草根修改铺(楼主不在）

bzr2915UID: 2612029

15# zznzzh
恩 楼上 发帖不合规则 忽略之..

bzr2915UID: 2612029

改14楼 菩提叶
TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 517          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-2-21 下午 10:58:13

Rituals and ceremonies are important parts of a culture, they can contribute to defining and preserving a culture and provide people with a sense of identity, while they are not the unique means to preserve the sense of culture identity. （简洁的开头，但观点很鲜明，开门见山）

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies can help to define and(打逗号去AND) maintain a culture, and provide the members of a particular group a sense of culture identity. Rituals and ceremonies are often built on particular spiritual belief, custom, habit and so on. Based on the general conception of value and experience of the members, rituals and ceremonies become formalization, and then provide the members a sense of ascription and identity. By performing these rituals and ceremonies, the individual can strengthen the sense of ascription. Take one of China's minorities --Zhuang--for example, the people of Zhuang perform one essential ceremony every year, called Water-splashing Festival(题外话，壮族也有泼水节？）. On this day, the people of Zhuang would all dress up and splash water to the people around them to express their benevolent wishes and regards for them.（从这个例子我看不出来能推出来后面的结论，你自己再推敲一下） As the Zhuangs do, by performing this ceremony, they can recognize that they belong to Zhuang and carry down this culture from generation to generation.

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the unique means to aware the identity, except these, there are many other means by which they also can find the sense of identity. In different areas, people use different means to express and demonstrate their identity, like custom, diet, language, finery, architecture and so on. Take one of Chinese most famous singers, Song Zuying, for example, she belongs to the Miao, which is a minority of China and express identity by finery. When Song holds her personal vocal concert in Golden Hall of Vienna, we can see her unique Miao finery, especially the silver accouterments, which are very beautiful and delicate. As the special finery expresses, she belongs to the people of Miao and these finery and accouterments become symbols of the people. （这个例子还比较贴切，我觉得重点还是放在民族服饰和民族文化和自我认知之间的联系，中间写演唱会和衣服漂亮，我觉的有点画蛇添足了）So, without rituals and ceremonies, people can also use other means to express their distinction and maintain a sense of identity.（一个例子有点少了，说服力不强，推出结论的力度，私以为弱了些）

Although the rituals and ceremonies are not the unique means to maintain the sense of culture identity, in such a modern society, which is inclining into a homogenous one, it is important for us to protect and maintain some rituals and ceremonies with conscious. （此处逻辑转折和连接很干净）Almost every ritual and ceremony has its own meaning and symbolization, most of the time（？） it acts as the carrier of culture and contains the spiritual hope of the members. Especially nowadays, more and more rituals and ceremonies are dying out as the society goes into homogeneity. （这两句没有递进关系吧？何来ESPECIALLY?前半部分应该讨论XX和XX的重要性，然后来转折，但是现在很多XX 和 xx都灭绝了。你上面两句体现不出来这种层次）This phenomenon has drawn the attention of the United State, who has carried out series measures to ameliorate this condition. As a result, many rituals and ceremonies have been sanctified as the immaterial culture heritages and are being protected by the whole society. For example, many rituals and ceremonies about the Chinese traditional festival, like Spring Festival, have been protected by the United Nations. The distinct rituals and ceremonies can add more color to the monochromatic backdrop.

To sum up, rituals and ceremonies can contribute to the definition of a culture, while they are not the unique means. Act as the carrier of culture, some rituals and ceremonies should be protected so as to prevent the world coming into a totally homogeneous one.（在尾段还是停留在了以上的讨论，没有提出一个有见地或更深层次的观点，我觉的这会让文章显得灰头土脸，余力不足）

文章的整体逻辑很不错，但论证过程还是显得力道不足，此外文章并未提出一些深入的思考，给人一种大陆货的平庸之感.
以上纯属个人意见 如有误 请见谅！

bzr2915UID: 2612029

I43 字数547 未限时 楼下童鞋继续 咳咳。。写的烂，请重拍！
提纲： 观点 成为一个杰出的领袖不需要恪守最高标准的道德伦理准则
       分论点1 道德准范对领袖起到一定的积极作用但不是必要条件
       分论点2 与道德相比，一个领袖的其他品质更值得我们关注
       分论点3 过分强调高规格的道德基调反而会阻碍领袖的发展
      
It is just an illusion or a sound expectation to the public that all the effective leaders should maintain the highest moral and ethical standards. In my view, if a public official wants to become an effective leader, s/he should keep a relative higher moral standards rather than the highest that should be maintained by moralists and educators.

Admittedly, excellent ethical and moral qualities are important to an effective leader. The chief function of morality is to direct and regulate the relationship between persons and persons, persons and groups, which is similar to the leader's responsibility that to maintain a good relationship between his subordinates and direct them to maximize the interest of his nation, district or company. Keeping good ethical and moral standards is benefit for the leaders to make correct decision, but there does not exist a casual relationship between morality and leadership or an extreme moral requirement for one who wants to be an effective leader.

A perfect ethical and moral manner, to some extent, is important to the public leader, which could help them to achieve a wonderful performance to the masses, and help them to maintain their position as a leader. However, the importance of ethical and moral standards has been less emphasized, compared with the leader's capability, ambition and interrelationship with subordinates under the highly developed and transparent media. An appropriate example is not too far to seek. Silvio Berlusconi, the current longest-severing prime minister of Italy, as well as the leader of the people of political freedom movement party, is an successful public leader, however, he suffered from accusations of extramarital affairs, bribing his private tax consultant, holding naked party and secretly protecting gangster during the administration, which constitute a vivid contrast between an effective leader and a lower level of ethical and moral standards. And in some other cases, a sound ethical and moral manner is just a gimmick for the election or re-election, there is no politician expecting his ethical scandal or moral flaws is exhibited by the opponents.

The strictest requirement, which related to the highest ethical and moral standards, is harmful to an effective leader let alone to be maintained. Effective leaders, no matter in what fields, needs a relative free moral platform for them to cast their talent rather than limit them in the circle of the strict require of morality. Wen Tianxiang, a famous general in china's history, who committed suicide and devoted himself to the feudal morality, refused to serve for other countries. If Wen could jump out the boundary of morality, it is quite possible for him to be an outstanding leaders. In addition, the highest ethical and moral standards state is relating to somewhat idealism which is nearly impossible to achieve. Just as the saying goes: No gold is pure and no man is perfect.

In the final analysis, comparing with maintain the highest standards of morality, it is more realistic to keep a relative higher standards which could also achieve the same effect. Furthermore it would be more effective for a public official, who wants to grow up as a leader, to improve their own aptitude related to be an outstanding leader, such as operational capability, interrelationship with various persons and groups and the charisma, rather than boast their higher standards of moral qualities.

菩提叶UID: 2750858

先发个帖感谢一下楼上的批改，我的那篇作文确实存在很多问题，思路比较清晰，可是论证的确实有很大问题，在重点的处理上也有失偏颇。例子是临时想出来的，应该是傣族的泼水节，当时想不起来了。
楼上邻居可否留个联系方式，私下讨论下。我的QQ 278376725 。

楼下同学请忽略这篇帖子，继续改18楼作文~~

菩提叶UID: 2750858

改18楼的作文

It is just an illusion or a sound expectation to the public that all the effective leaders should maintain the highest moral and ethical standards. In my view, if a public official wants to become an effective leader, s/he should keep a relative higher moral standards rather than the highest one, that which should be maintained by moralists and educators.

Admittedly, excellent ethical and moral qualities are important to an effective leader. The chief function of morality is to direct and regulate the relationship between persons and persons, persons and groups, which is similar to the leader's responsibility that to maintain a good relationship between with？ his subordinates and direct them to maximize the interest of his nation, district or company. Keeping good ethical and moral standards is benefit for the leaders to make correct decision, but there does not exist a casual relationship between morality and leadership or an extreme moral requirement for one who wants to be an effective leader.

A perfect ethical and moral manner, to some extent, is important to the public leader, which could help them to achieve a wonderful performance to the masses, and help them to maintain their position as a leader. However, the importance of ethical and moral standards has been less emphasized, compared with the leader's capability, ambition and interrelationship with subordinates under the highly developed and transparent media. 转折后面应该是主题句，可是好像和你的提纲不相符啊，意思表达反了。可以考虑把has been 改为could be An appropriate example is not too far to seek. Silvio Berlusconi, the current longest-severing prime minister of Italy, as well as the leader of the people of political freedom movement party, is an successful public leader, however, he suffered from accusations of extramarital affairs, bribing his private tax consultant, holding naked party and secretly protecting gangster during the administration, which constitute a vivid contrast between an effective leader and a lower level of ethical and moral standards. And in some other cases, a sound ethical and moral manner is just a gimmick for the election or re-election, there is no politician expecting his ethical scandal or moral flaws is exhibited by the opponents.例子

The strictest requirement, which related to the highest ethical and moral standards, is harmful to an effective leader let alone to be maintained和谁并列？. Effective leaders, no matter in what fields in any field, needs a relative free moral platform for them to cast their talent rather than limit them in the circle of the strict require of morality. Wen Tianxiang, a famous general in china's history, who committed suicide and devoted himself to the feudal morality, refused to serve for other countries. If Wen could jump out the boundary of morality, it is quite possible for him to be an outstanding leaders. In addition, the highest ethical and moral standards state is relating to somewhat idealism which is nearly impossible to achieve. Just as the saying goes: No gold is pure and no man is perfect.

In the final analysis, comparing with maintain the highest standards of morality, it is more realistic to keep a relative higher standards which could also achieve the same effect. Furthermore it would be more effective for a public official, who wants to grow up as a leader, to improve their own aptitude related to be an outstanding leader, such as operational capability, interrelationship with various persons and groups and the charisma, rather than boast their higher standards of moral qualities.
语言流畅，观点明确

菩提叶UID: 2750858

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."


As instruments people used to ameliorate their lives, technologies indeed have influence on social customs and ethics, however, it cannot determine the social customs and ethics. On the contrary, it is social customs and ethics that determine the development and application of technology.

Developing with the steps of science, technologies have improved our daily life to a large extent, and they have some, more or less, influence on the social custom and ethics. Our so-called modern life is built on the development of technologies, which have filled the world with high productivity machines and provided us with abundant commodities and more comfort lives. Take test-tube baby, a method used to impregnate a ovum in a tube and then replace the zygote into the woman’s body to breed, for example, at the beginning of this invention, it was regarded as a miracle in medicinal history, for it could solve the problem of sterility and bring baby to the families that could not have one by themselves. In the old days, people could not accept the action of having a baby out body and think it as a sin incompatible with the social customs and ethics. However, as the development of this technology, people were aware that the advantages can outshine the disadvantages and accepted it. Like this technology depicts, by influence of the development of technology, people may reevaluate their former opinion and accept the things they cannot accept in the past. By this mean, technologies really have influence on the social customs and ethics.

Nevertheless, technologies cannot determine social customs and ethics, because technology is just an instrument invented by people and used for people, and what it can change is just the superficial format of our life, rather than the core values about the social customs and ethics. For instance, the technology of clone is invented to cure some diseases, and it really provided us with some information about many diseases, but to the question of human clone, it is unacceptable for it may cause many ethical problems, such as disordered relationships. Just like this example depicts, although the technology might be very advance, some things, which contradict with social customs and ethics, are still unacceptable.

On the contrary, it is social customs and ethics that determine the direction of the development and application of technologies. Technologies are developed to offer service for humanity, rather than to determine the basic customs and moral criterion. Take euthanasia for example, as the development of technology on medication, there emerged some kinds of medication that can terminate the lives of humanity without any pain. For some people who do not want to sustain their lives for reasons like illness and so on, this medication can decrease their suffer time in the world and act as an extricator, so some people embrace euthanasia heart and soul. While there are some other people think that this behavior contradicts with the basic ethics and should be forbidden. Whether to use this medication is a controversial question and determined by human themselves. In Sweden it is acceptable, while other countries do not allow this. The technology is there, and the chosen right is in the hands of human. Basing on the custom and ethics, we can determine the technologies, rather than lead by technologies by the nose.

To sum up, technologies have influence on social customs and ethics, however, they cannot determinate the social customs and ethics, on the contrary, it is social customs and ethics acting as a determinant and orienting the direction of technology development.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."


As instruments people used to ameliorate their lives, technologies indeed have influence on social customs and ethics, however, it cannot determine the social customs and ethics. On the contrary, it is social customs and ethics that determine the development and application of technology.(观点很鲜明）

Developing with the steps of science, technologies have improved our daily life to a large extent, and they have some, more or less, influence on the social custom and ethics. Our so-called modern life is built on the development of technologies, which have filled the world with high productivity machines and provided us with abundant commodities and more comfort lives. Take test-tube baby, a method used to impregnate a ovum in a tube and then replace the zygote into the woman’s body to breed, for example, at the beginning of this invention, it was regarded as a miracle in medicinal history, for it could solve the problem of sterility and bring baby to the families that could not have one by themselves. In the old days, people could not accept the action of having a baby out body and think it as a sin incompatible with the social customs and ethics. However, as the development of this technology, people were aware that the advantages can outshine the disadvantages and accepted it. Like this technology depicts, by influence of the development of technology, people may reevaluate their former opinion and accept the things they cannot accept in the past. By this mean, technologies really have influence on the social customs and ethics.（没问题）

Nevertheless, technologies cannot determine social customs and ethics, because technology is just an instrument invented by people and used for people, and what it can change is just the superficial format of our life, rather than the core values about the social customs and ethics. For instance, the technology of clone is invented to cure some diseases, and it really provided us with some information about many diseases, but to the question of human clone, it is unacceptable for it may cause many ethical problems, such as disordered relationships. Just like this example depicts, although the technology might be very advance, some things, which contradict with social customs and ethics, are still unacceptable.（仅这一个例子对主题句的论证是不充分的，技术违背道德是不被社会接受的，这点不足已推出技术不能决定社会习俗和道德，你再推敲一下）

On the contrary, it is social customs and ethics that determine the direction of the development and application of technologies. Technologies are developed to offer servce for humanity, rather than to determine the basic customs and moral criterion. Take euthanasia for example, as the development of technology on medication, there emerged some kinds of medication that can terminate the lives of humanity without any pain. （安乐死一个词可涵盖这个解释，在这里再来一遍太罗嗦了）For some people who do not want to sustain their lives for reasons like illness and so on, this medication can decrease their suffer time in the world and act as an extricator, so some people embrace euthanasia heart and soul. While there are some other people think that this behavior contradicts with the basic ethics and should be forbidden. Whether to use this medication is a controversial question and determined by human themselves. In Sweden it is acceptable, while other countries do not allow this. The technology is there, and the chosen right is in the hands of human. Basing on the custom and ethics, we can determine the technologies, rather than lead by technologies by the nose.(这个例子放在这里很恰当）

To sum up, technologies have influence on social customs and ethics, however, they cannot determinate the social customs and ethics, on the contrary, it is social customs and ethics acting as a determinant and orienting the direction of technology development.

个人感觉对技术不能决定道德习俗方面论述不足

bzr2915UID: 2612029

朋友的一篇习作 恩 楼下请重拍~
128 "It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free." 人们经常说教育的目的是释放人们的心灵。但实际上，正规的教育却倾向于束缚而非释放了人们的心灵。


世界上没有绝对的自由，在教育方面也不例外。如果自由了，不教授那些基础知识，我们思想缺少翱翔的翅膀，思维将会受到限制。没有基础知识，不可能去理解高级的知识，顶尖的知识。例子：在媒体不发达以前，向一直生活在偏僻山区环境的人讲大海。向不知道水的三态的人讲物理化学。
现今的教育体制就是基于如此，先学习基础知识，才能学习别的。普通生物学，生物化学——有机化学，遗传学——分子生物学。
教育也培养人们的品格，来启蒙。Ruling out the reasons above, education play a positive role in set free people’s mind by culturing people’s characters.

不论东西方，在限制人们的心灵方面也都有一定的问题。东方——cram a large quantity of knowledge(make choices, making it either narrow or shallow or perhaps both.), rely on fixed rule, and exam-oriented education;西方——provide many choice make people confused and worried about whether they choose the right one. Relax. Nobody will really know if you make right or wrong choices. So long as you remain curious enough to make choices, you'll be fine. We are all in this game of learning for life


As there is no absolutely pure water on earth, nothing can be absolution no matter concrete or abstract. I tend to agree that formal education restrain people’s minds and spirit to some extent, whereas, it is essential to go through this to set free people’s metal activities. In my point of view, although many defects exist, the formal education provides solid knowledge fundament for people to further explore to the field they interest in.

In common sense, no one is separated from any other person. We, human beings, are so tightly connected that it is impossible to have the absolute freedom in any aspect. It is also a truth in education. Look back into one own experience, as a child, we achieved less education compared to the latter. At that time, the limit is rare but what can we do despite image something interesting but not feasibility. The knowledge and skills we received in formal education construct a stage to let us show our talent. Without them, people are limited in a finite scope and also lose their freedom. For insurance, it is very difficult to describe ocean to a person in a mountain-abounded countryside for the reason that he doesn’t have a basic realize about the sea, extent to the educational area, physical chemistry is just double Dutch to layman who even is ignorance of water’s various physical forms. The formal education lends us the key to freedom.

Focus on the educational program nowadays, incubate skilled students with comprehensive knowledge is the cornerstone of the core spirit to instruct the training process. Take the majority of biology for insurance, a command of organic chemistry is the precondition to better understand biochemistry while molecule biology is the primary course of genetics. To obtain the freedom in advanced domain, the form education is sufficient condition.

On the other hand, no matter in east or in west, education has its limit and disadvantage. Due to the traditional of ancient culture, educationists cram a large quantity of knowledge to students in a short period of time. Under the pressures, students should choose to learn either narrow or shallow or perhaps both. Meanwhile, in a western education program, you have numerous choices to design your life. Consequently, majority spend time worrying about whether they choose the right one. No one escape in this game of learning for life. Everyone participates in education suffers the ossifying of the improper training method and benefits from the freedom basis offered by education.

In the final analysis, no one can deny the contribution of education to set free people’s mind. The education provides the knowledge and skills one need to stand in a favorable position in society and pursuit one’s interest otherwise. Admit the imperfect of education, what we should to do is to avoid fixing our idea and fully use the education to pursuit mental freedom of our spirit.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

哈哈~ 沉底了~ 水一下，祝大家元宵节快乐，杀G马到成功~

windandrain2004UID: 2597690

我的，请帮忙看看
Issue 103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

It cannot be doubted that history studying has much to do with people’s daily life. The issue holds the opinion that only to be relevant to our daily lives can we realize the value if studying history. But I believe that many other factors other than daily life also present to us the value of the study of history.
  
    To begin with, we really can benefit a lot from the study of history. When comes with daily life, the study of history seems very useful and necessary. The way people lived before is to some extent a kind of very good reference to us, especially when we are in trouble due to some daily problems. We often tend to take our ancestors as models, not only in daily life but also many other fields. But no one is perfect. So the study of history can help us distinguish the old-fashioned customs from the up-to-date ones, which can make our lives better in the contemporary society. To tell the improper ones from the old traditions, studying history is quite necessary.

    Secondly, studying history is beneficial to the whole society, politically and economically. Governments will learn lessons from history so that they are more possible to avoid the mistakes previous ones have ever made, which can help itself to be a better one. Meanwhile, economists, who study economical phenomena every day, may take history economical events for reference to analyze the current economical situation. The suggestion proposed by these economists, concerning the historical and current economical circumstances, may be more precise and practical, which is quite beneficial to the society. Both politically and economically, we can benefit a lot from the study of history.

    History studying is also useful to scientific research as well as politics and economics.
New ideas may be born when scientific history is learned. For example de Broglie, the man who proposed that relation between momentum and wavelength of light should be also applied to matter, called matter wave. His idea was simply based on Bohr’s and Einstein’s work. Combining their work and historical law, he proposed the idea, which is, now to us, quite important and natural. Such great idea was proposed without much experiment and complex computation, just by simply studying history with some basic knowledge. What’s more, we could have a proper attitude towards scientists and their achievement, if the scientific history was well studied. We can tell the really scientific work from those unscientific one. Also, some scientist that are not very famous but contribute greatly to the scientific history can be known by the public via studying history. At the same time, a lot of scientific scandals may be uncovered in this process, from which we can learn lots of lessons. The scandals is the real history as well as alarms to us. So studying history is more than useful to scientific through so many ways.

    In conclusion, the study of history has great value when relevant to so many aspects, not only people’s daily life.

emteddybearUID: 2699606

改楼主朋友的文章

朋友的一篇习作 恩 楼下请重拍~
128 "It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free." 人们经常说教育的目的是释放人们的心灵。但实际上，正规的教育却倾向于束缚而非释放了人们的心灵。
世界上没有绝对的自由，在教育方面也不例外。如果自由了，不教授那些基础知识，我们思想缺少翱翔的翅膀，思维将会受到限制。没有基础知识，不可能去理解高级的知识，顶尖的知识。例子：在媒体不发达以前，向一直生活在偏僻山区环境的人讲大海。向不知道水的三态的人讲物理化学。
现今的教育体制就是基于如此，先学习基础知识，才能学习别的。普通生物学，生物化学——有机化学，遗传学——分子生物学。
教育也培养人们的品格，来启蒙。Ruling out the reasons above, education play a positive role in set free people’s mind by culturing people’s characters.

不论东西方，在限制人们的心灵方面也都有一定的问题。东方——cram a large quantity of knowledge(make choices, making it either narrow or shallow or perhaps both.), rely on fixed rule, and exam-oriented education;西方——provide many choice make people confused and worried about whether they choose the right one. Relax. Nobody will really know if you make right or wrong choices. So long as you remain curious enough to make choices, you'll be fine. We are all in this game of learning for life


As there is no absolutely pure water on earth, nothing can be absolution这个单词是什么意思？避免？如果是避免应该是avoid，不晓得是不是我理解错了 no matter concrete or abstract.
这一句好像还是要改一下I tend to agree that formal education restrain people’s minds and spirit to some extent, whereas, it is essential to go through this to set free people’s metal activities. In my point of view, although many defects exist, the formal education provides solid knowledge fundament for people to further explore to the field they interest in. 这段话用三句，除了第一句好像没有很好的联系下文，剩下的两句话其实好像可以合成一句，我读了半天才看懂要表达的意思

In common sense, no one is separated from any other person. We, human beings, are so tightly connected that it is impossible to have the absolute freedom in any aspect. It is also a truth in education. Look back into one own experience, as a child, we achieved less education compared to the latter. At that time, the limit is rare but what can we do despite image something interesting but not feasibility. The knowledge and skills we received in formal education construct a stage to let us show our talent. Without them, people are limited in a finite scope and also lose their freedom. For insurance, it is very difficult to describe ocean to a person in a mountain-abounded countryside for the reason that he doesn’t have a basic realize about the sea, extent to the educational area, physical chemistry is just double Dutch to layman who even is ignorance of water’s various physical forms. The formal education lends us the key to freedom.这段话好像很混乱，应该再理一下，好像是按照上面的中文翻译过来的，作者的意思是好像如果没有接受教育，思维就很狭窄，不开阔，只有接受了基础知识，有了开阔的眼见，才能解放思想，才能开阔，是这个意思吗？如果理解不对请指正，“如果自由了，不教授那些基础知识，我们思想缺少翱翔的翅膀，思维将会受到限制。”

Focus on the educational program nowadays, incubate skilled students with comprehensive knowledge is the cornerstone of the core spirit to instruct the training process.是不是可以直接说成 the cornerstone is to incubate students skillful with comprehensive knowledge.
Take the majority of biology for insurance, a command of organic chemistry is the precondition to better understand biochemistry while molecule biology is the primary course of genetics. To obtain the freedom in advanced domain, the form education is sufficient condition.

On the other hand, no matter in （the）是不是要加个the啊 east or in west, education has its limit and disadvantage. Due to the traditional of ancient culture, educationists cram a large quantity of knowledge to students in a short period of time. Under the pressures, students should choose to learn either narrow or shallow or perhaps both. Meanwhile, in a western education program, you have numerous choices to design your life. Consequently, majority spend time worrying about whether they choose the right one. No one escape in this game of learning for life. Everyone participates in education suffers the ossifying of the improper training method and benefits from the freedom basis offered by education.

In the final analysis, no one can deny the contribution of education to set free people’s mind. The education provides the knowledge and skills one need to stand in a favorable position in society and pursuit one’s interest otherwise.这句话好像说得挺清楚的 Admit the imperfect of education, what we should to do is to avoid fixing our idea and fully use the education to pursuit mental freedom of our spirit.好像文章没有提到这一点


个人能力有限，纯属个人意见，批判性的接受，如有问题，请告诉我，谢谢

emteddybearUID: 2699606

48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
对历史的研究把太多的重点放在对某些个人上。而历史上一些重大的事件和发展趋势不是由个别名人决定的，而是由那些已经被人们淡忘的社会群体所创造的。

开头：历史的定义，研究历史应该以群众为基础同时聚焦于individuals，因为是英雄和人们共创造历史
人民群众发挥的隐性的作用，而英雄发挥的是显性的作用
1.
人民群众创造了社会的基本形态，而历史的发展是通过社会形态的变更来实现的
2.
英雄虽然来自于人民群众，但是他却不同于普通群众，具有不一般的能力智慧，在特定的历史条件下发挥自己的主观能动性，决定历史的方向

History, as one of the humanistic studies, is the study of human past, which will help us to understand how past changed, how current is changing, and even how future may change. To make history easily and effectively be studied, people trade off the two creators of history--the individuals and the groups of people. Sometimes people emphasize groups of people, while most of the time, some great individuals are paid more attention.

Great individuals, who are different other groups of people are reasonably placed more emphasis than groups of people. For one thing, great individuals are more characteristic and attractive to easily be remembered which makes history easily be studied. For example, when we are talking about Industrial Revolution as a rapid major change in an economy marked by the general introduction of power-driven machinery or by an important change in the prevailing types and methods of use of such machines, it is so abstract for us to imagine the vision of that period, and someone generally cannot understand what the power-driven machinery really is unless he/she is a engineer. However if we mention that James Watt invented the steam engine, marking the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, people will clearly understand the power-driven machinery was something like steam engine. For another, emphasizing great individuals provides some examples for contemporaries to study, which tells people what are needed if he/she wants to be a great man or how to make our life better for a individual. People like to learn events of Albert Einstein, Newton, Madame Curie to know how to become a physical scientist, or learn events of Gorge Bush and Barack Obama to know how to become a leader.

However, when we follow the famous few in history, we should not forget groups of people, because both famous individuals and groups are creators of history, and they just play different roles in the stage of history.

Firstly, the development of society is achieved from the changes of social forms, which are formed and changed by group of people. In order to survive, people need basic necessity and other things, and people create material and moral wealth. In order to live better, people try their best to create more and more wealth, in other word, all of the normal people make society developed and the total condition of the society is defined as social forms. But when the development is restricted, which shows this kind of social form is not fit for that period because of economic stagnation or majority of people living unhappy, some new social form is needed by masses. For example, the Civil War in America was caused by whether to abolish slavery. At that time, slaveries were the bottom of the society, and they fight for their free and respect. Fortunately, the Civil war ended with the abolition of slavery; otherwise, there must be some other war for this problem.

Secondly, a great individual, who come form masses, is the decision maker in creating history, based on the history stage built by groups of people. For example, after 911 Incidents in USA, George Walker Bush, as the president of America, played an important role to recover the country economy destroyed by these incidents. Although, it is the special President System that gives him special power. But how to use it is his business. During that time, Bush showed America citizens his Firmness, braveness in controlling the situation at home and abroad. And he succeeded. But I cannot guarantee the result would be better if the president was not Mr. Bush.

To summarize, in order to analysis history better, we must pay attention both on elites and groups of people, because they both contribute a lot to the history creation. However, to make history more easily be studied and more funny, it is reasonable to place more emphasis on individuals

windandrain2004UID: 2597690

改楼上的
History, as one of the humanistic studies, is the study of human past, which will help us to understand how past changed, how current is changing, and even how future may change. To make history easily and effectively be studied, people trade off the two creators of history--the individuals and the groups of people. Sometimes people emphasize groups of people, while most of the time, some great individuals are paid more attention.(这句话这样写会不会更好？Sometimes groups of people are emphasized, while in most cases, more attentions are paid to great individuals.)

Great individuals, who are different () other groups of people are reasonably placed more emphasis than groups of people. For one thing, great individuals are more characteristic and attractive to easily be remembered which makes history easily be studied. For example, when we are talking about Industrial Revolution as a rapid major change in an economy marked by the general introduction of power-driven machinery or by an important change in the prevailing types and methods of use of such machines, it is so abstract for us to imagine the vision of that period, and someone generally cannot understand what the power-driven machinery really is unless he/she is a engineer. However if we mention that James Watt invented the steam engine, marking the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, people will clearly understand the power-driven machinery was something like steam engine. （我觉得工业革命的例子举得不好，因为这个例子的对比对象不是individual 和 groups，而是人和物）For another, emphasizing great individuals provides some examples for contemporaries to study, which tells people what are needed if he/she wants to be a great man or how to make our life better for a individual. People like to learn events of Albert Einstein, Newton, Madame Curie to know how to become a physical scientist, or learn events of Gorge Bush and Barack Obama to know how to become a leader.

However, when we follow the famous few in history, we should not forget groups of people, because both famous individuals and groups are creators of history, and they just play different roles in the stage of history.

Firstly, the development of society is achieved from the changes of social forms, which are formed and changed by group of people. In order to survive, people need basic necessity and other things, and people create material and moral wealth. In order to live better, people try their best to create more and more wealth, in other word, all of the normal people make society developed and the total condition of the society is defined as social forms.（and连接的两句话好像没有逻辑关系？前面一句话给你改改all the normal people contributes to the development of society.) But when the development is restricted, which shows this kind of social form is not fit for that period because of economic stagnation or majority of people living unhappy, some new social form is needed by masses. For example, the Civil War in America was caused by whether to abolish slavery. (这句话这么写也许更好People's strong will of abolishing slavery caused the Civil War in America.)At that time, slaveries were the bottom of the society, and they fight for their free and respect. Fortunately, the Civil war ended with the abolition of slavery; otherwise, there must be some other war for this problem. （我觉得这段话很混乱，我看的很晕，特别是前面的一系列推理。至于Civil War的例子，我觉得叙述的不是太好，这里你要举例说明人民决定了社会形态，所以例子可以不去细致的描写，反倒可以用多个类似的例子堆砌起来，例子的内容一笔带过，找出共同点谢谢，效果也许更好。

Secondly, a great individual, who come form masses, is the decision maker in creating history, based on the history stage built by groups of people. For example, after 911 Incidents in USA, George Walker Bush, as the president of America, played an important role to recover the country economy destroyed by these incidents. Although, it is the special President System that gives him special power. But how to use it is his business. During that time, Bush showed America citizens his Firmness, braveness in controlling the situation at home and abroad. And he succeeded. But I cannot guarantee the result would be better if the president was not Mr. Bush.（不知道我对911的了解是否有误，我觉得911的例子不贴切，因为911之后，美国只是损失了五角大楼以及产生了一些政治上的问题，刚刚过去的经济危机，也许更加贴切一点）

To summarize, in order to analysis history better, we must pay attention both on elites and groups of people, because they both contribute a lot to the history creation. However, to make history more easily be studied and more funny, it is reasonable to place more emphasis on individuals

有两个大一点的问题
1:语法错误有一些，这个请你自己检查。主要的一点是少定冠词，the + adj. 才表示某一类事物。
2:文章里有些句子很晦涩，但是另外有些句子写的很漂亮，不知道为什么？是套用了模版么？

我的在LSSS，请楼下帮忙看看

__ayUID: 2688700

27# emteddybear


History, as one of the humanistic studies, is the study of human past, which will help us to understand how past changed, how current is changing, and even how future may change. To make history easily and effectively be studied, people trade off the two creators of history--the individuals and the groups of people. Sometimes people emphasize groups of people, while most of the time, some great individuals are paid more attention.


Great individuals, who are different
from other groups of people are reasonably placed more emphasis than groups of people. For one thing, great individuals are more characteristic and attractive so as to easily be remembered which makes history easily be studied. For example, when we are talking about Industrial Revolution as a rapid major change in an economy marked by the general introduction of power-driven machinery or by an important change in the prevailing types and methods of use of such machines, it is so abstract for us to imagine the vision of that period, and someone generally cannot understand what the power-driven machinery really is unless he/she is a engineer. However if we mention that James Watt invented the steam engine, marking the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, people will clearly understand the power-driven machinery was something like steam engine. For another, emphasizing great individuals provides some examples for contemporaries to study, which tells(imply/indicate/realize什么的) people what are needed if he/she wants to be a great(great可以换成outstanding remarkable unforgettable等等的词组试试) man or how to make our life better for a individual. People like to learn events of Albert Einstein, Newton, Madame Curie to know how to become a physical scientist, or learn events of Gorge Bush and Barack Obama to know how to become a leader.
这段提到了名人在历史中的作用 通过名人让人们更容易记住历史事件,从历史中学习  但是讨论的有些浅

其实最好是在升华到社会的角度  从历史意义角度出发来探讨  比如inspire people , shape the mind, 所以社会进步
题目讨论的是the study of history 后面又说什么能左右历史发展  可见更好的study history不仅仅只是memorize那么简单了 应该还有analyse的






However, when we follow the famous few in history, we should not forget(ignore会不会好些) groups of people, because both famous individuals and groups are creators of history, and they just play different roles in the stage of history.


Firstly, the development of society is achieved from the changes of social forms, which are formed and changed by group of people. In order to survive, people need basic necessity and other things, and people create material and moral wealth. In order to live better, people try their best to create more and more wealth, in other word, all of the normal people make society developed and the total condition of the society is defined as social forms. But when the development is restricted, which shows this kind of social form is not fit for that period because of economic stagnation or majority of people living unhappy, some new social form is needed by masses. For example, the Civil War in America was caused by whether to abolish slavery. At that time, slaveries were the bottom of the society, and they fight for their free and respect. Fortunately, the Civil war ended with the abolition of slavery; otherwise, there must be some other war for this problem.


逻辑有些混乱  人们的意愿决定了社会的动向 -> 因为人们为了满足需求的一系列动作导致社会进步 然后直接转到社会的群体变更决定社会发展  那么之间人们意愿和群体变更之间的关系说的很模糊  只是说发展得到抑制,那么为什么得到抑制呢? 说人们unhappy 那么什么东西导致了他们的unhappy呢? some new social form有什么优势可以取代原来的?  讨论停留在表面没有深入






Secondly, a great individual, who come form masses, is the decision maker in creating history, based on the history stage built by groups of people. For example, after 911 Incidents in USA, George Walker Bush, as the president of America, played an important role to recover the country economy destroyed by these incidents. Although, it is the special President System that gives him special power. But how to use it is his business. During that time, Bush showed America citizens his Firmness, braveness in controlling the situation at home and abroad. And he succeeded. But(转折不恰当吧?) I cannot guarantee the result would be better if the president was not Mr. Bush.

例子蛮契合的  但是结尾应该强调一下个人对历史的影响 铺垫有些仓促





To summarize, in order to analysis history better, we must pay attention both on elites and groups of people, because they both contribute a lot to the history creation. However, to make history more easily be studied and more funny, it is reasonable to place more emphasis on individuals

例子多挺好...不过应该多一些论证  词的重复频率蛮高的 多用一些同义词替代  多用一些衔接词来强化逻辑性 (after all, thus,therefore 啥的)
讨论的深度可以在深入些和具体些  表达方式有些单调  建议在这方面做一些强化

个人愚见~~~  呵呵

bzr2915UID: 2612029

额，楼上童鞋改完了没贴习作（如有需要PM我，我帮你改一篇~，或者直接贴在后面~)...下一篇为25楼windandrain2004 童鞋的 请大家继续接力 楼下请重拍！
Issue 103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

It cannot be doubted that history studying has much to do with people’s daily life. The issue holds the opinion that only to be relevant to our daily lives can we realize the value if studying history. But I believe that many other factors other than daily life also present to us the value of the study of history.
  
    To begin with, we really can benefit a lot from the study of history. When comes with daily life, the study of history seems very useful and necessary. The way people lived before is to some extent a kind of very good reference to us, especially when we are in trouble due to some daily problems. We often tend to take our ancestors as models, not only in daily life but also many other fields. But no one is perfect. So the study of history can help us distinguish the old-fashioned customs from the up-to-date ones, which can make our lives better in the contemporary society. To tell the improper ones from the old traditions, studying history is quite necessary.

    Secondly, studying history is beneficial to the whole society, politically and economically. Governments will learn lessons from history so that they are more possible to avoid the mistakes previous ones have ever made, which can help itself to be a better one. Meanwhile, economists, who study economical phenomena every day, may take history economical events for reference to analyze the current economical situation. The suggestion proposed by these economists, concerning the historical and current economical circumstances, may be more precise and practical, which is quite beneficial to the society. Both politically and economically, we can benefit a lot from the study of history.

    History studying is also useful to scientific research as well as politics and economics.
New ideas may be born when scientific history is learned. For example de Broglie, the man who proposed that relation between momentum and wavelength of light should be also applied to matter, called matter wave. His idea was simply based on Bohr’s and Einstein’s work. Combining their work and historical law, he proposed the idea, which is, now to us, quite important and natural. Such great idea was proposed without much experiment and complex computation, just by simply studying history with some basic knowledge. What’s more, we could have a proper attitude towards scientists and their achievement, if the scientific history was well studied. We can tell the really scientific work from those unscientific one. Also, some scientist that are not very famous but contribute greatly to the scientific history can be known by the public via studying history. At the same time, a lot of scientific scandals may be uncovered in this process, from which we can learn lots of lessons. The scandals is the real history as well as alarms to us. So studying history is more than useful to scientific through so many ways.

    In conclusion, the study of history has great value when relevant to so many aspects, not only people’s daily life.