【Daily Writing作文特训小组】蜂鸟的作文贴！TOEFL之旅已结束，谢谢大家！

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

7月2日作业/7月27日作业

The government should spend more money on education of very young children than the education of universities.

本来想写两个都好的，写着写着写不下去了，改写给初等教育钱好><

xiangtuoUID：3047550

楼主的作文已经仔细读过了，没有小的错误！但是有几点想交流下：
1、楼主的文章很不错，也没有错误，但是读起来很累。当然我自己英语造诣不够也是一部分原因。但是我后来仔细看了下，楼主的文章长句居多。咱要不也加点短小精悍的句子？这样读起来会比较舒服。老美也经不住全篇的长句子啊！
2、我之前改过一些文章，不少的人在文章中都会提China,Chinese什么的，但是我是第一次见有人在文章中总提America，我记得是3次，第一次在第一个观点中，写校友，其实这个不仅仅在美国，中国好的高校也是这样的，所以我觉得没有必要特别提在美国。第二和第三次都是在第三个观点，第一句就提到了，也是没必要特别提的，第三次是讲例子，这个还可以。这三次提美国这个，能和你交流一下为什么呢？是因为写给老美看的吗？还是之前有前人说过呢？
3、文章的结构很完美，很完整，滴水不漏，我很喜欢。但是楼主问什么说两个都好的写不下去呢？小小交流一下为什么呢？我这篇文章就是两边都好，写起来很顺很舒服。楼主的想法能交流下不？我的文章是在https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=5 48楼，鄙人不才，拿自己的文章小小交流下。

P.S.我也报了9月18号，但是我7月9号先考一次，我估计一战可能要差些，一起加油吧！

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

30# kaijuncc
等了小腐老师两天，老师怎么消失了啊~~>.<!!
明天就要实习了，可能就要两天才能写一篇了。。。。

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

32# xiangtuo

不好意思今天特别忙，还没有来的及改你的文章，但是看到你的文章已经是一个月前写的了，还需要改吗？先和你交流几个问题~

1、前几天也有人和我提过长句太多的问题，应该回归短句或者长短结合。谢谢你的意见！前一段时间一直在看GRE/GMAT长难句，所以自己也耳濡目染习惯写长难句了。。。。
2、至于提到America，并不特意写给老美看，也不是有前人说过，因为我在美国生活过一段时间，这些例子我比较熟悉而已。既然可以在文章里提China为什么不能提America呢？在第一段中我并不只是只写校友资助，我主要谈的是私立学校和公立学校的问题。而美国是一个非常典型以私立大学占多数的国家。第三段的例子中，公立校车是美国非常典型的场景。另外也是我的疏忽，“Boys and Girls club of America”是一个机构的全程，我忘记加引号了（已经在原文中补出），所以导致以为又在提美国。因为在这个机构实习过，所以比较熟悉。所以，我些例子全部都是基于熟悉，并不是为了迎合阅卷者的思想。
3、至于为什么没有继续写两个都好，是因为我写着写着实在觉得应该支持资助小孩子，我能写的理由更加充分，于是就改了~ 当然硬要写两个都好也是可以的。我去看看你的文章，然后给你留言在你的帖子里~

欢迎继续交流~~谢谢！# E% \' q( n7 g* o9 q  l& h

Monitor2011UID：3119316

看了两遍，没找出什么问题。
一点小小的建议，整篇文章题目是问政府应该怎么投资教育，楼主在3，4段支持观点的时候好像没有把政府花钱说的很清楚。这个也是我感觉这篇文章不太好写的地方。

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

7月14日作业
04/03/09 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:  "The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries."

应小呆UID：3109940

欢迎你来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html

04/03/09 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:   "The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries."



The issue of how to improve the quality of education has been discussed for several years. If I were asked whether increase teacher’s salary is a feasible method, my answer is positive.9 E- `- L" J( C$ P7 h9 B- [
" C5 [- m+ p% z
Those people hold （加一个the view 会不会更好些呢？）that the method cannot realize the goal may assert that the increase of instructor’s salary is unrelated with the education performance. Although the salary is increased, teachers are still lack of high-level knowledge, instruction skills and responsibility as they were in the past. However, if the method is implemented, we can forecast some pay back in the long run, such as the improvement of the quality of instruction and the attraction of（我不太清楚这个词的用法，attraction of在我的认识里面是sth的吸引力） more and more talents. Many educationists state that education is a never lose（同未见过这种结构，求解释~） investment, can we say that e3 }% m1 L# c& A5 @* J; U
  L9 F2 w2 n8 }0 E; Y/ [5 I
Increasing the salary of teacher can make teachers focus more on students and thus improve the education quality. Taking university professors as an example, many professors not only teach and research at university but also work for enterprises. Many even treat their work in corporation as main job and their work in university as a part-time job. There is a similar case, a great number of middle or high school teacher focus more on after-class training and private instruction. They become not available for their students in school. The main reason for this phenomenon is the low salary of teacher and thus higher salary job lured good teachers away. If teaching salary is increased, teachers will not turn on other means to get profits and, In return, more and more talents will be attracted to be a teacher. Thus, education quality is improved by retaining and attracting more competent teachers teaching students and instructing students more（这个more是修饰谁的呢？）.3 ~" x& ~7 O! @% M+ a% @1 m4 |, h+ ~
3 i! u$ h1 R1 l) I2 \
Moreover, increase（increasing） education investment expresses that government and schools attach more importance into education. As we all know that to improve education quality, both teacher and student should have the norm of improve(improving) their performance. Not only should teachers take more responsibility into education, but also students make more effort to study. The increase of tuition caused by the increase of teaching salary will make students treat the learning opportunity more valuable and take more advantage of schools. Through this way, both teachers and students have more motivation to make the education quality better.(后面这个观点很新颖呢，但我有个小疑问，学费上升、部分学生就会离开学校，总的教育质量不就下降了吗？)



# h9 r8 _# _" y
To be admitted, although increase（increasing） teaching salary may not have immediate effect of education quality, the education quality will be improved in more promoted and effective in this way.

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

37# 应小呆

attraction 貌似有吸引的意思吧，我再去查查。谢谢！
Many educationists state that education is a never lose investment, can we say that the education investment will bring huge benefits?
这句话中state是动词，意思是阐述，和say的意思一样。
Thus, education quality is improved by retaining and attracting more competent teachers teaching students and instructing students more by those teachers.这样有没有好些呢？
谢谢指正后面两个主语的问题！
我认为，本文讨论尤其是倒数第二段，讨论的是增长工资是否能够曾倩教育质量的问题。在此阐述一两个理由和例子就可以了，其他的反面问题，尤其是这种带有疑问的问题，就不要说也不要想了。否则就削弱自己了。只要把正面的说好了就好了。
继续讨论，谢谢指教~

应小呆UID：3109940

我问的是那个never lose结构~

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

7月16日作业/7月18日作业
2/12/2010 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

都快写一个小时了>< 下次要掐时间！

应小呆UID：3109940

7月16日作业 V2/12/2010 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.1 N* o$ |- l& d, O: `7 b 都快写一个小时了>< 下次要掐时间！0 D$ D% A# Y; W, N( t( f3 R ! H6 l# x" G2 B9 x As the old saying goes “failure is mother of success”, success is always accompanied with criticize. When I am enrolled in a group work, I am always expecting and accepting any criticize, because criticism can improve my behavior.! Y/ F  e& X9 E/ u/ `  n6 n Those people who never adopt advices from other people may be confidence（confident） that they can perform well on the task and do not need any revise. Follow this notion, what they should do is following their correct experiences in the past and take（taking） their own way.  However, can we say that is this life style narrows one’s scope and barricades one’s step? However, criticizes and advices from other people, especially from members of cooperation team, are pretty useful that can point out a promising way when in difficulty. As a fable demonstrates, a bird, a crab and a dog want to move a big rock together. Even though they spare no effort to drag the rock, the rock cannot move even a little bit. The reason why the rock cannot move is that the bird drags the rock upward, the dog drags it forward, and the crab drags the rock to its left. They are not work in the same direction. A criticize and correction is needed in this critical moment to recommend them （to）move the rock in one direction. This philosophy is applicable to team work in reality too. Accept（Accepting） advice humbly can help people work more efficient and successful./ L( l$ ^, T7 m; ?: |5 Z3 A% G9 v7 A; v Moreover, Accepting(accepting) criticize means that people are blessed with a golden opportunity to expand the horizon of knowledge, develop the potential and cultivate the logical thinking. Suppose, one is forever work in one format, one will never know what else he or she can do, thus making it impossible for him or her to develop his or her potential. Besides, other people’s advice gives one an opportunity to try whatever he or she is fond of. Criticism is sometimes unpleasant and unacceptable, yet it is this that forces people to make wiser judgment and acquire more knowledge to adapt them to this ever-accelerated society. In this way, people’s view is expanded and their logical thinking can be cultivated.5 H. H9 t/ }2 M; [ As discussed previously, although criticism for some people is unacceptable, it is an important attitude and skill when work in a cooperate group.

qqweer2007UID：2686919

40# 冰雪蜂鸟
7月16日作业
2/12/2010 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.G1 Y0 s" e6 t  g: `: L* l0 P' W
As the old saying goes “failure is mother of success”, success is always accompanied with criticize. When I am enrolled in a group work, I am always expecting and accepting any criticize, because criticism can improve my behavior.
Those people who never adopt advices from other people may be confidence that they can perform well on the task and do not need any revise(amendment/revising). Follow this notion, what they should do is follow their correct experiences in the past and take their own way.  However, can we say that is this life style narrows one’s scope and barricades one’s step? (为什么要反问。)
However, criticizes and advices from other people, especially from members of cooperation team, are pretty useful that can point out a promising way when in difficulty. As a fable demonstrates, a bird, a crab and a dog want to move a big rock together. Even though they spare no effort to drag the rock, the rock cannot move even a little bit. The reason why the rock cannot move is that the bird drags the rock upward, the dog drags it forward, and the crab drags the rock to its left. They are not work in the same direction.（这个故事的寓意跟这段的论点有偏差啊。） A criticize and correction is needed in this critical moment to recommend them move the rock in one direction. This philosophy is applicable to team work in reality too. Accept（Accepting） advice humbly can help people work more efficient and successful.
Moreover, Accepting criticize means that people are blessed with a golden opportunity to expand the horizon of knowledge, develop the potential and cultivate the logical thinking. Suppose, one is forever work in one format, one will never know what else he or she can do, thus making it impossible for him or her to develop his or her potential. Besides, other people’s advice gives one an opportunity to try whatever he or she is fond of. Criticism is sometimes unpleasant and unacceptable, yet it is this that forces people to make wiser judgment and acquire more knowledge to adapt them to this ever-accelerated society. In this way, people’s view is expanded and their logical thinking can be cultivated.A- `. o7 B+ R
As discussed previously, although criticism for some people is unacceptable, it is an important attitude and skill when work in a cooperate group.


句式多变一些，尽量减少口语化的表达，挺流畅的，不错。

april0515UID：2997208

7月16日作业/7月18日作业
2/12/2010 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

都快写一个小时了>< 下次要掐时间！

As the old saying goes “failure is mother of success”, success is always accompanied with criticizecriticism . When I am enrolled in a group work, I am always expecting and accepting any criticizecriticism, because criticism can improve my behavior.

Those people who never adopt advicesadvice from other people may be confidenceconfident that they can perform well on the task and do not need any revise. Follow this notion, what they should do isto follow their correct experiences in the past and take their own way.  However, can we say that is this life style narrows one’s scope and barricades one’s step?

However, criticizes and advicescriticism and advice from other people, especially from members of cooperation team, are pretty useful that can point out a promising way when in difficulty. As a fable demonstrates, a bird, a crab and a dog want to move a big rock together. Even though they spare no effort to drag the rock, the rock cannot move even a little bit. The reason why the rock cannot move is that the bird drags the rock upward, the dog drags it forward, and the crab drags the rock to its left. They are not work in the same direction. A criticize and correction is needed in this critical moment to recommend them move the rock in one direction. This philosophy is applicable to team work in reality too. Accept Acceptingadvice humbly can help people work more efficient and successful.

Moreover, Accepting criticize means that people are blessed with a golden opportunity to expand the horizon of knowledge, develop the potential and cultivate the logical thinking. Suppose, one is forever work in one format, one will never know what else he or she can do, thus making it impossible for him or her to develop his or her potential. Besides, other people’s advice gives one an opportunity to try whatever he or she is fond of. Criticism is sometimes unpleasant and unacceptable, yet it is this that forces people to make wiser judgment and acquire more knowledge to adapt them to this ever-accelerated society. In this way, people’s view is expanded and their logical thinking can be cultivated.

As discussed previously, although criticism for some people is unacceptable, it is an important attitude and skill when workworking in a cooperate group.

觉得论点还不错，第一段写接受批评有助于团队合作 但个人觉得例子有点牵强
第二点写接受批评有助于扩展知识面，个人觉得这里逻辑不是很强。为什么接受批评可以扩展知识面，接受哪些批评可以扩展知识面？如果能再详细点就更好了~~~ ） 总体还是不错的，语言可以更加丰富一些）

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

7月19日
1/30/2010 Do you agree that the government should support the scientificresearch even there is no practical use?

Scientific research is to education what water is to fish. Asalmost every country regard education as a essential mission, government shouldsupport the scientific research undoubtedly even though it is useless.

Those people who hold that government should not supportscientific research any more may assert that it is better to invest the moneyto some quick-returned investment instead of the scientific research, most ofwhich is useless. Not only students learn little from it, but also spent agreat deal of ineffective effort in the process. However, the people who neverexperienced a real scientific research cannot understand what it brings to us. Ineffect, what an individual inherent from a scientific research is not merelythe topic of the project but an extremely valuable opportunity to access to thesource of high-level education.

The government support is urged to strengthen the education. Frommy experience of scientific research, I feel that it helps me learn the way ofsolving practical things, cultivate logical thinking and the ability of learnby myself. To complete this research, I learn the fundamental knowledge of thesubject, draw logic research plan and solve every emergence emerge in theresearch. Without of government, I cannot have this learning opportunity, the financialsource to operate the project and, what is more important, the seeminglyuseless for society but creative achievement. Therefore, although at the firstglance the scientific research, especially student research, is fruitless, governmentshould give strong support to it.

Moreover, the benefit from scientific research to the society andthe world are more compelling. Many professional scientific research institutessuch as Chinese Academy of Science routinely do national large-scale project.It cannot deny that most of the research are not famous and fruitless in theend or are only one part of other project that cannot render result in aminute. However, once the achievement is published, huge benefit will be gainedsuch as financial reward, government reputation and technology update. The mostfamous research achievement is Mars-venture techniques. From this point ofview, government should spare no effort to support scientific research.

Admitted, most of scientific research, both student research andnational project, cannot give society a quick pay back. Government shouldsupport it unconditionally to better educate individuals and flourishing thesociety.

超级猴子UID：3023123

Scientific research is to education what water is to fish. As almost every country regard education as a essential mission, government should support the scientific research undoubtedly even though it is useless.

Those people who hold that government should not support scientific research any more may assert that it is better to invest the money to（in，invest in） some quick-returned investment instead of the scientific research, most of which is useless. Not only students learn little from it, but also spent a great deal of ineffective effort in the process. However, the people who never experienced a real scientific research cannot understand what it brings to us. In effect, what an individual inherent(inherits，我猜你想表达的是继承的意思吧) from a scientific research is not merely the topic of the project but an extremely valuable opportunity to access to the source of high-level education.

The government support is urged to strengthen the education. From my experience of scientific research, I feel that it helps me learn the way of solving practical things, cultivate logical thinking and the ability of learn by myself. To complete this research, I learn the fundamental knowledge of the subject, draw logic research plan and solve every emergence emerged during the research. Without of(没看出这个OF和那里搭配) government, I cannot have this learning opportunity, the financial source to operate the project and, what is more important, the seemingly useless for society but creative achievement. Therefore, although at the first glance the scientific research, especially student research, is fruitless, government should give strong support to it.

Moreover, the benefit for the society and the world caused by scientific research are more compelling. Many professional scientific research institutes such as Chinese Academy of Science routinely do national large-scale project. It cannot deny that most of the research are not famous and fruitless in the end or are only one part of other project that cannot render result in a minute. However, once the achievement is published, huge benefit will be gained such as financial reward, government reputation and technology update. The most famous research achievement is Mars-venture techniques. From this point of view, government should spare no effort to support scientific research.

Admitted, most of scientific research, both student research and national project, cannot give society a quick pay back. Government should support it unconditionally to better educate individuals and flourishing the society.
蜂鸟好厉害，让我看到自己的差距啊，努力努力再努力。
互助提高，共同进步！
我的在这https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285620&pid=1775370340&page=1&extra=#pid1775370340，谢啦