[风雨与共] 第一周 issue40 by【5】

arksapmis30UID: 2973097

40"Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."


According to this statement, scientists should focus on the unusual subjective that largely interested them while neglecting the crucial fundamental purpose of scientific research, which is to further the development of both society and humanity. Although it might be tempting to think that through the way of following one’s own interest and passion greater objectives can be achieved. But I have to point out that without adequate restriction and guidance, Such passion will ultimately turn into blindness when researchers continue to pursue their individual interests, then jeopardize the original objectives of study and research as a result.

First of all, it is undeniable that following one’s own will and passion can be more or less beneficial to the research and study that the scholars are focusing on. From the perspective of psychology, by fulfill one’s eager to accomplish his or her own interest, a grandiose sense of the fruition of self-value can be carried out. Such psychological satisfaction could serve as the very stimulant for perpetuating the motivation to keep on working. Moreover, when reviewing the past, it is obvious that the history is fully replete with evidences that the scholars can achieve great goal by following their passion. Consider, for example, the famous biologist Darwin who developed the theory of evolution. According to the record, it is Darwin’s own interest on the mystery of the development of various animal species that inspired him to be persist on such rebellious study(by described such study as rebellious, it means that such study seriously deviated from that time’s mainstream religious idea about the origin of human species).

However, when it comes to the subjective that is not only idiosyncratic but also immoral and unacceptable, unfailing indulging the research and study on such subjective seems to be foolish and ineffective, which would not only be a waste of time and resources, but also might cause seriously negative consequence that undermine and impede the social advancement. Consider, for instance, the controversial issue of clone. This scientific subject largely opposed the mainstream social views and ideas in that it disobey the crucial foundation of both religion and humanity which has been laid for thousands years by our predecessors. Also considering the introduction of spirit drugs, whose inchoate purpose is to mitigate the pain and stress suffered by patients. However, recently the overwhelmed use of such drugs has became one of the pressing social problems that require adequate restriction. In short, due to the blindness of scientific research might cause serious social problems, certain restriction should be conducted by government in power.

Moreover, research that is unique but unrealistic also need to be restricted or repressed. Due to the chief financial supporter of the research and study is the current government and civilians as a whole. Researchers and scholars are continuing their researches largely depends on taxpayers. If scientists are completely on their own, it is undoubtedly that whatever he or she is delving in would be acceptable. However, the true situation goes completely oppositely. Therefore researchers and scholars have to be responsible for the whole society. The investment must be somewhat meaningful and only the study and research that serves the interest of the whole society make sense.

In sum, although is it undoubted that by following one’s own passion, greater objectives can be achieved. But researchers and scholars have to place the priority on propelling the progress of both society and humanity when certain confliction arisen, due to various factors such as responsibility, obligation and morality.

跳虎UID: 2886936

文章挺好，用词和句式有很多值得学习的地方。
全文对科研不能仅靠 personal interests做了详细的阐述，但是好像对make contribution to the large society的论述不多啊。
本人新手，缺乏经验，希望多多交流。

arksapmis30UID: 2973097

2# 跳虎

呵呵~谢谢指点，论述的角度的确单一了~你的意思是应该再从make contribution to the large society的重要性这一方面来论述么？

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

哇，老兵40都写完啦？
嗯~~~~参考参考

跳虎UID: 2886936

其实Moreover, research that is unique but unrealistic also need to be restricted or repressed这段已经谈到科研应当make contribution to a large society的内容了，给出了为什么要这样的原因：research activities largely depend on government and taxpayers。所以把这段topic sentence换一下，往make contribution to a large society似乎更能靠近题目一些。同时这段可以再加一点科研如何make contribution to society的例子，比如共同应对环境污染、全球变化的问题。这应该也是为什么科研要服务社会的另一个原因，即使人类更好的生存。
另外我想However, when it comes to...这段是不是和morever这段调换一下，全文先说personal interest对科研的重要性，然后再说科研同时也要make contribution to society，最后谈如果科研只考虑personal interest会造成什么样的negative effects，不知是否逻辑上更合理一些？当然你写作时的逻辑框架可能和我的不一样。

跳虎UID: 2886936

另外冒昧的问一下你练习AW多久了？

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

LS貌似对issue挺有心得的啊

arksapmis30UID: 2973097

5# 跳虎

嗯，学习了，的确这样再往“社会进步需要科学研究与发展”方面扩充论述会更有力。写到后面时间不太够了~呵呵~

至于逻辑结构，我的大体思路是这样的：
让步,承认兴趣与热情的确能够起到推动研究成功的作用--->第一层驳斥，指出关注兴趣但同时忽视社会伦理道德与安全的危害---->第二层驳斥，指出研究人员作为一名社会人所应承担的责任和义务

两层驳斥基于递进的角度，从社会整体到个人。嗯，这样一来对“社会进步需要科学研究与发展”加在两层驳斥中间比较合理。
从整体到个体是我的习惯了~

呵呵~我是二战了~上次AW大概准备了1个月吧~这次刚开始~~大家多多交流哈~

部落联盟fiveUID: 2602690

According tothis statement, scientists should focus on the unusual subjective that largelyinterested them【定义为不寻常的爱好貌似有点不合理】 while neglecting the crucial fundamentalpurpose of scientific research, which is to further the development of bothsociety and humanity. Although it might be tempting to think that through theway of following one’s own interest and passion greater objectives can beachieved. But I have to point out that without adequate【我觉得用reasonable比较恰当】restriction and guidance, such passion willultimately turn into blindness when researchers continue to pursue theirindividual interests, then jeopardize the original objectives【可以换一个同义词，也可以起到指定上文所述内容的作用intention purpose】 of study and research as a result.

First of all, it is undeniable that following one’sown will and passion can be more or less beneficial to the research and studythat the scholars are focusing on. From the perspective of psychology, byfulfill one’s eager to accomplish his or her own interest, a grandiose sense ofthe fruition of self-value can be carried out. Such psychological satisfactioncould serve as the very stimulant for perpetuating the motivation to keep onworking. Moreover, when reviewing the past, it is obvious that the history isfully replete with evidences that the scholars can achieve great goal byfollowing their passion. Consider, for example, the famous biologist Darwin whodeveloped the theory of evolution. According to the record, it is Darwin’s owninterest on the mystery of the development of various animal species thatinspired him to be persist on such rebellious study(by described such study asrebellious, it means that such study seriously deviated from that time’smainstream religious idea about the origin of human species).我觉得本段的行文很流畅
结构也很清晰
唯有例子可以再添一句以充足信息

However, when it comes to the subjective that isnot only idiosyncratic but also immoral and unacceptable, unfailing indulgingthe research and study on such subjective seems to be foolish and ineffective,which would not only be a waste of time and resources, but【是不是缺了句子的主语啊】 also might cause seriously negative consequencethat undermine and impede[语义上的重复] the social advancement.【我觉得本段的中心句过长啦
不利于判卷人在瞬间看出中心，可以攫取一部分作为简要的中心，再用一个长句充分的补充说明】 Consider, for instance, the controversial issueof clone. This scientific subject largely opposed the mainstream social viewsand ideas in that it disobey the crucial foundation of both religion andhumanity which has been laid for thousands years by our predecessors【我觉得定义为祖先所定下的流传千年的人文宗教基础不如表达为广为历代人们所接受的道德宗教准则
不然感觉上有点其奇怪】. Also considering the introduction of spiritdrugs, whose inchoate purpose is to mitigate the pain and stress suffered bypatients. However, recently the overwhelmed use of such drugs has became one ofthe pressing social problems that require adequate restriction.【有点不适合
论点是研究的盲目性
而论据是研究成果的不合理运用
是有差别的】 In short, due to the blindness of scientificresearch might cause serious social problems, certain restriction should beconducted by government in power.

Moreover, research that is[are] unique butunrealistic also need to be restricted or repressed. Due to the chief financialsupporter of the research and study is the current government and civilians asa whole. Researchers and scholars are continuing their researches largelydepends[depend] on taxpayers. If scientists are completely on their own, it isundoubtedly that whatever he or she is delving in would be acceptable. However,the true[practical貌似会比较合理] situation goes completely oppositely.【前后两句因果关系不是很强】 Therefore researchers and scholars have to beresponsible for the whole society. The investment must be somewhat meaningfuland only the study and research that serves the interest of the whole societymake sense.

In sum, although is it undoubted that by followingone’s own passion, greater objectives can be achieved. But researchers andscholars have to place the priority on propelling the progress of both societyand humanity when certain confliction arisen, due to various factors such asresponsibility, obligation and morality.