[作文] sun3may托福作文练习 [复制链接]

sun3may
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发表于 2011-2-18 11:39:01 |只看该作者

2.17独立
这次超时3分钟。唔，要再快一些！

感谢修改的同学！

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ag923
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47楼

发表于 2011-2-18 22:55:03 |只看该作者

还不怎么会用，不知道怎么添加附件，只好粘贴在这里了，如有哪里不对，可以互相讨论啊~~

Nowadays the issue that is (我觉得应该是定语从句吧，应该加个系动词) to assure children's studying, constricting their time spent on the TV and movies raises a public discussion. As far as I am concerned, it is advisable for parents to conduct children not get indulged in the TV and movies, so as to (我觉得是不是该加which) guarantee their well-being at school, including achieving high marks on courses and behaving decently on the campus.

The first factor coming into my mind is that
去掉since (做连词应该是连接两个句子) watching TV and movies always could take up a large amount of time and energy for a school child, who is readily engaged in the entertainment. Take watching a movie which usually lasts for more than two hours for 去掉an instance, that may make children exhausted after they finish appreciating it with concentration directly on the screen and keeping concerning on the details in the movie. In fact, despite of the energy cost by the movie, children lost their precious time during watching movies. As a result, without limiting on the movies time, children would not gain enough time and energy to dedicate themselves to the stuffs of school.

To back up my points of view, it is relevant to include the (a) factor that it is inevitable for the children to receive some negative information from both the TV programs and movies without limit from their parents. Conduction from parents could enlighten children which is right or wrong. Some TV programs today fail to realize that sorts of information添加which (主语不可以省略that) maintained like violence and indecent jokes could contaminate the minds of the children. If no warning to the children on certain programs which are not fit for them to watch, unpleasant results maybe happened, like creating a violent character of the children or raising a criminal probability in the community when the school kids grow up.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that admittedly the content in the TV and movies could bring much knowledge ranging from various fields, such as natural science, humanity, and the Art. However, watching TV and movies under parents' conduction, it is much (用more是不是会更好？) safe for students to absorb information they really need and assist them to obtain well-being in school.

In summary, it is of great necessity for children to have their parents' limiting on their time of watching TV and movies, for their better marks and behaviors in school.

我的语法知识不是很好，所以能力真的很有限，也不知道改的地方是否正确，仅做参考吧。我的写作水平和各位同学差距不小啊，希望之后的路上互相帮助，共同进步哦，加油！！！

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