我的作文，谢谢大家的修改

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3.11独立修改

perceptive558UID: 3009288

这几天实在是太忙了， 根本都没有时间看英语，开会从早到晚，晚上还要加班出图，郁闷

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3月17日独立修改~~写的不错~加油~

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改好了，我也觉得写的不错哦

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3.18 独立

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3.19  独立作文，不好意思，传晚了

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3.18 by perceptive58.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2011-3-20 15:34:39 上传

下载次数: 4

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3.21 独立

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３月２１号独立作文修改，不好意思我不会上传附件，所以贴在这里了。(改成蓝色的字是我觉得写得好的词组)
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for theyoung people to have the ability to plan and organize.
Considering the complex modern society, Itotally agree with the opinion stated in the topic for the following reasons. (I think the thesis statement is too simple, and try not torepeat the sentence of question. Try to make a good opening)
Firstly, planning is of significant importance to young people nowadayssince the fast developing world and precious time. Time is everything. Itbrings knowledge, achievements, success, and fame and so on, and the ability tomanage time properly becomes crucial to everyone nowadays. With good skill in planning,we can make appropriate schedules for our work, study, business. All most(Almost) all the successful people have good competencein planning since good plans give them specific steps about what to do and howto do it. It not only saves them lots of time confusing, but also provides themwith a perfect management of their approach to the problem they encounter. So the ability of planning isfundamental for one's accustom (SEEMS that “accustom”is a verb..) with the complex society.
Second, the competence to organize alsoplays an important role in one's successful life today. Presently, majority ofwork is accomplished by teams or groups. To survival in the fiercely competitionnowadays, we must have the ability to performance in teams or groups. And ifyou want to be outstanding in a team or group, the essential characteristic ofcooperation in a group is to be able to organize the team members. A properorganization of teams or groups can lead all members in associationsparticipate in the team decision making. Team decision making always benefit(s) from more experience and expertise of the teammembers, and team will provide more alternatives than individuals. (I can understand your meaning of this sentence bytranslating it into Chinese, but I am afraid it’s a little bit “Chinglish”) Thatthe reason why good organized teams or groups will survival in the competitiontoday.
Base the reason (Basedon the reasons) listed above, it is notdifficult to reach the conclusion that having the ability to plan and organizewill contribute greatly to one's success in the complex modern society. (A little bit hasty to conclude, you could make a betterending)

perceptive558UID: 3009288

3.24  独立

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3.24独立revised
没法上传附件。。。= =

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is it better to spend money on traveling than to save money for the future?

Traveling can broaden over vision(our horizons) and increase our knowledge about the world, gives(用原型，前后不一致，前面是can XX) us rests（前面是us。。。） from distressing（这么说不太合适，还是有人enjoy working的，不如说pressure） work, （我觉得你这句话说得不太好，比较chinglish，不如说free us from daily grinds as well）so the money spent on traveling is meaningful valuable(两个词都是adj.可以考虑说of value). 缺个连词（In contrast,）While(delete) without no(delete) money saved for the future, we have no reserve to deal with the problems we may encounter and the schedules we made. So, both expenses are meaningful and significant for us and(,therefore用因果关系) it is difficult to assume（decide，assume是假设的意思） which expense is better. We just have to seek a balance between the two expenses.

The money saved for future use is indispensable. Firstly, all have to make a budget for the future. For example, family should save money for their living hood（确定有这个用法？我没有查到。。。欢迎交流）, like buying food, facilities, clothes, paying for their electricity and heat bills, and the budget for children's educations, family members' medical treatments and so on. Family also should have reservation for unexpected situations.(只有firstly然后就开始举例子，结构不太好看，不如直接去了firstly)

Traveling is also an indispensable part for（of） a happily life. Occasionally traveling to other cities or landscapes or other countries not only provides us with broader visions, insights into other cultures and knowledge about the world(这句有点奇怪，不太明白什么意思，是想表达in the world的意思么？), but also is an effective method to rest ourselves from distress and pressure from work. （这句跟第一段基本一样，建议换个分论点。）Sometimes traveling may act as a promotion to life and work because happiness and energy are usually by-products of traveling. Last July all in our laboratory went to Mountain Huang where we enjoying（enjoyed） fresh air, beautiful landscape, exercises(exercised) by climbing the mountain and spirit of solidarity of the whole lab. Backing to work, we were full of energy and worked more effectively and efficiently.

As we all can see, both of the expenses is(are) indispensable for a meaning and happy life and we cannot discard either part. All we have to do is to find a balance point for the two things.

总体来说我觉得分论点有点不太够，基本都是在反过来倒过去的说同一个意思，建议多练一练想素材。另外就是表达上还有些欠妥的地方，Chinglish的痕迹有点重。有问题的地方欢迎交流，我们一起加油哈~

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3.28   独立

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28号写作修改， 写的很不错， 我的能力上没有太多能修改的了，请见谅。For successful development of a country,should a government focus its budget more on very young children educationrather than on universities?

Expenses for both young children educationand universities are indispensable for the government since both of them aresignificant for the development of a nation. However, when it comes to thequestion that which should the government focus more, after carefullycontemplating, I indeed support more money should be paid to universities.

Firstly, universities concentrate more onthe students' professional knowledge and ways to solve problem. Universitystudents could take majors according to their own characteristics andinterests. After that, they can get professional knowledge by taking lectures,doing experiments in the laboratory. They also widen their vision by reading inthe library and communicating with others from diversity backgrounds. The out curricular(extra-curricular) activities also playsignificant roles in students' university lives, through which they learnskills outside the classroom, such as abilities to cooperate with others andteam spirits. Through the colorful and meaningful university lives, studentsdevelop their own ways to deal with problems and challenges in the future.Comparing with the basic reading and writing skills learn from the educationfor children, the universities deserve more expense.

Secondly, universities need more budgetfrom the government than education for children. Famous universities usuallyhave distinguished professors, good constructed facilities such as dorms anddinner rooms, libraries and laboratories, all of which need considerable money.Universities need to buy lots of books every year, together with refreshingtheir databases and internet resources, which (is)always a big investment. The money paid to the competence experts and distinguishedprofessors also cost a lot in the universities' budget. And the scholarshipsused to help students with financial problems cost a lot too. Comparing withthe investments in the education for young children, universities indeed needmore.

Last but not least, universities usuallyplay an important role in the latest technology development and nation'ssecurity. Government usually collaborates with universities in various majorsconcerning to the important problems to a nation and the cooperation are alwaysmeaningful and fruitful. For example, the Mars vehicles, the great invention toexplore the out space planet in the solar system, were the results ofcooperation of NASA with the Propulsion Laboratory of Institute of California.

Based the discussion above, I stronglysuggest government to focus more on the budget of universities. (也许时间不够吧,我觉得这个结尾有点仓促)
除了结尾,其他都写得很好,各个论点很清楚,语言老道. 不过我觉得可以多写一些advantages of university education, 你的论点让人感觉政府要花多点钱再大学上,是因为大学的花销本来就大.这个有点让人不太信服.