为什么没人愿意改改我的作文呢？很伤心。

yushuinanrongUID: 2788112

1.
53, （生命科学/科学假说/并列）Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants(1) who showed signs of mild distress(4) when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn(2), a time when their mothers' production of melatonin(3)—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy(5).

Answer:
The arguer claims that the increased high level of melation before birth may lead infant to be shyness and continues to later life. To justify this conclusion ,the arguer cites a study of 25 infants who would be distress before unfamiliar stimuli and the results shows that these infants were mostly be conceived in early autumn, a time when their mother’s production of melatonin which can affect some brain functions ,would increase. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several aspects.

First of all, the arguer provide no evidence that the study’s result is statistically reliable. The 25 infants may be not enough to suffice anything and we are not informed if these infants are representative. In order to establish a strong correlation between melatonin and shyness, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of overall infants. Taking region and race into consideration can better the study.

In addition, even assuming the study is statistic reliable, a direct correlation between increasing of melatonin and shyness does not prove the former cause the later. there are many other factors that can contribute to the shyness of the teenagers. Perhaps the it is due to a genetic inheritance . moreover the environment also play a significant role in sculpturing one’s character. Besides ,it is possible that it’s the education goal that result in the shyness of these teenagers. Without ruling out this alternative explanation, the author cannot justifiably give any conclusion.

Finally, we are not informed whether the arguer has considered the fact that different individuals may define the term shy in various way. It is entirely possible that owing to the unscientific question ,the teenagers falsely define themselves a shy person. Thus , we have good reason to doubt if the study is scientific and can reflect anything.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it the arguer must improve the study. perhaps making a reliable nation-wide study involving representative infants and sufficient in size is a good choice. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know whether the increasing melatonine
paly a key role in leading to a shyness.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

没有付出又怎么会有回报？你不帮别人改，别人为什么要帮你改呢？这是个互动的过程

fangjun91UID: 2808064

ls说的对

yushuinanrongUID: 2788112

2# 咖啡盐
难道非得加组？

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

不是有很多人在求拍么？去拍一个，然后留个链接让人家回拍呀~~

missingusaUID: 2625832

俺来啦~~~

53, （生命科学/科学假说/并列）Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants(1) who showed signs of mild distress(4) when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn(2), a time when their mothers' production of melatonin(3)—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy(5). Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. 下次最好把完整的题目贴上来，今后不论是别人还是自己查阅起来也方便嘛~

Answer:
The arguer claims that the increased high level of melation before birth may lead infant to be shyness and continues to later life. To justify this conclusion ,the arguer cites a study of 25 infants who would be distress before unfamiliar stimuli and the results shows that these infants were mostly be conceived in early autumn, a time when their mother’s production of melatonin which can affect some brain functions ,would increase. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several aspects. (开头的功能不仅在于理清题目的逻辑链，也应与接下来自己的攻击顺序一致，lz可以看下这个关于开头的帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=920961)

First of all, the arguer provide (provides) no evidence that the study’s result is statistically reliable. The 25 infants may be not enough to suffice anything and we are not informed if these infants are representative. In order to establish a strong correlation between melatonin and shyness, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of overall infants. Taking region and race into consideration can better the study. (避免直接攻击调查数据，集中攻击逻辑链即可，lz可以看下这个帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=959356)

In addition, even (让步是个敏感的结构，可以参考下这个帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=921368) assuming the study is statistic reliable, a direct correlation between increasing of melatonin and shyness does not prove the former cause the later. there are many other factors that can contribute to the shyness of the teenagers. Perhaps the it is due to a genetic inheritance . moreover (Moreover,) the environment also play a significant role in sculpturing one’s character. (这里可以像前面一样再继续展开举几个例子，For example, ....)Besides ,it is possible that it’s the education goal that result (results) in the shyness of these teenagers. Without ruling out this alternative explanation, the author cannot justifiably give any conclusion.

Finally, we are not informed whether the arguer has considered the fact that different individuals may define the term shy in various way. It is entirely possible that owing to the unscientific question ,the teenagers falsely define themselves a shy person. Thus , we have good reason to doubt if the study is scientific and can reflect anything. (和第一段的问题一样)

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it the arguer must improve the study. perhaps (Perhaps) making a reliable nation-wide (有现成的单词nationwide) study involving representative infants and sufficient in size is a good choice. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know whether the increasing melatonine paly a key role in leading to a shyness. (结尾俺也不拿手，所以就不多嘴啦)

最后再提供两个对于阿狗中出现的数据、调查有所讨论的帖子：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=695143
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=620337

lz加油啊，祝取得好成绩~

yushuinanrongUID: 2788112

6# missingusa
斑竹让人非常感动。谢谢谢谢~~