issue 130 <彼岸小组第二次作业> by muzhihao 4号

muzhihao1UID: 2959675

outline:
1 Our children was not qualified to adjust to the  circumstance around them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation.
2 On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them the capacities applying to its particular demands.
3 The fulfillment of children's mentality play a more important role in the socialization of children.

With the acceleration of  life pace, increasing pressure on job and conception changing on raising children, our children are living in a intensely different circumstance from their parents. They owned an inexhaustible resource of knowledge in the web and grow into a versatile one. Meanwhile, they are in great thirst for a partner who can play with, of which are indispensable in the forming of their leadership, conception of group and ability to deal with different view. More and more people ask such a question, can they inherit the future society and better it?

It’s widely shared that children today was not well trained to adjust to the circumstance around them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation. Growing up with the rapid spread of Internet, the majority of our children experience a childhood consists of games and chats online, rather than real friends. Their parents, the only available person children can approach, is occupied with the work, leaving them alone at home. As the result of their isolation from the society, they may hardly imagine what the responsibility of society is.

On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them the capacities applying to its particular demands. As Deng Xiaoping, the chairman who advocates the reform and open policy, once said :"Knowledge is the first productivity." This reflects the variation in the criterion of an adequate worker. Fortunately, the Internet as their instructive teacher has taught them how to collect information and select the effective one, in comparison with the elders' dullness even in typing a word.

Therefore,in awareness of the fact that every generation has its own advantage anddisadvantage, we can draw a conclusion that it's not the deficiencies of ageneration that bog the society's development. The development is a process thegeneration struggle to face and overcome the deficiencies of its own, holdingon to the righteousness they inherit from the treasure of human culture, andlead the society, with the advantage they inherit, into a light future. Allthese above depends on the children whether are well cultivated in theirmentality.

To sumup, I strongly agree that we should pay attention to the trouble our childrenface. Nevertheless, we should have a big picture of their track of growing andhelp them perfect their mentality.

前面思路没设计好，到后面感觉跑题了

McNeilUID: 2272415

issue 130 <彼岸小组第二次作业>by muzhihao 4号
outline:（提纲思路不是很清楚）
1 Our children was not qualified to adjust to the  circumstancearound them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation.（这条还好）
2 On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them thecapacities applying to its particular demands.（觉得跟题目不太相关）
3 The fulfillment of children's mentality play a more important role in thesocialization of children.
（觉得这点在后文中没有什么体现）
With the acceleration of  life pace, increasing pressure on job andconception changing on raising children, our children are living in a intenselydifferent circumstance from their parents. They owned an inexhaustible resourceof knowledge in the web and grow into a versatile one. Meanwhile, they are ingreat thirst for a partner who can play with, of which are indispensable in theforming of their leadership, conception of group and ability to deal withdifferent view. More and more people ask such a question, can they inherit thefuture society and better it?

It’s widely shared that children today was not well trained to adjust to thecircumstance around them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation.Growing up with the rapid spread of Internet, the majority of our childrenexperience a childhood consists of games and chats online, rather than realfriends. Their parents, the only available person children can approach, is（are） occupiedwith the work, leaving them alone at home. As the result of their isolationfrom the society, they may hardly imagine what the responsibility of societyis.

On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them the capacitiesapplying to its particular demands. As Deng Xiaoping, the chairman whoadvocates the reform and open policy, once said :"Knowledge is the firstproductivity." This reflects the variation in the criterion of an adequateworker.(有点偏离题意，不太清楚这里跟你要表达的主题有什么关系) Fortunately, the Internet as their instructive teacher has taughtthem how to collect information and select the effective one, in comparisonwith the elders' dullness even in typing a word.

Therefore, in awareness of the fact thatevery generation has its own advantage and disadvantage, we can draw aconclusion that it's not the deficiencies of a generation that bog thesociety's development. The development is a process the generation struggle toface and overcome the deficiencies of its own, holding on to the righteousnessthey inherit from the treasure of human culture, and lead the society, with theadvantage they inherit, into a light future. All these above depends（depend） on the children whether are well cultivated intheir mentality.
To sum up, I strongly agree that weshould pay attention to the trouble our children face（没太懂你的意思）. Nevertheless, weshould have a big picture of their track of growing and help them perfect theirmentality.
前面思路没设计好，到后面感觉跑题了

你这篇文章的宏观思路不太明确，确实像你说的，第一段就没有给人一个明确的思路，或者说思路比较狭窄
跟提纲的思路也不是很一致
语言上，除了细节的一些小问题，拼写啊，单复数啊，表达还是不错的
希望你把思路理顺，然后按照思路来写
欢迎后续讨论

banglowUID: 2969783

outline:
1 Our children was not qualified to adjust to the  circumstance around them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation.
2 On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them the capacities applying to its particular demands.
3 The fulfillment of children's mentality play a more important role in the socialization of children.

With the acceleration of  life pace, increasing pressure on job and conception changing on raising children, our children are living in a intensely different circumstance from their parents. They owned an inexhaustible resource of knowledge in the web and grow into a versatile one. Meanwhile, they are in great thirst for a partner who can play with, of which are indispensable in the forming of their leadership, conception of group and ability to deal with [a] different view. More and more people ask such a question [that] can they inherit the future society and better it?

It’s widely shared that children today was not well trained to adjust to the circumstance around them, lacking the ability of communication and cooperation. Growing up with the rapid spread of Internet, the majority of our children experience a childhood consists of games and chats online, rather than real friends. Their parents, the only available person children can approach, is occupied with the work, leaving them alone at home. As the result of their isolation from the society, they may hardly imagine what the responsibility of society is.[chats online不能说缺少交流吧，要说缺少交流就直接说很少和人聊天就行了]

On the other hand, the era they are born to also bestow on them the capacities applying to its particular demands. As Deng Xiaoping, the chairman who advocates the reform and open policy, once said :"Knowledge is the first productivity." This reflects the variation in the criterion of an adequate worker. Fortunately, the Internet as their instructive teacher has taught them how to collect information and select the effective one, in comparison with the elders' dullness even in typing a word.[和socialization能牵扯上关系吗，邓小平的话证明了知识的重要性，和多样性有关吗？]

Therefore, in awareness of the fact that every generation has its own advantage and disadvantage, we can draw a conclusion that it's not the deficiencies of a generation that bog the society's development.[你觉得这样推导合理吗] The development is a process the generation struggle to face and overcome the deficiencies of its own, holding on to the righteousness they inherit from the treasure of human culture, andlead the society, with the advantage they inherit, into a light future. All these above depend on the children whether are well cultivated in theirmentality. [没看懂。。。]

To sumup, I strongly agree that we should pay attention to the trouble our childrenface. Nevertheless, we should have a big picture of their track of growing andhelp them perfect their mentality.
观点和主题的贴合不是很好。开头不错。

Charles901030UID: 2968734

总的来说这篇文章思路散乱 感觉楼主没有确切理解题目的意思 提纲也写不详细 以下是我对题目的理解

1. +孩子社会化程度确实对the destiny of society的确有影响 孩子在社会化的过程中，学习知识 文化 ，合作，沟通，学习作为社会的一员该有的义务和责任，以及完善自身的道德；而与外界接触少的孩子，可能会产生不健康的心理，对社会有惧怕，甚至是反社会的心理。

2.-决定社会命运的并不仅仅取决于社会化程度，还有其他很多因素。
有时候对于梦想的坚持，对于生命的热爱等都是决定人们未来发展的重要标准。例如：牛顿 爱因斯坦。。。。。
1.

3.-没有证据表明我们不会养孩子，不能带来一个更好的社会。
现在的社会更有包容力
更加尊重妇女
个人的言论更加自由
政府和个人都开始注重保护环境
科技的发展让人们更有经济能力来满足自己的需求