【1010G精英组】ISSUR&ARGU 习作——by Group Choice

toywangUID: 2700880

【小组公告】
4月16号开始我们就要开始一起奋斗向前了，从今以后我们相互扶助，彼此鼓励
这是我们自己选的路，所以跪着也要走完。
期望各位版主给予指导

【小组成员】
   toywang  Xingfuhbj   Cynthia313  yuanlinqinggre  elevenkar

【小组任务】
    1 按照发放的任务安排 按时交作业 作文至少在改作文的当天的中午12：00之前贴到该贴里
       由于暂时不能各自开贴，我们就在下面直接贴作文。
       argument要求：基于666对逻辑链的完美诠释，以后在文章开头逻辑简单说一下。以便大家看看有没有逻辑方向性错误。
       举个例子：
逻辑链（主要是对题目分析）：
反对观点一：XXXXX--->XXXXX--->XXXXX |
反对观点二：XXXXX--->XXXXX--->XXXXX |-->总论点
反对观点三：XXXXX--->XXXXX--->XXXXX |
反对观点。。。。
主要行文过程
开头XXX--->反对观点一--->反对观点二-->...--->总结

      issue要求：在文章之前把自己关于关键词的辨析加以说明

    2 互改作文  由于交作业时间有先后之分，所以第一次暂定 楼上的改楼下的，最后交的改第一个交的。这是基础的互改任务，能够改更多的人的文章的人，也会记录。改完别人的作文可以QQ也可以短消息被改的童鞋。
       逾期未交也未提前讲明原因的童鞋不参加互改    大家可以多改几篇哦

    3 commentary 是要求自己写的 ，写在自己的阅读贴里
     【要求】

       1、用英文
       2、>100 words
       3、同时摘录一下文章中好的词句
       4、看看别人的，帮忙挑挑错，无论是语法还是用词，reborn组里是绝对不养闲人和硕鼠的，无论你实力如何，互帮互助的这份热心对一个小组来说才是最重要的  楼下有链接

       具体样本参照https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1045838&highlight=  地板
       还可以参照https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1042733-1-2.html  不过我们是自选文章

  

toywangUID: 2700880

第一次argument 53 18号中午12：00之前贴上来


逾期无故未交的童鞋，不参加互改

toywangUID: 2700880

组内各位的阅读贴，其中包括commentary 和eco的作业。 对于comment童鞋们看完之后觉得有建议，问题，以及语法错误什么的，都要给他人及时修改哦！ toywang  https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1081738-1-1.html yuanlinqinggre  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1081668&extra= xingfuhbj   https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1082213&extra lxkys   https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1084789&pid=1773846497&page=1&extra= elevenkar  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1086014&extra

toywangUID: 2700880

继续啦，以后有用

toywangUID: 2700880

多一个哦

toywangUID: 2700880

53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

The argument is well reasoned but there are still some questionable facets. First, the data provided by the survey is needed to reconsider. What’s more, the effect caused by melatonin is indistinct. Moreover, many external factors are not to be thought over when the conclusive has been drawn. I will discuss the questionable issues in turn.
In the survey which conducted thirteen years ago, the 25 infants are a small part of all the infants born at that time. Perhaps they have been chosen in the same hospital or in the same region in which ever have some epidemic diseases that may leave reflection on the new generation. With the unrepresentative sample, the conclusion based on it is more doubtable. As to the circumstance created in the survey, have we ever consider that if an adult who is healthy and societal has been put into a situation with an unusual odor and there comes an unknown voice from a tape recording, the normal adult may show signs of mild distress as well. So we have no reason to ask the infants behave clam as nothing happened.
Furthermore, he author fails to convince us who may not quite into the field of biology that the melatonin would naturally increase according to decreased daylight and even lead to the mild distress of infants. Without an overall visual angle, we may regard melatonin as the key element which caused the problem. Even we admit the function of melatonin, the author is not rule out other influential factors which may cause mild distress or shyness, such as social environment, inheritance and personality.

Finally, I want to argue the last and the most essential assertion that increased level of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. This conclusion is based on the follow-up study is lack of the thinking about the external elements. As we discussed above that infant feel the so called “mild distress” may leaded by other factors, so we believe these factors will function during the process of their growing. In addition, the education system, the family surrounding and social environment may change the 25 informants’ behavior. Not only the negligence of external factors are unacceptable, but also we need to consider some internal factors, such as personality, moral outlook and other bearing deeply. Because we identify that intrinsic factor play a leading role than extrinsic factor in every aspect of our life.

In conclusion, the argument which seems logical at first glance, while there arise many flaws which is easy to find. The argument will be enhance by providing a specific survey data and take all the factors into consideration before the draw of the conclusion. It could be further improves by investigate what factor is leading to the so called mild distress of infants and the shyness when they grow up.

CiveaWanUID: 2792825

马上就开始arguement了呀？

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

【1010G精英组】ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by yuanlinqinggre



TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 673
TIME: 00:60:00
DATE: 2010-4-17 10:59:25

The author concludes in the article that increase level of melatonin before birth serve to shyness during infancy and this shyness is likely to continue into later life. In order to corroborate his conclusion, the author cites both study concerning 25 infants and a follow up study. Yet, further speculation on the ratiocination of the argument will reveal that the conclusion is based on several unjustified assumptions, in which case the argument is lucid but unpersuasive.

Firstly, the study conducted thirteen years ago accomplishes nothing towards validating the conclusion that increases in the level of melatonin is relevant to those sighs of mild distress. Since the author fails to provide compelling evidence that infants who participated in the study are representative of all the infants, it is entirely possible that the sample of the study is not sufficient enough to reach any conclusion. Perhaps, these infants happen to get a same kind of disease whose symptom is mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. Thus, lacking evidence that the sample of the study is sufficient, I remain doubtful about the basis of the conclusion that those signs shown on these infants are resulted from the change in the level of melatonin, let alone about his conclusion.

Moreover, even assuming that infants who have participated in the study are well representative of all the infants, the conclusion still relies on the assumption that no other factors are able to affect brain functions. However, the author offers no validate evidence to justify this pivot assumption. For that matter, it is not presumptuous to say that some other factors, such as humility, may also affect some brain functions as well. Perhaps, humility in autumn is too low, which may also cast affection of infants brain functions. Or increase in level of melatonin even results in opposite signs on infants, in which case some other factors may be responsible for the symptom. These two scenarios, if true, would be reasonable enough to weaken the deduction of the argument considerably. Thus, without ruling out possible reason for those signs, the author cannot easily reach the conclusion that rise in the levels of melatonin will lead to infants' distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.

Even assuming that augmentation in levels of melatonin will certainly result in mild distress, the author unfairly equates the actual characteristic of a person with personal opinion of his characteristic. In order words, it is just as likely that an extravert may regarded him as an introvert when compared with other extraverts. Thus, lacking evidence that these kids are actually shy, the author cannot convince me that this is the case. Even assuming those teenagers are shy, the conclusion still rests on the assumption that only growth in levels of melatonin attribute to shyness shown on those kids. Nonetheless, the author refers no prominent evidence to substantiate the assumption, in which case it is just as likely that some other factors contribute to the shyness. Perhaps, because of effect of adolescence children are likely to become shy when they are teenagers. Moreover, even assuming that shyness shown on those kids is attributable to increase in levels of melatonin, the author unfairly assumes that no other factors may affect ones' characteristic in rest of their life. Yet, this assumption is unpersuasive as stands. For that matter, it is entirely possible that factors, such as friends, may change a person's characteristic greatly. Therefore, without justifying all the assumptions above, the author cannot confidently reach his conclusion.

In sum, the ratiocination of the argument is unconvincing as it stands. In order to strengthen the argument, the author must cite evidence that the sample of the study is both sufficient and representative. Moreover, a study has to be conducted, in order to manifest the casual relationship between increase in levels of melatonin and signs of mild distress. A study concerning whether those kids are shy has to be conducted. At last, to better assess the argument, the author has to conduct a continuous study concerning the characteristic of participants.

weili0612UID: 2767606

argument53

1、
减少的日光使得褪黑素分泌过多，小孩更多的shy和distress可能由于减少日光引起，但不见得是褪黑素的原因，可能日光减少产生别的效应或荷尔蒙，影响了shy和distress。
2、
distress中的婴儿比不distress的有更高的几率有更多的褪黑素。Distress的婴儿十几岁后大部分shy, 但是这些shy的是不是distress中有很多褪黑素的呢？
3、
先天不distress且有褪黑素的你研究过没？不distress没有褪黑素但是很shyness的研究过没？缺少对比么。后天的shy可能有更多的原因而褪黑素没什么大影响。


正文：


In my opinion, this argument is limited and the analysis is not very reasonable. The conclusion seems at first glance to be obvious, because the majority of the babies showed signs of mild distress and were shy in their teenagers. However, the conclusion got from the data is not so cogent and may mask the real reason.



Firstly, it is said that those infants with mild distress have mothers who were over production of melatonin caused by decreased daylight before the infants were born. However, the direct reason may not be the over production of melatonin but the decreased daylight which may spur or restrain the production of another hormone which is really related with those infants’ mild distress and later shyness. So, there may be another hormone, which is generated together with melatonin for the decreased, daylight that causes the shyness. If the data could show that the only over or lack production was melatonin, the conclusion would be more reasonable.

Secondly, do the children who had shown signs of distress and identified themselves as shy belong to those who had shown signs of distress and were in early autumn? Maybe the majority of those shy teenagers are from the group of 25 infants who were not conceived in early autumn but just showed signs of mild distress. So, maybe the early time’s mild distress is connected with the shyness of teenagers, but there are still some which are outgoing and maybe were in early autumn. If the data could show that infants showing signs of mild distress and in early autumn became shy, the conclusion would be more logical.

Finally, the argument is weakened by the lack of comparison. It only shows relationship between shyness and melatonin before birth. But there is no data shows the amount of infants, who were not in early time, became shy in their teenage. There are many external reasons, which may make children shy during their life, such as the parents’ attitude to them, their habits and customs. So, maybe the influence of melatonin just works when infants are born, but the melatonin will have little influence on teenagers. Because of the lack of comparison, the conclusion only got from the infants more likely conceived in early autumn can’t convince readers.

The conclusion got from a superficial analysis and incomplete data can’t certify that relationship between shyness and melatonin. There are many other reasons which will cause postnatal shyness. And even the natal signs of mild distress can be caused by other hormones.

lxklysUID: 2738043

【1010G精英组】ISSUE&ARGUMENT 习作 by lxklys

53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

This argument above presents that the shyness during infancy because of melatonin increased before birth according to the study of a group of 25 infants and this one continues into later life is not effectively supported by the reasons given. In my opinion, the author fails to recognize all the elements necessary to cause the one’s shyness no matter as an infant, an adolescent, an adult.

Firstly, it is necessary to evaluate the evidence of the survey by considering how it was conducted. Often single studies—even those that are well-designed—are constrained by the particular context or situation in which they were conducted and this limits the generalizability of their conclusions. Hence, that the 25 infants in the research studied 13 years ago may not be representative of all the infants in general. Even if the survey was broader, one must think whether it was confined in certain ways, such as the ways of infants selected. Perhaps, those infants may suffer from a disease easier to show distress.


Secondly, it does fail to find an inevitable relationship between the increasing melatonin and the signs of infants’ distress when exposure to unfamiliar stimuli, because the author concluded it without assuming other factors. For example, lack of calcium is a pivotal reason for the distress of infants, which is ignored by the survey. And the mother’s production of it is influenced by the nutrition absorbed in rather than a season. But I propose that it’s normal for an infant’s distress with these stimuli when the function of his brain is not fully grown. Moreover, it’s just a mild distress.


Finally, it’s not convinced that the conclusion of the shyness during the infancy and it continues into later life just relies on the ones who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. There is a significant difference between the actual characteristics and the identified one by others or themselves. And lack of clear critique to discern the indrawn and outgoing will cause the deviation. For example, one thinks that behaving the nervous in front of a stranger is shyness; however, the other believes that only fearing to talk to people is just a sign. So, the consequence of the survey may be a subjective one. Besides the innate ones, the growing condition of an infant is another important factor for his characteristics forming. If one experienced the growing-pains such as reproached all the time whatever he did and not be relieved in time, he may be shy in the later life.

In sum, the speaker’s argument fails to explain that the increased levels of melatonin before birth could cause shyness during infancy until his later life. The argument could be strengthened by providing evidence that the link is truly a casual relationship between melatonin and shyness, sufficient data collected, and illustration about how the infants were selected. Anyway, I would not accept the above argument.

elevenkarUID: 2791267

第一次作业 题库第53题

In this argument, the researchers draw a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence. At first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection reveals that it is in fact ill-conceived. In my point of view, this argument suffers from 3 logical flaws

To start with, it is obvious that a research based only in the sample of a group of 25 infants is not reliable to gauge the general circumstances. Unless the researchers sampled a sufficient number of infants and did so randomly across the entire spectrum, does this ensure its representativeness. For example, if the sample included only the infants from a narrow area, then the results would not doubt localized which would render the result of the survey meaningless.


In the second place, we can see the arguer assumes that increased levels of Melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy. A threshold problem involves the definition of shyness. The arguer fails to define this critical term. If shyness is defined as showing signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, then how authors can gave the conclusion that shyness continues into infants’ later life? Without a clear definition of shy, it is impossible to assess the strength of the argument.
Moreover, if we let the definition of shyness aside, No direct evidence is provided to show that it is the high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin that resulted in the distress showed by the infants studied. The argument observes a correlation between high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin and distress showed by the infants studied, than concludes that the former is the cause of the latter. In the research we only know that Melatonin affect some brain functions which hadn’t been depicted detailed and exact. It may only affect the appetite of a mother, which is irrelevant to the baby. Without making sure of the influence of Melatonin it is unfair to conclude that high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin is responsible for distress showed by the infants studied. In addition, the researchers’ assumption of shyness continues into later life is far more short of convincing evidence. The shyness occurred in those teenagers might have resulted from many other factors such as the family surroundings, schooling----to just a few possibilities. Without considering scenarios such as these, the editor cannot establish a cause–and-effect relationship between them which editor’s the conclusion depends.

To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

先占一个~

xingfuhbjUID: 2769976

第一次作业： ARGUMENT53

作者观点：
1．13年前的一个研究发现25个不在秋天出生的婴儿，对外界刺激的反应较平和
2．秋天母体内褪黑激素（一种会影响大脑功能的激素）的分泌增加
3．跟踪调查显示，超过一半的被研究小孩显示出内向的症状
1+2+3→孕期褪黑激素的增加会致使婴儿更内向且在他们长大后仍会表现出这种内向倾向
反对观点:
1．试验样本太少, 缺乏对照组
2．跟踪调查中缺乏对调查对象的家庭状况的了解和对其同龄人的害羞比例的调查.
3．不能排除其他激素的影响.
1+2+3→作者观点不成立,需进一步实验和调查.

Grounding on the study of 25 instant, supposing that the increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy, and then synthesizing the two facts that those infant who are more shy were conceived in a time when their mothers' production of melatonin increased and those infant are still shy in later life, the author accordingly suggest that the increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
However, it is apparently unscientific to choose only 25 infant to accomplish an experiment, nor to mention a great mistake that this assertion was experimented without a control group. According to Statistics, the arguer has defined the shyness of infant as a random events which is palpable not an acceptable hypothesis.
Though it has met the two basic characteristics of the random events --nondeterminacy and randomicity, the probability of shy or not is not certain. And a man-made fatal mistake of taking only 25 infant as experimental subject
has lead to the lost of statistical regularity, which lessen the reliability of the assertion. What's more, the lack of a control group makes this so-called research have little probability of becoming an authentic scientific experiment. We can't exclude any possible variable that may influence the distress when the infant was exposed to the unfamiliar stimuli. However, Gregor Mendel-- the father of modern genetics--affirmed his two basic laws after 8 years study of cross experiment of pea which involved millions of experimental subject and sharp control group. Nor to say that statisticians toss the coin over ten thousand times only to reveal the simple fact that roughly half will come up heads and half tails. Comparing to those famous experiments, the result of the research in the argument is obviously have little credibility.
Referring to the follow-up study, the absence of the study of growing environment and the research of the average level of shyness of their peers add to the uncertainty of this assertion. As we can assume, the factors contribute to the shyness of a child are numerous. For example, Marco Battagolia, an doctor from San Rafael university of Milan, Italy, have found that the genes relate to 5-hydroxy tryptamine--an neurotransmitter which can influence anxiety, depression or other kind of mental state-- are shorter in people who are more shy that others. Without the reference of their growing environment, we can’t exclude the possibility that it was their unhappy home environment or an accident they once suffered that result in their shyness. Besides, the average level of shyness of their contemporaries also accounts a lot. If more than half of their peers around the areas they live also show signs of distress identified themselves as shy, then the follow-up study can’t add any proof to the assertion. Just as the following case. With a regardless of the fact that about 70% teachers in school have mental diseases, you investigated the mental status of 100 teachers in a school with a result that 60% of them have mental disease and then assert that the mental status of those teachers is terrible.
What also deserved discussed is the sole effect of melatonin on infant. Along with the increase of the melatonin in autumn, there may some increase or decrease of other hormone which may contribute to the shyness instead.
In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author needs more researchs and experimental subject to provide convincing proof to support the argument.

whiteoutUID: 2699068

ARGUMENT53:
Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

In this argument, the author concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause mild distress and continues to be shyness in later life. The arguer bases on a research in which a group of 25 infants showed signs of mild distress and claims that the high production of melatonin caused this distress because the mothers of these infants conceived them mostly in early autumn, when melatonin would naturally increase. Additionally the author cites the result of a follow-up study that more than half of the teenagers who had been the samples of the research identified themselves as shy. I find the argument unconvincing for several reasons.

First of all, the argument provides no evidence that the result of the research which studied only 25 infants 13 years ago is statistically reliable. These limited samples cannot justifiably be able to represent all the infants who showed signs of mild distress. Although these infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn, it is unacceptable that infants who showed signs of mild distress were all conceived in early autumn. Unless the researchers could have studied more infants as a whole to be representative enough, it is impossible to draw any firm conclusions.

Even if the result of the research can be reliable, the author proves little about the casual relationship between the mothers’ increased production of melatonin and the distress of infants. Just because the melatonin is known to affect some brain functions does not necessarily mean that melatonin has the function to cause the distress of infants. There may be some other factors which could have contributed to the distress of infants. For example, maybe there exists another substance which also increases naturally in early autumn just like melatonin, and this substance may be the real cause of the distress of infants. Besides, some external conditions such as temperature, humidity, solar radiation and so on, which are obviously differ from those in other seasons may possibly be the cause of the distress. In other words, the argument cannot convince me that the mothers’ increased production of melatonin causes the distress of infants without accounting for other possibilities.

Even assuming that the mothers’ increased production of melatonin and the distress of infants have the causality, the author makes a confusion between the distress of infants and the shyness of teenagers. The distress does not necessarily lead to the shyness and the shyness does not inevitably come from the distress. It is entirely possible that the shyness is influenced by family and friends or other factors.

In sum, the argument relies on two potentially weak researches as well as a series of unwarranted claims. To strengthen the argument, the author must at very least cite a more reliable research result which can firmly convince me. The author also needs to rule out other factors that may cause the distress of infants. Finally, the author must provide clear evidence that the mothers’ increased production of melatonin and the distress of infants have a logical relationship.

lxklysUID: 2738043

11# elevenkar
In this argument, the researchers draw a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence（若是能概括性的阐述一下这个assumption和evidence就更好了，例如such as…）. At first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somewhat convincing,（这里的让步我觉得有点多余，直接表明你的态度可能更好） but further reflection reveals that it is in fact ill-conceived. In my point of view, this argument suffers from 3 logical flaws.（忘加标点了，呵呵）

To start with, it is obvious that a research based only in the sample of a group of 25 infants is not reliable to gauge（很喜欢这个用法） the general circumstances. Unless the researchers sampled（O(∩_∩)O） a sufficient number of infants and did so randomly across the entire spectrum, does this ensure its representativeness. For example, if the sample included only the infants from a narrow area, then the results would not doubt（我查了一下，没有not doubt这个词，只有no doubt.而且如果楼主是取“无疑地”这个意思，最好换一个不那么绝对的词，如果是取“很可能”这个意思，那就另当别论了。） localized which would render the result of the survey meaningless.（narrow area和localized对应得不错，但我想要是能在其中提到样本数量的问题可能就更全面了）


In the second place, we can see the arguer assumes that increased levels of Melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy. A threshold problem involves the definition of shyness(这个观点很明确，只是如果注意一下过度和连接就更好了，不然会显得有点突兀). The arguer fails to define this critical term.（我觉得这句话和上句话的关系算是因果，可以合写为一句。） If shyness is defined as showing signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, then how authors can gave the conclusion that shyness continues into infants’ later life（我觉得用这两句话来说明对shy 的定义问题不太具有说服力，再用点笔墨具体阐述一下可能会更清晰和透彻。） Without a clear definition of shy, it is impossible to assess the strength of the argument.



Moreover, if we let the definition of shyness aside, No（no） direct evidence is provided to show that it is the high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin that resulted in the distress showed by the infants studied. The argument observes a correlation between high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin and distress showed by the infants studied, than（then） concludes that the former is the cause of the latter.（我觉得这句话表示的意思和上句一样，都是文章建立的因果不成立的问题，如果为了加强论证，是不是可以用一个从句或者单词带过，而不用再重新阐述一句） In the research we only know that Melatonin affect some brain functions which hadn’t been depicted detailed（detailedly） and exact(exactly). It may only affect the appetite of a mother, which is irrelevant to the baby. Without(O(∩_∩)O) making sure of the influence of Melatonin， it is unfair to conclude that high levels of mothers’ production of Melatonin is responsible for distress showed by the infants studied. In addition（连接词用得好）, the researchers’ assumption of shyness continues into later life is far more short of convincing evidence. The shyness occurred in those teenagers might have resulted from many other factors such as the family surroundings, schooling----to just a few possibilities. Without considering scenarios such as(由于上面已经出现了such as, 这一个换做其他的例如like等会更好) these, the editor cannot establish a cause–and-effect relationship between them which editor’s the conclusion depends on.

To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly.

这篇文章，总的说来用词比较精准，然后意群段也划分得比较到位，思路较详尽
但要说问题，主要体现在一下几个方面：
1.对于例子的阐述上，有些不够清楚透彻；有些不太能支撑作者的观点，在上面已经标明；而在观点的阐述上，不必太过赘述。
2.遣词造句上能具有多变性就更好了
3.还有一些拼写错误，只要以后稍加注意就好啦。
加油加油，一起共勉O(∩_∩)O，我是lxklys