sun3may托福作文练习

theflyfishUID: 2101420

改好了。这篇确实比较抽象。

charlieqcUID: 2990355

15# sun3may

sun3mayUID: 2574771

改的同学辛苦
1.29独立一篇

笑会计UID: 2872606

改好了。。。上午忘记传了。。。。

sun3mayUID: 2574771

2.7独立
虽然这次题目比较好上手，不过几天不写手还是很生，修改的同学辛苦！
发现自己在固定的时间内举不出很好的例子，希望能和修改的同学探讨一下。

hdchangieUID: 2402936

2月7日独立作文改好了

py5223UID: 2973181

Though many people holds thatworking overweighs staying with family,
I argue that we can not underestimate the importance of being withfamily. Since our family not only bring us the mental energy for work, but offerthe necessary information for our life. In addition, staying with family isbeneficial to our offspring.

The first point coming into mymind is that our family supports us spiritually for the work. Nowadays, workingpeople always are bombarded by pile of laborious tasks, feeling tired and boredoften. Fortunately, family never fails to  refresh us due to its special atmosphere. Home always make us feel cozyand relaxed. Via talking and playing with our dearest families, we can bepulled out of the negative mentions resulting from the tenuous（这个词放在这是什么意思呢） work.

To back up my point of view, it isa relevant factor that staying with family could supply us with the chances toobtain much information. In such age called information age, it is crucial toget abundant message to survive. More messages mean more information, and moreinformation means more preference when facing with work. Take businessmen ofumbrella for an instance, chatting with their families about the changes oflocal climate may enlighten them that there would be a great need of umbrellas.As a result, they could raise the yield of their production and promote theirumbrellas beforehand. Admittedly, there are varied approaches to gaininformation, like searching on the Internet, or resorting to the officialperson. However, sometimes the message coming from the family has morecredibility on some aspects.这个事例感觉有点牵强，这种信息和任何人交流都可以得到

Adding more credibility to myargument is that being with family is of benefit to our children. It iswell-known that family plays an essential role through a person's life. If wespend more time on working rather than staying with our children, they would vulnerableto mental diseases since the scanty of love and careness which is based on muchtime shared by families.

In conclusion, staying with family overweighs whencompared with working. Family offers us the mental energy to work, thenecessary information. To plus, spending more time with families including ouroffspring is needed.


总体结构不错 第二个事例有点牵强
好词好句用绿色标出了 学习了！

sun3mayUID: 2574771

2.8独立
开始写的有感觉了，不过严重超时了。囧。
辛苦修改的同学了。

hdchangieUID: 2402936

改好了

shadowranUID: 2864083

2.8
改
改晚了，抱歉

sun3mayUID: 2574771

2.9独立~
修改的同学辛苦！

WoYaoChiJiTuiUID: 2850295

2.9已改，请查收
2.9独立revised by WoYaoChiJiTui.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2011-2-10 12:05:59 上传

下载次数: 7

shadowranUID: 2864083

2.9 改

sun3mayUID: 2574771

2.10独立
放上来晚了~抱歉~

candis712UID: 2824089

2.10独立


When it comes to the environmental issue, some people may feel difficult to deal with them (it), since it is believed that environmental issues include several tangled aspects, which no individuals could come up with a preferable solution to cope with. However, I hold that the issues on environment are not complex, every individual has the capability to devote themselves (单数)in the career of environmental protection.

The first factor coming to my minds which serves to supports（support） my point is that the environmental issue is of no complexity for individuals, since our daily life and work, which are closely bound to the environment, offer us the chance to take some measures to assist in the environmental protection. Take me for an instance, a pile of things I could do to deal with the environmental issue, such as throwing different sorts of trash in right bins, not wasting food for less (改成in order to reduce 可能好理解些) consumption of resource, and watching the environmental news to keep up with the latest report about the air pollution. And those staffs I have done fail to be complex, (in other words, 加个插入语让I 到we的转变更平缓) all we need to do with the environmental protection are treating our environment friendly in daily life.

To back up my point, a relevant factor cannot be ignored that it is individual’s responsibility that concludes（这词不合适，可改用include 或involve） dealing with the environmental issue. As one member of the earth, we are obliged to care about our environment, instead of complaining the difficulties of protecting it. Moreover, the complaint seems to be just an excuse that protection of environment composed by so many aspects that individuals could hardly figure them out. (这句没理解。。。)In fact, for（为避免for的重复，可用considering） our responsibility for the environment, it is essential to take efforts to fix the environmental problems rather than watching outside without doing anything.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that though environmental issues sometimes occur unpredictably and appear to be tough to handle, we should have confidence that they could be perfectly (perfectly,貌似不现实，可用eventually )solved. And in the battle with the environment problems, everyone has his role. As for scientists, they are responsible for searching the causes of certain environmental issue. As individuals, it is advisable to treat the environment friendly in our daily life. （这句和第二段结尾雷同）

In summary, I disagree with the point that environmental issues are too complex so it is of difficulty for people to deal with. To plus, responsibility for protecting our environment overweighs（我觉得最好不省略，比如可以overweighs this challenge.）

结构清晰，每个要点开头都写得不错很醒目，用自己举例子很有说服力。蓝色的词和短语不错，我不太常用，可以借鉴来替换啦。
有几处单复数要注意一下。
提一点，第二段说环境问题毫无困难，第四段说有时有点棘手，不知道算不算冲突？我自己的作文也有类似的情况不好衔接，可以考虑加几句过渡让观点更鲜明。
今天第一次帮别人改作文，改得不好，以后慢慢积累经验，多多指教啊~   另外请问怎么在回复里面添加附件啊？