sun3may托福作文练习

candis712UID：2824089

3.10独立修改

xyxueyuanUID：2707343

Young people are always confused by the complex world. With inadequate knowledge about the society, it is of a difficulty for a young person who just graduates from school to figure out what kind of job is 加上the most fitting one. As a result, I strongly believe that trying to take different jobs until getting 加上the one we really fits is necessary for every young person, for the sake of their career development, their practical skills and even the happiness of them.

The firs factor coming into my mind is that considering the development of the future career, young people are ought to try various jobs, until they find the idealist job.（个人觉得这个分论点本身就是题目的问题，所以不可以作为支撑观点的一个论点。我明白你后面想表达的意思，但是这句话本身其实就是文章题目的重复，我想你可以改成通过不同的工作可以更加了解不同工作、了解自己，这样更有利于找到合适的工作） As one old saying goes, it is a terrible thing for a man undertake a wrong job. Indeed, choosing which field we would enter in, and which job we are likely to do are essential for our career development. Once we are involved in a job which actually has nothing attractive to us, it would be difficult for us to make a success taking that job. For instance, someone are fond of running restaurants, however, if he were force to work in a international trade company, as an auditor, maybe without interests in the audition, he would have little probability to promote his career.

There is another factor we could not ignore that to improve the practical skills, young people need to take several jobs before they find ones fitting them. Observing the workplace, talking with the staffs in the office, and learning how to communicate with even strangers would eqquip young persons with abundant practical skills, which is helpful whatever jobs they would take. Though someone claims that it is more preferable to persist one job, I holds that various jobs would expand the horizon of young people and offer us more precious practical skills.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that in the terms of happiness, doing jobs of different fields is beneficial to the young people. Sticking to only one job, even though that is not the one we really incline to undertake, serves to make us disappointed and depressed after several days of work. Only doing jobs that we are interested in, can we make the process of the work pleasant and joyful.

In conclusion, trying various jobs until finding the right one which is fitting our interests is advisable. When young people chose their jobs, they should not hesitate and constrained, just try.

总体看上去，写的很好。继续加油

feifeionlyUID：2778967

3月10日综合

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.11综合~

hcp4715UID：2697633

94# sun3may 3.11号综合修改

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.12独立~

crazyjooUID：2805124

Do you agree with the following statement? 家长该不该奖励小孩钱当小孩拿到高分

Kids need encouragement. Since through the life, a pile of problems serve to be the obstacles keeping the children heading on. For instance, the difficulties in study may make the children stop striving, for the sake of building their confidence, it is of great importance to offer some reward to them.（认为For the sake是另外一句，不用逗号隔开） The encouragement could turn not to be different forms, such as money, and food, or even a pair of tennis shoes. Moreover, parents actually could give money to children only if they achieve high scores, while, the amount of money are not supposed to be too much.(第一段语言流畅，转折合理 不过貌似没见到你自己的stand哦？你的立场最好明显些)

The first factor coming into mind is that money could be a wise reward due to its characteristics. As buck is a kind of currency, with which we could purchase the goods in the shopping mall or supermarket. children are able to buy stuffs they need with bucks, and it is of a large incentive for the children to strive for high marks, so as to purchasing items they are really into.  

In additional, when kids performance well in the school, supplying them with some money would give them opportunities to learn how to manage their money. It is necessary for children to know what is the idealist way to use money, such as making a financial budget, and keeping the outcome and income in a balance. Only with certain amount money, could the children acquire the skills on managing money in their pockets.

At last, to add more credibility to my argument, though the bucks as a reward offered to the kids may result in wasting of money, parents could treat the bucks as a appropriate encouragement to the children. By receive (receiving) this kind of reward, the children would understand that as long as we struggle, we could finally make it through. Therefore, the kids would always try their best to achieve their goals, because they know it (they) would finally get paid to go a hard work (through a hard work) heading for the goals. To plus, the parents should limit the reward money to prevent a large amount of possible wasting of money.

In summary, it is a wise approach to encourage children to achieve high scores on their courses, and the amount of money should be limited in a appropriate level.

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.14独立和综合~辛苦改的同学了！（离考试还有26天~倒数。）

hcp4715UID：2697633

98# sun3may
3.14独立修改
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? do you think people should buy things made in their own country,even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else？

The trend of globalization has changed ourlife. In fact, nowadays consumers purchase goods in a large global market,which is filled with sorts of products manufactured from different countries.Someone claims that it is wise and beneficial for a country that the citizensall choose to buy the products made in domestic area, even if they are chargedhigher than the same products from other countries. On the contrary, I stronglybelieve that, being involved in the process of globalization, instead ofpreventing buying products from other countries, we should brace the benefits givenby the globalization.开头真好！学习了！

The first factor coming to my mind is thatpurchasing things produced in other countries offers the internal citizens convenience.For instance, in the supermarket located in some metropolitan cities, it isalways not difficult to find qualified and popular products coming from variouscountries, such as the milk from Japan, the shampoo from US, and even the toolsfrom Europe. All these stuffs appear to build us a comfortable and convenientlife.（有这些商品就方便？？另外，没有把这些商品与同类的本国产品进行质量和价格的比较，光说方便不好吧）

To back up my points of view, it isrelevant to show another factor that choosing to buy domestic products coulddifficultly contribute to the real thriving of the economy of our country.Indeed, in the present, products are hard to becompletely made by just one country（这一点非常好啊，可以就这一点展开）. Moreover（这里不是展开新的一点，而是举例子，用这个词不大适合）, the manufacturing of the air-bus as a typicalexample show us that current products could hardly only bring profits to onlyone country, because its production needs efforts from different factories inmany countries. As a result, we cannot support our economy simply by buying ourproducts.

In summary, I am convinced that consumershave the right to choose convenient product to purchase, and in the trend ofglobalization, buying things from just one's own country would fail to reallyhelp the booming of the domestic economy.
整个觉得展开不够，但是开头very impressive!
第一个论点尚有点离题，如果进行一些比较之后说出其优势则更好了
第二个论点非常好，只是没有展开。个人觉得这样推理：既然全球分工的细化，那么，第一，我们无法避免购买其他国家的产品，因为你不知道你购买的商品中是否有从他国生产出来的零件；第二，我们执意要购买本国产品，则根本无法满足基本生活需要blablabla…
个人见解，欢迎讨论

hcp4715UID：2697633

98# sun3may 3.14号综合修改
继续加油！

sEven_zhUID：3007258

3.14独立修改~

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.16独立~（又超时了，不知道怎么总是在第一段里磨叽的最长时间。。。）

corrine97UID：2868974

3.16 独立改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country

Education always counts for the advance of our society. Citizens would be greatly enlightened by well-developed education, which contributes to the development on different fields, such as the economy, the culture, and so forth. In fact, emphasizing on education is beneficial to the kids, the adults, and even the whole nation, making the country a prosperous and successful one. As a result, to advance the state of schools is of the most importance.

The first factor coming into my mind is that high-quality education brings benefits to our children, who present future,（不是很明白这句话，是想说孩子们是祖国的未来吗？那应该是who represent the future of the nation） on both their study and health. On one hand, improving the basic facilities in schools such as the libraries would supply the students with abundant resources to absorb knowledge. For instance, a qualified library storing various books on different fields would help expand the students' horizon, and raise their interests on learning as well. On the other hand, some entertainment facilities such as a play ground or a swimming pool also play an essential role in keeping our kids robust. Given the young students, who are the next generation constructing our society, to improve the facilities in school is crucial for the booming of our country.

To back up my points of view, it is relevant to include that factor that as the education also could cultivate adult to more skillful in their work, the development of schools should be taken into account, prior to other plans. For instance, a majority of companies in my country now spend a lot of time and money on the job training of their employees. If the government supports to build more schools which teach employees to enhance their working skills, which is essential to increase their work efficiency, a large amount of money would be saved by the companies, they would in turn concentrate on offer more qualified products and service. (这段观点是the education also could cultivate adult to more skillful in their work.。但是在举例子的时候，要先说他们怎样more skillful 才令他们可以offer more qualified products and service。逻辑要连接好)At last, compared with other stuffs, education is most critical for the mushrooming of a country, since it is closely connected with the future development of the whole nation. In other words, if the education has not been attached much importance, leaving poor schools with low-standard facilities and instant deficits, we could hardly imagine the country would gain a dramatic development in the next decades.

Now we could draw a conclusion safely that to achieve a success, a country should improve the schools first and foremost.

总体来说不错。细节地方注意一下就好了。加油~！

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.17综合写的好像有点短了。谢谢修改的同学~

corrine97UID：2868974

The lecture strongly disapproves of the points presented in the passage. As the professor demonstrates, no adequate evidence would support that dinosaurs are endotherms.

To begin with, the lecture indicates that even though some fossils of dinosaurs are found in the polar area, the climate of the solar areas used to be warmer than today. As a result, it is groundless to make a conclusion that dinosaurs are endotherms since they once lived in the Polar Regions.（漏了hibernate这个点）
Another point used by the professor to cast doubt on the reading is that the leg positon （position）fail to be evidence proving that an animal is an endotherm or not. Also, the underneath body legs of dinosaurs has no relation with running activities, which is essential for supporting its huge weight instead.

At last, the passage holds that the bone structure of dinosaurs are supportive for their rapid growth, according to which dinosaurs could be defined as endotherms. However the lecture is not compatible with that, which believes though the Haversian cannals can increase the growth, the dinosaurs would stop growing, and keep a certain bone structure constantly in a long time.(漏了它有growth rings ，而且应该把他的数量的变化详细写一下)