嘉木香草的TOEFL奋斗贴~~

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

11.17 integrated writing tpo12
求狠拍~~~辛苦拍手啦！

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

15# jiaojiaojing198
谢谢你！

cyanidinUID: 2897934

呵呵，这两天的确是状态不好~~综合还没有憋出来。。。谢谢批改和费心

lynn27UID: 2774627

谢谢你的script哈~
我听了好多好多遍听力...555...还是没听好。

草 Revised by lyn.doc (20.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-11-18 13:35:44 上传

下载次数: 2

蜥蜴也飞UID: 2894889

牛牛牛！来顶一个！

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

18# cyanidin
客气了，给你改晚了都有点不好意思了。该谢谢你的修改才是，让我受益匪浅，希望以后能多给予指导呀~~

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

20# 蜥蜴也飞
过奖过奖了，还有很多不足的地方……恳求指正！

jjooyyUID: 2704028

似乎没有例子 比较单薄~ 建议每段放例子！

windslpUID: 2903140

Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.
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+Remember when you were a kid, you kept asking your mom which one was the bad guy and hoping him to be decreed to cruellest（这个单词是..?） punishment on the drama or movie that you were watching? （用问句作开头很好~）But are the bad guys always deserving punishments or the good ones having a happy ending in our real life? Absolutely, not. I don`t think it`s good to twist the reality on the media mostly. 3 B- v7 j6 w  }% |3 ~& ^" z0 P

Good movies and dramas are usually based on a real person or story. Of course it`s significant and necessary for them to put the inspiring reality that great people received rewards and disgraced people are published. But while gathering the materials from our society, it cannot be avoid（avoided） that the unfair cases being revealed. What should we do about that? To hide the truth and tell a beautiful lie or just tell what we know? Editors, choose the later one, please. The medium has a powerful influence on the public. Only if it put the truth on the screen can the audience get to know what really happened to that one(倒装很好啊~~~~~). If the media just want to show a happy ending, mostly, they will be successfully misleading the audience. It`s important for people to know the reality about the society or the history. Taking a clearly look at the society, then you may adjust to it well. Especially for those college students who are not familiar with the society. When they first leave school, they feel disappointed and angry about the unfair events. This attitude may prevent the development for them for a period. Facing the reality about the life can avoid the confusion for those who are not mature enough.（我觉得主要阐述内容有点多，显得细节不够多，缺乏说服力,如果能把例子更具体化就好了~~~）

What`s more, if the media always show the stories in the same way, it may lost their attraction to the audience. Imaging the repeated "good people good results, bad ones bad results" model, can you still be curious and anxious about what the ending will be like?（个人很喜欢这个论述~~）, x  r# q/ D2 ?. Z  v

But mean while, the movies and TVs should still give some hopeful stories. As long as they don`t use the real person or story as archetype, the dramas or movies can be edited perfectly, it`s essential for people to keep a promising mind about our society, we should know that even there are some unjust events, they are the minority. And for kids, the media is an important way for them to learn the knowledge and rules about things, giving them correct examples can lead them to the right way of being a good person.

应该是三个论点会比较好~
然后第一个例子内容有点,可以把里面一部分截取出来作为单独的一段,
总是论述还是很不错的~~
加油加油~~

windslpUID: 2903140

你好像帮我改错了T T。然后我也帮你改错了,现在再补上,嘿嘿,~
Younger school children (age five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history.3 w, t- Z2 z8 K. R

Think about the stories which your parents or grandparents told you about their childhood, most of the important and impressive parts are not about the boring subjects at school. But with the heavy pressure of competition which is applying for a better middle school and the so called saying "do not fail your kids from the start", many primary schools and parents require their children to study the subjects which are "useful" for higher grades. Many children lose the opportunity of enjoying their lives. I definitely agree with the suggestion that younger school children should learn more about art and music besides the usually subjects.（第一段阐述的蛮好~就是觉得有点太长了,显得头重脚轻的.~）8 p5 \) X  t5 q8 W, q$ B

First and foremost, art and music is an essential part of our life, we live in the real world, we need entertainments besides（这个可以替换掉的~） study. But nowadays, most likely, if school children are not required to study art and music especially, they may never have the chance to get to know those stuff, which is a vacuum（这个词用的很好啊~~） of their life（没有具体的例子额- -。）.+ v2 [8 j; Q- t& H0 {, s. O  u. W

What`s more, art and music is significant for children`s intelligence progress. Many researches have indicated that music and art can help children to develop the specific areas of their brains. Especially for younger school children, who are at the key period of brain forming and developing. Those subjects can train the logical thinking and space sense of children, which can assist their study of other subjects.

The most important thing is, only if they have learnt about art or music, can their interests be cultivated. Many children`s curiosity about that is killed because they don`t have the chance to get to know about it. So our schools and parents should definitely offer such opportunities for the kids to study about arts and may inspire their gifts for that. But if we don`t put it at school as a necessary, the other study pressure may deprive the time of learning it for children.
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All in all, it is significant and necessary for younger school children to be asked to learn about art and music

写得蛮好~~主要是例子太少了,说服力不足,
还有就是最后一段太单薄叻,

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

TPO 12 by TTUUTTUU
第三點不對   是指賣帆布的  在當時跟本沒有在那邊賣
所以不對~

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

26# ttuuttuu
哦哦，谢谢~~就是当时没有听出那个单词来，还要多练听力啊！

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

11.25独立

ProsUID: 2945841

嘉木 revised by pros.doc (25 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-11-26 18:40:54 上传

下载次数: 2