草根修改铺(楼主不在）

emteddybearUID: 2699606

改89
TOPIC: ISSUE136 - "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

In our daily lives, we always complain no choice for us. But before making the complaint, we are supposed to ask ourselves: is it ourselves or the society that deprive us from our choices? I side with the speaker that the absence of choice is a rare circumstance because neither ourselves nor the society limits the choices for us to make.

Admittedly, in some emergencies, it seems that we have no alternative but to follow the fate. But even at this moment, we still can make our own choice. For example, after earthquake, if someone is trapped inside a house and cannot get escaped, as we may think, what they can do is staying there, keeping alive, and waiting for help. Most of them do it and are rescued. But several do not, and they have （other） alternative. In the search and rescue work after the Wenchuan earthquake in 2008我觉得可以把这个背景放在for example那儿，放在这儿不是很好, when searchers managed to get into a collapsed house, they were stunned by what they saw. A baby was sucking her mother's finger, sleeping; while the mother had been dead for several hours. The great mother fed her baby with her blood at the cost her life. Rationally, the mother could insist until help came, but she gave up. She chose to prolong her baby's life with hers. This may be an extreme example, but it obviously demonstrate that even in emergencies, when people believe no choice to make, alternatives may still exist. At these moments, what determines the choice is mostly depended on people's inner heart.我觉得这个例子描述得不是很好

Yes, inner heart plays an important role in making choice because in many cases if there have been biases in our minds, other choices look disappeared, although they exist. On one hand, the bias may come from our emotions. For instance, in a boy's eyes, his girlfriend is the best one in the world. He loves her. One day they break up for some reasons, the boy is so sad that he may think except for the girl he has no choice because she is irreplaceable. However, the fact probably is that there maybe other girls more suitable for him. On the other hand, the bias may come from our conservation. Life is always at risk, but most of us would rather choose to be relatively safer. Although results are not so bad, they cannot be excellent. Hence, from the bottom of our hearts, we have made the choice, even before any other better and risky ones. That is to say, it is the bias in minds that covers our eyes, rather than no choice as we believe.

Actually, society provides us with varieties of choices in our lives. If we can keep our minds objective, they will show up possibly dazzling our eyes.咋个dazzling的？ As students, when facing graduation from colleges, there are many choices for our later careers. Someone prefers to continue their study at the same college or in other universities, or even abroad; someone is willing to hunt jobs in some corporations to make money; someone may want to realize their dreams by setting up their own companies. This is a problem not about whether or not there is a choice, but about which one to choose. So do other fields and conditions. Therefore, the circumstance of absent choice is very rare.

In sum, no matter what the condition is, our minds always veil our eyes especially when bias exists, leading us to believe that no choice is left to us. Comparing to complaint, what we should do is analyzing the situation combined with our realities objectively. Hence, we are able to make choice rationally and correctly.

emteddybearUID: 2699606

改89

emteddybearUID: 2699606

TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."

再次限时失败，573，o(╯□╰)o
Einstein said: "Interests it the best teacher!" Interests play a great role in our study and working. Sometimes the interest means better and more efficient achievement.
But paying too much attention on interests but neglecting the practical, will get more harm than profits.

Admittedly, for our researchers and scholars, interests do them a great favor during the study. Firstly, interests excite the spirit of researchers. When a person is interested in something, they will pay more attention about that issue, which unconsciously help his/her accumulating fundamentals in that area. And the process that accumulated quantity causes the change of quantity inspires the person. During this progress, he/she most likely propose new ideas. And just because of the interests, which lends he/she have strong desire to judge the correctness of his/her new idea, the person would like to read more books or do more experiments. Meanwhile, during the experiments or reading, there may be something new found or some new idea came out.


Moreover, interests, as driving source of some problem, encourage people to deal with more difficult problems, and prevent people give up when the impediment is too tough to handle. For example, Thomas Edison, the biggest inventor in the world, although he was in the poor family, he was diligent in self study, good at thoughtful and mesmerized in science, and in his life, there are nearly 2000 inventions. But each invention was not an easy thing. In order to do his experiments, Edison lost his hearing when he was only 15 years old, but he never gave up. It is interests in sciences made him to go forward.


However, drawing too much attention on interests without any practical consideration about the human needs, ethicalness and moral will make the orient of research easily out of its way. That means if we do not take the practical into account, what the researchers and scholars do may take tragedies for our human beings. For example, clone has emerged since 1990's, but considering its bad effects on devaluating the human life, and killing the human embryos. People have wisely stopped it. Assuming that if people continued to do such researches just relaying on some individuals' interests, there would be the case that several copy mothers and fathers in a family but children cannot recognize which is the original one, because they are the same. Furthermore, those mothers and fathers can make a chaos wherever they go. Another vivid example can be the film "Biochemical Evil", which has illustrated several people's uncontrolled desires. Therefore, when talking about the researchers' interesting, making a scope is necessary.

Moreover, the limited resource of our society lends it impossible to meet all researchers' interests. Each research needs a myriad of financial support; otherwise, it cannot be conducted. They need advanced equipments, expensive materials, or scarce subjects to be samples, all of which may not be afforded by individuals, and the majority support is the nation financial. When making the decision that which subject has the priority, the government should relay more on the practice. Which the most urgent subjects? Is there any harm to our people? All of these questions should be asked first and the balance between interests and practice should be clearly considered.

All in all, interests make things more perfect, while practice is the intent of reaches. Therefore, the most flawlessly thing is to do the useful practice which is also the researchers and scholars’ interests.

雪然UID: 2773876

我来改93楼啦～`~   ps:我的在81楼的还米有人改:mad:

雪然UID: 2773876

TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."

再次限时失败，573，o(╯□╰)o
Einstein said: "Interests it（is？）the best teacher!" Interests play a great role in our study and working（work）. Sometimes the interest means better and more efficient achievement.
But paying too much attention on interests but neglecting the practical, will get more harm than profits.
（这里稍稍有点乱，或者说harm will overrun benefit when paying .....)新东方老师建议issue慎用感叹号。  首段分析了题目，如果能加上自己的观点就更好了.

Admittedly, for our researchers and scholars, interests do them a great favor during the study. Firstly, interests excite the spirit of researchers. When a person is interested in something, they will pay more attention about(这里应该是to) that issue, which unconsciously help his/her accumulating fundamentals in that area. And the process that accumulated quantity causes the change of quantity inspires the person. During this progress, he/she most(is) likely propose new ideas.(或者it's likely for he\she to propose new ideas during this progress) And just because of the interests, which lends he/she have strong desire to judge the correctness of his/her new idea, the person would like to read more books or do more experiments. Meanwhile, during the experiments or reading, there may be something new found or some new idea came out.（new found 和new idea这两个概念有重合的地方，特别是遇到or的时候，前后两者尽量避免交集）(这段可以用they来代替he\she,这样能显得更加流畅）


Moreover, interests, as driving source of some problem, encourage people to deal with more difficult problems, and prevent people give（giving） up when the impediment is too tough to handle. For example, Thomas Edison, the biggest（one of the most famous) inventors in the world, although he was (borned)in the(a) poor family, he was diligent in self study, good at thoughtful and mesmerized in science, and in his life, there are nearly 2000 inventions. (.....2000 inventions profit from diligent......)But each invention was not an easy thing. In order to do his experiments, Edison lost his hearing when he was only 15 years old, but he never gave up. It is interests in sciences made him to go forward.


However, drawing too much attention on interests without any practical consideration about the human needs, ethicalness and moral will make the orient of research easily out of its way. That means if we do not take the(the不用） practical （practice）into account, what the researchers and scholars do may take tragedies for our human beings. For example, clone has（been） emerged since 1990's, but considering its bad effects on devaluating the human life, and killing the human embryos. People have wisely stopped it. Assuming that if people continued to do such researches just（merely） relaying on some individuals' interests, there would be the case that several copy mothers and fathers in a family but children cannot recognize which is the original one, because they are the same. Furthermore, those mothers and fathers can make a chaos wherever they go. Another vivid example can be the film "Biochemical Evil", which has illustrated several people's uncontrolled desires. Therefore, when talking about the researchers' interesting, making a scope is necessary.

Moreover, the limited resource of our society lends it impossible to meet all researchers' interests. Each research needs a myriad of financial support; otherwise, it cannot be conducted. They need advanced equipments, expensive materials, or scarce subjects to be samples, all of which may not be afforded by individuals, and the majority support is the nation financial. When making the decision that which subject has the priority, the government should relay more on the practice. Which the most urgent subjects? Is there any harm to our people? All of these questions should be asked first（firstly） and the balance between interests and practice should be clearly considered.

All in all, interests make things more perfect, while practice is the intent of reaches. Therefore, the most flawlessly thing is to do the useful practice which is also the researchers and scholars’ interests.
结尾可能不够时间了吧，能充实一下更好

总而言之，文章的布局把握得非常好。至于段落中的逻辑结构应再清晰一些，在句子结构方面少加斟酌

区区拙见，见笑，共勉。

雪然UID: 2773876

issue 8  "it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problem than to spend it in long-term research that might help future generation."

Our society now is under a ever encounted complicated situation which made settlement of immediate, existing social problem became crucial.However, compared with long-term research that might help future generation,the latter one is of greater significance.It's better for us to focus on long-term research than putting most of our attention on the current problems.

Addmittedly,immediate, existing social problems are of matters for us. the society stablization is largly depend on how and how good we resolve the urgent conflict,which , some of them might causing destructive consequences that we never willing to see.Yet,part of the urgency can be settle down based on the present policy or technology,while the others couldn't. For instance, the law of remove people in china has long being critisied by chinese people. This cruel law is not able to adjust the current society situations and the people's requirements. As long as the drawbacks were popularly discussed by internet, five famous professors in Beijing University immediately come to the front line and lead the reform of the law. Thanks to the high acdemic capability of the professors and the well-connected practical research held by the government, this one of the most urgent issue was resolved smoothly. On the contrary, the lack of job position for graduat students in china is a much more tough matter to us since the huge amount of population and high rate of unemployment. Thus, force ourselves to focue on immediate, existing social problem withour rational consideration will only cause a wores circs.

Furthermore,to aviod those kind of embarrasse situations and get ride of the deteriorate, spending money in long-term research  can be a lovely choice. For example, far-sighted enviornment pertection plan could be made to reduce the polution step by step. Some people may argue that forbid factory to put out poision marterial could be a better and more efficent solution. however, i regard it as an unwised consideration because that will lead to a serise of drawbacks such as unemployment and declince of people's livig standard. In other words, certain issue required us to ponder in farseeing style when we persuiting effectiveness and efficientness.

Moreover,well- orgnaized long-term researches are able to save lots of money. Let's see 2008 Beijing Olympic Games for example. It's widely agreed that the construction of elementary function and basic supports cost a great deal of money, the offical explain is large amount of money should be put in while we are going to held such a dramatic event. yet, if the offical do manage the city construction little by little with detial consideration, there won't be necessary to spend more money  accomplishing a less comprehensive schedule.

In sum, immediate, existing social problem should be pay attention for the sake of the whole society while long-term research that might help future generation is more welcomed since it's practically superior than former one.

psx-101UID: 2519780

改96 楼的
issue 8  "it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problem than to spend it in long-term research that might help future generation."Our society now is under an ever encounted（这么表达有点怪） complicated situation in which  settlement of immediate, existing social problems become 时态注意一致crucial.However, compared with long-term research that might help future generation,the latter one 是指哪个？看后文和这个however 可以推出是指未来发展但为什么要"compared with long-term research that might help future generation"?  is of greater significance.It's better for us to focus on long-term research than putting 结构要与前面的一致to put 'put' 用的不好改成‘place’most of our attention on the current problems.
开头点明了观点，但仅仅只是起了这个作用，没有进行一定的分析，也没有对后文线索进行暗示，所以感觉开头不是很强
Addmittedly,immediate, existing social problems are of matters 正确表达只要说matters  可以积累一些关于表示重要性的词组如：be of  enormous consequence ; pivotal;momentous;等等  for us. the society stablization 改为stabilization is（不要） largly depend on how and how good we resolve the urgent conflicts,which , some of them  改为some of which  might causing destructive consequences that we never be willing to see.Yet,parts of the urgency can be settled down based on the present policy or technology,while the others couldn't. For instance, the law of removing people in china has long being critisied by chinese people. 这个例子不知道在说什么，应该是用词的问题：remove  This cruel law is not able to adjust to the current society social situations and the people's requirements. As long as 这里是要表条件“只要”？还是“当。。。时候”的意思？the drawbacks were popularly  widely discussed by through Internet, five famous professors in Beijing University immediately come to the front line and lead the reform of the law. Thanks to the high acdemic capability of the professors and the well-connected practical research held by the government, this one of the most urgent issues was resolved smoothly. On the contrary, the lack of job position for graduat students in china is a much more tough  tougher  matter to us since because of the huge amount of population and high rate of unemployment. Thus, force ourselves to focue on immediate, existing social problem withour rational considerations will only cause a wores circs.
这段语法错误太多了，有些只标出来了，严重怀疑作者自己有没有先改一下，如果先自己改了那么语言问题还是比较严重的，如果没有改，那就是态度问题比较严重了！！这一段的ts是什么？为什么在一段里面阐述两个立场相反的观点？例子的运用有问题，感觉不能很好的服务于论点
Furthermore,to aviod those kind of embarrasse situations and get ride of the deteriorate, spending money in long-term research  can be a lovely choice. For example, far-sighted enviornment pertection plan could be made to reduce the polution step by step. Some people may argue that forbid factory to put out poision marterial could be a better and more efficent solution. however, i regard it as an unwised consideration because that will lead to a serise of drawbacks such as unemployment and declince of people's livig standard. In other words, certain issue required us to ponder in farseeing style when we persuiting effectiveness and efficientness.
语法错误就忽略了。不知道从some people may argue 开始写的内容与题目有什么关联，因为题目是问你到底是解决眼前的问题重要还是解决将来的问题重要，你这么写似乎关注于是要怎么做，即是要一步步来，还是要一下子用极端的方式解决。Moreover,well- orgnaized long-term researches are able to save lots of money. Let's see 2008 Beijing Olympic Games for example. It's widely agreed that the construction of elementary function and basic supports cost a great deal of money, the offical explain is large amount of money should be put in while we are going to held such a dramatic event. yet, if the offical do manage the city construction little by little with detial consideration, there won't be necessary to spend more money  accomplishing a less comprehensive schedule.语言问题啊，让人有点看不明白了。。。In sum, immediate, existing social problem should be pay attention for the sake of the whole society while long-term research that might help future generation is more welcomed since it's practically superior than former one.

总之，这篇文章突出的问题是语言和对题目的理解。望加强

psx-101UID: 2519780

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Technologies have penetrated into nearly all the aspects of our life these days.While I agree that technologies exert appreciable influence on social customs and ethics,they are far from determining people's conventions and moral standards which have been developing from the very beginning of human history.

①Admittedly,last several decades have witnessed a enormous change in both social customs and ethics.There were bunches of behaviours and ideas in the past that people from modern world simply can not even understand.For instance,there were a tradition of foot binding at very early age by long piece of cloth among ancient Chinese women to make their feet look tiny and delicate.To the contrary, women in modern world feel confident in showing off their naturally beautiful feet in high heels and sandals. It is the same case in some moral values which,for example,prohibited women going out of their home in the past.In a violent contrast,women in today's society can not only go wherever they want but also have equal opportunities to work as men do.

②It seems evident that one predominant factor contributing to these alterations of people 's behaviours and values is the advance of the technologies.It is well acknowledged that one fundamental value of the  the technologies is to uncover the truth and comprehend the world as well as ourselves.With the development of modern medicine,people began to realize that the binding of feet especially before the bone structure grows to be complete and mature will have severe impact on the growth an development of the women ' s feet and may cause potential related diseases later in their lives. But it was not until people learned about these drawbacks that they gradually abandoned this practice.Technologies also play a pivotal role in updating the way people work.The industrial revolution made the mechanical manufacturing possible and then created millions of jobs that women could be easily equal to. Under such circumstance,women began to step out of their house and set foot in the workplace where they eventually become an indispensable part of the social workforce.When this practice became prevalent,the change in the moral standards about women 's virtue was somehow inevitable.

③However,it is tempted to overstate the power of technologies and consider that these human progresses can determine social customs and ethics if one didn't inspect the nature of the pattern of our customs and ethics.Many ideas and creeds in our customs and ethics stemmed from the nature of humanity which,in general,is invariably the same throughout  thousands of years in human history.Therefore,these customs and ethics are inherited in the blood from our ancestors and it seems no external factors including technologies can interfere in this process.This can explain why people nowadays still stick to the moral virtue such as mercy and honesty which have always been rooted in the the mainstream ethical standards throughout the history.What about other customs and moral standards that seems irrelevant to any human instincts?Tough slightly effected,these customs and standards still fall beyond the reach of the influence of technological advances since people simply choose to preserve these customs and ethics as a reminder of who they are and where they come from.We can always find some customs practiced in modern society,for instance,the ancestor worship ceremonies and a variety of festivals,useless and unnecessary under present circumstance.In spite of this,people still strive to adhere to these rituals and customs because they can help to define ourselves and provide evidence for the ethnics origins from where people began.Accordingly,no matter how technologically developed we are,these stubbornness to old-style behaviours would not be diminished in case we lose the track of our own identities.

In sum.Although the significance of technologies is indisputable,they can never assume the importance of determining people's behaviours and values in that technologies are after all tools and approaches created by humans to better serve to the development of human society.Therefore,we should pay extra heed to the use of these powerful tools in case they undermine the development of social customs and ethics.

itsuperUID: 2603075

98# psx-101
TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Technologies have penetrated into nearly all the aspects of our life these days.While I agree that technologies exert appreciable influence on social customs and ethics,they are far from determining people's conventions and moral standards which have been developing from the very beginning of human history.

①Admittedly,last several decades have witnessed a enormous change in both social customs and ethics.There were bunches of behaviours and ideas in the past that people from modern world simply can not even understand.For instance,there was(应该是单数) a tradition of foot binding at very early age by long piece of cloth among ancient Chinese women to make their feet look tiny and delicate.To the contrary, women in modern world feel confident in showing off their naturally beautiful feet in high heels and sandals. It is the same case in some moral values which,for example,prohibited women going out of their home in the past.In a violent contrast,women in today's society can not only go wherever they want but also have equal opportunities to work as men do.

②It seems evident that one predominant factor contributing to these alterations of people 's behaviours and values is the advance of the technologies.It is well acknowledged that one fundamental value of the  the technologies is to uncover the truth and comprehend the world as well as ourselves.With the development of modern medicine,people began to realize that the binding of feet especially before the bone structure grows to be complete and mature will have severe impact on the growth an development of the women ' s feet and may cause potential related diseases later in their lives. But it was not until people learned about these drawbacks(the time when people realized   these drawbacks)
that they gradually abandoned this practice.Technologies also play a pivotal role in updating the way(in which) people work.The industrial revolution made the mechanical manufacturing possible and then created millions of jobs that women could be easily equal to(men). Under such circumstance,women began to step out of their house and set foot in the workplace where they eventually become an indispensable part of the social workforce.When this practice became prevalent,the change in the moral standards about women 's virtue was somehow inevitable.

③However,it is tempted to overstate the power of technologies and consider that these human progresses can determine social customs and ethics if one didn't inspect the nature of the pattern of our customs and ethics.Many ideas and creeds in our customs and ethics stemmed from the nature of humanity which,in general,is invariably the same throughout  thousands of years in human history.Therefore,these customs and ethics are inherited in the blood from our ancestors and it seems no external factors including technologies can interfere in this process.This can explain why people nowadays still stick to the moral virtue such as mercy and honesty which have always been rooted in the the mainstream ethical standards throughout the history.What about other customs and moral standards that seems irrelevant to any human instincts?Tough slightly effected,these customs and standards still fall beyond the reach of the influence of technological advances since people simply choose to preserve these customs and ethics as a reminder of who they are and where they come from.We can always find some customs practiced in modern society,for instance,the ancestor worship ceremonies and a variety of festivals,useless and unnecessary under present circumstance.In spite of this,people still strive to adhere to these rituals and customs because they can help to define ourselves and provide evidence for the ethnics origins from where people began.Accordingly,no matter how technologically developed we are,these stubbornness to old-style behaviours would not be diminished in case we lose the track of our own identities.

In sum.Although the significance of technologies is indisputable,they can never assume the importance(responsiblity) of determining people's behaviours and values in that technologies are after all tools and approaches created by humans to better serve to the development of human society.Therefore,we should pay extra heed to the use of these powerful tools in case they undermine the development of social customs and ethics.



总体思路清楚
个人感觉如果第一段与第二段能一起论证就好了，看完第一论证段很是不解为什么裹脚的习俗改变会与科技有关.

itsuperUID: 2603075

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS:440         TIME:     60min左右     DATE: 2010/3/2 23:21:49

Admittedly,  how children are socialized today has great effect on the development of our society, while it is still impossible to determine along the destiny of society. And in my opinion,  I believe we have already learned how to prepare children for a better society.

In today's world , we have to concede that socialization is very important to both individual and society. Coupled with the rapid development of technology are the explosion of information and knowledge and far more complex work. It is becoming impossible for one to master all the knowledge to finish a task alone.  People need to cooperate with others. How to communicate and cooperate with others effectively become more and more necessary. If a child is not well socialized,he or she may  know little about how to communicate and cooperate with others and thus receive little from the socialized society. And if all the people do not cooperate with others,  the production efficiency would be limited and the speed of society's progress would be lowered. Therefore, both individual and society require that children should be well socialized.

Besides, there are some other things we need to take into consideration , which are also contributing to determine the future of our society. For example, we need to teach children to be self-discipline,to be honest and fairness. Without being self-discipline, a child can not persist principles under all the circumstance. Without being honest , the society would be in disorder and all the business would be a mass. All these characters are necessary to prepare a child to be an useful,effective person and ensure the child's behaviour to be in accord with moral.

In the meantime, I believe we have already known how to raise children. There are many profound thinkers who has advanced theories to tell us what is good to society. Though people often complaint about the current education system, we are reforming the system all the time to satisfy the social need. Perhaps ,the education system is not perfect now , but we know  how to reform it to achieve that goal and it is just a matter of time.

In sum , i agree that how children are socialized today has a great effect on the future of society,and i also hold the view that we should consider other factors ,such as teaching children to be honest ,which is as important as socializing children together to make a better society. In other words, how children are educated determined the destiny of society. We already know the perfect education would be and the only thing we need to do is to reform the current education system to achieve goal.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

改100楼~
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS:440         TIME:     60min左右     DATE: 2010/3/2 23:21:49
个人意见 批判性接受

Admittedly,  how children are socialized today has great effect on the development of our society, while it is still impossible to determine along（这个放这儿何解？） the destiny of society. And in my opinion,  I believe（in my opinion和i believe有重复，去掉一个） we have already learned how to prepare children for a better society.

In today's world , we have to concede （个人觉得挺别扭的，不得不让步？）that socialization is very important to both individual and society. （这里没点到孩子，主题是孩子的社会化)Coupled with the rapid development of technology are the explosion of information and knowledge and far more complex work. It is becoming impossible for one to master all the knowledge to finish a task alone.  People need to cooperate with others. How to communicate and cooperate with others effectively become more and more necessary. If a child is not well socialized,he or she may  know little about how to communicate and cooperate with others and thus receive little from the socialized society. And if all the people do not cooperate with others,  the production efficiency would be limited and the speed of society's progress would be lowered. Therefore, both individual and society require that children should be well socialized.
(这一段在说人与人之间交流的重要性，质疑一下：成人之间的交流，或者说成人之间的社会化很重要，那么孩子的社会化就一定重要？孩子作为一个重要的群体与成人或者其他人有很多的不同，我没有看到你对这个要点的描述）

Besides（这里跳跃的比较厉害，前文没有关于社会命运的描述）, there are some other things we need to take into consideration , which are also（何来also?) contributing to determine the future of our society. For example, we need to teach children to be self-discipline,to be honest and fairness. Without being self-discipline, a child can not persist principles under all the circumstance.(这里充其量只能说孩子未来的能力不行，还是没有落在社会的大层面上） Without being honest , the society would be in disorder and all the business would be a mass（较下针儿，孩子不诚实就能导致社会的动乱？现在的成人世界秩序井然呢？他们长大了要是变好了呢？）. All these characters are necessary to prepare a child to be an useful,effective person and ensure the child's behaviour to be in accord with moral. （你这里还是强调孩子个体成长过程，到最后也没看到孩子与社会命运的描述）

这一段逻辑问题比较大，没能围绕中心展开论点，细节没把握好。

In the meantime, I believe we have already known how to raise children. There are many profound thinkers who has advanced theories to tell us what is good to society. Though people often complaint about the current education system, we are reforming the system all the time to satisfy the social need. Perhaps ,the education system is not perfect now , but we know  how to reform it to achieve that goal and it is just a matter of time.

（这一段只是提出了一个论点，并没有展开论证）

In sum , i agree that how children are socialized today has a great effect on the future of society,and i also hold the view that we should consider other factors ,such as teaching children to be honest ,which is as important as socializing children together to make a better society. In other words, how children are educated determined the destiny of society. We already know the perfect education would be and the only thing we need to do is to reform the current education system to achieve goal.

想做的面面俱到，但是每一面都很松，没能进行有力的论述，中心很松散，部分逻辑比较乱，语言方面，有些句子的表达不是很符合规范。恩，多看看范文，加油加油~

bzr2915UID: 2612029

楼下童鞋继续~
TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
WORDS: 530
TIME: 严重超时，超时！
DATE: 2010-3-2 15:11:06

To sciences’ and academic development the government restrictions are negative and harmful, however, to the whole humans' society a modest regulation is necessary and beneficial. Based on this point, which I will discuss as following, government should place restrictions rather than give up the control power of scientific processing.

Freedom, both in academic and scientists' behaviors, is important and necessary for the development of science. From the long history of science's development, we can see that the most significant contributions made by science are born from a time when there are fewer limits and more communications. For example, Renaissance, under few restrictions, spread from Italy to the whole Europe, which results in a significant revolution in humans’ culture history. Similarly to the high develop technology in nowadays, as the usage of Internet much more freedom is acquired via network, which leads to such a situation in the world.

Too much regulation to science not only impairs the science itself but also destroys the development of culture. This high pressure to academic is prominent during the political movement. There are two impressing events occurred in the socialism nations, which almost destroyed the whole scientific system at right time. The Cultural Revolution and Stalin Clearances Movement, they were respectively occurred in China and Soviet Union. Thousands of scientists are detained and their researches are defined as violating the nations' benefit. The consequence is that China stopped ten years' development and far behind from international countries and Soviet Union lost the power to against west societies.

Government's chief mission is to improve nation's effect, people's living conditions, and to maintain society's order, it is quite different from sciences’, which tends to chase pure theory research and emphasize less on the human's and society's desire, in other word, the development of science is reckless. In this case, without a modest regulation to science, it is likely come out some catastrophes as the development of science. Consider, for instance, the robot technology, if the government does not restraint it in a proper boundary, it is quite possible that thousands of robots who can work more effectively than humans will be born, which would lead to such a situation millions of worker lose employment, what’s more, the corruption of society. Another example is relating to the nuclear technology, the A-bomb’s power has been 200 times than the Word War 2, without the regulation of government, more intention concerning about the nuclear will be casted to weapon production, which add the crisis to the world safe situation.Thus, in terms of government's function, a modest regulation is necessary to science, moreover, this restriction will beneficial to the whole humans' development.

In addition, a modest regulation could direct scientific research and development in a right way to serve people’s life and the progress of society. The same examples as discussed above, robot and nuclear technology, with a proper direction they serve as an effective aid tools and stronger power station rather than employment killer and nightmare of modern war.

In conclusion, government should place a modest restriction on science development, which not only regulate science in the safe boundary but also contribute to its severing for humans better.

雪然UID: 2773876

改102楼
To sciences’ and academic development the government restrictions are negative and harmful, however, to the whole humans' society a modest regulation is necessary and beneficial. Based on this point, which I will discuss as following,(这里最好换一种说法，eg：I consider that) government should place restrictions rather than give up the control power of scientific processing.
Freedom, both in academic and scientists' behaviors, is important and necessary for the development of science.(freedom is important and necessary for the development of sciecce in both academic research and sciectists’behaviors) From the long history of science's development, we can see that the most significant contributions made by science are borned from a time when there arewere fewer limits and more communications. For example, Renaissance, under few restrictions, spread from Italy to the whole Europe, which results in (lead to) a significant revolution in humans’ culture history. Similarly to the high develop technology in nowadays, as the usage of Internet much more freedom is acquired via network, which leads to such a situation in the world.(这一句应注意一下时态和词性)

Too much regulation to（On） science not only impairs the science itself but also destroys（这个词太过了。Rater不爱） the development of culture. This high pressure to academic is prominent during the political movement. There are two impressing（impressive） events occurred in the socialism nations, which almost destroyed the whole scientific system at right time（at right time不明白什么意思）. The Cultural Revolution and Stalin Clearances Movement, they were
（which）respectively occurred in China and Soviet Union. Causing Thousands of scientists arebeing detained and（while） their researches are defined as violating the nations' benefit. The consequence is that China stopped ten years' development and far behind from international countries and Soviet Union lost the power to against west societies.
Government's chief mission is to improve nation's effect, people's living conditions, and to maintain society's order, it is quite different from sciences’, which tends to chase pure theory research and emphasize less on the human's and society's desire, in other word, the development of science is reckless. In this case, without a modest regulation to science, it is likely come out some catastrophes as the development of science. Consider, for instance, the robot technology, if the government does not restraint it in a proper boundary, it is quite possible that thousands of robots who can work more effectively than humans will be born, which would lead to such a situation millions of worker lose employment, what’s more, the corruption of society. Another example is relating to the nuclear technology, the A-bomb’s power has been 200 times than the Word War 2, without the regulation of government, more intention concerning about the nuclear will be casted to weapon production, which add the crisis to the world safe situation.Thus, in terms of government's function, a modest regulation is necessary to science, moreover, this restriction will beneficial to the whole humans' development.这一段讲的是政府应该管
In addition, a modest regulation could direct scientific research and development in a right way to serve people’s life and the progress of society. The same examples as discussed above, robot and nuclear technology, with a proper direction they serve as an effective aid tools and stronger power station rather than employment killer and nightmare of modern war.应合理地管

In conclusion, government should place a modest restriction on science development, which not only regulate science in the safe boundary but also contribute to its severing for humans better.
个人觉得政府应该对科学研究管制的那一段写得挺好的，例子充分。
文章的第二和第三段分别讲的是不管的好处和管的坏处，但两段之间的连接不是十分流畅，如果能在每段结尾做点让步就更好了。
然后，结尾应再斟酌一下，能拔高最好，估计是时间不够了吧*~0~*

个人见解，批判性接受

加油～

雪然UID: 2773876

issue 150:“Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result , tourism will soon become  obsolete."

Due to the widely used of television and worldwide computer connections, the speaker assumed that people can get large number of information from internet and televisions which make tourism gratuitous. In my opinion, tourism is far from being substituted since it’s unique fascination can not be easily surpassed.

Admittedly, technology enjoys it’s privilege in transferring and sharing information all around the world. Pictures and articles or even videos of famous tourist’s destination can be attained by a lightly push on mouse. One might be able to get data of volcanoes thousands of miles away to figure out the proper day to visit. Nevertheless, it’s irrational to draw a conclusion that the tourism could be replaced by television and worldwide computer connections. Televisions and computers fail to supply the” real things” while travel allows one to hear the singing of birds, to eat delicious foods, to dance with hospitable native residents. Not to mention the pleasure and happiness can only be tasted by heart.

Besides, it might be human being’s instinct to travel since we are curious about everything unknown. Walking on a strange street, meeting with strange people, having a refreshment from head to toe mentally and physically, that will be a better choice than sitting in front of a computer. Some people prefer to travel alone to get ride of troublesome daily lives, others prefer to travel with their friends and families to improve their relations and enjoy the leisure time. All of these show the strongpoint of tourism. Travel can also be a catholicon for some people to relax themselves ; because nowadays we suffer a lot from high pressure of work and study. According to a survey made by mina magazine last year, 70% regard travel as their first choice to take a relax if they have enough time. Moreover, the true merit of tourism lies in mental enjoyment instead of getting familiar with a great many places.

Furthermore, technology could play a positive role in the development of tourism since the transportation become more convenience that before and new sceneries are continually introduced by televisions and internet. For instance, people who are interested in Shangri-la might take more than one month riding horses across mountains. In present days, what we need to do is simply get on a plane which will land on the Shangri-la airport within hours. Yet, there are lots of people who take traveling as their hobbies contributting millions of dollars to tourism, which can also prove that tourism will not become obsolete.


In sum, human beings have been traveling for thousands of years which probably serves as a predominant factor of the development human civilization. Nowadays, more and more attractive places are knew by people with the help of developed technologies and tourism may become an even more heated industry than ever. While, it might be a instinct for human beings to inquire new things.

rodgoodUID: 2619326

104楼我改吧

好像昨晚我看是篇argument的，怎么今天换成issue了？幻觉？