daily writing by qianhuang

zjxdxokzzyUID: 3072531

Nowadays, many families have only one child. The parents try to give the children the best education and(and不是应该连接两个同等的概念么，and前是education，那后面应该也是一个名词吧， 对于and连接这个我也不是很确定，你可以问一下别人) take care of the children well. So, plenty（不是plenty of么，plenty能单用？） families won't let their kids do any housework. This phenomenon raises a hot discussion that whether children should spend most of their time playing and studying, and（我觉得用but吧） don't help family with household chores. In my opinion, I would disagree with the point. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, doing some housework helps children to adapt to the future alone lives. If children don't do much housework at home, they will have a hard time to learn( learning 吧？)how to deal with these household chores when they begin to live alone. For example, before my elder brother went abroad, he paid all his attention on study and didn't do any housework. My mom cooked for him, washed clothes and bought life's necessities for him. So, when he had to live alone abroad, he took more than 1 month to learn how to do these things. In that month, he often called my parents for some household chores（这样表示的话不就变成打电话让家人去给他做家务了么）, such as how much salt to add in the dishes. This case indicates that in order to adapt future lives better, children should learn doing some housework intentionally. Furthermore, if children have learned to do these things, when their parents are not at home, they can take care of themselves easily, which decrease parents' worry.

Secondly（开头最好保持一致性，比如你这个如果用了secondly,上面那个最好就用firstly. 是新东方老师讲的，你可以考虑一下）
, by doing some household chores, children will understand more about parents' heart. And children will be grateful for it. In recent years, a great number of young people don't care for their old parents well, as if they forget all things parents do（用have done会不会更好呢） for them. To meliorate this situation, children should do some housework as their parents do every day, thus they will know parents' love for them. For instance, when I was a little girl, I tried to cook a meal for my family. Before this, I had thought that cooking was a easy work since my parents always did it well. However, when I attempted to cook some simple dishes like fried vegetables, I recognized that it is not as easy as it seems. Finally, I did a bad job, and I began to understand that cooking is(前面用的过去式，这里应用was) a skillful job which needs(同理needed) a lot of patience. I am more thankful for all things my parents did for me.

To sum up, children should do some house chores besides playing and studying.


第一次改，如果有不对的地方请指出。。 谢啦

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月10日综合

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月10日 独立Teacher should or not talking their social or political views to student in the class.

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

2011 5 10

Since there are a lot of courses related to politics and history, the teachers need to introduce plenty of political or historical events inevitably. And this phenomenon raises a hot discussion about whether the teacher should talk their social or political views to students in the class. In my opinion, I would like to agree with the point. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, it will stimulate students' interests in social and political events, and make them pay more attention to current events. For example, at one time, my politics teacher used a whole class to comment a precious leader in China. It raised my curiosity about this person, so I search many his experiences after class. By doing so, students learn more social and political events. Furthermore, students can acquire some experience and lessons which they may apply into practice when they meet similar situation. Take myself as an instance, when I was exhausted about the research and want to give it up, I used the Beethoven's experience to encourage myself. Thus, the teacher talks their views to students not only raises their interests but also help them to learn some valuable experience.
这个观点 有点牵强吧 你说的比较靠近老师举例政治上的大事，这些例子是事实而不是老师自己的观点
Secondly, when it is politics or history class, talking views of some events to students can help students to think about these events, and even promotes discussions about these events. As a result, students will learn various views of the same events, which helps them understand the events all sidedly. For instance, my historical teacher adored a famous politician, and she often cited his example and talked herself views. However, there are a few students who didn't agree with her. So, we often discuss this people in class. What's more, since our teacher knew more than us换成老师 is knowledgeable 是不是好点, we needed to find several materials to support our points. In this way, we learn学到知识用 acquire much knowledge. Thus, the teacher should talk their views in class.
第二段的 开头观点 表述有点长 精炼一点 然后在后面再详细解释

To sum up, when the teacher talk their social or political views to students in class, students not only know more unfamiliar events but also learn different views toward the same events.

蓝色的词汇 我接的用的很好
作者应该在主题的表达上 再简练些
句子语法没有问题 句型变换需要努力哦

水平有限 不妥之处望见谅

感谢你对我的作业的认真批改

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月11日 综合

曾小贤_UID: 2980487

Since there are a lot of courses related to politics and history, the teachers need to introduce plenty of political or historical events inevitably. And this phenomenon raises a hot discussion about whether the teacher should talk their social or political views to students in the class(你这个whether的意思变成了“老师应该说社会观点还是政治观点？”co: weather the teacher should tell their view of society and polity. ). In my opinion, I would like to agree with the point（哪个point？前面没有清楚表明有过point argued 吧？）. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, it will stimulate students' interests in social and political events, and make them pay more attention to current events (the events happening around the world,貌似没有current event这种说法). For example, at one time, my politics teacher used a whole class (使用了整整一节课？ Spent a whole time of class)to comment a precious leader in China. It raised my curiosity about this person, so I search many his experiences after class. By doing so, students learn more social and political events.(没看懂，一个“precious”的领导让你好奇，然后students都会学到更多的社会和政治的事件？) Furthermore, students can acquire some experience and lessons which they may apply into practice（我记得是put into practice，不知道apply是不是可以这样用） when they meet similar situation（situations）. Take myself as an instance, when I was exhausted about the research and want to give it up（这两件事之间不是and吧，因果关系吧）, I used the Beethoven's experience （应该是故事，不是经验吧）to encourage myself. Thus, the teacher talks their views to students not only raises their interests but also help them to learn some valuable experience.（用贝多芬来鼓励自己，然后因此是老师教我们学到了很多珍贵经验？）

Secondly, when it is politics or history class, talking （你省了主语这里就变成政治课来talk，不是老师了）views of some events to students can help students to think about these events（帮助学生思考这些事件？这个是论点？）, and even promotes discussions about these events. As a result, students will learn various views of the same events, which helps them understand the events all sidedly. For instance, my historical teacher adored a famous politician, and she often cited his example and talked herself views (her views). However, there are a few students who didn't agree with her. So, we often discuss this people in class.(太诡异了，到底说了这么多是什么意思？) What's more, since our teacher knew more than us, we needed to find several materials to support our points. In this way, we learn much （much是接不可数）knowledge. Thus, the teacher （teachers）should talk their views in class.

To sum up, when the teacher talk their social or political views to students in class, students not only know more unfamiliar events but also learn different views toward（towards） the same events.

很多词不达意的地方，论述的方式也不清晰。很多中文意思在你的句子里面，比如learn knowledge千万不要这样说啊！还有一个learn你也用了很多次。感觉还需要积累. 谢谢对我作文的批改。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

70# qianhuang

Do you agree or disagree that the governments should focus more on the preserving the natural environments, less on the economic developments. (Generally speaking, plural nouns do not need articles. Singular countable nouns should always have an article. 可数名词复数泛指用可以不用冠词。可数名词单数泛指用是需要冠词的。不可数/集合名词如这个题目里的development是泛指所以可以不用冠词。)

(For ‘government’, you can say either ‘a government’ or ‘the government’. With ‘a’, it means a physically existing, but unspecified government; with ‘the’, it means an abstract idea of a 政府 as a definition in politics. In this essay’s context, either is okay. For example, you can say ‘A government must take care of its people.’, or ‘The government’s role in modern economics is rather different.’ Ditto for words like ‘the environment’, ‘the country’ and ‘the society’. 如果实在不确定，题目怎么写你怎么写。)

Many people think the development of economy and the preservation of the environment are contradictory. Nowadays, the development of industries often causes air pollution and water pollution. Furthermore, the increasing need of people costs (Should be ‘consumes’. ‘Costs’ is more based on financial value rather than physical need.) many natural resources such as crude oil and wood. So, it (What? Development of industries? Need of people?) brings a hot discussion on (If you use ‘that’, it needs to be followed by a complete sentence, i.e. without the ‘whether’.) whether government should focus more on the preserving the natural environments, less on the economic development. In my opinion, I suggest government focus on economic development rather than preserving the environment.

First and foremost, the economic development is an essential part of the thriving of the country (Why not just ‘..is essential for the country to thrive’?). With the development of economy, people's living conditions will be improved, and the country will have enough funds to develop science and technologies and even improve the quality of education. So, economic development is the foundation of the whole country construction. In order to build a powerful country, government should focus on the economic development. (Yes, but this doesn’t mean governments should only focus on economic development. The question is asking which aspect needs MORE attention. It is essentially not saying that governments should NOT focus on economic development, but LESS. So your essay needs to do comparisons as the question does.)

Secondly, government should focus on economy which is harmonious?? to environment. Perhaps some people argue that economic development definitely conflicts with preserving the environment. Admittedly, in the past time, many industries made profits without considering the environment problem. Nonetheless, by the help of advanced technologies, now the government can develop the economy while do not harming the environment. For example, in the past, the usage of air conditioners exhausts much harmful gas which destroyed the ozonosphere (Strictly speaking it’s not the exhaust that is harmful..it’s the CFCs in air-con coolants that easily escape into the air because CFCs are volatile..). In recent days, various kinds of air conditioners have come into being which won't pollute air (Move this to after ‘air conditioners’. Keep it close to its owner.). Not only air conditioners, people begin to use electrical energy and solar energy to cook or bathe which decease the coal's usage. So, pollution has also been reduced. These new and advanced equipments are based on new technology which costs much money. Thus, if government develops the environmental economy (What is ‘the environmental economy’?) consciously, the economic development won't harm the environment. (I think this is going into a circular argument. Doesn’t your ‘environmental economy’ depend on the consciousness and government effort to preserve the environment, to start with? So aren’t you actually saying the government should focus on environment protection, since it makes economic development better?)

Furthermore, only by economic development, the government has the powerful ability to make more measures to preserve the environment. For instance, about 40 years ago, China had not been developing as quickly as it is now, so people had to earn money at the cost of pollution. People mine coals without temperance?? to sell, which wasted a great number of resources (I don’t get why ‘without temperance to sell’ coal wasted a great ‘number of resources’..how is coal-mining related to other resources? – by ‘a number of resources’ you are actually saying 各种不同的资源 rather than ‘a huge amount of coal’, which I suspect to be your actual intent.) And without advanced technologies, factories had to exhaust (You can only ‘exhaust’ air or steam. You can’t ‘exhaust’ water.) dirty water into rivers or streams without purification. On the contrary, now with the development of economy, the government has the ability to fund much money to preserve environment preservation. As a result, if the government doesn't focus on economic development, it won't have enough ability to preserve environment, despite the government want to. (You’re basically making this assumption: environment preservation costs a lot of money and needs advanced technology. Is it valid to have such an assumption? What if the government starts with promoting economic activities that are by nature less polluting? Like farming?)

To sum up, in order to develop properly and preserve environment easily, the government should focus on the development of economy.

总结：

这篇的语言比较累赘，而且用词有时不是很恰当。

论述方面第一个点缺乏比较，虽然后面补足了，但是后面的论点又太倾向于‘保护环境必花钱’这种假设，所以整体的比较非常biased。

aurora0624UID: 3039878

80# qianhuang

我打不开你的文件。。。。= =

提示需要转换器，难道你的是07？给俺个03吧~

qfaithUID: 2657846

80# qianhuang

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月22日 独立

mpromanusUID: 2565872

85# qianhuang

For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?


Education plays an important role in the development of a country. In order to achieve a brighter future, the country is in need of more elites. Thus, the government should focus a great amount of money on education. But, for successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children’s education rather than on universities? In my opinion, I'd like to agree with the point.

First and foremost, since nearly all children receive young children education (I’m not sure if you’re using a truly authentic writing question but ‘very young children education’ is definitely not a proper expression. At least it needs to be ‘young children’s education’ – but even this is quite awkward.) while only a few students enter to universities, the government should put (‘fund’ means to support with money. So ‘fund money’ is repetitive. Do not rely on Chinese meanings when you use words.) more money on young children education to benefit more citizens. To develop a country successfully, the government needs to take various measures to improve citizens' quality (What do you mean by a citizen’s ‘quality’, anyway? Now that’s a direct translation from Chinese that makes little sense in English..this idea of the Chinese is more akin to the idea of ‘upbringing’ in English.). When a person is young, he/she is just like a piece of white paper, and effective and good education will teach him/her to become creative, brave and optimistic. Once these characters forms, it is hard to change them when children grow up. So, very children education is an essential part in the cultivation of elites. On the contrary, education in universities is available only for a portion of the populationpeople. Admittedly, the government should also support the education on universities. However, for a person, the education in universities is not as necessary as young children education. Thus, a government should focus its budget more on children education. (So are you agreeing with the statement because young children’s education covers more people than universities, or because young children’s education has more impact on people, or because young children’s education is more necessary than universities, or everything? Basically I can’t tell what exactly your point is because there are so many different points in this paragraph and they seem rather unrelated.)

Secondly, comparing to children education, universities have more methods to get funding, so children education needs the government's budgets more eagerly. For example, the universities often cooperate with many companies and organizations to research various products, so these companies will offer fund for universities. And even some successful alumni endow the universities with a large fortune. But, elementary schools or high schools have few chances to get support from companies. To maintain themselves (You ‘maintain <something>’ or ‘keep <doing something>’, but not ‘maintain doing <something>’.), the schools for young children have to rely on the government's help. So, a government should focus more of its budgets on children education. (Good argument.)

To sum up, for successful development of a country, the government should focus its budget more on very young children rather than on universities.

总结：

你的语言表达整体上还是偏于生硬和累赘，请多读自己的写作，去掉不必要的重复。。论述上第一段分论比较混乱，看不出这一段的论点到底是什么。。同样，请认真读自己的写作。如果当时读不出什么问题，放几天再回来读，有时候能发现自己当时发现不了的问题

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月23日 独立

zjxdxokzzyUID: 3072531

5.23独立改完

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月25日 独立

hcp4715UID: 2697633

89# qianhuang 5.25号独立修改
加油