欢迎拍文修改小组作业argument203

yaniiUID: 2807225

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."

The argument, though well-present, is subject to several flaws. First, the data from both hospitals is too insufficient to make any comparison of their economical or quality condition without ruling out alternative explanations. Besides, the argument unfairly generalizes from comparisons of one set to reach an evaluation of two categories. Each will be analyzed in detail in the following.

To begin with, in evaluating the average length of a patient's stay and cure rate in two hospitals, one must account for many explanations for obtaining such data. Perhaps the patients preferring Megaville hospital (Mh) are typically suffer severer disease than patients in Saluda hospital (Sh), for Mh reputation of curing serious illness. Thus the longer patient’s stay and lower cure rate is understandable. In addition, the argument’s author assumes that longer hospitalization means higher cost. While the assumption confuses by which criterion cost is measured, precisely the cost of curing similar diseases rather than everyday hospitalization cost. Even the patient’s stay is averagely shorter, it is quite possible that their everyday treatment fee is considerably higher than Mh, or that they prescribe a long list of medicine for patient for reinforcement and recovery. If those are the case, we can hardly get any clue as the cost and quality of both hospitals.


Furthermore, the mere number of employees in hospitals or complaint also cannot be an index of quality. As is mentioned by the author, Sh has a higher employee-patient rate. While he fails to mention why there’s a higher rate in Sh, it’s because its consideration about patient, or just it’s employees are not competent as Mh and thus a higher rate is essential for patient to get enough caring. As for more complaint about Mh, consider it large scale, therefore may offset, if not decrease, its complaint rate among all patients. In addition, it’s likely that the discharged patients are too disappoint about Sh’s service to leave any ink just want to leave and never come again. And for Mh, patients fundamentally satisfy with it’s service and want it to improve, thus submitting their suggestion as complaint.

Even assume hospitalization in Sh is really more economical and of Sh is of high quality than M hospital. We can thus induce that every smaller, nonprofit is equally outstanding in such aspects. Traits of particular individual often are not the symbol of a category. Sh's success may attribute to many other reasons, such as the prudent and wise leadership of it, or closer relationship with some leading medicine college to provide it a endless source of adroit doctors, or the high quality of the employees that they dig from other hospital, or merely the participation of local government and charity to aid it. All these may be often not the case in many other smaller, nonprofit hospitals. Similarly, the Mh's not similar success doesn't indicate that all larger, for-profit hospitals also cannot do well in achieving as Sh.

To sum up, the argument is based on insufficient statistic and a falsely induction, thus rendering it unpersuasive as it stands. To make a sound conclusion and logical induction, the author had better provide further relevant evidence as analyzed above to verify its conclusion. Similar statistic between smaller, nonprofit and larger, for-profit hospitals are also critical to get the induction.

自己花了不少时间改，改时大动血啊

crazyjooUID: 2805124

The argument, though well-present, is subject to several flaws. First, the data from both hospitals is too insufficient to make any comparison of their economical or quality condition without ruling out alternative explanations. Besides, the argument unfairly generalizes from comparisons of one set to reach an evaluation of two categories. Each will be analyzed in detail in the following.

To begin with, in evaluating the average length of a patient's stay and cure rate in two hospitals, one must account for many explanations for obtaining such data.Perhaps the patients preferring Megaville hospital (Mh) are typically suffer severer disease than patients in Saluda hospital (Sh), for Mh reputation of curing serious illness.(知道你想表达的意思，不过觉得这里表达的不够确切和logical：或许偏好m医院的病人比留在s医院得了更重的病，为了m医院的享誉... 觉得将这里的suffer 作为形容病人的状态比较好，也就是suffer和prefer换一个位置来表达） Thus the longer patient’s stay and lower cure rate is understandable. In addition, the argument’s author assumes that longer hospitalization means higher cost. While the assumption confuses by which criterion cost is measured, precisely the cost of curing similar diseases rather than everyday hospitalization cost.（这句在下没看懂。。求指教。还有那个是non-profit医院。我不知道到底要不要cost还是怎样） Even the patient’s stay is averagely shorter, it is quite possible that their everyday treatment fee is considerably higher than Mh, or that they prescribe a long list of medicine for patient for reinforcement and recovery. If those are the case, we can hardly get any clue as the cost and quality of both hospitals.


Furthermore, the mere number of employees in hospitals or complaint also cannot be an index of quality. As is mentioned by the author, Sh has a higher employee-patient rate. While he fails to mention why there’s a higher rate in Sh, it’s because its consideration about patient, or just it’s employees are not competent as Mh and thus a higher rate is essential for patient to get enough caring. (while...it's because觉得很怪，而且也没指出这个因素weaken了argument） As for more complaint about Mh, consider it large scale, therefore may offset, if not decrease, its complaint rate among all patients. In addition, it’s likely that the discharged patients are too disappoint about Sh’s service to leave any ink just want to leave and never come again. And for Mh, patients fundamentally satisfy with it’s service and want it to improve, thus submitting their suggestion as complaint.（此理由有点牵强哦！就是你说了病人这个因素，最好再结合医院本身的因素说说。这样才不会牵强！比如说m医院 encourage patient's feedback)

Even assume hospitalization in Sh is really more economical and of Sh is of high quality than M hospital. We can(can't) thus induce that every smaller, nonprofit is equally outstanding in such aspects. Traits of particular individual often are not the symbol of a category. (nice!)Sh's success may attribute to many other reasons, such as the prudent and wise leadership of it, or closer relationship with some leading medicine college to(which) provide it a endless source of adroit doctors, or the high quality of the employees that they dig from other hospital, or merely the participation of local government and charity to aid it. All these may be often not the case in many other smaller, nonprofit hospitals. ( 这种说明个体推不出整体的论述方法值得学习）Similarly, the Mh's not similar success doesn't indicate that all larger, for-profit hospitals also cannot do well in achieving as Sh.

To sum up, the argument is based on insufficient statistic and a falsely induction, thus rendering it unpersuasive as it stands. To make a sound conclusion and logical induction, the author had better provide further relevant evidence as analyzed above to verify its conclusion. Similar statistic between smaller, nonprofit and larger, for-profit hospitals are also critical to get the induction.

写得思路清楚，让步很好 值得我辈学习之！个别设计逻辑思路的表达稍欠推敲

yaniiUID: 2807225

While the assumption confuses by which criterion cost is measured, precisely the cost of curing similar diseases rather than everyday hospitalization cost.（这句在下没看懂。。求指教。还有那个是non-profit医院。我不知道到底要不要cost还是怎样）
这儿我想说评价就诊费高低的标准不是每天的花费，或是住院的天数，而是治疗相同的病需要花费多少。
当时也是想了半天还是没表达好。

yaniiUID: 2807225

这篇文章得改了近三个小时啦，惭愧
谢谢你提的建议，对我很有帮助。
一起加油吧！