嘉木香草的TOEFL奋斗贴~~

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

写作特训小组11.13作业
第一次写作，很多不懂得地方，希望大家能狠狠地批评指正！谢谢！

Visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country



Just imagine what would you like to do to get to know about a country which you first travel to without knowing anything about it and can only stay there for 2 days? Visiting museums is a common way which people will choose to learn about a country, but is it the best one?

Many people may say museums is not that useful, but at least I chose that way when I first went to America. When you first come to a country, especially as big ones as those like America or China, it`s quite difficult to master the backgrounds, history, culture and other aspects about the country in a short time, but museums，which are like a contracted country from many aspects like ancient time to nowadays or from its citizens to industry, which can reflect the country in many aspects.

In my opinion, it`s the best way to make acquaintance with a country.

Usually the museums are made by all the knowlegdeable experts of their specific area, such as politics or history of the country. So what you leant from the museum is definitely correct, and there`s no need to worry about whether you get the misleading information from other methods.

What`s more, the museums are mostly supported by the government, which means that the governments will support them with a large amount of foundation. This makes it possible that you just need to offer a sensible of money to learn about the nearly exhaustive knowledge about a country.

Last but not least, the majority of the goods being exhibited in the museums is real objects with introductions or viedo, which can be not only seen, but also be felt or heard or even touched, thus, you can receive the knowledge in various means not just from one way like reading books or watching TV.

For all those reasons above, if you have the chance to visit a totally new country and want to learn about it, make the museums as your first choice.

hycqyUID: 2819662

写作小组的来给改一下啊！

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

2# hycqy
就是，我昨晚花了一个半小时的时间帮我们组的通知认认真真的改完了，都没人来理我……

grandyangUID: 2730087

抱歉，改晚了，请见谅

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

4# grandyang
哦，没事，改了就好，还以为你不理我呢，呵呵，非常感谢！

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

11.15作业，第二次写作文，写了1个小时20分钟，大家狠拍~~谢谢！
Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.





Remember when you were a kid, you kept asking your mom which one was the bad guy and hoping him to be decreed to cruellest punishment on the drama or movie that you were watching? But are the bad guys always deserving punishments or the good ones having a happy ending in our real life? Absolutely, not. I don`t think it`s good to twist the reality on the media mostly.

Good movies and dramas are usually based on a real person or story. Of course it`s significant and necessary for them to put the inspiring reality that great people received rewards and disgraced people are published. But while gathering the materials from our society, it cannot be avoid that the unfair cases being revealed. What should we do about that? To hide the truth and tell a beautiful lie or just tell what we know? Editors, choose the later one, please. The medium has a powerful influence on the public. Only if it put the truth on the screen can the audience get to know what really happened to that one. If the media just want to show a happy ending, mostly, they will be successfully misleading the audience. It`s important for people to know the reality about the society or the history. Taking a clearly look at the society, then you may adjust to it well. Especially for those college students who are not familiar with the society. When they first leave school, they feel disappointed and angry about the unfair events. This attitude may prevent the development for them for a period. Facing the reality about the life can avoid the confusion for those who are not mature enough.

What`s more, if the media always show the stories in the same way, it may lost their attraction to the audience. Imaging the repeated "good people good results, bad ones bad results" model, can you still be curious and anxious about what the ending will be like?

But mean while, the movies and TVs should still give some hopeful stories. As long as they don`t use the real person or story as archetype, the dramas or movies can be edited perfectly, it`s essential for people to keep a promising mind about our society, we should know that even there are some unjust events, they are the minority. And for kids, the media is an important way for them to learn the knowledge and rules about things, giving them correct examples can lead them to the right way of being a good person.

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

第一篇综合，请批斗！

The speaker of the lecture holds the view that it`s not the pollution that caused the decline of the sea otter, but the predation. She gives three explanations.

Firstly, even though previous experts believed that it is the pollution killed lots of the sea otters, but no one has ever found the evidence about that, like the washing up death bodies of the sea otters.

Secondly, even though large numbers of other sea species were declined the same time, it may prove that it is because the whale was killed by humans and the amount of it was less, so that the sea otter had to change its diet to eat other small sea mammals, which induced other groups of species to be smaller.

Thirdly, as for the uneven pattern of the appearance of the sea otter, it just support the point that it`s the predation. Since the orcas, the predator of the sea otter, are too large to live on the shallow or rocked parts of the ocean, those places are the ones which have a larger amount of sea otters.

Those three reasons clearly showed that the decline of the sea otter is the result of predation, but not pollution.

cyanidinUID: 2897934

Remember when you were a kid, you kept asking your mom which one was the bad guy and hoping him to be decreed to cruellest punishment on the drama or movie that you were watching? But are the bad guys always deserving punishments or the good ones having a happy ending in our real life? Absolutely, not. I don`t think it`s good 建议把good 换了，不够精确这个形容词to twist the reality on the media mostly.

看完第一段觉得有点奇怪，觉得是偏题了。题目问的好像没有在第一段展示出来。。。不知道是不是我没有理解你的意思呢？不过我觉得开篇一下子亮出观点比较好哦
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Good咱尽量少用good哈~你可以说一部成功的电影啊，或者一部acceptable的什么的 movies and dramas are usually based on a real person or story. Of course it`s significant and necessary and觉得没必要了吧、。for them to put the inspiring reality that great people received rewards and disgraced people are published. But while gathering the materials from our society, it cannot be avoid that the unfair cases being revealed. What should we do about that? To hide the truth and tell a beautiful lie or just tell what we know? Editors, choose the later one, please. 看到这里觉得非常的confuse，说了半天了，总觉得没有有力的证据来做支持。。。文章结构还是紧凑一点好啊~因为考官看作文的时间不会很长的说The medium has a powerful influence on the public. Only if it put the truth on the screen can the audience get to know what really happened to that one.这句话应该是你的topic sentence吧？所以应该把这句话提到段首去。。 If the media just want to show a happy ending, mostly,不太明白为什么要加一个mostly？ they will be successfully misleading 是不是有语法错误哦？？the audience. It`s少用缩写呢~ important for people to know the reality about the society or the history. Taking a clearly look at the society, then you may adjust to it well. Especially for those college students who are not familiar with the society. 文章有点小混乱。。。建议以后写的时候先想清楚你的提纲。point 1 point 2point3 分别想好论据再写When they first leave school, they feel disappointed and angry about the unfair events.建议在这里强调一下这些events是电影里不会演的，还有注意题目说的是坏人得到惩罚。说unfair太宽泛 This attitude may prevent the development for them for a period. Facing the reality about the life can avoid the confusion for those who are not mature enough.
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! K2 s. \0 l4 d9 k+ I) w, U0 hWhat`s more, if the media always show the stories in the same way, it may lost their attraction to the audience. Imaging the repeated "good people good results, bad ones bad results" model, can you still be curious and anxious about what the ending will be like?
+ m3 ~' b0 f( S5 _' k$ {9 a1 w! k7 m, r3 O
But mean while, the movies and TVs should still give some hopeful stories. As long as they don`t use the real person or story as archetype, the dramas or movies can be edited perfectly, 觉得这个理由很。。。。很扯淡。。。。对不起啊这么说，可这是真的，因为不建立在真实的人物上的电影不可能是好电影。不是所有的真实的故事都unfair都没有good ending~it`s essential for people to keep a promising mind about our society, we should know that even there are some unjust events, they are the minority. And for kids, the media is an important way for them to learn the knowledge and rules about things, giving them correct examples can lead them to the right way of being a good person.



怎么说呢。。。总体看下来的话，希望你练习一下逻辑和论证。。。语句上面的话，用词要更精确，语句要长短结合。。。

cyanidinUID: 2897934

昨天写文书弄太晚了。。。睡一下起来给你改第二篇、、、

cyanidinUID: 2897934

The speaker of the lecture holds the view that it.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-11-16 21:34:10 上传

下载次数: 5

不好意思这么晚改了。。。。

cyanidinUID: 2897934

厄，，我的作文贴上去了。。之前忘记叫连接了。。。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1169718-1-1.html

电大的UID: 2946979

好赞一个

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

10# cyanidin
Younger school children (age five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history.

Think about the stories which your parents or grandparents told you about their childhood, most of the important and impressive parts are not about the boring subjects at school. But with the heavy pressure of competition which is applying for a better middle school and the so called saying "do not fail your kids from the start", many primary schools and parents require their children to study the subjects which are "useful" for higher grades. Many children lose the opportunity of enjoying their lives. I definitely agree with the suggestion that younger school children should learn more about art and music besides the usually subjects.

First and foremost, art and music is an essential part of our life, we live in the real world, we need entertainments besides study. But nowadays, most likely, if school children are not required to study art and music especially, they may never have the chance to get to know those stuff, which is a vacuum of their life.

What`s more, art and music is significant for children`s intelligence progress. Many researches have indicated that music and art can help children to develop the specific areas of their brains. Especially for younger school children, who are at the key period of brain forming and developing. Those subjects can train the logical thinking and space sense of children, which can assist their study of other subjects.

The most important thing is, only if they have learnt about art or music, can their interests be cultivated. Many children`s curiosity about that is killed because they don`t have the chance to get to know about it. So our schools and parents should definitely offer such opportunities for the kids to study about arts and may inspire their gifts for that. But if we don`t put it at school as a necessary, the other study pressure may deprive the time of learning it for children.

All in all, it is significant and necessary for younger school children to be asked to learn about art and music

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

12# 电大的
好什么？

jiaojiaojing198UID: 2428625

我的修改：

Think about the stories which your parents or grandparents told you about their childhood, most of the important and impressive parts are not about the boring subjects at school. But with the heavy pressure of competition which is applying for a better middle school and the so called saying "do not fail your kids from the start", many primary schools and parents require their children to study the subjects which are "useful" for higher grades. Many children lose the opportunity of enjoying their lives.( 以例子引入很好，但我觉得这里要再加上一句表示他们没有时间去学习更多艺术和音乐是不是切题点) I definitely agree with the suggestion that younger school children should learn more about art and music besides the usually subjects.- a# ?. \' [) T9 \( J

First and foremost, art and music is an essential part of our life, we live in the real world, we need entertainments besides study. But nowadays, most likely, if school children are not required to study art and music especially, they may never have the chance to get to know those stuff, which is a vacuum of their life（我喜欢这个表达，但是which是不是指stuff，那样的话，不是意思正好相反了?）.
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What`s more, art and music is significant for children`s intelligence progress. Many researches have indicated that music and art can help children to develop the specific areas of their brains. Especially for younger school children, who are at the key period of brain forming and developing. Those subjects can train the logical thinking and space sense of children, which can assist their study of other subjects(再举例，如爱因斯坦会不会更完整些).

The most important thing is, only if they have learnt about art or music, can their interests be cultivated（我喜欢这个倒装）. Many children`s curiosity about that is killed because they don`t have the chance to get to know about it. So our schools and parents should definitely offer such opportunities for the kids to study about arts and may inspire their gifts for that. But if we don`t put it at school as a necessary, the other study pressure may deprive the time of learning it for children.

All in all, it is significant and necessary for younger school children to be asked to learn about art and music