issue 144-true success 求点评

robeenUID: 2591919

True success can be measured primarily in terms of the goals one sets for oneself.

introduction: Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



Success has different meaning for differentpeople. For the little Child, he/she may say success is to fly the kite high inthe sky. For high school student, success may be the red “Nike” marked on allthe problems in the examination. And as entering the college, success may go alittle further and more closed to real life, as to win the presidential electionof the Student Union, or to receive offer from a high-salary occupation. However,whatever the considerations though success are various in age, sex, culturalbelief, education background, it is clear that the so-called successes above mark as the common meaning of self-achievement. And so I basically concede withthe speaker’s opinion, however, there also exist other aspects that can serve as the indicators of success.


To each individual, true success lies in theachievement of the premeditated goals. Every time we involve in a situation, we will set up a line in the heart, a line served as the baseline, measuring to what extent we can handle the current issues. And sometimes the baseline will be automatically adjusted as the change of situations, which is easy to illustrate in jogging. At the beginning of the jogging practice, you may set up the practice of 5 circles around the playground. When your endurance is highly strengthened through many 5-circle practices, you may slightly modify the plan, as to runfor 2 more circles. However, someday you do not feel good, and you may still goback the original practice. It is the baseline we overcome that brings us true taste of success. Usain Bolt, who represents as the highest speed of humanbeings, won three gold medals, and meanwhile, broke three world records in Bejing Olympics. Assured by his absolute capability in the 200m running in the winning of the championship, nevertheless, he still devoted 100 percent powerin the game, and finally trampled the world record kept in over 10 years. At thatmoment, what kept in Bolt’s mind was undoubtedly to break the world record, and unless it had been done, even the championship would bring him nothing happiness about success.


Besides self-achievement, social acknowledgement as well as corresponding rewards, serve as other important elements in the measuring of success. As from the Bolt’s example above, whatever his goal was, wewitnessed his success by the shining gold medals and the certifications ofworld record. Also, in the academic fields, the researchers will never slowdown their paces in the pursuit of Nobel Prize, which reflects the highestpraise and acknowledgement from the whole society. Andrew Fire, when he was awarded the heavy prize in 2007 for his discovery of RNA interference mechanism with Craig Mello, he hardly believed it was the truth, he said: I think it is adream, or must have somebody messed up, it is really unbelievable. This excitement is beyond anything that will be more appropriate to explain success.


However, to never let the pursuit of the social reputation, or the reputation itself, blind your eyes and struck your hearings.Reputation accompanies by voracity, and sense of satisfaction, which keeps you far from any further achievement. And that’s why I certainly would not put the social acknowledgement as the primary indication for success. While, to the goal set for oneself, it explains success in a generally different way.Remembering the baseline we have mentioned, a transient success only help to elevatethe baseline, leading to the spur for one to moving even further.


求拍啊！

beyouniqueUID: 2994556

下面是我的修改，我也是新手上路，改起来心里也是忐忑不安，有错的地方还望多包涵~
绿色及红色高亮的部分（好像看不出颜色和下划线啊。。。）为修改的地方，括号里的为修改后的内容
True success can be measured primarily in terms of the goals one sets for oneself.

introduction: Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



Success has different meaning for different people. For the little Child, he/she may say success is to fly the kite high in the sky. For high school student, success may be the red “Nike” marked on all the problems in the examination. And as entering the college, success may go a little further and （不知道有没有go more closed to这种用法，但是我还是觉得这里加一个is会更好）more closed to real life, as to win the presidential election of the Student Union, or to receive offer from a high-salary occupation. However, whatever the considerations though success are various in age, sex, cultural belief, education background（这句话没看懂唉，不知道是语法错误还是我理解能力太差，还请楼主再看一下，若没错那还请楼主多多指教咯~）, it is clear that the so-called successes above mark as the common meaning of self-achievement. And so I basically concede with the speaker’s opinion, however, there also exist other aspects that can serve as the indicators of success.（第一点，我觉得这一段的句子多是以名词开头（绿色标出的），相对比较单一，可以考虑变换一下句子陈述的方式，这样句子会更加多样。第二点，在前几句叙述各阶段对success的认识的时候虽然是排比句，但是我觉得这种列举方式还是显得比较简单，不止可否换一种方式，我比较担心这样大篇幅的相对比较简单的英语是不是会影响分数，本人对这样的逐个列举的情况也是比较头疼，所以抱歉没办法提供一个很好的办法，只能提出建议了，以后可以多交流一下。第三点，最后中心句用到了however，however一般强调的是它之后的东西，而从全文来看，显然self-achievement比other indicators更重要，所以我觉得应该调换一下顺序）


To each individual, true success lies in the achievement of the premeditated goals. Every time we involve in a situation（我觉得这里应该是we are involved in a situation）, we will set up a line in the heart, a line served as the baseline, measuring to what extent we can handle the current issues. And sometimes the baseline will be automatically adjusted as the change of situations, which is easy to illustrate in jogging. At the beginning of the jogging practice, you may set up the practice of 5 circles around the playground. When your endurance is highly strengthened through many 5-circle practices, you may slightly modify the plan, as to run for 2 more circles. However, someday you do not feel good, and you may still go back（to） the original practice.（practice多次使用（绿色部分），可以考虑用别的词代替以增加用词多样性，实在不行可用其他表达法来表述以免多次表达practice的概念） It is the baseline we overcome that brings us true taste of success. Usain Bolt, who represents as the highest speed of human beings, won three gold medals, and meanwhile, broke three world records in Bejing Olympics. Assured by his absolute（我觉得这里加一个peerless来形容怎么个absolute法更好一点） capability in the 200m running in the winning of the championship, nevertheless, he still devoted 100 percent power in the game, and finally trampled the world record kept in over 10 years. At that moment, what kept in Bolt’s mind was undoubtedly to break the world record, and unless it had been done, even the championship would bring him nothing happiness（happiness作为名词可以限定nothing吗？一般是nothing happy这种形式吧，或者就是no happiness） about success. （此段的中心我理解应该是“true success lies in the achievement of the premeditated goals”然后将true success 和baseline这个概念联系在一起，及真正的成功是达到并超过心中既定的baseline，如果是这样的话我不太理解该段画下划线出为什么要花那么多笔墨来说baseline是可以上下浮动的这个观点，这个好像和要叙述的中心问题关系不是很大，不是不能说，但是篇幅占的稍微大了一点，而且下次提到baseline浮动的问题已经是最后一句了，相隔有点远）


Besides self-achievement, social acknowledgement as well as corresponding rewards, serve as other important elements in the measuring of success. As from the Bolt’s example above, whatever his goal was, we witnessed his success by the shining gold medals and the certifications of world record. （此段讲的是社会认同和收获也是成功的元素之一，博尔特这个例子中，绿色部分表达的主角是“我们”，但是事实上主角应该是博尔特，应该是他看到金灿灿的奖牌而高兴等等，下面的例子就是这样一个角度，及Andrew Fire获奖后自己觉得很兴奋，如果楼主故意要从两个不同的角度来写的话我觉得就不能用Also作为关联词了）Also, in the academic fields, the researchers will never slowdown their paces in the pursuit of Nobel Prize, which reflects the highest praise and acknowledgement from the whole society. Andrew Fire, when he was awarded the heavy prize in 2007 for his discovery of RNA interference mechanism with Craig Mello, he hardly believed it was the truth, he said: I think it is a dream, or must have somebody messed up（somebody must have messed up）, it is really unbelievable. This excitement is beyond anything that will be more appropriate to explain success.


However, to（去掉这个to） never let the pursuit of the social reputation, or the reputation itself, blind your eyes and struck your hearings. （尽量不要用your，用our会更友好一些）Reputation accompanies by voracity, and sense of satisfaction, which keeps you far from any further achievement. And that’s why I certainly would not put the social acknowledgement as the primary indication for success. While, to the goal set for oneself, it explains success in a generally different way. Remembering the baseline we have mentioned, a transient success only help to elevate the baseline, leading to the spur for one to moving even further.
我也写了一篇issue，https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1297353-1-1.html
要是方便就帮我也改一改吧，不方便也没关系，加油吧