【Daily Writing作文特训小组】蜂鸟的作文贴！TOEFL之旅已结束，谢谢大家！

Fruit~UID: 2559265

2# 冰雪蜂鸟

小的语法错还是多了点， 另外不太清楚为啥老中爱用I AM INCLINED TO BELIEVE。 我基本没见过老美这么用， 人家就直街I BELIEVE/THINK。。。。。

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

92# Fruit~
谢谢指导~
“我倾向于相信..." 这句话没有问题的吧，我怎么记得我听过也见过老美这样用> <

Fruit~UID: 2559265

92# Fruit~
谢谢指导~
“我倾向于相信..." 这句话没有问题的吧，我怎么记得我听过也见过老美这样用>
冰雪蜂鸟 发表于 2011-8-3 08:40

这是老美客气的说法， 但作文里用这东西感觉在凑字数。

相信就相信了， 说我倾向于。。。。。 就是口语里的客气说法了。 我从没见过英文的JOURNAL PAPER会用INCLINED TO BELIEVE这种表达方法。

作文本身就是ACADEMIC WRITING。

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

94# Fruit~

OK，好吧><
谢谢这位啦~~以后还要多多指教哦~~

Fruit~UID: 2559265

95# 冰雪蜂鸟

Seriously, I have never heard one single American use "I am inclined to say/think/believe....." after staying in the U.S. for 4+ years.  If they want to show their courtesy/uncertainty, they usually use "would" instead of "be inclined to".

little_catyUID: 3014175

由于新手还不能上传，就只能贴在这了~

8月2日 20090807NA Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than help determine children's future.

As an old saying goes: a wiser choice is much more essential than just work well. Parents always want to make wise choices for their children which can benefit children’s future. However, parents’ decisions are usually not suit well for children’s real condition. I am inclined to determine my future rather than let my parents make decisions for me.(这句话好像没有扣住主题的children啊）

Those who assert that it is better to allow parents to make decisions for their future may believe that the life road made by their parents is more stable and assured, because of parents’ abundant hand-on experiences, familiarity with children and mature social network. It seems that parents can always point out the most suitable life for them and lead them to the right direction. What they should do is following parents’ determination, being what parents want them to be and betraying their real interests. Can we draw a telling conclusion that it is this perspective that totally annihilates people’s happiness and barricades people’s creative?(欣赏了~但学不来~~)

As for me, following(感觉这里是不是用chasing更好呢) what I really want and making decisions of my own future is more desirable and appealing. Realizing what you want and being responsible for yourself should be the most important factors to be outlined. Take the arranged marriage as an example. In the last century in China, most of marriages are arranged by parents based on the occupation, wealth and social network. However, couples have little affection between each other and even do not have opportunity to acquire spouse’s appearance. As we can imagine, almost all of arranged marriage are tragedy with endless quarrels and unharmonious family ambience. A sociological research conducted by Peking University demonstrates that when one can choose one’s spouse freely, citizens are more satisfied with their current family and live more happily compared to that of the old time.

Moreover, making decisions of my own future is more breath-taking than stability. Making comparatively adventurous decision means that people are blessed with a golden opportunity to develop the potential, realize their interest and cultivate the creative thinking. Suppose, one is forever obeying his or her parents without his or her own in depth thinking, one will never know what he or she is really fond of and what his or her potential is. Yet people always need something new and creative, which is lack of in old generation’s perspectives, to adapt to the ever-accelerated society. In this way, not only individuals but also society, which benefits from the creative talents, makes progress. (这种断句学习了~)

Although parents’ experienced decisions are seemingly more convincing than the reckless decisions made by our self, parents’ advises cannot direct us to a promising future. Therefore, deciding ours own future becomes the unavoidable trend.

蜂鸟的文笔真是没话说~但是这个题目主要是讲children和parents之间的问题，总用第一人称表达观点是不是不太具有说服力啊，毕竟我们已经不算children了~不知道我这么想对不对，这样一来论述难度就增大了，只能靠多举例子支撑了，但是这方面的例子还不知道几个，我在写的时候就有这样的问题。
另外还想请教蜂鸟，要想使语言更地道要看什么材料啊？你平时都看什么给推荐一下吧~PM或者在帖子里留言都行，谢谢了~

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

8月3日独立

越写越烂了><

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

96# Fruit~

OK，接受意见，多谢你告诉我！下次一定注意！

season08UID: 2667789

99# 冰雪蜂鸟


8月3日 20100115NA In order to become financially responsible adults,children should manage their own money at a young age.


The ability to management one’s financialwell has become(became?) increasingly importantat the ever-accelerated society. More and more parents would like to let theirchildren manage their money at a very young age. As far as I am concerned, itis absolutely a positive phenomenon that would help children become financiallyresponsible adults.


Those who assert that children should notmanage their own money too early may believe that children at a young ageusually have no notion about financial management. What they will do(你前方的主语是those who assertthat的那帮人，后面这个they就变得指代不明确了，最好还是点一下是children), when can takecharge of a great amount of money, is squander their parents’ money freely,without any responsibility, at every corner of the world（at的这句表达的意思是说全世界的孩子都一样？没懂）. However, do not most of people start with a disordered financialcondition when they first manage their money and then （begin to） use their money justified? Giving children the power to controltheir own money mean（means？） that they are blessed with a golden opportunity to develop themanagement potential,（and to be） familiar withthe society and cultivate responsibility.


As for me, management my own money when Iwas young laid a solid foundation for me （to？）build up my characteristics. I learnt to arrange my money rationaland, moreover, handle all things happens（happen？） on me with logical thinking. I pay（paid） for my tuitionand fees, decided what things should be invested, and made planning of a longrun. What is more, my parents always controlled the whole picture by granting acertain amount of money and screening the management process. Not only did Inever sink into a “financial crisis”, but also inherit the ability of beingresponsible for my choices and my life in the future. Thus, making decision by oneself（这块换成年轻时学会掌控钱比较好吧）can developvaluable personalities useful in the future for an individual.


Moreover, letting young children todetermine the use of their money is ever more compelling to the society. Ifyoung children can take charge of their finance, they will have more chances totry things they are interested in and find their potential they mightspecialized in earlier. If young children can make decision of whether theyshould pay for one thing, they would use money wiser and know more about thesociety though spending money in reality. If everyone is educated aboutfinancial management at an early age, there would be less irresponsible squanderhappens in our society. In this way, basic knowledge of financial managementshould be educated to young children not only for (thebenefit of) individual but also for our society.


Admittedly, there are some risks ofirrational squander of money of grant power for young children to use moneyfreely. However, taking more factors into consideration, parents are better to givethe opportunity to children to help them grow as a(?a与adults有冲突吧是不是？) responsible adults.

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

8月4日
独立作文

抱歉这么晚才放上来><

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

8月8日
综合
独立

lyn7981UID: 2758158

8.8 独立 Annie的修改稿
斑竹...求拍....https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284659-3-1.html

sunboyqq16UID: 2937158

8.8 revised by sunboy 综合&独立

wendy316UID: 2566643

8月8日独立和综合

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

8月9日
独立