, a qualified leader needs a highest ethical and moral standards for charming a widely respect of the people, which means a favorable way to ensure his position and support his work. In this rapid development of the society full of the dramatic information and exploring needs from all over the world（这句话很眼熟...）, indicating the increasingly profits and the keen competition for the companies, the commercial leader commonly requires a widely respect which could help the expansion of his company in return for the reason that a impressive corporate image presented by a leader contribute to achieve the favor from the customers. On one hand, the leader with the highest moral standards is beneficial to encourage his employer performing a better work-- an effective way to reduce the prime cost indirectly.（为什么领导人保持高道德就能使员工更好的工作？没有论述，没有例子，看不出这里有什么因果关系，后面的推论就更没谱了） On another hand, attaining the preference of the customers with an unforgettable impression（好印象和高标准的道德要求没有直接联系，这个方面怎么支撑你的主题、论点？） of the company leads to the increase of the sales volume resulting in more profits for the company.

However, does a leader without a laudable moral must fail to work wonders? Obviously, the answer is not. The politician deemed as a double-side man, a side of devil and a side of angel, sometimes takes the measures out of the moral standards while sometimes impresses the citizens as a kind-hearted man. （比喻很生动，句子很精彩！）After all（你用这个东西转折就是对这一段主题句的彻底否定，自相矛盾，逻辑混乱！）, the politician should maintain the highest moral standard in order to winning more advocates to support his work. On the other side, politician should attain a more powerful influence in policy by defaming the rivals, cheating the spectator, etc.

这一段主题没理解错应该是杰出的领袖不一定要保持高标准的道德要求，你要围绕这个讨论，第一，你对此讨论的不够充分 第二，这一段逻辑很混乱，部分论飞了

Further, the ability rather than the moral of a leader, in fact, is the key to decide the performance of a leader. To truly effective promote the work of his group and the society, the excellent and appropriate decision made by the leader which requires a profound analysis to the situation and the scientific statistics for the masses of complex information are necessary. For instance, the Confucius, which is widely respected in ancient China, are regarded as be with highest ethical and moral standards. Although his works exert an ever-lasting and positive impact on human’s mind, lacking of an exceptional ability to expand his power results in his failure-- he successful sharpen people's mind, but fails to change the people's life.（这个地方说实话没看出来，我怎么就感觉孔子改变了人们的生活，例如守孝、尊师重教、至今生活还有很多地方受到了孔子的影响）

TS是对的，但是论证不够充分。


To sum up, on wonder that being widely respected contributes to a better regulation and performance for a leader while a leader can hardly accomplish the success effectively without the outstanding talent and capability which are the main factor to effect the work of his group.

文章中确有一些很精彩的句子，逻辑层次也是正确的，但是论证不够充分，给人整体文章感觉相当单薄。

个人观点 批判性接受

461 words
提纲：
1.在商业上,一位合格的领导者需要极高的伦理道德修养
        随着信息技术的发展,the needs of customer implying the dramatic profits leads to the increasing keen competition among the companies.
在消费者心中,领导者代表了公司的形象
        一来,领导者拥有极高的伦理道德会激励员工,提高效率,降低成本prime cost
        二来,可以提高公司在消费者心中的地位,提高销售sales volume

2.那么是不是没有素质就无法effective了呢？显然不是的
政治家politician都扮演着2方面的角色 无法保持素质
一方面 政治领导者需要高素质以更好的管理群众, 获得群众好感以提高他的支持率
另一方面 政治领导者必须站在自己的立场去欺骗群众,诽谤对手defame ravals,等等 以扩张他的权利以及影响力

3.光有素质,没有能力是没法effective的
一个effective leader最最基本的是需要杰出的能力来帮助团队成功
有能力才能通过分析complex的信息,做出正确的决定
        ~例子 孔子 Confucius, a widely respected philosopher in the ancient China, is attributed to be with the highest ethical and moral standards.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

这一篇是41楼童鞋的 楼下继续接力
题目：ARGUMENT121 - The following is a memo from the president of Cyberell Computer Company.

"All of our customer-service employees recently attended a two-day retreat during which they received retraining in effective customer service. Subsequently, Cyberell's employee-performance study showed that the retreat benefited new employees-those who have worked with Cyberell for less than two years-far more than it did experienced employees. According to the study, after the retreat new employees were able to handle an average of ten percent more calls per hour, and the total number of customer complaints about new employees decreased, but experienced employees showed little improvement in these areas. Therefore, Cyberell should send only new employees to future retreats and should use the resulting savings to double the length of the retreats so that the retreats will be more likely to yield optimum employee performance."

这个题目有点让我头疼。。。。不知道这么写对不对，请版友拍拍~~~

1、没有提出具体的训练内容，因此对于老员工并没有较大提升可能是因为授课内容本身比较适合新晋员工，而老员工本身已经熟习这些业务。授课内容本身并不适合老员工，甚至有可能是老员工本身的参加和交流把经验传授给新员工，因此引起表现的良好上升。
2、没有证据证明处理电话的总量提升以及顾客投诉减少就是工作进步的表现。也许是因为顾客提出的问题相对容易处理了，并不说明培训的有效性。投诉的减少可能并不因为员工服务的提升而可能是由于本身的顾客量减少或者在这段时间期间顾客的要求相对容易满足。因此，新晋员工的客服表演并不能仅仅依靠其工作数量作出判断，应该在了解顾客的意见以及满意度之后才能做出客观的分析。仅仅以此作为是否进步的判断标准对老员工并不公平。也许老员工的工作并不是以此为主，也可能老员工在其他方面有所提高而未被反映。
3、是否应该增加培训的时间。没有证据证明培训时间及其效果有正比关系。必须视乎培训的内容以及难度进行设计，还必须考虑新员工的接受能力。没有做出评量，可能会造成资源的浪费。
4、因此决定培训的时间的长度以及对象并不能够仅仅依靠数量上的多少做出判断，公司从培训内容及其难度、培训对象的能力以及相对应的时间做出针对性的设计，才能最有效地提高公司整体工作客服人员的素质。


With a comparison between the new employees who work with Cyberell for less than two years and experienced employees after a two-day retreat including retraining in effective customer service, the author demonstrates that the former benefie more than the latter according to the result which shows a considerable increase in dealing with calls by new employees per hour and a decline in the number of customer complaints about them.Therefore, the arguer made a conclusion that future retreats should only be available for new employees, which can result in savings to double the length of retreats and yield optimum employee performance.This suggestion seems reasonable at the first glance but careful scrunity reveals several critical logic fallacies in its reasoning thus making it unconvincible as it stands.

To begin with, no detailed information about the training designed for employees is provided thus leaving the argument open to doubt that whether the programs in this training are suitable for the experienced ones. The author falis to take into account other possibilities that have an crucial impact on the results got from the study. For instance, the retraining probably aims at developing abilities to handle affairs which are strange to the grren hand while familiar to the experienced, which indicates that little improvement can be made by those experienced employees.At the same time, the author suggests a necessary causal relationship between the retraining and the improvements of the new employees' performance without any comprehensive analysis, which ignores the possiblity that considerable improvements made by new employees are mainly due to the attendence of the experienced ones rather than the retraining because of much more communications about working experience during the two day than usual between them and this benefit them a lot more than taking lessons. Any of these scenarios, if true, would weaken the logic of the argument and undermine its presumption about the effectiveness of the retraining.

Another threshold problem in this argument involves the result of the study about employees' performance the author cites as evidence, which lends no strong support for this recommendation. The author unfairly infers that the number of phone calls and complaints about new employees are the only two criteria to judge improvements. It is possible that the experienced  focus more on the management of human resourses in customer-service, the performance of which can not be reflected by the two criteria mentioned aboved. Even assuming that the two criteria can be applied to examine performance,the author fails to ruling out the possibility that problems raised ny customers are much more easier to solve than before, which results in the increasing number of calls handled by the new employees. Besides,the decline in complaints can also be explained by the synchronize decline in the number of customers or another reason that requirements from customers can be met more easily during that period of time. Allowing for these cases, the author cannot drop any conclusion about the improvement of the new employees comparing to the experienced ones.

Additionally, the authors suggestion about the length of retraining is gratuitous. Length of retreats should be designed and modified contrapuntally according to the abilities of subjects and the degree of difficulty about the lessons. It is necessary to supply different courses concentrating on various respects for different groups of employees in order to yield optimum employee performance overall.

To sum up, the recommendation made by the author is short of legitimacy. In order to strengthen this argument, specific information should be offered about the courses employees took for retraining and attitudes towards the performance of new employees from customers in order to substantiate the effectiveness of the program. Furthermore, the author should also design retreats especially for experienced employees in order to improve their abilities in all respects.