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芷遥
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发表于 2010-9-16 19:31:22 |显示全部楼层

用word修订模式改的，结果发现自己积分不够不能上传附件，贴在下面好像就看不出我改了哪里。你看不清楚的话可以给我邮箱地址我传给你。 crystalblacksh@gmail.com

09.4.3NA
The best way to improve the quality of the education in a country is to increase teacher’s salary?
这篇集合很多别人的思路= = 在群里讨论过怎么写。但是估计又被我糟蹋了。。。

Some people might think that the best way to improve the quality of the education in a country is to increase teacher’s salary. Others believe that maybe it is a good way to do it,but not the best one. From my perspective, I stand on the later one. There are several reasons for that.

The quality of education depends on (后面应该是个名词)if a teacher good enough to teach students. （such as 前面应该有个名词）Such as the knowledge one teacher possessed and how to convert these to students (convert是把一样东西转换成另一样。是转换而不是传递)or the ability to live up lessons so that students can understand it receive it easily.

The quality of education depends on the quality of teachers. A good teacher has a large pool of knowledge and a good command of teaching skills such as imparting knowledge to students in a clever way, living up the class atomosphere.

A good teacher will let the student have the eager to learn new(positive 与eager有重复之嫌) More precisely, there are no clear connection between salary and education quality. For some teachers, what they lack is the passion to the career. Also, what they need is to influence students by their dynamic and flexibile education skills.
however high the salary will be, they all take it for granted. The way to improve the quality of teachers
is to provide them with more training One thing I should mention is the whole education ecosystem is supposed to be adjusted. Or the fundamental of it is the same all the time. (最后这句话与你的TS有点无关，还是别写了吧：教育的质量取决于老师的质量。)

On the other hand, teachers only care about the scores that students get. Because it is directly relevant to the reputation of the school. So teachers ignore the integrated development of students, it leads to the students’ grasp nothing but testing techniques. So, if we band on(不认识这个词组……) increasing salary for teachers, it may cause teachers to produce an thought that even though they do nothing, they still can enjoy the rise of wage.

However, it is undeniable to say that it is a good way to motivate teachers to do better in their job. For instance, Poor living conditions may disturb a teacher from devoting all his energy to education. Maybe he also does other jobs to earn a living. The enhancement of salary largely solves the economic plight his family is suffering from. So as to return it, he or she will makes his or her effort to teach student more carefully.

To sum up, improving the quality of the education is not the best way. As I said, change the education ecosystem or train teachers might be the best one. 这个结论与首段不符。你要论证的是加薪是不是提高教育质量的最好办法。而不是提高教育质量是不是最好的办法。

Suggestion:
1.
写完后检查一下每句话主谓宾满了没有吧。lynn27你用的词词性很乱，名词、动词、形容词，然后直接导致句子的成分很乱。不追求每个字的深奥，但是至少，我们写一句话就是一句话。共勉！
2.
检查主谓一致
3.
检查单词的拼写

written by 芷遥
2010-09-16

[活动] √-×。Daily Writing组- lynn27 [复制链接]

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