【10G10Hawk】小组8月6日任务——Argument186

谦行天下UID: 2797557

写文Argument186

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."

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70"In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

谦行天下UID: 2797557

In this argument, the author cited a survey showing the percentage of old workers who report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity is higher than young workers. Then he/she concludes that hiring mainly older employees can increase productivity and safe money. A scrutiny analysis reveals that the survey suffers from several fallacies and the author's conclusion is groundless.

Since the author doesn’t talk about the number of workers involved in the survey, he/she can not convince us the truthiness of the survey. If the number of worker is limited, the percentage in this survey is doubtful. Maybe there are only ten workers aged over 30 or 2 worker aged over 50. If the data is fluctuated by random factors, we cannot the generally conclude that young employees were more likely to report that having a supervisor increases productivity.

Even the survey can represent the opinion of old and young employees, their report does not mean that they are actually increase productivity or not. The author does not explain why they think their productivity is increased because of a supervisor. Maybe the old workers overstate their ability of self-control. Without practice with a supervisor, the increasing productivity is open to doubt.

Moreover, since the author does not compare the total and average productivity of old and young workers, it is too hasty to conclude that hiring older ones will increase profit. Firstly, the old workers and young ones may work in different position. Young ones who has more vigor and strength may mainly work in position which require intense labor, and old ones can not competent for this kind of job. In this case, reducing young employees will make no benefit of the factory. Secondly, the author has not compared the average productivity among workers. It is possible that without supervisors the young ones work more efficient for old ones. In this case, hiring old employees can only undermine the productivity of the factory. Lastly, the author fails to convince us the increasing productivity is over than the cost of supervisors. It is possible that hiring supervisors could bring more profit than hiring old employees. Profit is a problem count on cost and incomes. If hiring supervisor costs low and supervisors could highly increase productivity. The author’s conclusion is untenable.

All in all, to substantiate the author’s conclusion of increasing profit by hiring more old employees, he/she need convince us the truthiness of the survey and when he/she draw the conclusion some factors that I discussed above need to be provided.

===============第一次自改文==================
In this argument, the author cited a survey showing the percentage of old workers who report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity is higher than that of young workers. Then he/she concludes that hiring mainly older employees can increase productivity and safe money. A scrutiny analysis reveals that the survey suffers from several fallacies and the author's conclusion is groundless.

Since the author doesn’t talk about the number of workers involved in the survey, he/she can not convince us the reliability of the survey. If the number of worker is limited, the percentage in this survey is doubtful. Maybe there are only ten workers aged over 30 or 2 worker aged over 50. If the data is fluctuated by random factors, we cannot the generally conclude that young employees were more likely to report that having a supervisor increases productivity.

Even the survey can represent the opinion of old and young employees, their report does not mean that they are actually increase productivity or not. The author does not explain why they think their productivity is increased because of a supervisor. Maybe the old workers overstate their ability of self-control. Without practice with a supervisor, the increasing productivity is open to doubt. Moreover, the author has not compared the average productivity among workers. It is possible that without supervisors the young ones work more efficient for old ones. In this case, hiring old employees can only undermine the productivity of the factory.


Moreover, since the author does not compare the total and average productivity of old and young workers, it is too hasty to conclude that hiring older ones will increase profit. Firstly, the old workers and young ones may work in different position. Young ones who has more vigor and strength may mainly work in position which require intense labor, and old ones can not competent for this kind of job. In this case, reducing young employees will make no benefit of the factory. Secondly, the author fails to convince us the increasing productivity is over than the cost of supervisors. It is possible that hiring supervisors could bring more profit than hiring old employees. Profit is a problem count on cost and incomes. If hiring supervisor costs low and supervisors could highly increase productivity. The author’s conclusion is untenable.

All in all, to substantiate the author’s conclusion of increasing profit by hiring more old employees, he/she need convince us the truthiness of the survey and when he/she draw the conclusion some factors that I discussed above need to be provided.

====================第二次自改文==========

In this argument, the author cited a survey showing the percentage of old workers who report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity is lower than that of young workers. Then he/she concludes that hiring mainly older employees can increase productivity and safe money. A scrutiny analysis reveals that the survey suffers from several fallacies and the author's conclusion is groundless.

Since the author doesn’t talk about the number of workers involved in the survey, he/she can not convince us the reliability of the survey. If the number of worker is limited, the percentage in this survey is doubtful. Maybe there are only ten workers aged over 30 or 2 worker aged over 50. If the data is fluctuated by random factors, we cannot conclude that young employees were more likely to report that having a supervisor increases productivity.

Even the survey can represent the opinion of old and young employees, their report does not mean that they are actually increase productivity or not. The author does not explain why they think their productivity is increased because of a supervisor. Maybe the old workers overstate their ability of self-control. Without real practice with a supervisor, the increasing productivity is open to doubt. In addition, the author has not compared the average productivity among workers. Since youths have more energy than old ones, it is possible that without supervisors the young ones work more efficient for old ones. In this case, hiring old employees can only undermine the productivity of the factory.

Moreover, since the author does not compare the total and average productivity of old and young workers, it is too hasty to conclude that hiring older ones will increase profit. Firstly, the old workers and young ones may work in different position. Young ones who has more vigor and strength may mainly work in position which require intense labor, and old ones can not competent for this kind of job. In this case, reducing young employees will make no benefit of the factory. Secondly, the author fails to convince us the increasing productivity is over than the cost of supervisors. It is possible that hiring supervisors could bring more profit than hiring old employees. Profit is a problem count on cost and incomes. If hiring supervisor costs low and supervisors could highly increase productivity. The author’s conclusion is untenable.

All in all, to substantiate the author’s conclusion of increasing profit by hiring more old employees, he/she need convince us the truthiness of the survey and when he/she draw the conclusion some factors that I discussed above need to be provided.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

改4Agnes
Wrong
Not Understand

The arguer( the director of personnel) asserts that hiring mainly senior employees will certainly increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. He/She makes such conclusion from a telephone survey of a automobile factory, which shows that those older staff are less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity.  The argument seems to be reasonable at first glance, yet, a second investigation exposes several logical flaws in it.

First of all, the arguer gives a survey as his/her example, which shows the comparison between older employees and younger ones on whether having a supervisor present will increase their productivity. The figures suggest that those who said supervisors can increase their productivity are mainly workers aged 18 to 29. However, the arguer fails to give readers the number or the proportion of both younger and older workers. If young workers are far more than the old ones, there will be more possibility that they enjoy the high percentages when compared to old workers.我想题目的意思是说在这样的人在18~27岁人中所占的比例而不是在总人数中所占的比例 In addition, the arguer also forgot to give the accurate information of the research samples and readers can hardly work out whether all the workers in the factory took part in the survey. If there are 100 workers (50 young 50 old) and only 50 young workers and 20 old workers participate in the survey, the figures worked out at last can not represent the overall condition of all the workers in the factory. Only when the proportion of the workers both young and old who took part in the survey is balanced can the arguer make any analyzes from the survey.

What's more, even if the figures in the survey are all convincing, the survey itself cited by the arguer still has flaws. First, the survey is a telephone one, which is not so effective as the anonymous survey. In other words, when doing a telephone survey, the factory workers' names are known by the survey researchers, which will to a large extent influence their mental activity. For example, senior workers may want to show their personal ability, so they are more likely to report that even without supervisors they are still productive. On the other side, the younger workers report that they can be productive when having supervisors in order to show their respect to those senior ones. As a result, the results from the telephone survey may be misled.还有一点是说是这样，但是做起来不一定这样耶！

Last but not least, the arguer concludes that their Professional Pringting Company can also draw a lesson from the survey in other factory, which is not reasonable at all. The automobile factory workers mainly works on the operation of machines while the workers in a pringting company are always engaged in work related to official documents. Their work is extremely different from each other, so when it comes to productivity, the performance of workers in different companies can not be compared. Only when a survey is conducted to the Professional Printing Company or another similar printing company can the result be reasonable.

To sum up, the survey given by the arguer as an example supporting his/her conclusion is so unconvincing that neither the result or the form of the survey can be useful to work out a solution for the Professional Printing Company.
很流畅，最后一段是我没注意到的，学习了！
我当时觉得这个题写得很难
你的正文第一段攻击点有些问题

==============改11号=======================
错误
不理解
In this argument, the arguer suggest the factory can improve their profits by hiring more older employees. He用He/She cited a telephone survey to support his conclusion, which shows that more young employees need supervisors to increase their productivity. His recommendation suffers from several logical flaws.
我建议你看看GRE作文版的Argument如何开头，你的有点过于简单
In the first place, although the old employees are probablly more skilled文中没有说skilled，你后面在说productivity，这个似乎在玩文字游戏 than the young, it is not sufficient to judge they are also more productive. As we all know, the youngsters are stronger and more enthusiastic, they are eager to learn and can finish their work rapidly for they are more smart. Also, to be new employees without so much experience, they all want to show their ability so can dedicated themselves to the work in order to do best to prove self, in this way, the productivity of them is high possible to be much higher than the experienced old workers even with no supervisors around.
应该主题句改为，文中没有比较两者的productivity
In the second place, granted the old employees are more efficient than the young, would hiring them really save money? Perhaps the old workers all ask for higher wages, as they must be responsible for their family and they also think they can do better job and worth it, and because of their requirement, even saving the young and the supervisors' wages can not make up for the additional cost. Or perhaps they do have the ability of the job, but they do not want to try their best, can the productivity be increased?来一个总结会好

Then, turn attention to the telephone survey. The author provided no evidence showing the information of the sample, so I have great reason to doubt whether the result is representative enough to support his or her recommendation. For example, if there are 20000 workers in the factory, but only 100 were involved in the survey, should it be of some use? Or if the question for young employees are leading, they are more likely to respond with the expected answer, thus we can have the so called result.

To sum up, the conclusion in this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before I can accept the author's recommendation, he/she must produce more evidence about the real efficiency of the old employees and the young. To better evaluate the suggestion, he/she would better provide more information to ensure the representativity of the telephone survey.
加油！试着把文章写长！让文章更有说服力

================改13==========================
错误
不理解

In this recommendation the director of personnel suggests that Professional Printing Company (PPC) should hire mainly older employees so that the company could increase productivity and save money because they can hire fewer supervisors. To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites the result of a telephone survey of the automobile factory workers, showing that the older the workers, the less likely they will have supervisors present to enhance their productivity. However, this suggestion suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to provide any information about reliability of the survey. Specifically, the author does not show that the survey要用所有格么？或者把survey删除 results reflect the workers' real intension【你是不是想用intention呀？】. It is entirely possible that the present of supervisors would significantly enhance the productivity of workers aged 50 or over. It is also quite possible that younger workers work very hard even without the supervisors present.我觉得没有很好的论证到位 If so, the director's suggestion would be severely undermined.

Next, granted that the survey is reliable thus hiring workers aged 50 or over will indeed reduce the number of supervisors needed while maintaining the overall productivity in the automobile factory, the director fails to consider the possible difference between automobile industry and printing industry which would bring about a difference result for PPC if PPC reduced the number of supervisors. Perhaps automobile industry's manufacturing procedures keep the workers quite busy even no supervisors are present while on the contrary, the workers in the printing business have more chance to take breaks thus more supervising is need to enhance efficiency. If so, reduing the number of supervisors in PPC might be detrimental to the efficiency of the company.【说实话，没看出来这个差别会对作者的结论造成影响。如果有，请写出来如何影响。】 Without considering and ruling out the difference between the two industries, the director could not conclude less supervising also works in PPC.
没有完全论证开的感觉！
Finally yet importantly, even if PPC does not need as many supervisors as before by hiring older workers, the director's claim that PPC would save money by hiring fewer supervisors is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that other costs which result from hiring older workers would increase dramatically. For example, the older workers might demand more wages and more pensions from the company. If this is the case, hiring older workers might serve to increase the costs of the company despite less supervisors are employed.

To sum up, this argument is not persuasive. To bolster this argument, the director must show me the workers' genuine attitude towards supervising. Also the difference between the two industries should be considered to evaluate the effectiveness of less supervising and more information should be given about the costs relating hiring older employees.

========================改6===================
错误
不理解

In this argument, the author asserts that in order to increase productivity and save money we should hire more older employees. To espouse these conclusion, the author assumes that according to a survey about older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. From my perspective, none of these conclusion or assumptions is well supported by cogent premises and reasonable demonstration.

Fundamentally, the main fallacy is that the older employees' condition cannot be the same as the younger one. First, the energy of the older is less than the younger; they need more rest for the same work. Their body cannot be stronger than the youngers’. Second, the older employees will retried[你想说的是retired把？] soon when company will pay for the retirement pension.【Good Point！】 I don't think a lot of retired employees will benefit to the company in the long term. The retirement pension is a great number of[delete] expenses. If company hires mainly older employees, I can imagine that after they retired[用现在时] our income cannot be match the expense, let alone the profit. Thus，来句总结吧！

Moreover, the productivity of the older cannot be the same as the youngers’. The high productivity is based on the more work and less time. Actually, as a result of problem of age the older employee's productivity is less than the younger one in same condition of time. Their vision, audition and attention is lower than before, so the possibility of accident is higher than younger employee.
你这个跟上面是不是可以归为一段呀？
The result of survey also has the fallacy that among workers aged 18 to 29 is only 27percent said they are more productive in the presence of supervisor. The others这个是代表什么？是说在年龄在18~19之前剩余的部分还是包括所有年纪的 are not the same. The more workers maybe have the same productivity as the normal times. From this condition, I have this assumption that most of younger work is stable as the older employees.不太理解 So if we want to keep in high profits, we should hire some young employees and some old employees. 为什么？

In a nutshell, I have analyzed so many flaws in the argument. In my opinion, the argument should reason more convincingly. So if I were the author I would account the evidence such as in the same condition of time, the older employee’s productivity is more than the younger.
文章写得太单薄了额

austen06UID: 2841836

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 397          TIME: 00:29:48          DATE: 2010-8-6 14:44:14

In this recommendation the director of personnel suggests that Professional Printing Company (PPC) should hire mainly older employees so that the company could increase productivity and save money because they hire less supervisors. To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites the result of a telephone survey of the automobile factory workers, showing that the older the workers, the less likely they will have supervisors present to enhance their productivity. However, this suggestion suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to provide any information about reliability of the survey. Specifically, the author does not show that the survey results reflect the workers' real intension. It is entirely possible that the present of supervisors would significantly enhance the productivity of workers aged 50 or over. If so, the director's suggestion would be severely undermined.

Next, granted that hiring workers aged 50 or over indeed reduce the number of supervisors needed while maintaining the overall productivity in the automobile factory, the director fails to consider the possible difference between automobile industry and printing industry which would bring about a difference result for PPC if PPC reduced the number of supervisors. Perhaps automobile industry's manufacturing procedures keep the workers quite busy even no supervisors are present while on the contrary, the workers in the printing business have more chance to take breaks thus more supervising is need to enhance efficiency. Without considering and ruling out the difference between the two industries, the director could not conclude less supervising also works in PPC.

Finally yet importantly, even if PPC does not need as many supervisors as before by hiring older workers, the director's claim that PPC would save money by hiring less supervisors is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that other costs which result from hiring older workers would increase dramatically. For example, the older workers might demand more wages and more pensions from the company. If this is the case, hiring older workers might serve to increase the costs of the company despite less supervisors are employed.

To sum up, this argument is not persuasive. To bolster this argument, the director must show me the workers' genuine attitude towards supervising. Also the difference between the two industries should be considered to evaluate the effectiveness of less supervising and more informatoin should be given about the costs relating hiring older employees.

自改一++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In this recommendation the director of personnel suggests that Professional Printing Company (PPC) should hire mainly older employees so that the company could increase productivity and save money because they can hire
fewer supervisors. To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites the result of a telephone survey of the automobile factory workers, showing that the older the workers, the less likely they will have supervisors present to enhance their productivity. However, this suggestion suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to provide any information about reliability of the survey. Specifically, the author does not show that the survey results reflect the workers' real intension. It is entirely possible that the present of supervisors would significantly enhance the productivity of workers aged 50 or over. It is also quite possible that younger workers work very hard even without the supervisors present. If so, the director's suggestion would be severely undermined.

Next, granted that the survey is reliable thus hiring workers aged 50 or over will indeed reduce the number of supervisors needed while maintaining the overall productivity in the automobile factory, the director fails to consider the possible difference between automobile industry and printing industry which would bring about a difference result for PPC if PPC reduced the number of supervisors. Perhaps automobile industry's manufacturing procedures keep the workers quite busy even no supervisors are present while on the contrary, the workers in the printing business have more chance to take breaks thus more supervising is need to enhance efficiency. If so, reduing the number of supervisors in PPC might be detrimental to the efficiency of the company.【说实话，没看出来这个差别会对作者的结论造成影响。如果有，请写出来如何影响。】 Without considering and ruling out the difference between the two industries, the director could not conclude less supervising also works in PPC.

Finally yet importantly, even if PPC does not need as many supervisors as before by hiring older workers, the director's claim that PPC would save money by hiring fewer supervisors is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that other costs which result from hiring older workers would increase dramatically. For example, the older workers might demand more wages and more pensions from the company. If this is the case, hiring older workers might serve to increase the costs of the company despite less supervisors are employed.

To sum up, this argument is not persuasive. To bolster this argument, the director must show me the workers' genuine attitude towards supervising. Also the difference between the two industries should be considered to evaluate the effectiveness of less supervising and more information should be given about the costs relating hiring older employees.

austen06UID: 2841836

In this argument, the author cited a survey showing the percentage of old workers who report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity is higher than (that of)young workers. Then he/she concludes that hiring mainly older employees can increase productivity and safe money. A scrutiny analysis reveals that the survey suffers from several fallacies and the author's conclusion is groundless.

Since the author doesn’t talk about the number of workers involved in the survey, he/she can not convince us the truthiness(reliability比较好） of the survey. If the number of worker is limited, the percentage in this survey is doubtful. Maybe there are only ten workers aged over 30 or 2 worker aged over 50. If the data is fluctuated by random factors, we cannot the generally conclude that young employees were more likely to report that having a supervisor increases productivity.

Even the survey can represent the opinion of old and young employees, their report does not mean that they are actually increase productivity or not. The author does not explain why they think their productivity is increased（主动语态） because of a supervisor. Maybe the old workers overstate their ability of self-control. Without practice with a supervisor, the increasing productivity is open to doubt.
（个人感觉这个错误的本质并不是要搞清supervisor在场时的机理，而是在于老员工说谎了，这个survey没有反映他们真实的愿望）

Moreover, since the author does not compare the total and average productivity of old and young workers, it is too hasty to conclude that hiring older ones will increase profit. Firstly, the old workers and young ones may work in different position. Young ones who has more vigor and strength may mainly work in position which require intense labor, and old ones can not competent for this kind of job. In this case, reducing young employees will make no benefit of the factory. Secondly, the author has not compared the average productivity among workers. It is possible that without supervisors the young ones work more efficient for old ones. In this case, hiring old employees can only undermine the productivity of the factory. Lastly, the author fails to convince us the increasing productivity is over than the cost of supervisors. It is possible that hiring supervisors could bring more profit than hiring old employees. Profit is a problem count on cost and incomes. If hiring supervisor costs low and supervisors could highly increase productivity. The author’s conclusion is untenable.

All in all, to substantiate the author’s conclusion of increasing profit by hiring more old employees, he/she need convince us the truthiness of the survey and when he/she draw the conclusion some factors that I discussed above need to be provided(some factors为什么不能简要复述一下？这个结尾有点草率了）

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
改adam

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company. "In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors." WORDS: 506          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010-8-6 19:40:18 The notion that if the printing company hires mainly older employees, they would be able to increase productivity and save money seems to be sound and convincing at first glance. After all the survey of automobile factory worker indicates the average productivity of older people seems to higher than the youth. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the recommendation. The reasons are stated as below. First of all, the telephone survey can not lead to the mid conclusion that older people's productivity is higher than the youth. First, we know nothing about the details of the survey. What is the number of its respondents? How the survey is made? Are the respondents telling the truth? It is highly possible that the older are more sophisticated and know how to respond to the surveys like that. Even if the result of this survey is convincing, the mid conclusion is also in doubt. The percentage can not（cannot） show the exact productivity of the employees. Chances are that the youth are more productivity than the older employees even if there is no their supervisor around them. Without ruling the possibilities I mentioned above, the arguer can not convince me with the productivity of the older employees is higher than the productivity of the younger employees. Granted the older employees can product quickly than the younger employees in automobile factory, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, the arguer can not draw the conclusion that it will be the same situation in printing company. As we know, the differences between automobile factory and printing factory are everywhere, from the material they use to the way they work. It is also possible that the younger employees is much more productive in printing factory as printing factory need the employee to do physical works. Unless the arguer can provide more convincing evidence to show the similarity between this automobile factory and printing factory, the conclusion will be undermined. Even if those two premises are all true, the printing company can save money by employ more older employees is still unconvincing. If the salaries of the ole employees are far higher than the younger employees, the purpose to save money will not be guaranteed. Furthermore, the old employees may need more relax time and insurances than the younger employees. If we spend too much money on insurance and decrease the work time of the employees, since the mainly employees are older employees, the total productivity of the factory will decrease and the cost will increase. After so many flaws I mentioned above, now we can say the evidence cited by the auger can not be relied on by his recommendation. The printing factory may need to employ mainly older employees, but before claiming so the arguer need to provide more persuasive and professional evidence. For instance, he may need to provide the productivity of the older and younger employees in print factory, the salary of them and relax time they need in a day.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 588
TIME: 00:35:00
DATE: 2010/8/6 14:11:34

The arguer recommends that printing company hires mainly older employees in order to increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. To justify his assertion, he cites a telephone survey of automobile factory workers which in my opinion, has plenty of problems at question as I would discuss below.

First in the case of telephone survey, although see from the data the young workers need more supervisors to ensure their higher productivities, on solid evidence has been given to bolster the reliability of this research. Firstly, since it is a survey came by telephone, we have no idea that how many workers have been investigated in it in each age group. Perhaps the number of younger workers who have been investigated is far more than the number of the older ones thus chances are the percent of the workers aged 18 to 29 who said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor is higher than the workers aged over 30. Secondly, what it those respondents didn't give the true answers? The older workers may lie by reason of not to be fired. And the younger one may lie on the grounds that they thought they could be high productive without the presence of their immediate supervisor, or even they didn't treat this survey seriously so they just gave the answers at random. Therefore, to judge whether it should be chosen to hire more older workers on the occasion of the consequence of this research is hasty.

Given that the result of the telephone survey is convincing, it isn't enough to propose that the productive of workers aged 18 to 29 in lower than that of workers aged over 30. Whether a worker needs a immediate supervisor to keep company with can't explain everything. The leader needs to test more other aspects of a whole work if he wants to guarantee in which age group do workers work harder. For instance, he needs to get a list about how many products does a group of workers produce in a certain time, and then make a comparison. Or how long do a worker in different age need for their rest. In addition, the fault rate of the products each worker in different age should be clearly carried out.

What's more, the director fails to consider many negative effects of hiring mainly older employees. Since it is not a energetic age, the older workers need more social benefits which offered by the factory. They may be more easy to get hurt in the works thus the factory have to spend more money to sent them to hospital. Otherwise, older workers may be more obstinate who desire to listen to him or herself more over thus may make more mistakes in the produce.

Finally, as we know that this survey is carried out from an automobile factory while the author is from a printing company. The automobile industry may not be comparable with a printing company. There are many differences between these two such as the work in an automobile factory may need workers to get under the cars which is not fit for older workers. The author just fails to select a right sample to come out with an advice.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must give a more strict research with a more convincing result, which comes from a factory that similar to his own factory----printing factory. Thus he would have a reasonable recommendation.

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自改一：

The arguer recommends that printing company hires mainly older employees in order to increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. To justify his assertion, he cites a telephone survey of automobile factory workers which in my opinion, has plenty of problems at question as I would discuss below.

First in the case of telephone survey, although see from the data the young workers need more supervisors to ensure their higher productivities, no solid evidence has been given to bolster the reliability of this research. Firstly, since it is a survey came by telephone, we have no idea that how many workers have been investigated in it in each age group. Perhaps the number of younger workers who have been investigated is far more than the number of the older ones thus chances are the percent of the workers aged 18 to 29 who said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor is higher than the workers aged over 30. Secondly, what it those respondents didn't give the true answers? The older workers may lie by reason of not to be fired. And the younger ones may lie on the grounds that they thought they could be equally productive without the presence of their immediate supervisor, or even they didn't treat this survey seriously so they just gave the answers at random. Therefore, to judge whether it should be chosen to hire more older workers on the occasion of the consequence of this research is hasty.

Given that the result of the telephone survey is convincing, it isn't enough to propose that the productivity of workers aged 18 to 29 is lower than that of workers aged over 30. Whether a worker needs a immediate supervisor to keep company with can't explain everything. The leader needs to test more other aspects of a whole work if he wants to guarantee in which age group do workers work harder. For instance, he needs to get a list about how many products does a group of workers produce in a certain time, and then make a comparison. Or how long do a worker in different age need for their rest. In addition, the fault rate of the products each worker in different age should be clearly carried out.

What's more, the director fails to consider many negative effects of hiring mainly older employees even that they indeed have higher productivities. Since it is not an energetic age, the older workers need more social benefits which offered by the factory. They may be more easy to get hurt in the works thus the factory have to spend more money to sent them to hospital. Otherwise, older workers may be more obstinate who desire to listen to him or herself more over thus may make more mistakes in the produce.

Finally, as we know that this survey is carried out from an automobile factory while the author is from a printing company. The automobile industry may not be comparable with a printing company. There are many differences between these two such as the work in an automobile factory may need workers to get under the cars which is not fit for older workers, the environment of automobile factory is noisy for the workers to concentrate while the situation would not happen in printing factory, and the requests in each factories are not in a same extent, for the printing factory, it has few requests of skills for the workers while it requests more in a automobile factory. The author just fails to select a right sample to come out with an advice.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must give a more strict research with a more convincing result, which comes from a factory that similar to his own factory----printing factory. Thus he would have a reasonable recommendation.
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第二次自改
The arguer recommends that printing company hires mainly older employees in order to increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. To justify his assertion, he cites a telephone survey of automobile factory workers which in my opinion, has plenty of problems at question as I would discuss below.

First in the case of telephone survey, although see from the data the young workers need more supervisors to ensure their higher productivities, no solid evidence has been given to bolster the reliability of this research. Firstly, since it is a survey came by telephone, we have no idea that how many workers have been investigated in it in each age group. Perhaps the number of younger workers who have been investigated is far more than the number of the older ones thus chances are the percent of the workers aged 18 to 29 who said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor is higher than the workers aged over 30. Secondly, what if those respondents didn't give the true answers? The older workers may lied by reason of not to be fired. And the younger ones may lie on the grounds that they thought they could be equally productive without the presence of their immediate supervisor, or even they didn't treat this survey seriously so they just gave the answers at random. Therefore, to judge whether it should be chosen to hire more older workers on the occasion of the consequence of this research is hasty.

Given that the result of the telephone survey is convincing, it isn't enough to propose that the productivity of workers aged 18 to 29 is lower than that of workers aged over 30. Whether a worker needs a immediate supervisor to keep company with can't explain everything. The leader needs to test more other aspects of a whole work if he wants to guarantee in which age group do workers work harder. For instance, he needs to get a list about how many products does a group of workers produce in a certain time, and then make a comparison. Or how long does a worker in different age need for their rests. In addition, the fault rate of the products each worker in different age should be clearly carried out.

What's more, the director fails to consider many negative effects of hiring mainly older employees even that they indeed have higher productivities. Since it is not an energetic age, the older workers need more social benefits which offered by the factory. They may be more easy to get hurt in the works thus the factory have to spend more money to sent them to hospital. Otherwise, older workers may be more obstinate who desire to listen to him or herself more over thus may make more mistakes in the produce.

Finally, as we know that this survey is carried out from an automobile factory while the author is from a printing company. The automobile industry may not be comparable with a printing company. There are many differences between these two such as the work in an automobile factory may need workers to get under the cars which is not fit for older workers, the environment of automobile factory is noisy for the workers to concentrate while the situation would not happen in printing factory, and the requests in each factories are not in a same extent, for the printing factory, it has few requests of skills for the workers while it requests more in a automobile factory. The author just fails to select a right sample to come out with an advice.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must give a more strict research with a more convincing result, which comes from a factory that similar to his own factory----printing factory. Thus he would have a reasonable recommendation.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

改【5】
In this argument, the arguer tries to convince us that we can have a higher productivity and(加个more，profit不能用high来形容) profit if we hires mainly older people in our printing company. To substantiate the argument the arguer cites the evidence that older employees would not increase their productive with a supervisor present（这个evidence你理解错了啊，应该是younger employees would not increase their productive with a supervisor present）, and the recent telephone survey also tells us that younger employees have more need for supervisors. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is. From my perspective, this argument based on problematic suffers from several logical flaws which can be deeply analyzed as follows.

First of all, the arguer’s conclusion the high percentage of older employees in company, is a sign of high productivity, because of the reduced need for supervisors is unwarranted.(你这句话的因果关系是错的，管理人员的人数的减少起到的效果是省钱（因为省发工资）而不是高效率) Productivity, as we know, is influenced by the combination of a host of factors, such as efficiency, experience, healthy and technological. Obviously, the arguer does not provide enough information of the survey. It is possible that younger employees have more （改成high）productive force than the elder, even if they don't have much experience, they may be wise, kind and easy going, have the ability to work under pressure.（这句话是没有说服力的，你说younger workers may be wise, kind and easy going, have the ability to work under pressure,可是older workers也同样可以 may be wise, kind and easy going, have the ability to work under pressure，你没有举出例子或用其他方式来证明你说的） Besides, poor physical and susceptibility to disease are common for elder people, while the younger are not. So, even hiring mainly older employees, the arguer fails to justify whether it can help raise productivity.（这段驳斥有点混乱，感觉一会儿在说这个错误，一会儿在说那个错误，而这些错误之间是没有共通性的，就是说是不属于同一种类的错误的）

Secondly, the arguer states that hiring older people will bring less cost, if a myriad of other possible occurrence, such as unfavorable economic conditions, or unexpected economic recessions, (这边必须加一个which，否则就是个病句)might prevent our printing company from being as profitable in the foreseeable future as the argument predicts. Moreover, the arguer fails to provide exactly information about health conditions of older employees, maybe after we have saved the salary of the supervisors, we still need to pay a lot of money to older employees since they are very easy to get sick.这边逻辑论证，还是给人一会儿跳到这里一会儿跳到那里的感觉，没有好好规划好论证顺序

Finally, the arguer don't provide evidence （复数）that this conclusion in automobile factory is available under all the circumstances and when was this conclusion derived. In lack of such evidence, it is highly possible that the survey could make no sense in explaining the situation in our printing company hires. Requirements are different between these two fields, there have no comparable. Equally possible is that the survey results is only suitable in automobile fields, while it is not this case in our printing company.这段没有举出任何factors

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To better justify it, the arguer has to provide evidence that the automobile factory has relationship with our printing company and that the survey results can be applied to our company.
这个逻辑论证比较混乱，指出的错误是没错的，但是factors不够，无法强有力的证明，并且文章结构有点混乱，就是错误应该先归好类，然后理清楚陈述的先后顺序。有问题的话，QQ详谈

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改【2】
In this recommendation, the advice that hiring mainly older employees in printing company according to a survey was raised by the director, in which way the company would increase productivity and save money. However, after the following analysis, we will find that the director had ignored some crucial factors and facts, and that the recommendation is unpersuasive.

To begin with, the whole recommendation is based on a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers. Yet, the author used the result of that on the advice to the printing factory, which was unreasonable. There were no more details about the two factories showing that they were in the same personnel structure, working environment, and other features. It is entirely possible that the jobs at automobile factory calls for experienced and adroit workers, and as a result of that, the older workers are more competent to the jobs while the younger needs the supervisors to be present to instruct them sometime. With no enough evidence proving the result of the survey are appropriate to the situation in printing factory, it is obviously unreasonable to drive the conclusion about the increase of productivity. 这段论证有点薄弱，其实真正在讲内容的只有第4句话，再多加一点factors来充实这个逻辑错误的论证吧

Moreover, even assuming that the survey from automobile factory could be used in printing factory, actually we also cannot come to the conclusion. The author failed to assert that the printing factory would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors, if the factory hires mainly older employees. On one hand, according to the survey, more young employees said that they were more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisors, but there was no more information about the comparison between the present productivity of old and young. Perhaps the young employees were far more productive than the older, and after the replace the young by the older, the outcome of the factory probably decreased. On the other hand, in order to save money, reducing need for supervisors was not advisable because the author didn't give the concrete work of managers. Perhaps the supervisors not only emerged in the working places to oversee the condition of the workers, but also were engaged in the daily management of the factory. The reduction of the supervisors might result in some kind of discord in the factory.  From these two aspects, increase of productivity and saving money after hiring older employees would not necessarily come into realization.还是一样的，这一段两个aspects的扶持都不够，每个aspect你只讲了一种perhaps，那么就算是五五开，原题目中的观点可能性也是很大的。这段写得很长，事实上有不少句子是没有实际意义的内容的如重复题目之类的，换一些更多factors来加强论证会更好。

Finally, the method by which the survey was conducted was doubtable. In the survey, everyone's answers were collected by telephone. As we all know, telephone acted as a common communication tool in daily life, though which people chat and exchange opinions. On the problems that are connected with the personal productivity and income, it is hard to guarantee that the answers through the receivers were honest and carefully considered, not the product of chatting. There is a possibility that the older workers were quite familiar with this kind of telephone survey and know that how to give the answers would save his job, while the young were not. Thus, if the method of the survey is not reliable, let alone the result of that.这边有一个逻辑结构处理不当的问题。根据题目看来，作者做出的结论是基于一个电话调查之上的，也就是这个电话调查是一切的基础，那么在你在对上面所有的内容（正文一二段）进行攻击的一个前提就是这个电话调查是可信的，那么你的这个关于电话调查是否可信的内容，就不应该放在这里，而是应该放在所有驳斥的最前面去讨论，先去讨论flaws in evidence，然后再去讨论即使这个关于电话调查的evidence是可信的，automobile factory的情况也不一定和printing factory的情况一样等等的逻辑错误。这样的结构安排，才能使得攻击循序渐进，步步深入。

In conclusion, with no further investigation of the printing factory itself and the details about the productivity of old and young, it is hasty of the director of personnel to raise the suggestion.

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

原稿：
TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.
"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 555          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2010/8/6 22:43:51

In this recommendation, the advice that hiring mainly older employees in printing company according to a survey was raised by the director, in which way the company would increase productivity and save money. However, after the following analysis, we will find that the director had ignored some crucial factors and facts, and that the recommendation is unpersuasive.

To begin with, the whole recommendation is based on a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers. Yet, the author used the result of that on the advice to the printing factory, which was unreasonable. There were no more details about the two factories showing that they were in the same personnel structure, working environment, and other features. It is entirely possible that the jobs at automobile factory calls for experienced and adroit workers, and as a result of that, the older workers are more competent to the jobs while the younger needs the supervisors to be present to instruct them sometime. With no enough evidence proving the result of the survey are appropriate to the situation in printing factory, it is obviously unreasonable to drive the conclusion about the increase of productivity.

Moreover, even if assuming that the survey from automobile factory could be used in printing factory, actually we also cannot come to the conclusion. The author asserted that the printing factory would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors, if the factory hires mainly older employees. On one hand, according to the survey, more young employees said that they were more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisors, but there was no more information about the comparison between the present productivity of old and young. Perhaps the young employees were far more productive than the older, and after the replace the young by the older, the outcome of the factory probably decreased. On the other hand, in order to save money, reducing need for supervisors was not advisable because the author didn't give the concrete work of managers. Perhaps the supervisors not only emerged in the working places to oversee the condition of the workers, but also were engaged in the daily management of the factory. The reduction of the supervisors might result in some kind of discord in the factory.  From these two aspects, increase of productivity and saving money after hiring older employees would not necessarily come into realization.

Finally, the method by which the survey was conducted was doubtable. In the survey, everyone's answers were collected by telephone. As we all know, telephone acted as a common communication tool in daily life, though which people chat and exchange opinions. On the problems that are connected with the personal productivity and income, it is hard to guarantee that the answers through the receivers were honest and carefully considered, not the product of chatting. There is a possibility that the older workers were quite familiar with this kind of telephone survey and know that how to give the answers would save his job, while the young were not. Thus, if the method of the survey is not reliable, let alone the result of that.

In conclusion, with no further investigation of the printing factory itself and the details about the productivity of old and young, it is hasty of the director of personnel to raise the suggestion.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
一改：




WORDS: 555          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2010/8/6 22:43:51


In this recommendation, the advice that hiring mainly older employees in printing company according to a survey was raised by the director, in which way the company would increase productivity and save money. However, after the following analysis, we will find that the director had ignored some crucial factors and facts, and that the recommendation is unpersuasive.

To begin with, the whole recommendation is based on a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers. Yet, the author used the result of that on the advice to the printing factory, which was unreasonable. There were no more details about the two factories showing that they were in the same personnel structure, working environment, and other features. It is entirely possible that the jobs at automobile factory calls for experienced and adroit workers, and as a result of that, the older workers are more competent to the jobs while the younger needs the supervisors to be present to instruct them sometime. With no enough evidence proving the result of the survey are appropriate to the situation in printing factory, it is obviously unreasonable to drive the conclusion about the increase of productivity.

Moreover, even assuming that the survey from automobile factory could be used in printing factory, actually we also cannot come to the conclusion. The author failed to assert that the printing factory would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors, if the factory hires mainly older employees. On one hand, according to the survey, more young employees said that they were more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisors, but there was no more information about the comparison between the present productivity of old and young. Perhaps the young employees were far more productive than the older, and after the replace the young by the older, the outcome of the factory probably decreased. On the other hand, in order to save money, reducing need for supervisors was not advisable because the author didn't give the concrete work of managers. Perhaps the supervisors not only emerged in the working places to oversee the condition of the workers, but also were engaged in the daily management of the factory. The reduction of the supervisors might result in some kind of discord in the factory.  From these two aspects, increase of productivity and saving money after hiring older employees would not necessarily come into realization.

Finally, the method by which the survey was conducted was doubtable. In the survey, everyone's answers were collected by telephone. As we all know, telephone acted as a common communication tool in daily life, though which people chat and exchange opinions. On the problems that are connected with the personal productivity and income, it is hard to guarantee that the answers through the receivers were honest and carefully considered, not the product of chatting. There is a possibility that the older workers were quite familiar with this kind of telephone survey and know that how to give the answers would save his job, while the young were not. Thus, if the method of the survey is not reliable, let alone the result of that.

In conclusion, with no further investigation of the printing factory itself and the details about the productivity of old and young, it is hasty of the director of personnel to raise the suggestion.

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

改PSmaggie

建议修改
good expression
comments

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 588
TIME: 00:35:00
DATE: 2010/8/6 14:11:34

The arguer recommends that printing company hires mainly older employees in order to increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. To justify his assertion, he cites a telephone survey of automobile factory workers which in my opinion, has plenty of problems at question as I would discuss below.（这个at question as i would ..好像没这个搭配，不是很好，写成in the following i would discuss 或其他什么的）

First in the case of telephone survey, although see from the data the young workers need more supervisors to ensure their higher productivities, on solid evidence has been given to bolster the reliability of this research. （这句话语法有点问题，although引导的让步没有主语，后半个分句也没有主语）Firstly, since it is a survey came by telephone, we have no idea that how many workers have been investigated in it in each age group. Perhaps the number of younger workers who have been investigated is far more than the number of the older ones thus chances are the percent of the workers aged 18 to 29 who said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor is higher than the workers aged over 30. Secondly, what it those respondents didn't give the true answers? The older workers may lie by reason of not to be fired. And the younger one may lie on the grounds that they thought they could be high productive without the presence of their immediate supervisor, or even they didn't treat this survey seriously so they just gave the answers at random. Therefore, to judge whether it should be chosen to hire more older workers on the occasion of the consequence of this research is hasty.攻击调查方式

Given that（查了一下，given that偏向于“鉴于。。”就是跟since有点像，表示既然这样了，考虑到。。所以用在这里不合适，还是用即使，或者假设） the result of the telephone survey is convincing, it isn't enough to propose that the productive（productivity） of workers aged 18 to 29（is） in lower than that of workers aged over 30. Whether a worker needs a immediate supervisor to keep company with can't explain everything. The leader needs to test more other aspects of a whole work if he wants to guarantee in which age group do workers work harder. For instance, he needs to get a list about how many products does a group of workers produce in a certain time, and then make a comparison. Or how long do a worker in different age need for their rest. In addition, the fault rate of the products each worker in different age should be clearly carried out.（该段攻击“年老的不需要管理者在场，并不代表生产率高”。这段是很重要的逻辑错误，但分析的不是很到位。要联系作者由“年老的不需要管理者在场提高生产率”推得“全部换成年老的就能提高生产率”这一谬误，感觉你没有联系到作者最后的结论来说，驳倒作者的结论才最重要）

What's more, the director fails to consider many negative effects of hiring mainly older employees. Since it is not a energetic age, the older workers need more social benefits which offered by the factory. They may be more easy to get hurt in the works thus the factory have to spend more money to sent them to hospital. Otherwise, older workers may be more obstinate who desire to listen to him or herself more over thus may make more mistakes in the produce.（该段可以跟上一段并起来，主要还是说不能得出“雇佣了老年人，就能提高生产率和省钱”）

Finally, as we know that this survey is carried out from an automobile factory while the author is from a printing company. The automobile industry may not be comparable with a printing company. There are （probably）many differences between these two such as the work in an automobile factory may need workers to get under the cars which is not fit for older workers. （这个例子举出来并没有说明任何问题，接着再谈谈印刷厂的情况有什么不同，比较一下，得出这个研究是不能用于印刷厂的，分析要到位一些）The author just fails to select a right sample to come out with an advice.

In sum, the editorial is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must give a more strict research with a more convincing result, which comes from a factory that similar to his own factory----printing factory. Thus he would have a reasonable recommendation.
你的语言挺好的，很多好词组，学习了！分析上面还有些问题，例子后面要多分析，这才是argu的关键，把该有的其他合乎常理的可能性都举出来。你逻辑很清晰，学习！还有一些小小的语法问题~~~加油咯！！

czlilacUID: 2842584

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 369
TIME: 00:31:39
DATE: 2010-8-6 15:05:52

The director of Professional Printing Company recommends that their company should hire mainly older employees so as to increase productivity and save money. To make the recommendation convincing, he/she cited a report, which classified workers into 3 part, and the result showed that the older the worker, the less supervisor they needed. It is plausible at the first glance, but the recommendation suffers from several flaws.

The most conspicuous flaw is that the director asserts they should hire mainly older employees. But he/she fails to provide the necessary statistics about how the salaries are differing between the older works and supervisors. It is completely possible that the older works are needed to pay much more salary, while hires supervisors need to pay less. It is common sense that the older workers always pay attention to salary then the younger workers. So the author should consider the possibility before come to the conclusion.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to indicate that current distribution of workers is not reasonable, and no information about the current productivity and expenditures on workers. Perhaps, the younger workers work much hard than the elders, because they will always focus on whether having the chance to promote, rather than how much payment they can get currently. It is, therefore, they are more likely to work hard and hope to get the attention of their boss. Thus, whether the current productivity will be lower than hiring mainly older employees is still open to doubt. In addition, the young workers are often more health than the older ones, this can effective decline the absenteeism and increase productivity.

Finally, the survey is processed by telephone, but the author failed to provide more information about how many people are participated, and how about the distribution about their age and position, as well as sex. It is entirely possible that many of the workers which have been investigated are the older workers. They are more prone to select that they are competent in tackling the current job, and deliberately concealing that they actually need supervisor, while the younger employees have told the truth. In addition, most of the younger workers that have been surveyed are women, as we all know the practical ability of men is often better than women. Meanwhile the survey does not show any statistics about the concrete productivity of younger employees and older ones.

In sum, the recommendation is neither convincing, nor logical, before coming to the conclusion that hiring mainly older employees will contribute to increase productivity and save money, the possibilities presented above should well substantiated.

czlilacUID: 2842584

The notion that if the printing company hires mainly older employees, they would be able to increase productivity and save money seems to be sound and convincing at first glance. After all the survey of automobile factory worker indicates the average productivity of older people seems to higher than the youth. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the recommendation. The reasons are stated as below.

First of all, the telephone survey can not lead to the mid conclusion that older people's productivity is higher than the youth. First, we know nothing about the details of the survey. What is the number of its respondents? How the survey is made?(How is the survey made?) Are the respondents telling the truth? It is highly possible that the older are more sophisticated and know how to respond to the surveys like that. Even if the result of this survey is convincing, the mid conclusion is also in doubt. The percentage can not show the exact productivity of the employees. Chances are that the youth are more productivity than the older employees even if there is no their supervisor around them. Without ruling the possibilities I mentioned above, the arguer can not convince me with the productivity of the older employees is higher than the productivity of the younger employees.
论得很强大啊
Granted the older employees can product(应该是produce，product 是名词) quickly than the younger employees in automobile factory, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, the arguer can not draw the conclusion that it will be the same situation in printing company. As we know, the differences between automobile factory and printing factory are everywhere, from the material they use to the way they work. It is also possible that the younger employees is much more productive in printing factory as printing factory need the employee to do physical works. Unless the arguer can provide more convincing evidence to show the similarity between this automobile factory and printing factory, the conclusion will be undermined.

Even if those two premises are all true, the printing company can save money by employ(employing) more older employees is still unconvincing. If the salaries of the ole employees are far higher than the younger employees, the purpose to save money will not be guaranteed. Furthermore, the old employees may need more relax time and insurances than the younger employees. If we spend too much money on insurance and decrease the work time of the employees, since the mainly employees are older employees, the total productivity of the factory will decrease and the cost will increase.
讲得也很好哦
After so many flaws I mentioned above, now we can say the evidence cited by the auger can not be relied on by his recommendation. The printing factory may need to employ mainly older employees, but before claiming so the arguer need to provide more persuasive and professional evidence. For instance, he may need to provide the productivity of the older and younger employees in print factory, the salary of them and relax time they need in a day.

文章基本没有什么错误，论得也很全面啊，膜拜中！


--------------------------------------------2改 5--------------------------------------------------------
In this argument, the arguer tries to convince us that we(they) can have a higher productivity and more profit if we(delete) hires mainly older people in our(their) printing company. To substantiate the argument the arguer cites the evidence(s) that older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity, and the recent telephone survey also tells us that younger employees have more need for supervisors. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is. From my perspective, this argument based on problematic suffers from several logical flaws which can be deeply analyzed as follows.

First of all, the arguer’s conclusion the high percentage of older employees in company, is a sign of high productivity, is unwarranted. Productivity, as we know, is influenced by the combination of a host of factors, such as efficiency, experience, healthy(health) and technological(technology). Obviously, the arguer does not provide enough information of the survey. It is possible that younger employees have high productive force than the elder, even if they don't have much experience, young people are more open-minded than old people who have a tendency of conservation. Therefore, young people can adapt themselves to the changeable world more easily. Besides, poor physical and susceptibility(名词与形容词并列) to disease are common for elder people, while the younger are not. So, even hiring mainly older employees, the arguer fails to justify whether it can help raise productivity.

Secondly, the arguer states that hiring older people will bring less cost, if a myriad of other possible occurrence, such as unfavorable economic conditions, or unexpected economic recessions, which might prevent our printing company from being as profitable in the foreseeable future as the argument predicts. Moreover, the arguer fails to provide exactly information about health conditions of older employees, maybe after we have saved the salary of the supervisors, we still need to pay a lot of money to older employees since they are very easy to get sick.
前面不是已经论述过了身体条件吗？怎么又论述一次

Finally, the arguer don't provide evidence that this conclusion in automobile factory is available under all the circumstances and when was this conclusion derived. In lack of such evidence(In?), it is highly possible that the survey could make no sense in explaining the situation in our printing company hires. Requirements are different between these two fields, there have no comparable. Equally possible is that the survey results is(are) only suitable in automobile fields, while it is not this case in our printing company.
这个论述有点混乱，两者间的区别讲得不好

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To better justify it, the arguer has to provide evidence that the automobile factory has relationship with our printing company and that the survey results can be applied to our company.

sharonyeUID: 2862009

题目：ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
字数：393
用时：00:39:28
日期：2010-8-6
下午 04:13:16

In this argument, the arguer suggest the factory can improve their profits by hiring more older employees. He cited a telephone survey to support his conclusion, which shows that more young employees need supervisors to increase their productivity. His recommendation suffers from several logical flaws.

In the first place, although the old employees are probablly more skilled than the young, it is not sufficient to judge they are also more productive. As we all know, the youngsters are stronger and more enthusiastic, they are eager to learn and can finish their work rapidly for they are more smart. Also, to be new employees without so much experience, they all want to show their ability so can dedicated themselves to the work in order to do best to prove self, in this way, the productivity of them is high possible to be much higher than the experienced old workers even with no supervisors around.

In the second place, granted the old employees are more efficient than the young, would hiring them really save money? Perhaps the old workers all ask for higher wages, as they must be responsible for their family and they also think they can do better job and worth it, and because of their requirement, even saving the young and the supervisors' wages can not make up for the additional cost. Or perhaps they do have the ability of the job, but they do not want to try their best, can the productivity be increased?

Then, turn attention to the telephone survey. The author provided no evidence showing the information of the sample, so I have great reason to doubt whether the result is representative enough to support his or her recommendation. For example, if there are 20000 workers in the factory, but only 100 were involved in the survey, should it be of some use? Or if the question for young employees are leading, they are more likely to respond with the expected answer, thus we can have the so called result.

To sum up, the conclusion in this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before I can accept the author's recommendation, he/she must produce more evidence about the real efficiency of the old employees and the young. To better evaluate the suggestion, he/she would better provide more information to ensure the representativity of the telephone survey. _________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________一改
In this argument, the arguer suggest the factory can improve their profits by hiring more older employees. His/Her suggestion seems reasonable at first glance, for He/She has cited a telephone survey of both the old employees and young employees to support his conclusion, which shows that more young employees need supervisors to increase their productivity while the old are not. But a careful look on the argument reveals
his recommendation suffers from several logical flaws.
In the first place, the author provided no evidence about the productivity of the young and the old. Although common sense may mask us that the old employees are more skilled than the young, it is not sufficient to judge they are also more productive. As we all know, the youngsters are stronger and more enthusiastic, they are eager to learn and can finish their work rapidly for they are more smart. Also, to be new employees without so much experience, they all want to show their ability so can dedicated themselves to the work in order to do best to prove self, in this way, the productivity of them is high possible to be much higher than the experienced old workers even with no supervisors around.
In the second place, granted the old employees are more efficient than the young, would hiring them really save money? Perhaps the old workers all ask for higher wages, as they must be responsible for their family and they also think they can do better job and worth it, and because of their requirement, even saving the young and the supervisors' wages can not make up for the additional cost. Or perhaps they do have the ability of the job, but they do not want to try their best, can the productivity be increased?
Then, turn attention to the telephone survey. The author provided no evidence showing the information of the sample, so I have great reason to doubt whether the result is representative enough to support his or her recommendation. For example, if there are 20000 workers in the factory, but only 100 were involved in the survey, should it be of some use? Or if the question for young employees are leading, they are more likely to respond with the expected answer, thus we can have the so called result.

To sum up, the conclusion in this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before I can accept the author's recommendation, he/she must produce more evidence about the real efficiency of the old employees and the young. To better evaluate the suggestion, he/she would better provide more information to ensure the representativity of the telephone survey.
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_____________________________________________________自改二
In this argument, the arguer suggests the factory can improve their profits by hiring more older employees. His/Her suggestion seems reasonable at first glance, for He/She has cited a telephone survey of both the old employees and young employees to support his conclusion, which shows that more young employees need supervisors to increase their productivity while the old are not. But a careful look on the argument reveals his recommendation suffers from several logical flaws.

In the first place, the author provided no evidence about the productivity of the young and the old.


Although common sense may mask us that the old employees are more skilled than the young, it is not sufficient to judge they are also more productive. As we all know, the youngsters are stronger and more enthusiastic, they are eager to learn and can finish their work rapidly for they are more smart. Also, to be new employees without so much experience, they all want to show their ability so they can dedicated themselves to the work in order to do best to prove self. In this way, the productivity of them is highly possible to be much higher than the experienced old workers even with no supervisors around. But refering to the old workers, they may lose their passion and not work as hard as the young, so their productivity may also lower than the youngs’.



In the second place, granted the old employees are more efficient than the young, would hiring them really save money? Perhaps the old workers all ask for higher wages, as they must be responsible for their family and they also think they can do better job and worth it, and because of their requirement, even saving the young and the supervisors' wages can not make up for the additional cost. Or perhaps they do have the ability of the job, but they do not want to try their best, can the productivity be increased?


Then, turn attention to the telephone survey. The author provided no evidence showing the information of the sample, so I have great reason to doubt whether the result is representative enough to support his or her recommendation. For example, if there are 20000 workers in the factory, but only 100 were involved in the survey, should it be of some use?
Or if the question for young employees are leading, they are more likely to respond with the expected answer, thus we can have the so called result.


To sum up, the conclusion in this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before I can accept the author's recommendation, he/she must produce more evidence about the real efficiency of the old employees and the young. To better evaluate the suggestion, he/she would better provide more information to ensure the representatively of the telephone survey.

sharonyeUID: 2862009

改6
In this argument, the author asserts that in order to increase productivity and save money we should hire more older employees. To espouse these conclusion, the author assumes that according to a survey about the productivity（说清楚这个productivity会不会更好啊？）. From my perspective, none of these assertions or assumptions(有什么区别呢？) is well supported by cogent premises and reasonable demonstration.

Fundamentally, the main mistake（用这个词？好像不太准确） is that the older employees' condition cannot be the same as the younger one. First, the energy of the older is less than the younger; they need more rest for the same work. Their body cannot be stronger than the youngers’. Second, the older employees will retried soon when company will pay for the retirement pension(这个观点很好). I don't think a lot of retired employees will benefit to the company. The retirement pension is a great number of expenses. If company hires mainly older employees, I can imagine that after they retired our income cannot be match the expense, let alone about （可以去掉吧）the profit.

Moreover, the productivity of the older cannot be the same as the youngers’. The high productivity is based on the more work and less time. Actually, as a result of problem of age the older employee's productivity is less than the younger one in same condition of time. Their vision and audition and(两个and连在一起不太好吧) attention is lower than before, so the possibility of accident is higher than younger employee.

The result of survey also has the fallacy that among workers aged 18 to 29 is only 27percent said they are more productive in the presence of supervisor. The others are not the same. The more workers maybe have the same productivity as the normal times or even lower than in normal times. In my opinion, the reason of the younger’s productivity in different condition changed is that they felt nervous in the supervisor present（如果这样的话，不是刚好与题目相反了，有监督者的时候他们的工作效率会变低呀）. On the contrary, the report about the older is better than younger. Their productivity is stable no matter having a supervisor or not.

In a nutshell, I have analyzed so many flaws in the argument. In my opinion, the argument should reason more convincingly（这句话有问题，语病）. So if I were the author I would account the evidence such as in the same condition of time, the older employee’s productivity is more than the younger.
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_______________________改谦
In this argument, the author cited a survey showing the percentage of old workers who report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity is higher than that of young workers（反了，应该是lower）. Then he/she concludes that hiring mainly older employees can increase productivity and safe money. A scrutiny analysis reveals that the survey suffers from several fallacies and the author's conclusion is groundless.

Since the author doesn’t talk about the number of workers involved in the survey, he/she can not convince us the reliability of the survey. If the number of worker is limited, the percentage in this survey is doubtful. Maybe there are only ten workers aged over 30 or 2 worker aged over 50. If the data is fluctuated by random factors（这说的不太清楚，random factors指的是什么？如果把它理解成年轻工人的话，按理来说sample越多，越，结论应该越reliable）, we cannot the generally （语病？）conclude that young employees were more likely to report that having a supervisor increases productivity.

Even the survey can represent the opinion of old and young employees, their report does not mean that they are actually increase productivity or not. The author does not explain why they think their productivity is increased because of a supervisor. Maybe the old workers overstate their ability of self-control. Without practice （？什么意思）with a supervisor, the increasing productivity is open to doubt. Moreover, the author has not compared the average productivity among workers. It is possible that without supervisors the young ones work more efficient for old ones. In this case, hiring old employees can only undermine the productivity of the factory.

Moreover, since the author does not compare the total and average productivity of old and young workers, it is too hasty to conclude that hiring older ones will increase profit. Firstly, the old workers and young ones may work in different position. Young ones who has more vigor and strength may mainly work in position which require intense labor, and old ones can not competent for this kind of job. In this case, reducing young employees will make no benefit of the factory. Secondly, the author fails to convince us the increasing productivity is over than the cost of supervisors. It is possible that hiring supervisors could bring more profit than hiring old employees. Profit is a problem count on cost and incomes（好）. If hiring supervisor costs low and supervisors could highly increase productivity. The author’s conclusion is untenable.

All in all, to substantiate the author’s conclusion of increasing profit by hiring more old employees, he/she need convince us the truthiness of the survey and when he/she draw the conclusion some factors that I discussed above need to be provided.
（让步，让步，让步，原来是这样的条理哦）

hwslqcUID: 2861597

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 506          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010-8-6 19:40:18

The notion that if the printing company hires mainly older employees, they would be able to increase productivity and save money seems to be sound and convincing at first glance. After all the survey of automobile factory worker indicates the average productivity of older people seems to higher than the youth. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that none of them can lend credible support to the recommendation. The reasons are stated as below.

First of all, the telephone survey can not lead to the mid conclusion that older people's productivity is higher than the youth. First, we know nothing about the details of the survey. What is the number of its respondents? How the survey is made? Are the respondents telling the truth? It is highly possible that the older are more sophisticated and know how to respond to the surveys like that. Even if the result of this survey is convincing, the mid conclusion is also in doubt. The percentage can not show the exact productivity of the employees. Chances are that the youth are more productivity than the older employees even if there is no their supervisor around them. Without ruling the possibilities I mentioned above, the arguer can not convince me with the productivity of the older employees is higher than the productivity of the younger employees.

Granted the older employees can product quickly than the younger employees in automobile factory, which is of course an unwarranted assumption, the arguer can not draw the conclusion that it will be the same situation in printing company. As we know, the differences between automobile factory and printing factory are everywhere, from the material they use to the way they work. It is also possible that the younger employees is much more productive in printing factory as printing factory need the employee to do physical works. Unless the arguer can provide more convincing evidence to show the similarity between this automobile factory and printing factory, the conclusion will be undermined.

Even if those two premises are all true, the printing company can save money by employ more older employees is still unconvincing. If the salaries of the ole employees are far higher than the younger employees, the purpose to save money will not be guaranteed. Furthermore, the old employees may need more relax time and insurances than the younger employees. If we spend too much money on insurance and decrease the work time of the employees, since the mainly employees are older employees, the total productivity of the factory will decrease and the cost will increase.

After so many flaws I mentioned above, now we can say the evidence cited by the auger can not be relied on by his recommendation. The printing factory may need to employ mainly older employees, but before claiming so the arguer need to provide more persuasive and professional evidence. For instance, he may need to provide the productivity of the older and younger employees in print factory, the salary of them and relax time they need in a day.

hwslqcUID: 2861597

In this recommendation the director of personnel suggests that Professional Printing Company (PPC) should hire mainly older employees so that the company could increase productivity and save money because they can hire
less【fewer】 supervisors. To substantiate this conclusion, the director cites the result of a telephone survey of the automobile factory workers, showing that the older the workers, the less likely they will have supervisors present to enhance their productivity. However, this suggestion suffers from several logical flaws which render it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author fails to provide any information about reliability of the survey. Specifically, the author does not show that the survey results reflect the workers' real intension. It is entirely possible that the present of supervisors would significantly enhance the productivity of workers aged 50 or over. If so, the director's suggestion would be severely undermined.【第一段是印象最深的一段，你把这么小的一个攻击点单独放到第一段可能不太合适。即使要放，也应该再展开写一点。】

Next, granted that hiring workers aged 50 or over indeed reduce the number of supervisors needed while maintaining the overall productivity in the automobile factory, the director fails to consider the possible difference between automobile industry and printing industry which would bring about a difference result for PPC if PPC reduced the number of supervisors. Perhaps automobile industry's manufacturing procedures keep the workers quite busy even no supervisors are present while on the contrary, the workers in the printing business have more chance to take breaks thus more supervising is need to enhance efficiency.【说实话，没看出来这个差别会对作者的结论造成影响。如果有，请写出来如何影响。】 Without considering and ruling out the difference between the two industries, the director could not conclude less supervising also works in PPC.

Finally yet importantly, even if PPC does not need as many supervisors as before by hiring older workers, the director's claim that PPC would save money by hiring less【fewer】 supervisors is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that other costs which result from hiring older workers would increase dramatically. For example, the older workers might demand more wages and more pensions from the company. If this is the case, hiring older workers might serve to increase the costs of the company despite less supervisors are employed.

To sum up, this argument is not persuasive. To bolster this argument, the director must show me the workers' genuine attitude towards supervising. Also the difference between the two industries should be considered to evaluate the effectiveness of less supervising and more information should be given about the costs relating hiring older employees.