本帖最后由 apple916 于 2011-3-6 11:02 编辑
ＥＴＳ范文真的有那么好吗？
以下是鄙人研究几篇ETS范文时的想法和看法，G友所见略同，欢迎大家跟帖讨论。
Six months ago the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour.
Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent.But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period.Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.
6分：
The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.By making a comparison of the region of Forestville, the town with the higher speed limit and therefore automobile accidents, with the region of Elmsford, an area of a lower speed limit and subsequently fewer accidents, the argument for reducing Forestville's speed limits in order to decrease accidents seems logical.
However, the citizens of Forestville are failing to consider other possible alternatives to the increasing car accidents after the raise in speed limit. Such alternatives may include the fact that there are less reliable cars traveling the roads in Forestville, or that the age bracket of those in Elmsford may be more conducive to driving safely. It is possible that there are much younger, inexperienced, or more elderly, unsafe drivers in Forestville than there are in Elmsford.In addition, the citizens have failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of the two different areas.Perhaps Forestville's highway is in an area of more dangerous curves, sharp turns, or has many intersections or merging points where accidents are more likely to occur.It appears reasonable, therefore, for the citizens to focus on these trouble spots than to reduce the speed in the entire area.Elmsford may be an area of easier driving conditions where accidents are less likely to occur regardless of the speed limit.（这一段我承认作者develop地很不错，人家的优点还是应该学习和表扬的）
A six-month period is not a particularly long time frame for the citizens to determine that speed limit has influenced the number of automobile accidents in the area.（本段主题句）It is mentioned in the argument that Elmsford accidents decreased during the time period.This may have been a time, such as during harsh weather conditions, when less people were driving on the road and therefore the number of accidents decreased.However, Forestville citizens, perhaps coerced by employment or other requirements, were unable to avoid driving on the roads.（这一段尚可归因为六个月的时间不够长，毕竟在这段时间里可能出现了特例——天气糟糕或者反常。） Again, the demographics of the population are important.It is possible that Elmsford citizens do not have to travel far from work or work from their home, or do not work at all（对于这个“emographics of the population”，范文没有确切指明是什么，但是认为是人们的工作和生活习性和六个月的时间短有联系，这很不可信啊！难道市民只在这六个月里如它说的那样做？）Are there more people in Forestville than there were sic months ago? If so, there may be an increased number of accidents due to more automobiles on the road, and not due to the increased speed limits.（这个理由还行，六个月里可能由于某种原因人口变动) Also in reference to the activities of the population, it is possible that Forestville inhabitants were traveling during less safe times of the day, such as early in the morning, or during twilight.Work or family habits may have encouraged citizens to drive during this time when Elmsford residents may not have been forced to do so（这个怎么可以放在主题句为“A six-month period is not a particularly long time frame for the citizens to determine that speed limit has influenced the number of automobile accidents in the area.”的段落里了，应该放在第二段的它因里吧！）
Overall, the reasoning behind decreasing Forestville's speed limit back to its original seems logical as presented above since the citizens are acting in their own best interests and want to protect their safety.However, before any final decisions are made about the reduction in speed limit, the citizens and officials of Forestville should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the increased number of accidents over the six-month period as compared to Elmsford.
COMMENTARY（节选）
This outstanding essay begins by noting that the argument "seems logical."It then proceeds to discuss possible alternative explanations for the increase in car accidents and provides an impressively full analysis.The points are cogently developed and are linked in such a way as to create a logically organized essay.（ETS居然还说logically organized？？）Transitions together with interior connections create a smoothly integrated presentation.
For the most part, the writer uses language correctly and well and provides excellent variety in syntax.The minor flaws (e.g., using "less" instead of "fewer") do not detract from the overall high quality of the critique.This is an impressive 6 paper.
Test3
A recent survey of dental patients showed that people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely to have capped teeth -- artificial but natural-looking protective coverings placed by dentists on individual teeth.Those people who had begun using Smile-Bright toothpaste early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than were people who had begun using Smile-Bright later in life.In addition, those who reported brushing their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright toothpaste were more likely to have caps on their teeth than were those who reported brushing with Smile-Bright less frequently.
Therefore, people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste.
6分、
The argument contains several facets that are questionable.First, the reliability and generalizability of the survey are open to question. In addition, the argument assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship.The argument also fails to examine alternative explanations.I will discuss each of these facets in turn.
In evaluating the evidence of the survey, one must consider how the survey was conducted.If the questions were leading or if the survey relied on self reports, the results might be unreliable -- people might just respond with the expected answer.One must also consider how broad the survey was.（总觉得这几句话很牵强，只是挠了痒痒而已）If the survey was limited to a few patients of a certain dentist, the results might be attributable to those particular individuals and that particular dentist.Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most people.In addition, even if the survey was broader, one must consider whether it was limited in certain ways.For example, were the survey respondents old people?Was the survey limited to a certain city or geographic region?Factors such as these could explain the survey results and could undermine the generalizability of the survey results.Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable.
The argument assumes that the correlation between the use of SMILEBRIGHT and capped teeth means that SMILE BRIGHT causes the need for capped teeth.But the argument fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the conclusion.（这一段套话太多，就是我们常用的模板。当然，作者写时还不能叫做模板，只是我们用的多了就成模板了。如果作者这是用它因法证明the use of SMILEBRIGHT and capped teeth不是因果关系就好了。但是他只说了“But the argument fails to provide sufficient evidence to support the conclusion”，并没有如commentary里说的develop得很充分。） In addition, the argument fails to consider the possibility that people who already have capped teeth might prefer SMILEBRIGHT as a toothpaste because it works better on capped teeth. Finally, the argument's author fails to rule out alternative explanations.For instance, people who brush their teeth more than twice a day might be those who are prone to the need to have their teeth capped.It might also be the case that starting with SMILEBRIGHT early in life damages the teeth so that capped teeth will be needed later.It also might be the case that SMILEBRIGHT users tend to be the kind of people who are excessively concerned with the appearance of their teeth, perhaps they’re actors, and so are the kind of people who might, sooner or later, want to have their teeth capped anyway.
In conclusion, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above.The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship -- that using the toothpaste actually causes the need for capped teeth.It could be further improved by ruling out alternative explanations for the supposed causal relationship.
COMMENTARY（节选）
This outstanding response begins by announcing that the argument "contains several facets that are questionable."
Each of these points is analyzed insightfully and in great detail.（不知道ＥＴＳ怎么得出来的，它好像文总是对于自己的六分范文不吝赞美。如果我们考试也这样写，它会不会说我们develop得不充分呢？？）
下面是这个题目５分范文里的一段话
In addition to looking at other common factors among patients surveyed, the type of data collected in the argument above needs to be more closely examined before a conclusion can be determined.For example, while patients who brushed their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright were more likely to have caps on their teeth than those who brushed less frequently with Smile-Bright, this does not prove that Smile-Bright was the cause of capped teeth.It could be that people who brush their teeth too frequently, no matter what toothpaste they use, are in jeopardy of having to get their teeth capped. Also, the fact that people who began using Smile-Bright early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than those who began using Smile-Bright later in life should be further explored..It could be that using Smile-Bright as a child is harmful to teeth while using it as an adult has no ill effects.
除了紫色的其他的好像都是套话，意义并不大，有凑字之嫌。（有点像我们写文章是用的模板，呵呵）
在网上看到很多前辈大力推荐研究官方范文，我也觉得很有这个必要，但是仔细研究了一番后，心生诸多疑惑，不吐不快。 argument是为了驳斥作者的论断，那么自己的驳论就应该有必要的说服力，不然就和那argument的作者一样了。但是有些范文对调查的一些攻击真的不能说服我，当然有些调查的问题还是挺大的。官方指南里对是否文章critical和是否developed充分要求很高，但是ETS给出的一些范文并没有做地很好，如上面第二篇。
ETS范文真的有那么好吗？答案是肯定的。我写这篇文章的目的不是否定ETS官方范文的价值，相反相比市面上其他的所谓范文，ETS的范文价值更大。但是，“尽信书不如无书”，对于范文里不好的我们就不要照搬不误了，对于好的则要大力学习和倡导，我想这应该是我们看所有范文时的心态吧。
欢迎跟帖讨论！ | 
发表于 2011-3-6 10:58:30
发表于 2011-3-6 11:05:26
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