【1010G精英组】ISSUR&ARGU 习作——by Group Choice

whiteoutUID: 2699068

基本观点：赞同A反对B
1、孩子如何被社会化的确决定了社会的命运。
     社会化是一个广义的概念，是一个文化体系。它囊括着内化社会价值标准、学习角色技能以及如何适应社会生活等内容。社会化是人类社会的文明不断传递和发展的基本条件。通过培育新一代，社会老一代成员得以将自身行为方式、思想观念、科学技术、经验知识等文化遗产延续下去，在此基础上不断推动社会发展。
2、我们在如何培养孩子以让他们去建造更好的社会这方面已经做得很好了。列举在各方面的引导作用和培养方式。


I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the future of the society is determined by the socialization of children. In my view, socialization is the most important process and children are the ones who will in charge of the future society. But haven’t we learned how to raise children for building a better society? The speaker believes so, although I disagree. As far as I am concerned, children are better raised now in modern society than any other time, it is some other factors that hinder the development of the society.

Primarily, there is one thing that should be aware of—What is socialization? If socialization only means to learn how to get on well with others, keep the balance of corporation and cooperation, and understand some anti-social behavior that is harmful for society or which other individual should avoid to do, it is far too shallow. In my view, socialization is a process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. It is the most important factor which influences the destiny of society in the long run. Including the internalization of social values, role playing and the adaptation of social life, socialization is not an ordinary transformation from bio-man to social man but a culture system. By cultivating children—the new generation of our society, cultural Heritage which is changing all the time such as various kinds of ideas, science and Technology, experience and knowledge, social behavior can be continued and updated. There is no doubt that children is our future, they will be the host of the whole society. The better they are socialized, the better the society will be.
In the latter part of the assertion, it claims that we are not well prepared to raise children help bringing about a better society. Actually, this notion is not correct. Since raising, teaching and guiding should be parts of the process of children integrating into society, it is also of great importance to let them independently figure out how to communicate with others, pick up spirits of team during cooperating with others and construct a better society with joint efforts. To a large extent, we are now playing the role of the guidance.
According to a recent survey conducted by the academy of social science in China, seven out of ten people surveyed who always have the chance to complete a work, project or experiment in a group discussion and play a leading role at their childhood influenced by parents, schools and the whole society finally succeed in their career. Therefore these indicators strongly convinced that the education we have provided—exposing our young generation to society and giving them creating space with timely guidance—is the best alternative and combination. Honestly, what we have done is not enough. As children can be influenced by every aspect of a society, the whole society should pay more attention to the healthy growth and appropriate cultivation of our masters of tomorrow.
In sum, how children are socialized has something inseparable to do with the responsibility of the whole society members. Further reflection informs us that we should do everything we can to provide the skills and habits necessary for children to act and participate within the society. Thus the future of the society will be better built.

lxklysUID: 2738043

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."  by lxklys


关键词：determine和better
Determine：说小孩被社会化就能决定社会的命运，显得十分绝对和偏颇，它们之间的因果关系不成立。
决定社会的命运：还需要个人的善良，正直，坚定等意志层面的东西
Better：对于更好的社会的定义：人们安居乐业，基本温饱解决，精神上富足，人权得到保障，整个社会更加民主，开放，多元和包容。如果就这些而言的话，不能否认当今社会的进步。
Whether the socialization of children determines the destiny of society or whether we have not yet found a proper way to raise children to help bring about a better society? In response to this issue, we need to analyze the statement comprehensively from the dialectical perspective .Considering the author's first assertion and the final declaration; the speaker oversimplifies this issue, which we should depend on a case-by-case analysis.
Admittedly, the socialization of a child is a crucial factor influencing the extent to which one will ultimately contribute to society. As an individual in society, only to socialize and participate within it, which means a skill of cooperation and communication with others, can one be constructive for the accelerating of society pace. For example, without scientists’ effectively cooperative work, from different areas such as economics, math, sociology, an economical project benefits society may not be run well though a scientist, even from one area, and without a CEO’s proper socialization among the board and employees, a company can not be operated smoothly and profitably.
Namely, without the ability to socialite, likely we will fail to integrate resources to function a program and help the development of society.


However, from the overall perspective, I doubt that the socialization is the only factor determining the destiny of society. Yuanshi, kai, one of the president of China in 1916, excelled in socialization among genteel china society and colonist authorities, undermining the revolution of democracy in china which set back the society advancement seriously. Adolf Hitler, one of the leaders of the Axis Powers, was highly socialized and had astonishing capability of leadership, occupying most of continental Europe which brought people in the most half of the world the sufferings of war in stead of a better society. These notable cases in point have demonstrated that values besides the socialization, the essences of vilition such as integrity, persistence, tolerance and so on are core. So, I argue that only owning the merit of socialization can’t determine society.

The speaker’s next claim that we have not yet found a proper way to raise children who can help create a better society is troubling in two aspects. First, in my experience, the lasting social problems, such as the starvation in rural areas, the freedom of speech and the chances of receiving education, have already mitigated and gained more attention. Who can deny that we live in a better society than fifty years ago? Secondly, facing the advancement of the technology such as IT, we are really obliged to it for offering the conveniences to our life. For example, we can surf the internet to go shopping to save wandering time, conserve with one like intimates in a strange land to prompt friendship, become familiar with a great many places that never visited to expand our horizons anytime, and things like that. With the definition of a better society defined by the alleviation of social problems and life inconveniences, we couldn’t negative the evolution of society.
From the analysis made above, I strongly commit to the notion that socialization just can do benefit rather than determine the destiny of society, and from the empirical evidences, the society we live in today is much better in almost entirely fields than before.

toywangUID: 2700880

Issue 130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

key words： socialized   destiney of society    better society
提纲： 1 论证 socialization 的重要性，追星1.1就提及了定义的用法
           2  虽然承认socialization的重要性，但并不能说社会化就决定了 社会命运，其实很多决定社会命运发展的并未被社会化
          3 谈到社会命运，就一定是希望是better的，但这种better是不能只通过教育就达到的。通过历史来看，无论是推动社会发展的个人还是运动，都是在混合的情境下形成的。


  

Asserting that children socialization is the only determinant of the society, as far as I am concerned, I do not totally agree with the speakers. According to the world history, the destiny of society is not controlled by a group of people are socialized. Referring to the unfortunately thing that our society has not know the specific approach to raise children, I fundamentally believe that a better society is not created by the children who are only well educated. The approach to develop a better society is mixed and still a controversy issue in sociology.


Socialization, broadly defined as a process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behavior for a given environment. These behaviors included a plurality of share norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Despite the discussion about the pro or con of socialization, it should be a complex process in children’s growing. Nevertheless, nowadays, many people regard that there exist some specific ways of socialization which education comes first. Undoubtedly，education plays an irreplaceable role in it, however, there are still exist more other elements such as the family, religion, peer groups and mass media. There was someone ever said that problem children tend to grow up into problem adults and problem adults tend to produce more problem children what could clearly show the function of family members and soundings.

After a lengthy report to analysis the status of socialization, there comes a question that does socialization directly connection to the destiny of society. The answer is obviously no from my standpoint. Had Nicolaus Copernicus ever been socialized in academic? No, as the first one to formulate a comprehensive heliocentric cosmology, which displace the earth from the center of the universe, his theory was not accepted by Christian church at that time. Yet his theory was proved after his death, and given rise to the later study about the universe. There still exist one similar event—a culture movement, Renaissance. The role of this movement in the development of sociality is not need to elaborate any more. However, Renaissance was not the product of socialization, which was also go opposite with the Christian Church. These two examples can analysis it specifically that socialization not necessity promote the society growth.

What I want to discuss further is that a better society is not available only through education, according to the speaker’s assertion that we have not learned how to raise children for a better society. Here, I do not deny that education provide the foundation bed for a better society, however, as to the society which is better than before, education is not enough. A better society can be divided into the progress of material and mental separately. Even we know how to raise an excellent, we still cannot know how to raise people reach in mental. This situation is just what happened in Western countries that people are satisfied with their material world, but the mental world is dissatisfied. Is that means that our education system is not excellent? Maybe not, cause the dissatisfied of mental world should not be blame for education system which is seems perfect according to the current situation. People who contributed to a better society such as Aristotle in west and Confucius in east may do more than just study. The improvement of people’s inner quality is more relied on individuals. In my own opinion, certain people or movement which do something to promote a better society is the mix of background, their own critical thoughts, and many other factors and the mixed process cannot been copied or even educated.

To sum up, the socialization is an essential factor which keep the society steady and firmness, but the importance of it cannot be extended to a determine factor of the destiny of society. As to a better society, we cannot fix a specific way to create it today and even tomorrow.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

【1010G精英组】 eleven ISSUR&ARGU 习作修改 by Cynthia
Confucius, one of the greatest and most influential philosophers and educators in ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, "Children are the future of a nation." Since children education is vitally important for a society, people concern more about children and can figure out a way to educate them effectively.
In the first place, society always emphasizes on the education of children, which to some extent, can decide the future of a nation. Since education plays a vital role in raising children, government usually regard children education as the fundamental and essential part of education system. In China, which has more than thirty million children, a nine-year free education system for children has been run for 20 years or also. All leaders in China emphasize on children education, especially on primary schools. Since China is a developing country, children in rural places in the past usually cannot afford to go to primary schools. But now nearly all young students in countries can have the opportunity to receive free primary education. According to a recent survey conducted by Social and Scientific Research Department of China, more than 4000 Hope Schools has been established since the so called Hope Projects is initiated.
In the second place, society is working on a better method to educate children. Zhou Ji, minister of China's ministry of education once said (and I paraphrased it), a successful education can help cultivate a intellectually and mentally brilliant children. Several revolutions in children education including kindergarten, primary school and high school have been conducted. So called quality education, aiming at relieve burdens for children, is tremendously popular among students and teachers in schools. It seems to be effective after several years. Students say that they now feel more relaxed and have more time to do things that they have（are）
interested in.
However, children are badly affected in modern society, which put the society in danger. During information age, children are exposed to various unpicked information through Internet, television, video games and the like.（？什么意思？不懂）
These unsuitable and even harmful information, including violence, sex and crime tend to mislead children. Children are at a very special age and have no mature abilities to distinguish goodness from evil. Many children spend at least five hours every day on television and Internet. Some programs on television are obviously unfit for them. If children learn or imitate the bad behaviors from actors in television without certain instruction of parents, they might form some bad habits and even become criminals in the future. According to a statistics conducted by China Daily, crime rate of teenagers in recent years have increased significantly. Perhaps televisions and computers are responsible for the trend.
To sum up, due to the analysis and reasons mentioned above, we can comfortably say that we are working on how to raise children who can help bring about a better society even（貌似even表递进，这里是转折意思）
some problems arise in the process. But we have confidence to educate them successfully.

这篇文章引用了很多例子，值得学习，语言也通顺流畅，几乎找不到语法错误。
但是我个人觉得有点偏题。
这个Issue主要有两点claim:
1.孩子的社会化程度决定了社会民运；
2.我们尚无有效的方法教育孩子，使他们能够创造一个更好的社会。Eleven同学没有直接表明对claims的看法，特别是对第一个claim未进行讨论。文章开头引用孔子的话开头，提出教育的重要性；第二段深入讨论教育的重要性，第三段讲我们正采取很多手段来更好的教育孩子，第四段讲目前孩子受到网络，电视等的不良影响。最后就得出结论我们能够很好的教育孩子创造一个更好的社会。文章很好的论证了教育的重要性，但是未提及children socialization 和 social destiny的关系，并且也只说明了我们正在working on孩子的教育，并未说明我们已经找到了有效的教育孩子的方法。
以上纯属个人观点，仅供参考~大家加油~~

toywangUID: 2700880

【1010G精英组】ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by Cynthia
issue130
1.开头介绍背景，引出观点
2.简单描述children socialization的重要性
3.转折，虽然很重要，但不是决定性因素。对social destiny depends on how children are socialized进行反驳
4.对我们是否又有效手段教育孩子进行反驳，提出“better society”是个不确定的定义。
【我一开始也想说better society 的标准问题的，不过怕写成argu的文章呢】
With the dramatic change of modern society, almost every individual suffers from a complex life and an unpredictable  future. Children are required to learn dancing, painting, singing and all kinds of skills to adapt to the changing society. It is no doubt that nowadays children receive better educations, live better lives, and can get more information than before. However, birth rate dropping leads to the loneless 【loneliness】of chilren【children】. People without playmates in their childhood are likely to grow up with no sence【sense】 of cooperation, no cognition of society, and no leadership【好像缺了什么，no leadership in team】. The over emphasis on skills of children, and the neglect of moral education, physical and mental health really cause many problems. Anyhow, the squarely claiming that “how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, yet we do not know how to raise children who can bring about a better society" 【个人觉得直接用原文不如换一种方式表达，意思不变】is not easy to be agreed.
在韦晓亮的书里也有看到这样的举例，但是我觉得谈社会化这个问题不用把社会发展的东西扯进来，这样开头就会觉得麻烦
On one hand, children’s socialization indeed have some effect on their adaption to the modern society. Through the process of socialization, children would learn about their social cultures and start to know how to live within it. without socialization, they cannot know how to constrain their own behaviors, how to get along well with others, how to tell right from wrong, then how can they face up to the intricate society? In this case, children's socialization is vital for individual’s fate. On the other hand, children’s socialization is also critical for the society in inducting all individual members into its moral norms, social rules, attitudes, values, motives, language and symbols. Only through children’s socialization can we attain social and cultural continuity.
讲述socialization的重要性

Although chilren’s 【children’s】socialization is crucial for both individuals’ fate and the social continuity, asserting that it can determine our social destiny is exaggerated. It is wildly accepted that children are our future, their actions might greatly affect the development of our society, but the factors which determine the destiny of a society must be intricate. The culture of a nation, the religion of the people, and even the geographic location are all the influencing factors of social destiny. Children socialization can be a dominative factor at best, rather than a decisive one.
这样的句式可以达意了For example, in a same country, how children are socialized is similar, however coastal cities tend to be more prosperity than inland cities. Moreover, our society also have great effect on children during their socialization process, such as the social conduct, thus we can even say that it is the society that partly determines every individual's life. 我觉得例子不太恰当，个人意见

Moreover, the importance of children's education should not be neglected, and whether we have learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society depends on how we define the term “better society”. TSPerhaps someone dream our society to be more stable and harmonious, while others anticipate a radical change. 【我觉得在这里不要用someone这样的例子，可以谈及Utopia 等不同于主流认知的例子来辅助】Since we do not have a unified standard on a "better society", the attempt to raise children who can help bring about such society is meaningless. If we define a “better society” as greater 【这里是否换成more】respect for individual rights【是否是个人平等？freedom】 and women rights【women’s rights】, more cooperation between different cultures and nationalities, better understanding and acception of different viewpoints, 【这么多话无非是想表达在你认为的范围内，我们已经better了，我觉得在后面还要论述一下为什么better了，要说清楚比较好】then the young people of recent are creating a better society. 【这句以后解释几句，要让人家明白已经better了】

In conclusion, how children are socialized today only influence our society, rather than determine its destiny, for the factors which determine social destiny must be intricate, rather than a single simple factor. Furthermore, since the definition of a “better society” is not unique, the attempt for raise children who can help bring about a better society is meaningless. 很正常的结尾，我也这么用，不过觉得太过于套路了，应该会有更好的
结尾方式吧，我也在寻找之中。

建议：1 逻辑相对清晰，但是开头过于冗长


2 例子的积累还是很重要，我觉得例子虽然无论新旧都是很重要的。最近国际社会发生的例子也可以用的。

3 字数还算是蛮多的，可能是由于这道题的原因，body写的有点argu的感觉。还有什么好的想法晚上交流哦

修改文章
by toywang

whiteoutUID: 2699068

lxklys的修改版 by whiteout

关键词：determine和better
Determine：说小孩被社会化就能决定社会的命运，显得十分绝对和偏颇，它们之间的因果关系不成立。
决定社会的命运：还需要个人的善良，正直，坚定等意志层面的东西
Better：对于更好的社会的定义：人们安居乐业，基本温饱解决，精神上富足，人权得到保障，整个社会更加民主，开放，多元和包容。如果就这些而言的话，不能否认当今社会的进步。
Whether the socialization of children determines the destiny of society or whether we have not yet found a proper way to raise children to help bring about a better society?（提问开头很好哦学到了） In response to this issue, we need to analyze the statement comprehensively from the dialectical perspective .Considering the author's first assertion and the final declaration; the speaker oversimplifies this issue, which we should depend on a case-by-case analysis.（这句很好）
Admittedly, the socialization of a child is a crucial factor influencing the extent to which one will ultimately contribute to society. As an individual in society, only to socialize and participate within it, which means a skill of cooperation and communication with others, can one be constructive for the accelerating of society pace.（觉得这句结构有点绕） For example, without scientists’ effectively cooperative work, from different areas such as economics, math, sociology, an economical project （which）benefits society may not be run well though（？） a scientist, even from one area, and without a CEO’s proper socialization among the board and employees, a company can not be operated smoothly and profitably.
Namely, without the ability to socialite （socialize？） , likely we will fail to integrate resources to function a program and help the development of society.


However, from the overall perspective, I doubt that the socialization is the only factor determining the destiny of society. Yuanshi, kai,（名字写法？是不是应该是Yuan Shikai？这个我也不清楚呵呵） one of the president of China in 1916, excelled in socialization among genteel china society and colonist authorities, undermining the revolution of democracy in china which set back the society advancement seriously. Adolf Hitler, one of the leaders of the Axis Powers, was highly socialized and had astonishing capability of leadership, occupying most of continental Europe which brought people in the most half of the world the sufferings of war in stead of a better society. These notable cases in point have demonstrated that values besides the socialization, the essences of vilition such as integrity, persistence, tolerance and so on are core. So, I argue that only owning the merit of socialization can’t determine society.（这句总结得好，这段运用例子论证，挺好的~）

The speaker’s next claim that we have not yet found a proper way to raise children who can help create a better society is troubling in two aspects. First, in my experience, the lasting social problems, such as the starvation in rural areas, the freedom of speech and the chances of receiving education, have already mitigated and gained more attention. Who can deny that we live in a better society than fifty years ago? Secondly, facing the advancement of the technology such as IT, we are really obliged to it for offering the conveniences to our life. For example, we can surf the internet to go shopping to save wandering time（看起来别扭，可能是整句句式的关系，连续的to）, conserve with one like intimates in a strange land to prompt friendship, become familiar with a great many places that （we have） never visited to expand our horizons anytime, and things like that. With the definition of a better society defined by the alleviation of social problems and life inconveniences, we couldn’t negative the evolution of society.
From the analysis made above, I strongly commit to the notion that socialization just can do benefit rather than determine the destiny of society, and from the empirical evidences, the society we live in today is much better in almost entirely fields than before.


整篇挺有逻辑的，在论证自己观点时用了很多例子，回头看我写的一个例子也没有，空洞啊。惭愧啊。。。向lxklys学习~~~
感觉有个别句子结构比较绕，句式变换不够多样化，再有就是个别小细节，应该是由于马虎造成的。呵呵互相学习，加油！

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

ISSUE130 by weili0612
有进步就好，筒子们一起加油哈！~~~~~
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


In my own opinion, I can’t agree with both claims of the author. I think it’s not only socialization that determines the destiny of society. Yet it may be a pity that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.


Firstly, many characteristics of children will influence the destiny of society, such as their moral quality and intelligence. If children were socialized but without the ability of inventing, human beings would live as wolves, a kind of animal which is socialized but lack of intelligence. Then, the destiny of society would be utterly different from what we see now. Maybe we need to seek food for living as our ancestors, who also are socialized but not as smart as us. But that doesn’t mean socialization of children has no effect on the destiny of society. A plan such as Apollo to the moon can’t be achieved by only one man, but calls for partners who are intelligent, diligent or socialized to work together. And the habit of socialization should be built up when the future scientists or leaders are young. Sometimes, even a small thing such as building a new house can’t be finished by oneself. It is apparent (【我觉得apparently 更好】) concluded that socialization of children is one of the most important causes which will determines the destiny of society, but we should keep the balance between it and other crucial aspect such as the improvement of children’s intelligence, creativity and moral quality.


Secondly, I think it is so pity that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. However, someone always thinks that our society is more humanity, harmony and civilization.【这句话不太懂】 Yes (?), comparing with several past centuries, social progress is indubitable. Nevertheless, what is the definition of a better society? A society more comfortable, convenient, advanced, civilized or harmony? (这句的语法有问题，用简单疑问句或许会表达的更清晰)In my own opinion, a better society not only means the improvement of material living conditions, but also makes persons feel happy and satisfied, and have chances to pursue things meaningful to them. Nowadays, however, the incredible development of technology doesn’t boost the harmony of society. Instead, it grows the gap of wealth with hundreds of people homeless and living in poverty.  And only a small grope of people enjoy the achievement of advanced technology. There are so many refugees in Africa and North Korea living without enough food and some even under war. Even persons in developed countries still live in a (an) unharmonious environment. For instance, some work under competitive pressure for promotie (promotion) and some, who suffer from heavier pressure, as leaders of a company, must make crucial decisions which decide the destiny of the company. Therefore, I think we still don’t know how to build a society harmonious, even say nothing of raising children who can help bring about a better society.


In sum, the destiny of society doesn’t only depend on children socialization but on many other aspects. And in my opinion the way to make our society more harmonious and humanized is still a subject going on. Apparently, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

【因为是刚开始写作，所以我更加侧重于你文章中的行文结构与逻辑论证。】
你的文章大体架构如下：
b1 反对第一部分，同意第二部分
b2
p1 还存在其他影响社会命运的因素
p2 我们自己都没有学会如何去建设一个美好的社会，我们自然还没有学会去培养能够创造
美好社会的孩子

b3 复述文章观点。

1。文章架构已经出来了，但是B2 部分只有两段，稍显单薄。如果可能的话最好加上一个P3。
2。初次写作，对题目关键词的把握还是比较到位的。对better society 这一关键词做出分析是个十分明智的选择，不过可惜的是没有对socialization这一关键词做出自己的定义。如果能够在对socialization做出自己的解释的话，会有更多的东西写
3。对于你P2的论证我存在一些疑问。我们自己没有建设好这个世界，就一定意味着我们无法教育出能带来美好未来的孩子么？这两句话之间没有必然联系吧。你在P2中缺乏对这逻辑关系的证明。P2中描写的比较多的是现在世界的不足，而很少写到我们在教育孩子上的不足。个人认为这样有些喧宾夺主。

总体来说文章观点明确，语言问题是大家普遍存在的，我们也在提高。就是论证段需要再充实一些。我的观点就是这些，热切希望筒子拍砖。

lxklysUID: 2738043

习作修改by lxklys
Issue 130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

key words： socialized   destiney of society    better society
提纲： 1 论证 socialization 的重要性，追星1.1就提及了定义的用法
           2  虽然承认socialization的重要性，但并不能说社会化就决定了社会命运，其实很多决定社会命运发展的并未被社会化
          3 谈到社会命运，就一定是希望是better的，但这种better是不能只通过教育就达到的。通过历史来看，无论是推动社会发展的个人还是运动，都是在混合的情境下形成的。


  

Asserting that children socialization is the only determinant of the(当society等抽象名词作为中心词时，前面不加冠词the) society, as far as I am concerned(这句话应该快被用滥了，我在想能不能换种说法，或者用一个转折词汇), I do not totally agree with the speakers(speaker，粗心吧，O(∩_∩)O). According to the world history, the destiny of society is not controlled by a group of people are socialized. Referring to the unfortunately thing that our society has not know the specific approach to raise（rasing; 我查了一下，approach的用法一般是：approach to n./doing sth） children, I fundamentally believe that a better society（为了避免与上句的society重复，改为one是不是会更好） is not created by the children who are only well educated. The approach to develop（developing） a better society is mixed and still a controversy issue in sociology.


Socialization, broadly defined as a process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behavior for a given environment.（这个定义给得挺好的，但是表述上有语病问题,没有谓语,句中的learn应该是children的谓语吧，但你这句话的主语是socialization。我这样改一下，你看有没有变换意思：socialization, can be broadly defined as a process of which people, especially children, learning acceptable and unacceptable behavior for a given environment）。 These behaviors(behavior一般是不可数的哦，O(∩_∩)O) included a plurality of（学到新词啦，呵呵） share（sharing,我查了一下share的用法，若做n.则后面多加of,即share of sth,但我觉得这句话的share看做动词更好，所以记得要把动词名词化） norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Despite the discussion about the pro or con of socialization, it should be a complex process in children’s growing.（我觉得这句话跟上下文连接不紧密，显得有些突兀，要不加点语句说明一下pro or con，要不去掉） Nevertheless, nowadays, many people regard that there exists some specific ways of socialization which education comes first. Undoubtedly，education plays an irreplaceable role in it, however, there are still exist(there still exists) more other elements such as the family, religion, peer groups and mass media. There was someone ever said(saying, there was后面跟动名词) that problem children tend to grow up into problem adults and problem adults tend to produce more problem children what could clearly show the function of family members and soundings.（立意很好，但表达方式有点中国化，我也纠结这个问题呀，一起加油吧）
（我觉得本段句的例子跟你的观点有点偏离，开始说社会化是个复杂的问题，然后说明如何社会化，可是根据你的提纲，你应该写出社会化的重要性，但文章好像没体现出）
.
After a lengthy report to analysis the status of socialization, there comes a question that does socialization directly connection to the destiny of society（很好的过渡，学着，O(∩_∩)The answer is obviously no from my standpoint. Had Nicolaus Copernicus ever been socialized in academic? No, as the first one to formulate a comprehensive heliocentric cosmology, which displace（displaces） the earth from the center of the universe, his theory was not accepted by Christian church at that time. Yet (好的过渡词)his theory was proved after his death, and given rise to the later study about the universe. There still exists one similar event—a culture movement, Renaissance. The role of this movement in the development of sociality is not need to elaborate(be elaborated) any more. However, Renaissance was not the product of socialization, which was also go(going) opposite with the Christian Church. These two examples can analysis it specifically that socialization not necessity promote the society growth.(本段举了哥白尼和文艺复兴的例子，但我觉得第2个例子跟主题不太相关，因为本文是讲人的社会化，而文艺复兴作为一个客体当然是不会被社会化的，所以再换个例子是不是会更好)

What I want to discuss further is that (to bring about,加一个这个在前面，才能跟through相对应) a better society is not available only through education, according to the speaker’s assertion that we have not learned how to raise children for a better society（这样显得有点累赘，用一个above岂不是更好，你觉得呢）. Here, I do not deny that education provide the foundation bed for a better society（观点很好）, however, as to the society which is better than before, education is not enough（这句话应该是阐述社会更好的原因不仅仅在于教育吧，但你用英语表达出来的意思不是这样，在as to 后换成the reasons for why society is better than before会不会更好捏）.
A better society can be divided into the progress of material and mental separately.（好观点） Even we know how to raise an excellent, we still cannot know how to raise people reach in mental（这两个还不足够构成对比项，应该对excellent 加以阐述，以支持你的观点）. This situation is just what happened in Western countries that people are satisfied with their material world, but the mental world is dissatisfied. Is that means that our education system is not excellent? Maybe not, cause the dissatisfied of mental world should not be blame for education system which is seems（which seems） perfect according to the current situation. People who contributed to a better society such as Aristotle in west and Confucius in east may do more than just study（怎么more了，more在哪儿了，能带一句更好）. The improvement of people’s inner quality is more relied on individuals（这句话找不到上下文，如果在上面提到的例子中阐述一下，这句就有对应了）. In my own opinion, certain people or movement which do something to promote a better society is the mix of background, their own critical thoughts, and many other factors and the mixed（上文有mix了，所以换成complex，搞个多样化，呵呵） process cannot been copied or even educated.

To sum up, the socialization is an essential factor which keep the society steady and firmness, but the importance of it cannot be extended to a determine factor of the destiny of society. As to a better society, we cannot fix a specific way to create it today and even tomorrow（further）
楼主的那些观点都定义得很好，结构比较清晰，不过还存在一下几个问题.：
1.语病问题出现得比较多
2.有些例子不足以支撑观点；
3.段落中有些话没有上下文，仅仅是一个观点而没有相应的论证；
这些都有在文中标注，O(∩_∩)O
以上纯属个人观点，仅供参考，一起加油啦，嘿嘿

weili0612UID: 2767606

ISSUE130 by whiteout 修改 by weili0612

本帖最后由 whiteout 于 2010-4-20 13:16 编辑 基本观点：赞同A反对B 1、孩子如何被社会化的确决定了社会的命运。      社会化是一个广义的概念，是一个文化体系。它囊括着内化社会价值标准、学习角色技能以及如何适应社会生活等内容。社会化是人类社会的文明不断传递和发展的基本条件。通过培育新一代，社会老一代成员得以将自身行为方式、思想观念、科学技术、经验知识等文化遗产延续下去，在此基础上不断推动社会发展。 2、我们在如何培养孩子以让他们去建造更好的社会这方面已经做得很好了。列举在各方面的引导作用和培养方式。 I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the future of the society is determined by the socialization of children. In my view, socialization is the most important process and children are the ones who will in charge of the future society. But haven’t we learned how to raise children for building a better society? The speaker believes so, although I disagree. As far as I am concerned（感觉怪怪的）, children are better raised now in modern society than any other time（past过去）, it is some other factors that hinder the development of the society. Primarily, there is one thing that should be aware of—What is socialization? If socialization only means to learn how to get on well with others, keep the balance of corporation and cooperation（corporations）, and understand some anti-social behavior（behaviors） that is harmful for(to) society or which other individual(inviduals) should avoid to do(去了to), it is far too shallow. In my view, socialization is a process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. It is the most important factor which influences the destiny of society in the long run. Including the internalization of social values, role playing and the adaptation of social life, socialization is not an ordinary transformation from bio-man to social man but a culture system. By cultivating children—the new generation of our society, cultural heritage which is changing all the time such as various kinds of ideas, science and technology, experience and knowledge,(好长啊，看晕了) social behavior can be continued and updated. There is no doubt that children is our future, they will be the host of the whole society. The better they are socialized, the better the society will be. In the latter part of the assertion, it claims that we are not well prepared to raise children help bringing about a better society. Actually, this notion is not correct. Since raising, teaching and guiding should be parts of the process of children integrating into society, it is also of great importance to let them independently figure out how to communicate with others, pick up spirits of team during cooperating with others and construct a better society with joint efforts. To a large extent, we are now playing the role of the guidance. According to a recent survey conducted by the academy of social science in China, seven out of ten people surveyed who always have the chance to complete a work, project or experiment in a group discussion and play a leading role at their childhood influenced by parents, schools(. Schools 第二句啦) and the whole society finally succeed in their career. Therefore these indicators strongly convinced that the education we have provided—exposing our young generation to society and giving them creating space with timely guidance—is the best alternative and combination.（the education we have provided is the best alternative and combination.不太理解alternative 、combination两个词在这里表达什么意思。） Honestly, what we have done is not enough. As children can be influenced by every aspect of a society, the whole society should pay more attention to the healthy growth and appropriate cultivation of our masters of tomorrow. In sum, how children are socialized has something inseparable to do with the responsibility of the whole society members. Further reflection informs us that we should do everything we can to provide the skills and habits necessary for children to act and participate within the society. Thus the future of the society will be better built. 正如作者自己所说，文章缺少实例来支撑自己的观点，尤其对第一个观点，孩子的社会性决定社会的未来，道理讲了很多，要是能举些例子就更好了。观点上很清晰，不会有偏题的问题。

weili0612UID: 2767606

ISSUE130 written by xingfuhbj(TEAR) 修改 by weili0612


KEY TERMS:
1.
child socialization:它的定义到底是什么
2.
determines 决定性的东西很重要，可以探讨究竟是不是A determine了B  
3.
unfortunately 这是一个转折词，可以探讨究竟是不是unfortunately3.
4.
not yet learned 这是一个事实4.
5.
better society 怎么样的society才是好的？


话说我终于把它给写完了~真的写的好烂啊~哎~逃课来写的~不容易啊~体谅下体谅下~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Human, as the basic element of a society, is apparently of great importance. Since the essential characteristics are formed during childhood, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.（个人感觉前后两个分局没啥关系么）
But it doesn’t matter whether we can find a certain way to raise a certain kind of children who can certainly help bring about a better society.
（同意小孩社会性决定社会命运，但是是否能找到教育小孩的方式与社会是否变好无关）
Socialization, a term used to refer to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies.
(From wikipedia). It just “the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained”, said by John Clausen.
For the reason that children are the successor （successors） of the future society, they need to learn not only how to eat, how to speak, how to read, but also how to cultivate good habits, how to form the self-concept, how play a social role, how to communicate and cooperate with others, how to tell right from the wrong, how to understand the culture of their own society. (how to好多，可以不用的，直接do sth，这么多哈无头，好晕啊)As the pace of stepping into the information age is higher and higher,（pace用high修饰，速度快
，学习到了~） the world is becoming more and more integrated, cooperated and socialized, which requiring the change of child（children’s） socialization.
Having realized the important(importance) of child socialization, people turn to look for a best way to raise children that was（are）
properly socialized to help bring about a better society. As a matter of fact, with over importance on child socialization, the children in the current society are over-socialized. The widespread computer and the information explosion lead to the fact that many children have learned the skills and habits of adults’ society too early to lost their natural simplicity. It is not uncommon to see an artificial smile in children’s chubby face now, adulation is a word not longer only belongs to the adults, nor to mention the deception which is permeated the world of children. People do have already felt the negative effects of the over-socialization of children, but what they have found just added to(去掉) their depression and made them lose faith in finding a perfect way to raise properly socialized children in some degrees.（说现在小孩早熟，令人很失望，大人要找教育小孩的新方法）
However, according to”Tao-te Ching”, Lao zi said”Do nothing, but do everything”, which indicating（indicates） that the best way to find a way to(去掉) raise properly socialized children is to stop finding. There followed an example. There once a famous architect who have finished the construction of an gorgeous hotel, but hit the brick wall to design some proper garden path, some path that passerby are prefer to walk（walking on） instead of walking on the grass or flowers. However, with brilliant minds, he figured it out at last. Firstly, he plant grass on the whole garden with a notice board bearing ”welcome to choose your own way”. A month later, he asked the construction worker to put slates on the main path that formed by passerby themselves. The perfect garden path was designed in a nutshell. The idea behind the designing is just the perfect way that people is seeking for a long time. We can’t impose our own perspective of socialization on our children. They have their own feelings and thoughts. What we want them become(to be) is not what they should become. The only thing we can do is to help them shape into what they want to be.
In conclusion, though the child(children’s) socialization do(这个这么用我也不清楚是否合适) is important, we still need to throw too much attention on finding a certain way to raise the properly socialized children. Time will tell us everything.
作者的观点是小孩社会化决定社会未来，而是否找到一个教育小孩的好方法却不重要，因为顺其自然就好。但是对第一个观点的证明感觉作者没有说确实“小孩社会化决定社会未来”，而是说：小孩是社会的未来，现在小孩过分社会化，出现了不少问题，感觉有点偏题。后面一个观点作者打了个比方表达了对培养小孩，顺其自然的观点，要是能再加一两个例子就更有说服力了。

elevenkarUID: 2791267

27# yuanlinqinggre
(1)
Does socialization of children today determine the destiny of society? I think the answer depends on the definition of socialization. Argument can be made when it comes to different definitions of socialization. Moreover,
（我觉得应该换一个连接词，因为下面一句话你对应的是作者的另一个论述，作者的两个论断之间并不存在递进关系，你的两句话之间也没有明显的递进关系，我觉得表示并列的连接词更恰当）we have learned a lot about raising children who may become helpful in the future while it is not up to us to judge whether the society is better.
If we narrowly defined socialization as the education children received in their school, it is possible that it may affect, not determines, the society in future. There is not（no） doubt that the level of children's education will affect （连用两个affect啦，考虑替换成：exert detrimental effect to 或者导致
造成 pose 引起某事
造成，render v 致使，造成。Breed，burgeon 迅速发展
发芽，outgrowth 长出
结果，副产物
）their competence when they step into（这词很好啊，表现出了逐步进入社会的感觉） society. Consider （应该去掉更好？我不确定）those who don't even have a good command of his own major （不光是major吧～换成schooling experience/ academic performance/ evaluation of accomplishment？）cannot possibly make contribution to the society, let alone about（有这个用法么？我没查到～如果你确定请告诉我一声
用in spite of 是不是更地道？） bringing a better（我在北美上看到用better做动词，就是直接说 bettering society，你觉得怎么样呢？） society. Yet, as knowledge learned from the book
（在学校不光读书哦，换成school？）is not absolutely the same when it come to （applies to）society, those who merely have received a good education
（这个是真的用的不到位了哈，可以换成outstanding academic evaluation）may also not qualified for some jobs which may possibly（选一个删掉） affects the trend of society. Since their opinion about some other ingredients of society is more important, education is not the key factor which serve to one's achievement in the future, while it may also affect the destiny of society.（在上一段中，你将socialization定义到了education下面。很犀利对你很有利的切入点！语言真的很棒，你是我学习的楷模。以上的修改都是我查了韦氏同义词以后的结果啦，希望对你有帮助）
When we expand the definition of socialization as the process of children's meeting the need of society（语法错误）, it is indubitable that socialization determines the destiny of society. Since society is composed of various kinds of individuals, it is widely acknowledged that whether individuals meet the need of society has a great effect on the future of society. Consider, a society with few people qualified for most jobs in it will surely run at a low efficiency. Politician who cannot carry out effective measures when the recession hits will do harm to social welfare. Moreover, meeting the needs of society includes not only having a good master of knowledge learned in school but also being aware of other significant ingredients in society, such as cooperation and competition. Those who are not conscious of the importance of these ingredients will surely achieve nothing in society. For instance, as hardly any task toady can be done by only one person, one will achieve nothing if he ignores the importance of cooperation. Thus, it is whether the children can meet the needs of society that determines the destiny of society.
Although it is up to our children to decide whether the society has become better（如果你想表达的是：确实我们的孩子决定了社会的未来～那就不应该用has吧）, we adults have effective way to raise children, which includes the process of socialization. As the way we teach our children changes when it comes to different ages, our methods to raise children are becoming more and more effective. For example, hardly can we find any answer for the questions we do not even know 20 years ago and now few clicks on the keyboard may solve all the questions. What is more, as the use of mass media becomes common in our life, it is both convenient and effective for children to have a clear view on anything. Nonetheless, as we have not right to determine whether the society in the future is better, we cannot place too much restraints on our kids. Some of our opinions may restrain their ability to innovate. For instance, some of us may have a bad impression about Colon; thus, we may imbue this opinion into our children. But we may also eliminate possibilities that Colon technology become more beneficial than detrimental in the future. For that matter, principles about virtues and human nature are both indispensable and sufficient; it is our children's duty to find their way to a better society.
In sum, as importance
（换个词吧。。。用了好多遍了crucial，significant，critical。。。）of socialization of children is undeniable（我发现同学很喜欢用名词的结构，文章中多处都使用了of名词的结构，是否考虑改换成动词的形式呢？比如这一句可以换成: to inculcate socialized children ）, even though whether it determines the destiny of society depends on its definition, how we raise our children is also significant. As the development of technology, methods to raise child are improving rapidly and becoming more effective. Yet, it is both necessary and sufficient for us to teach our kids about the key ingredients in their life, such as love, virtues; it is their duty to find their way to a better soc
总体评价：
1 语言方面：词汇变化不多，但是错误几乎没有，毕竟同学在规定时间内能写出这样的文章已经outstanding了。
2 结构方面：例子有点少。。。纯说理的感觉刚看前两段觉得很有道理，到了后面就觉得有点枯燥了，是不是加俩小例子调剂调剂？
3逻辑方面：同学很成功的把socilization拉到了自己定义的education和some other importance ingredients such as competition还有corporation等等意义下面，每一句的链接都紧密有序，能在短时间内写出这样的文章，确实很棒哦

weili0612UID: 2767606

51The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
医生怀疑次要的感染病可能阻碍病人从肌肉拉伤中痊愈，这个假设现在被一个有2个小组的研究证明了。第一组，肌肉受伤，Dr. Newland治疗，服用抗生素，他们40%比典型的希望值快。第二组用sugar pills，Dr. Alton，他们恢复期没有减少。因此肌肉受伤应该服用抗生素。
两组对比，得出结论。
但是1、医生水平不同，

2、病人受伤程度、地区人种差异。

4、对比组太少，


The author’s conclusion got from the comparison between two groups, which are treated with different medicine. But I think there are other reasons can get to the result, and the conclusion is, of course, inconsequential.
Firstly, the first group, whose recuperation on average is quicker than the second, is all treated by Dr. Newland and the other is all treated by Dr. Alton. So it is possible that the medical technology gap between the two doctors makes one group recover quicker rather than the antibiotics. If they can do a next experiment which is asking Dr. Newland to treat patients with sugar pills and Dr. Alton to treat patients with antibiotics, and the result doesn’t change with doctors at last. Then I think the conclusion will be more convincing.
Secondly, the report doesn’t tell us the degree of those patients’ muscle strain. Maybe those treated with antibiotics is less hurt than those with sugar pills. Therefore, it is surely they will heal faster than patients treated with sugar pills. Without the patients classified by the same degree of hurt, the conclusion from such comparison is illogical. And even people from different districts are different in the ability recuperation. It is possible that guys living in Dr. Newland’s city have genes which make them quicker to recover from hurt and disease.

Finally, the conclusion is got from too few samples. As we know, if someone wants to certify something, he must do a lot of experiments and comparisons to put all other reasons out. But there are only two groups here and the conclusion may just be got by accident or even Dr. Newland calculated their recuperation time wrong. Hence, if they did more experiments and more comparisons, finally the conclusion is so. Then it will be more reasonable and logical.
In sum, without more comparisons in detail and lack of enough groups, the argument is
weak. Anyway, I would not accept the above argument.

.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

Argue51 by Cynthia
In this argument, the arguer recommends that all muscle strained patients should take antibiotics as a part of their treatment. To justify this claim, the arguer points out that the sencondary infection would keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. In addition, he cites the result of a study that muscle strained patients who were treated with antibiotics recuperated quicker than the patients who just took sugar pills. This argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

To support the recommendation, the arguer cites the result of a study on muscle strained patients that taking antibiotics would reduce the recupertion time, which sounds reasonable. However, the reliability of the study is still open to question. Firstly, the arguer does not inform us about the severity of injuries, physical conditions, and other treatments about the two groups. It is possible that non-antibiotics treatment group patient suffered serverer injuries or worse phisical conditions than patients who took antibiotics , so that they took more time to recuperate. Secondly, two different doctors might offer different treatment between two groups, and Dr. Newland who specializes in sports medicine might be more specialized in curing muscle strains. Finally, “typically expected” recuperation time is not a exact defination. According to the argument, one does not know exactly how long is the “typically expected recuperation time”, or “40 quicker than typically expected time”, either. In a sum, the study is doubtable that one can not easily accept its result without more evidence to justify its reliability.

Even if the result of the study is reliable, the comment that all the muscle strained patients should take antibiotics is still unconvicing. Common sence tells us that not all the patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain will suffer secondary infections. The arguer simply recommends all the muscle strained patient should take antibiotics on the unreasonable assumption that secondary infections are always accompany with muscle strain. No direct evidence is provided to prove that musle strained patients who are not suffer from secondary infection should also take antibiotics as a part of their treatment.

Finally, the feasibility of the conclusion is doubtable. Are all the patients with muscle strain suitble for antibiotic-treatment? There might be children, old people, or pregnant women who are not suitble for taking antibiotics. Perhaps, abuse of antibiotics on these people would cause severe adverse reation which is more dangerous than a secondary infection.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis dose not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strenthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more details about the study to justify it is credible. Additionally, the arguer must provide direct evidence that muscle strained patients who are not suffer from secondary infections shoud also take antibiotics as a part of their treatment. Finally, the arguer has to inform us that taking antibiotics is safe enough for all kind of people, including children, old people and pregnant women.

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
WORDS: 466
TIME: 00:40:00
DATE: 2010-4-21 19:34:04

The author concludes in the article that patients with muscle strain should be advised to take antibiotics as part of treatment. To corroborate his conclusion, he cites the study including two groups of patients which are treated with different treatment. Yet, the argument is firmly based on several unjustified assumption, which render the ratiocination unpersuasive.

Firstly, lacking evidence that the sample of the study is both sufficient and representative, the author cannot easily reach his justification. For that matter, it is entirely possible that the number of patients who participate in the study is not sufficient to lead to any valid conclusion. Lacking evidence that participants of the study perfectly represents all the patients with muscle injuries, it is not presumptuous to say that all the patients who participated in the study are all diagnosed with muscle injuries in ankle, in which case the author cannot reach conclusion which cover all kinds of muscle injuries. The scenarios, if true, would be reasonable enough to weaken the conclusion considerably. Therefore, without substantiating that the sample of the study is both sufficient and representative, the author cannot convince me of the basis of the conclusion that the result of the study is valid, let alone about justifying his conclusion.

Secondly, difference shown in the result of the study accomplishes nothing towards justifying the fact that antibiotic is responsible for the decrease in the recuperation time. Since the author fails to provide prominent to validate the causal relationship between antibiotics and reduction in the recuperation time, it is just as likely that some other kinds of medicine which are not mentioned by the author are used in the treatment. For that matter, the author cannot ensure me of the effectiveness of antibiotics whatsoever, until he eliminate other possibilities for the result of the study.

Thirdly, even assuming that antibiotics is responsible for the decrease in the recuperation time, the argument still relies on the assumption that antibiotic is effective than any other kinds of medicine. However, the author fails to support this pivot assumption. Without comparing antibiotics with other kinds of medicines, it is just as likely that some other kinds of medicine, such as ..., are more effective and cheaper than antibiotics. Effective as antibiotic is, these kinds of medicine may be more suitable and affordable. Therefore, without comparing the effectiveness of antibiotic with other medicines, the author cannot persuade me that this is the case.

In sum, the argument is lucid but unpersuasive. In order to better assess the argument to author must cite convincing evidence to validate both the effectiveness of the result of the study and that of the sample. Moreover, to strengthen the ratiocination, the author also has to provide study which manifests that antibiotic is more effective when it comes to muscle injuries.

写文章的时候因为时间限制感觉对于STUDY的攻击还十分不成熟，而且我也注意到了muscle injuries 和muscle strain的不同，但没有想到成熟的方法去攻击，所以果断悲剧了。

逻辑图如下：

两组病人，一组用了抗生素，另一组用了糖片——》二次感染会增加恢复时间（又因为抗生素可以降低二次感染）——》所以，所有的治疗muscle strain 的方法中应该把抗生素加在其中。

elevenkarUID: 2791267

51.

In this notion the medical newsletter supported all the patients to take antibiotics as a part of their treatment when they are diagnosed with muscle strain. This newsletter used a study leaded by two different professors to demonstrate its validity. However it can be evidently found the logical flaw as flow: (1) the obscure description of the study which contains two groups. (2) The ambiguous medical episteme. (3) The discursion process of hypothesis and conclusion.

To start with, there are two manifest ambiguity of the study description. Firstly, the author does not inform us about the severity of injuries, physical conditions of the two groups of patients. More specifically: those two samples only tell us that patients do have muscle injuries, which cannot prove that the hypothesis based on the patients who suffered from severe muscle strain. And it also fail to inform us any information about whether those patients had had encountered secondary even tertius infections. And, the reporter missed another crucial element that in spite of taking antibiotics what is the different therapy method applied by different groups? If the first group been used Chinese traditional medical means such as needle therapy and the second group wasn’t be, how can we conclude that the accelerated period of average recuperation is created by antibiotics?

Secondly, this statement hasn’t mention about any linking of secondary infections and antibiotics, as well as the negative effect s of taking Sugar pills or antibiotics on the healing of the second group of patients.

Thirdly, even if we assume all the patients involved in the research had severe muscle strain and doctors endeavor to control all the variable in the treatment in spite of taking antibiotics; and antibiotics do control the possibility of suffering from secondary infections; the antibiotics and the sugar pills do not exert any detrimental effect to patients’ recuperation (although it seems subjective to take for grant such utopian state), it will be the author’s cursory to give final verdict that all patient will suited for the result.

To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly.

逻辑：

在study的不足方面：

没有说这两组人是不是严重肌肉扭伤。没有说是否曾经二次感染很有可能是两种不同的治疗方法。

在医学背景介绍方面

没有说二次感染和抗生素的联系。另外抗生素的副作用也没有说到
糖丸的副作用也没说

在前途与假设推证方面

结论中说是任何，前提假设是严重，显然有问题