√-×。Daily Writing组- lynn27

lynn27UID: 2774627

  





9.4

9.5作文.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 17)

2010-9-5 00:25:44 上传

下载次数: 17

日期写错，是9。4

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

9月5日

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your
strengths and accomplishment, you will never get successful in life。

Is that the strengths and accomplishment be know so important? If other people don’t
know, is it will vanish? Apparently, the answer is no. So, why we attach importance on it?

The first I can explain is people care about others idea to themselves. They care how others think about them. So they have more motivation to do it. One thing can help us understand it more accurately; we can take the employers as an example.(没见过这个并列法 不知合适吗)
When we work for a firm, we are happy for having a good job.
(这句是什么意思？)The way our boss appreciate us and smile to us let us feel satisfy（satisfied） and worthy. Everything we do, all difficulties we face, all get its worthiness at the time. We find a way to confirm ourselves and a place gets our happiness. However, the same place and same assignment, you get
a boss who does not know about you a lot. The meaning you to him(To him,you are ) is just an employee but not an elite. Every project you do may be is dramatically great and make important signification（significance） for the firm. The truth is he has no idea about you, even though the project impressed him. Do you happy? Lacking of approbation, all satisfaction you got is not complete any more. The people you work for him(him去掉) do not know you are great（great 是伟大 用competent） and your strengths and accomplishment（注意语法 ，前面有are 用形容词）, under this kind of environment of workplace, I do not think you will get more successful(注意语法). In contrast, you will be frustrated day by day.

In the other hand, for influential people, strengths and accomplishments is a vital（crucial更好） factor for reputation. But reputation can exist all depends on comparison.
（这是汉语表达 检查一下不合语法）You
are different from others, even better, so it can catch other people’s eyes naturally. However, the sad thing is that （there is）always have(去掉) the person who stronger than you. When you stuck on the reputation comparison, may be you can get more motivation, but I think you will pay more attention to if it is good enough to let the people who watch or read it admire. If you are not sure about yourself, then you will just worry every minute. The concentration, the basic characteristic of a successful person should possess, just gone at once.

So, I think to different people, there are different situations.

我知道我没写出题干的“never”。极端词应该引起重视。 好像也跑题了。。疯了
字数有够。。。


语法错误很多 我只是拣了一部分 不够连贯 关键是多读好文章  细读  习惯英语的表达方式

很多地方很“中国化” 明显是阅读英文太少 。

你的签名有趣Everyone hates me.
That's sweet and awsome.
很哥特   
纠正一下 是awesome 不是awsome

还有你的文章观点我也喜欢 虽然很任性。哈哈

lynn27UID: 2774627

2# zjlkg2005

:L。。。想问我的文章论点。哪任性了。。。。 那个不够合理还是什么？

签名马上就纠去~~泪奔~~~ 当时懒得查字典了。。
也呼，我果断的讨厌阅读。。。现在会注意下表达方式的~~~还有众多。。。。。欠揍的。。语法。。。
PS：辛苦LS了，改我的文章那是果断的辛苦。。。

lynn27UID: 2774627

913


Daily Writing-

lynn27UID: 2774627

914  

IBT——独立写作小组


2009.9 25NA.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 22)

2010-9-14 04:33:29 上传

下载次数: 22

chchevalierUID: 2596905

done

shadowranUID: 2864083

9.13 改

lynn27UID: 2774627

914

Daily Writing-作文特训小组

09.1.17NA.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 9)

2010-9-15 04:24:20 上传

下载次数: 9

shadowranUID: 2864083

9.14 改

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

改好了

ing315UID: 2870197

2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.


It is common to say that numerous people work for dangerous(..和UNSTABLE还是意思不一样啊) job in order to gain high salary. For them, secure is the second can be considerin(secure is always put at the inferior place)g. However, the way to make a living is not always good(没看懂). In another word, it brings about varying degrees (of) potential trouble. There are several reasons for that. (思路很明了,可惜对题目理解有偏差)

Actually, there are so many examples can be taken here to support the idea which is the high salaries with low secure lead to some thing outing of our expectation(which应该引导一个完整句子,缺主语). One (example )I would like to give is thief. We can not deny that it is a easy way to get a plenty of money. Accordingly, the high secure we can not ignore is serious exist. It not only takes other people’s problem, also trouble themselves. Moreover, regardless of the salaries, low secure work will push us countless pressures. Worse yet, who can ensure us can not get caught in mental illness? Also, to some extent, it is not exaggerated to say it is easier to shorter our life. (LZ,你的想象力令人佩服....小偷.....个人有点没缓过神)

In(ON) the other hand, high salaries are not all things of our life. May be it does determine the quality of our life, it can not fix the need for pursuing the goodliness(没有这个词~happiness). Also, high salaries mean that we need to attribute more time to our job. Relatively, that means a big decrease of the time accompanying families or friends. However, low salaries give out more space to our personal life. Do you want to be a person who just knowing the work or the person who have unhealthy life but a powerful mind? There are a great many things waiting for us to complete it. We can’t miss it for money, because the thing we want to do is worthless. (观点好但不是很有说服力)

Furthermore, doing the things we comfortable to do may be got low salaries. It is not a shortage of passion to the future; however, it is a way to take care of ourselves. So having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lose.
       
相信你刚开始准备吧
能写这么多文字真的很不错~
而且提倡的基本结构也用的很好
虽然语言和论证还欠缺
相信多练你会写出很好的文章
加油,加油~

(哦,对了,你改我的那篇文章很可惜打不开,可能要麻烦你再发一下)

lynn27UID: 2774627

LS：我重新编辑了下回帖哈= = 现在可以下了。 本来那个传错了。




915

daily作文贴。

915的daily组-lynn27.doc (23 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2010-9-16 02:50:31 上传

下载次数: 7

luolnUID: 2689004

不好意思哦～～　那天我起来修改的时候，你的作文还没发出来。。。
然后。。。。后来我就忘了。。。

luolnUID: 2689004

楼主。。。我把你的文章改得，我觉得你可以重新写一篇了。。。

lynn27UID: 2774627

14# luoln

呜呜= =  我继续努力。。。
改的灰常认真，意见我都认真看了，很受启发！ 谢谢