sun3may托福作文练习

candis712UID：2824089

3.4 综合是tpo12，你写tpo13好像错了，我还没写13呢，今天改不，只有明天再给改你的啦

wangrunningf1UID：2488529

When it comes to piles of work, how are we supposed to deal with them? Some prefer to solve problems in the work quickly and harshly, running a risk to blander. Meanwhile some feel comfortable to cope with their work carefully and slowly, with patience to ensure the quality of outcome. Actually, it is not the matter whether we should take our pace or speed up when plenty of work is encompassing us
really counts, it is preferable to chose the way of doing our work according to different situations, including the deadline, the familiarity of the work, and even the personality.


The first factor coming into my mind is that deadline talks(这个不应该用talks吧) when we decide to do our work quickly or slowly. In a majority of famous companies in the world, the deadline is attached much importance by the employees.（这句话没看懂） Indeed, company offer their services or products in order to meet the needs of its clients. As a result, it is always a deadline that determines the work pace of the work.（可以删掉） If the clients require obtaining an entire plan not until next Friday, companies should have their staffs complete the whole plan before the deadline. Otherwise, the company would suffer for（删掉） a negative reputation.


Adding more credibility to my argument, it is relevant to conclude that the familiarity of the work, I mean the degree on how you are familiar with the work would decide which way the task would be done. Take my uncle who is a sales manager in an oversea company for an instance,when he first take over the affairs of sales manager, he always cope with sorts of things patiently and slowly. Of course, he would never delay the work until the deadline. However, after several months, more familiar with his work, he was just able to deal with his work quickly and more efficiently, including negotiating with clients, preparing to host conferences in the company, and viewing the email from his interior.（his interior??）


To back up my points of view, the personality is also an essential factor should take into account when we are choosing ways of work. As we all know, some people are prone to finish their work fast, while others prefer to take time to do work without any error. Just for completing the work within the limited time, the two approaches to deal with work are advisable and acceptable, since different personality（ies） should be respected


In summary, what really counts is the deadline of a work and the degree of familiarity on（with） our work, we should make different choice according to various situations about whether doing our work fast or slow.
单复数的问题可以注意一下，还有文章内容过多的重复deadline很重要，可以稍微展开来说，工作没有完成，影响公司的信誉，影响个人的升迁。很快的做事情会带来哪些问题，出错的话会风险大小（就是说如果这件事情不重要的话，可以很快完成，但是如果是决定性的事情，那就要慎重，慢慢做）觉得文章的内容可以再丰富一些。总体来说文章还是比较流畅的，还有一些词汇很高级，学习了，有什么不对的地方在讨论哈

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.7独立
写的不是很好。。。
辛苦修改的同学了！

beangtUID：2691375

Nowadays we are bombarded by a plenty of advertising. It could be seen in the TV shows, the shopping mall, or even in the bus station we walk through every day. In sorts of advertising, companies always try to persuade their consumers purchasing their productions. Of course, the food companies would not fail to utilize the advertising to promote their cookies, puddings or pizza. Some people blame advertisement of food for its negative effects on the eating habits which in turn cause the obesity problem. However, I believe that the advertisements are not the only factor result in the bad habits on eating of some people, and we are supposed to take other factors into account, such as the genial (genetic?) factor, the culture, and the personal reasons.

第一段字数太多了，应该减一减吧，我觉得可以吧那些理由留在后边说。

The first factor coming into my mind is that the genes play an essential role in people's habits on eating. Take my family for instance, sharing the same genes, my expanded family including my grandparents are fond of eating fried food, though it is not that healthy. Due to the influence from genes, members of my family are easily to gain weight, like my uncle suffers a little (slight) obesity. Indeed, it is the family genes that work to make us vulnerable to become heavy, not any piece of advertisement.

To back up my points of view, it is relevant to conclude that the culture would be the factor which affects our eating habits strongly. As some surveys show, a majority of people chose and cook food much rely (mainly depending) on the culture they are involved. For example, a crowd of Americans are keen on the hamburgers and fried chips, meanwhile the Indians prefer cook hot food as their main course in the dinner. Though some habits do harm to our health like the field (fried) chips and the salad source, we are cultivated to accept the food which our culture prefers.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that given different situations of people, the unhealthy eating preference could be the result of personal reasons. The big change of life such as a huge shock, or a move to another places may be responsible for turning to an eating habits.

In conclusion, besides the advertisements, the genial factor, the culture and the personal reasons would be probably responsible for the some unhealthy habits.

可能是开头用的时间太多了，造成了后边越来越仓促。其实我也容易这样，我觉得开头尽量快速开题就行了，不用太多的背景。后两点理由还是不错的，基因的那个我看着有点不太好（我是学生物的。。。）

xielijuan36UID：2995990

改好

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.8独立
这篇的观点不好写啊~辛苦修改的同学了！

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.8综合~

candis712UID：2824089

迟了几天，终于到了 3.4综合修改

xielijuan36UID：2995990

改好

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.9独立~

笑会计UID：2872606

改好

dawn_horizon1UID：2869977

不好意思发晚了。。。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? 团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的 In the teamwork, the one who can not accept criticism would not be succeful.

Nowadays it is always a necessity to collaborate with others, so as to complete a complex task. When confronting a problem, a team maybe the excellent approach to figure out satisfied （改成satisfying…我可能拼的不对啊）solutions to the problems. However, some people who fail to behave with patience and a open mind and could hardly accept ideas different（还是说different ideas?）from theirs not only would ruin the process of solving the problems, but also make themselves a inflexible people who will not succeed in the future.

The first factor coming into my mind is that people (a person,因为后面的share是复数形式) who can not accept criticism , even that is friendly always（还可以说成even in a friendly way,我感觉这个更顺一点；还有，加上逗号，把这句变成插入语更加通畅一点） ,share a narrow mind, which is the obstacle for them in advancing their careers. （这句不知道怎么改，感觉你的从句套多了有点不顺。。。或者是我的从句理解能力不够）For instance, my uncle's colleague, who is the sales man in a food company, would not accept any advice from others. When my uncle and other colleagues in a sales team are discussing how to promote the latest products of their company, the man always show exited (excite?) at first, talking a lot about his plan regardless of other suggestions. If someone in the team points one the disadvantages of his planning, he would get totally irritated and depressed. For ten years, he could only work for the company as a common salesman, on the contrary, my uncle, who is pleased to hear different voices about one project he undertakes gained a promotion in last year.   

To back up my points of view, it is relevant to conclude that due to the criticism would offer us great ideas of the perspectives deferring from us, the one who fail to accept the suggestions would lose the respect from others. Indeed, in a team, we usually are keen on working with someone who are amiable and with an open mind. Some people who just insist his or her own ideas would find it difficult to obtain the respects from others, since they show their impatience and narrow mind in the process of team work.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that it is someone with special characters that achieves success finally, even though it seems that they could not bear different ideas from others, such as Bill Gaze and Jack Welch, they would accept criticism sometimes. After all, one could not make the right choice every time. Consequently, people who look unlikely to listen to others’ criticism in fact ever trying listening to and accept ideas opposite to his own.（这句的后半句不懂）

In summary, based on the points demonstrated above, I strongly believe that it is of difficulty for people who could not bear criticism would not have a success. （it is of difficulty for people who could not bear criticism to have success.）


总体感觉不错，但是有些句子不是很通顺，另外，感觉你找的点还不够多，但是第一点的例子很好，学习了！

sEven_zhUID：3007258

3.9独立改好了

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.10独立 综合

xyxueyuanUID：2707343

When it comes to the issue that whether a teacher is supposed to describe his or her social or political opinions to the students, I strongly believe that it is of necessity and freedom for the teachers to talk about their ideas, as long as they are permitted by the laws.

The first factor coming into my mind is that teachers are free to choose whatever information to express to the students, such as their ideas on the situation of the society, and their political preference to a certain party. In fact, besides the text books, students own the freedom to learn about the social state and political environment around them. Through the expression of their teachers' ideas about society and politics, students are readily equipped with general review about the world. In fact, both the freedoms of the teachers and the students determine that it could be accepted that teachers talk about the society and politics in the class.

To back up my points of view, it is relevant to include the point that though someone claims that the description on the society and the politics would distract the teachers from content of the courses, and lead the students to concentrate on events which are nothing related to the classes. However, it is necessary for the students to learn about the knowledge on society and politics via the expression of their teachers. Moreover, it may play an essential role as an assistance for the teacher to make the students obtain a deeply understanding on some subjects, like the sociology, the politics and so forth.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that only if the teachers are admitted by the laws to share their social and political opinions, we could not prevent them from expressing their personal ideas. Nowadays in many countries, the right of expression is owned by a large number of people, and in my country, it is allowed and encouraged for teachers to make a speech on their political and social ideas in front of the students. After all, it would render benefits for the students to listen to the social and political opinions

In summary, due to its necessity and freedom, the teachers should be supposed to express their ideas on the society and the politics.

不好意思，第一次参加写作小组，没发现有两个人需要修改。所以才发过来。
觉得写得不错，句子结构很讲究，加油！！