【咖啡盐作文修改铺子】*请先仔细阅读首页要求再附文

VITAMIN1203UID: 3086641

恳求拍啊。

斯风已逝UID: 3120137

第一篇全文，感觉思路还是很难跟着提纲走啊， 写着写着就跑题了。

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

The author suggests that the study major cities is indispensible in the understanding the most important characteristics of that society. I concede that major cities do reflects some important traits of our society, however, they are more likely to reflect the foam and surface of that society, and it is in our rural area that our most important characteristic generated and preserved.

Society are composed by major cities, small towns, and villages. Either of them can reflect part of that society. In this way, the studying of major cities can help us to understanding part of that culture. Especially when it comes to history. Histories of culture or society are more likely to be recorded in major cities. If you want to investigate the feudality of China, you'd better studying Beijing. Any way, most feudalistic dynasty chose Beijing as the capital; and it is in Beijing that preserved the recordings and relics of the feudalistic dynasty.
  When it comes to cultural traditions, however, major cities are less representative. Major cities, served as the political and economical center of that country, can absorb many traits of that society and outer culture, thus form a mixed culture. Today major cities can fuse cultural traditions worldwide, as the result, the cities do not belong to certain culture any longer, it belongs to the whole world. In Beijing, you can find KFC and McDonalds which reflect the American fast food culture; you can also witness the opera from Italy and paintings from France. In short, the major city, such as Beijing, is more likely to reflect the world's culture, not the characteristic of that society it belongs to. Moreover, in some country the number of people live in rural area is much larger that of people live in major cities. Considering this, the lifestyle of citizens can not reflect the living conditions of rural people. Studying people live Beijing can not fully demonstrate the living style of farmers who constitutes the most part of Chinese.

At the same time, it is our rural area that our most important characteristic generated and preserved. Villages and small towns are less affected by the outer culture, thus can preserve the cultural traditions. It is these traditions that characterize that society. Speaking to Chinese culture, spring festival may come into mind; and it is Chinese villages where the traditions of celebrating this festival preserved. New York, can not represent life conditions of American Indians, and it is Indians once thought to be the most characteristic and most traditional peoples in America.

In conclusion, major cities, small towns, and villages are fundamental parts of a society. To fully understand the characteristic of one society, studying to either of them are indispensible. It is in major cities where historical recordings and relics preserved. It is in small towns where our cultural traditions generated and preserved. If we restrict our views in major cities, we may come to misunderstanding that culture.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

题目话题非常直白，选择性命题。正统教育是限制了思想还是开拓了思想。
1.教育可以使我们对事物有更好地了解
2.教育可以激发想象力
3.没有教育，我们会变得更狭隘
   There has been a worrying claim that formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits instead of setting them free, concerning about this, I hold my opinion that formal education would open our minds rather than restrain them.【第一段我很喜欢，简单直白，主题明确。如果非要挑点问题出来，那就是“worrying claim”，education这类话题不存在任何的倾向性，直接用热点话题表达就好了，worrying有些太过了。】

    Admittedly, education would make us have a better control and understanding of this advanced society rather then restrain our minds and spirits. In our observation and observation, we have acquired a large amount of useful knowledge and skills during the long period of studying in school since we were at young ages. Learning Chinese would give us increasing sense of cultural heritage, obtaining the knowledge of Math would open our minds to develop in a new way and make us
see objects
【our way of thingking，看待事物应该是说理性rationally，思维才具有逻辑性】logically. 【这段句子倒不是说不可以这么写，但是对仗不够公整。Math代表的science，讲究理性思维；相对应的应该是文学艺术类的一门学科，讲究情感节操。】Leaning Art would let us find an amazing picture of this colorful world. 【三段排比，literature，science，art这样更好，因为art并不仅仅指美术，一般的论证中都指代艺术。】Therefore, it illustrated that the formal education tends to broaden our minds and spirits【对于结论你可以再具体些；其实你举得这三段排比其对象都是我们这个世界，你可以围绕这一点来进行总结，教育给了我们怎样一种看待这个世界的能力，这一点也是需要总结的，而不是死套标题思想，这是大背景，单就本段而言太大了。】.

    【Additionally】Not only would education bring us an opportunity of feeling this beautiful world【其实你知道你上一段写了什么的，为什么不在最后总结出来呢？死套大前提的总结真是有点打折扣啊。】, but it can also stimulate our origination and set our minds free thinking. It is the great scientists well educated and knowledgeable that creates this technological world. If Thomas Edison wouldn’t get the education of electrics, we would still illumine the candles in the dark; If Wright Brothers didn't be educated formally, we would never feel our world is as small as possible; If Wason wasn't get well formal education, it is hard to say that we won't suffer from many vital genetic diseases. 【这里例子的处理就有些粗糙啦，上一段才是排比，这一段又是排比；排比虽好一次就够了，详略要有当，上一段是排比泛例，这一段就可以详细分析一个例子就好；就比如可以举Wason他的DNA之路。LZ可以好好再安排下段落论证部分的结构安排。】Generally speaking, the formal education would increase our capability of creative thinking and set our minds free.

    Simply put, without the formal education, the ability of our thinking would be narrow and superficial. Under the condition that we didn't get formal educated, we won't acquire all the impractical subjects including science, math, art and so on. The way of our thinking will be deteriorated to a narrow and single situation. Take the toe-nail for example; no one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the whole body is hard and white. Thus, if we are eager to inspect the whole body thoroughly and effectively, we would get formal education to have comprehensive knowledge of this world.【formal education对应的是informal education，这一段个人觉得可以综合谈谈哪一类能成为formal education，为什么他们是formal的，而informal又是怎么样的。感觉的body第三段有些随意。只是说没有formal education，人的思想就会狭隘；但是从始至终我们都不是很理解formal和informal的区别在哪里。你既然是formal派的，可以把两者间的区别建立地更明显点】

    From the discussion above, we can easily reach the conclusion that formal education tends to set our minds and spirits free rather than restrain them.  

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文章结构总的来说很不错，清晰明了，一目了然，是我现在为止看过的结构非常合理的一篇。每一段的主题，分论点也都很清楚。是篇不错的结构立论。美中不足就是文章的支撑略显随意了些，LZ当好好多思考思考，总结积累些用得着的语句和例子之类的，丰富一下。结构方面基本ok啦。观点也能够明确突出。

留学2013UID: 3187846

41# 留学2013



========================================================================================
感觉LZ的思路很乱，段与段之间的联系不强，没有很清楚的逻辑感。论证方面也是有待加强。

1、 ...
咖啡盐 发表于 2012-2-6 16:02

谢谢版主的细心批改，我受益匪浅（我的问题实在是太多了），特别是第三段我跑题了，原因是我把题目中的最后一句理解错了。
第一第二正文段，首句的主题句有很大的问题，没有明确指出我要论证的逻辑错误。对于第一正文段，我本意是论证That
more jobs have been created than eliminated does not indicate that those laid-off workers have no
difficluty finding jobs;对于第二正文段，我本意是论证lowest unemployment does not assure that those
laid-off workers have find jobs.同样致命的是我的论证，我现在反复读了我的正文段之后，我也觉得我的TS没有得到
很好的支持，我会继续努力的。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
另外想问下版主，怎样才能加强段与段之间的联系和逻辑感？你提到了“很明显可以看到当地失业率低的报导出自当地的一份
读物，那么它是否真有这么可靠的公信力？会不会是为了当地的经济发展而按照他们的一些标准来整理的信息所以得出当地失
业率新低？这其实也是一条值得质疑的地方。其次就算这份报纸中的信息可以参考，但是这失业率低不代表被裁撤的员工能找
到工作。就算他们找到了工作也不能证明他们能摆脱经济困难。在反驳题目信息的同时自己也应该存在一条文脉。”我是否可
以理解成，你所谓的联系和逻辑感，就是层层递进（韦晓亮老师说的even if 攻击套路）？还请明示，如何加强联系和逻辑感？
谢谢了

santaimen3176UID: 3242149

大谢谢咖啡盐！！
argument
9.Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
正文：
       The argument is well presented, but is not thoroughly well reasoned. Merely based on the reason that in Plainsville the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time high, that the local club has more members than ever in this area, as well as that the weight training and aerobics classes are always full, the author assumes that the store in Plainsville should prove to be very successful. However, this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to the success of the Nature's Way.

   What's more, in this argument author claims that Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives. The author is failing to consider other possible alternative reasons to be successful in these areas. Such alternatives may include the facts that the stores in these areas offer the good service and comfortable shopping environment, which attract lots of customers buying healthy products here. In addition, the author has failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of these areas. Maybe there exist only a few stores selling healthy food or products, this leads to the facts that residents are forced to take things in these areas, and it is possible that the stores in these areas situate around the hospitals or clinics where people often go there to examine their body health, therefore these factors contribute to the results that stores are the most profitable in these areas.

   On the one point, citing the facts that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs, the author states that the store should be very successful. Concerning about this, the author made a unsound connection between the well selling of athletic objects and well selling of healthy products. The people who always buy running shoes or exercise clothing maybe the sports enthusiasts or they just enjoy do sports during their leisure time. It is not proved to be the facts that the people in Plainsville are likely to buy healthy products. And on the other point, considering the facts that local health club has more members than ever, and that the weight training and aerobics classes are always full, this won't lead to the result that store of Nature's Way should be successful. There is the possibility that the people in Plainsville regard their athletic exercise as a more important status than ever, and also that there exist fewer and fewer health clubs or weight training and aerobics class in Plainsville.

   Overall, the reasoning behind the results that Nature's Way store in Plainsville would be successful seems logical; however, before any final decisions are made, the author should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the stores’ success in Plainsville.   
大谢咖啡盐

sgmjkUID: 3230471

题目Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
这一次很认真的思考过的，再次麻烦版主啦~

In the day and age, overpopulation necessitate wide land resources to support human's development and advancement. Hence, there is an increasingly controversial issue that whether Government should take measures to safeguard natural environment that has not been significantly modified by human activity instead of reclamation. It is my contention that utilization of wilderness should be determined by detailed case-by-case analysis.

In the first place, the threshold matter of the issue is that human shoulder responsibility to protect natural environment for their own survival. To be specific, more than ten thousands species have disappeared forever on the earth due to human activities such as taking up their habitat and undue killing. According to the recent data from Scientific American, there are average ten species in danger of extinction every year because of human exploitation of their limited living areas of lands. Undoubtedly their increasing extinction at a staggering rate may threaten our own survival in the future unless we take affirmative measures, particularly promulgating laws, to provide enough habitat to them. Admittedly, economic gain from wilderness areas might result in deterioration of environment. Specifically, dear-cutting forests and juggles could lead to desertification of land; water pollution in lakes and rivers could jeopardize animals that rely on them; More significantly, exorbitant carbon dioxide could participate global warming in the world.  

Equally important is that wilderness areas, which represent diversity of landscapes and ecosystems, tend to be replete of scientific and tourist values.An apt illustration involves in Yellowstone National Park, which comprise numerous natural lakes, canyons rivers and mountain ranges.For one thing, by observing evolutions of animals and plants in the natural environment of the park, scientists could peel away the mystery wrapping that often envelops our own process of evolution, which offer significant aid to look for treatment in some fatal illness in human body. For another thing, the beautiful national park attracts hundreds of thousands tourists over the world every year, therefore bringing a large number of incomes to the nation as well.

Nevertheless, there is no scaping of the fact that pure protection of wilderness areas fails to solve eco-crisis in the world. Speaking from a Third World perspective, for example, American's ability to keep areas of wildness available for aesthetic enjoyment is due to the fact that America's world dominance gives them the ability to consume a disproportionate share of the world's natural resources. Thus, only viewing the land as the foundation for an interconnected support system that sustains human life could give wilderness different meaning than it is viewed as a commodity to support a lifestyle. In another sense, to give up exploitation of wilder land would impede economic development as well as improvement of living standard of general populace particularly in some small developing countries. Indeed, they are much in need of natural recourse in order to ensure their healthy advancement and grows free from impoverishment and long lag.

To sum up, Government should take serious consideration in weighing advantages and disadvantages of exploitation of wilderness land.Only by doing so can we make most of those natural recourse to thrive in the future. Otherwise, there is no denying that we would pay a high price for it.

yan0495UID: 3202127

Argument 4 --3G 请楼主拍砖
The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

In this argument the arguer comes to the conclusion that using Adams Realty, you could sell your home quickly and at a good price. To justify the conclusion, the author cites that the number of real estate agents and the revenue of Adams Realty are clearly superior to Fitch Realty. The author also points out that Fitch took more time than Adams to sell one home. However, close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincing in several aspects.

In the first place, the arguer assumes that Adams Realty which has 40 real estate agents is clearly superior to Fitch Realty which has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Although this is entirely possible, the arguer offers no evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. It is very likely that part-time agents work more effectively and the ability of 25 agents is equal to that of 40 agents, or even better than them. The arguer’s reasoning is definitely flawed unless the arguer can convince me that these and other possible scenarios are unlikely.

In the second place, the arguer assumes that last year homes listed with Adams were sold faster than Fitch does ten years ago. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that it is necessarily the case, and the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is possibly that ten years ago the global economies were all depressed, and the ability of purchasing was reducing. At the same time, the location and environment of home are the important elements to sell. Without accounting for and ruling out these and other alternative explanations, the arguer cannot bolster the assumption.

The last but not the least important, the argument suffers from “either- or” reasoning. Based on the fact that Adams Realty is better than Fitch Realty, the author unfairly assumes that they must be in favor of Adams Realty. However, the author overlooks the possibility that homeowners are not in favor of either Realty. It is entirely possible that the new Homelink Realty is famous for its good service and low charges.

In sum, the conclusion reached in the argument is invalid and misleading. To make it logically acceptable, the author should have to demonstrate that 40 real estate agents work more effectively than 25 part-time agents. Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of this argument until the arguer can provide more information about whether the conditions of home and economical situation were invariable during the ten years and wether they do not have better choice except Adams and Fitch.
请教这样的文章会判雷同吗？

wangnannan_1985UID: 2862388

我的作文基础很差，希望楼主帮帮忙 ，个人觉得希望自己的I能保证到3分即可。另外希望楼主帮忙给估一下分，多谢。
45, Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your
position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

1,分数是一个衡量学习的标准，可以鼓励学生
2，过度了不好，能力教育，培养学生的能力，要不就会高分低能
3， 给学生压力，作弊，不爱学习，恶性循环。

Would pursuing high scores influence the quality of learning for students? In my view, high grades itself is not harmful to students. It could also encourage students to study hard. However, extreme competition for high grades would lend students into
wrong direction, so that the growth of students would be destroyed seriously.

Scores is a proper standard of measuring learning and teachers can incite students to learn knowledge diligently. Children, who are born to play games, could be regulated by scores. Only by studying hard can they achieving enough scores to enter into a higher level of education. For example, a research in china in 2010 that counted students’ studying time reveals that students having score pressure from 10 ages to 13 ages would learn 2 hours more than students who does not need to take exams.
Likewise, students can acquire delight and satisfaction by pursuing scores. This is a way to encourage students to study diligently.

However, undue pursuing high grades would be harmful to students. Firstly, the destination of education is to improve and culture students’ ability, but not teach students how to attain high scores. Score is not equal to ability. Ability has many aspects, such as speaking and practice. A student, if costing his all time to gain high scores and tackle with exams, could be reluctant to improve real ability by which the student could keep a foothold in the society. For example, Wang lei, my university student, have gained high scores on the exams. However he is not skilled at speaking and handing, he could not find a job up to now.

In addition, students must sustain enormous pressure from high scores. Maybe some students can overcome mass pressure to improve themselves. But if a student could not defeat the score pressure, he would be self-abased in studying. Slowly he would discard learning knowledge. He will cheat exams and enter into a vicious circle. In modern society, some people for this reason abandon studying, so they have no jobs to support themselves. At last they become criminals and also hurt society.

In sum, score is a good tool to help students improving themselves. If people utilize it reasonably, they benefit a lot from this. However, excess pursuing grades brings many disadvantages to students.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

42# Sakuraguoqi

101.原题：Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instruction students, there technologies all too often distract from real learning.

从题目来看，前半段基本上是废话，关键在于后半句上。两个话题当事人：technologies & real learning。破题关键词：all too often。
题目中首先是承认了技术对于教育是有益处的，但是这些帮助与其反作用相比又是微不足道的。过于依赖这些技术，是学不到东西的。
题目中对于技术是由定义的，由此，破题点可从频度：too often 或者概念：real learning入手来进行分析。
作文：
In the essay, 【这只是个topic或者说是statement，essay显然是不准确的。】the author 【这样更像是argu的开头模式。】mentioned that “innovations all too often distract front real learning” which problematically overlooked some important factors, thus result in questionable conclusion. As I see it, innovations of science and technology don’t distract "real learning". Instead, it enables the process of real learning.【开头作用倒是突出了，不过立论文的开头引据也是有其一定格式的，不需要去反驳什么，直接由话题入手即可。】

【To begin with，这类词句虽然很脑残，但对于严谨文体来说是必不可少的哦。】I agree that the innovations such as video, computers and the Internet do distract some of the attention of the student result from their mighty capacity of information.【你这样的说法其实不准确，题目中认为技术能有助于教育，但是过于依赖会分心。题目是这样一个逻辑，显然你此处存在些许出入的。】 For instance, the explosion of too many slide shows and relative documents uploaded on the internet may blind out the essence of this subject and make it inconvenient to understand the core of knowledge【你这段例子我很不能理解。幻灯片和相关文件的上传怎么就不方便理解了呢？你没有说清楚，你只是告诉我们不方便，怎么不方便依旧不知道的。相反，我觉得在课堂上无法完全消化的知识，课后下载课堂讲义反而可以帮助我们去理解。其实这段文字并不是完整地例子，只是例子的开头，我们要知道的为什么，还是没有出现。】, so result in, ironically, low efficiency on after-class study. Nevertheless, these innovations don not distract "real learning” from student because of the following reasons.【我有点晕了...你弄了两个开头？第一段已经总起了，这里有总起一次？】

First of all, what is a "real learning”?【这个切入点把握的很好，对于题目中real learning的模糊处进行一个定义。】 In common definition,【请不要常识来概括你的观点，这是很伤的...】 real learning is a self-depend process 【不要说什么取决于个人之类的，在issue中你要把自己的话当做是真理。暗示自己只有你说的才是对的，你就是真理。每个人确实有每个人的观点，但是这里是你的观点。这个词一出，不就等于说别人没必要采纳你的观点了，反正各有各的理解嘛】to acknowledge, understand, critical absorb and, finally, be able to apply the knowledge to practice with one's learning ability. It merely based on learners themselves to choose a way they like to learn. Thus, whether it is distract by innovations of technology depend on different people's accesses of learning.Take video for example,it provides a new way of learning with vivid visual information, highly flexibility of the demonstrating procedure and no interact with teacher, which students may and may not chose because of their own taste of learning. Some students are probably unable to concentrate on knowledge on the video only because of their lack of self control and less adaptability to this way of learning rather than video itself. Consequently, it's unreasonable to assert that "innovations all too often distract from real learning". Innovations of technology doesn’t block out students from real learning.【这段论证有些偏了。开头处what is "real learning"? 这是一个概念的疑问。但是接下来我们并没有了解到什么是real learning，你只是说了每个人有每个人的理解。这不等于白说么？我们要知道的是什么是所谓的real learning，这是个什么东西，怎么定义它。
to acknowledge, understand, critical absorb and, finally, be able to apply the knowledge to practice with one's learning ability.这段文字你给出的只是一个步骤，而不是一个定义。其次，就开端处你旗帜鲜明的唱反调的态度来说，这段反而模棱两可的，与你的开头也是不符的，既然反对了，就不要再跳到中间。】

What's more, with its own advantage of more information of study, multiple media demonstration, better access to different knowledge and grater space for students to choose themselves, innovations of technology consequently not only doesn't distract "real learning”, but instead plays a strong role in the access of "real learning”. For example, a student would not have the chance to choose a number of online classes from various schools from the world without the help of innovations of technology such as video and Internet. As a conclusion, innovations of technology provide more choice of study tools and given students a lot more space of self-learning, thus gets students closer to the essence of "real learning".

In a word, science and technology improved methods for instructing students and does not practically distract from real learning. Because it provides better access to different knowledge and grater space for students to choose themselves, it is a strong tool to in the access of "real learning”

有些偏题了。你没有把握住文章的另一个关键，就是频度。文章的定义是 all too often，过度去运用才会导致分心这样一个结果，而不是说这些技术本身存在这些问题。其次，结构上也还没有成熟，还要再多参考些文章，首先把结构问题理清楚，再来思考内容，内容要做到从一而终，你的立场决定了你的内容，一路下来要紧扣自己的立场，不要使得两者脱节。

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

谢谢版主的细心批改，我受益匪浅（我的问题实在是太多了），特别是第三段我跑题了，原因是我把题目中的最后一句理解错了。
第一第二正文段，首句的主题句有很大的问题，没有明确指出我要论证的逻辑错误。对于第一 ...
留学2013 发表于 2012-2-12 12:06

让步式只是一种最直接，简单易行的逻辑论证方法。没有接受过逻辑类教育，不得不承认在逻辑论证上是会存在不足的，而argument很看重逻辑上的问题。运用让步方法至少能在形式上满足一种看似合乎逻辑的结构。并列法也不是说不好，只是很多时候运用并列法很容易就使得文章有些散了

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

62# 斯风已逝

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

题目含义清晰：社会文化与城市间的关系——大城市能否反映一个社会的主要特征？

The author suggests that the study 【studying】major cities is indispensible in the 【删】understanding the most important characteristics of that 【a】society. I concede that major cities does reflect some important traits of our society, however, they are more likely to reflect the foam and surface of that society, and 【contrarily】it is in our rural area that our 【society's】 most important characteristic 【is】 generated and preserved.

【Admittedly,】Society are composed by major cities, small towns, and villages. Either of them can reflect part of that society. In this way, the studying of major cities can help us to understanding part of that culture. Especially when it comes to history. Histories of culture or society are more likely to be recorded in major cities. If you want to investigate the feudality of China, you'd better studying Beijing. 【这就完了？为什么想了解封建制度就要去了解北京？你心里清楚，但是看到你的文的人不一定清楚吖...你总要说出来，为什么北京这座城市能够有助于了解封建主义吧？这才是关键内容，你这句话其实没有任何意义，独一句列出来太过单薄，没有作用。如果不想写详例，你就要做成排比句，再找两个类似的例子，以同样形式来形成排比，才具备说服力。】Any way,【这个词很不负责任吖，我们什么都还没看到，就anyway了？】 most feudalistic dynasty chose Beijing as the capital; and it is in Beijing that preserved the recordings and relics of the feudalistic dynasty.【其实也就是元明清的国都在北京而已...你的例子要具体，历史遗迹，神马遗迹呢？你总要给些详细的名称，之后还没结束，你还要说如何帮助人们去了解。对吧？这才是真实的内容，有实质意义的东西。光说是古王朝的首都，有很多遗迹，这些都没用。就像你给别人一样工具，你总要给出使用说明它才能成为一件工具吧？别人不会用的工具，不能成为工具。】【另外，我还想到一个问题。题目是要研究一个社会的特征哦...我们现在的社会应该已经去除封建性了吧....你这段的内容其实和题目主题联系不大呢...其实你可以说是学习传统文化之类的东西，这些也是可以从古迹上体现出来的，而且还能从现代生活中找到。】

  When it comes to cultural traditions, however, major cities are less representative. Major cities, served as the political and economical center of that country, can absorb many traits of that society and outer culture, thus form a mixed culture. Today major cities can fuse cultural traditions worldwide,
as the result, the cities do not belong to a certain culture any longer, it belongs to the whole world. In Beijing, 【童鞋是北京的么？这么喜欢拿帝都举例...你知道么，这样举例很失败呢...首先，重复性，前面是这个地方的例子，这里又来；其次，冲突了。历史和传统文化那是息息相关的。你能够从这个城市了解历史，却不能了解传统文化？这是说不通的。】you can find KFC and McDonalds which reflect the American fast food culture; you can also witness the opera from Italy and paintings from France. In short, the major city, such as Beijing, is more likely to reflect the world's culture, not the characteristic of that society it belongs to.【你这范围撑得太大了...而且没有很好的支撑。】 Moreover, in some country the number of people live in rural area is much larger that of people live in major cities. Considering this, the lifestyle of citizens can not reflect the living conditions of rural people. Studying people live Beijing can not fully demonstrate the living style of farmers who constitutes the most part of Chinese.【怎么就从cultural tradition扯到lifestyle了....既然开头给出cultural tradition这个议题，就该紧扣这一点。城市所蕴含的传统文化不如乡村那样浓重，那样完整。你其实可以通过两个地域间的对比来突出这一观点就好了，你这样写出来完全就是两个不搭界的事情了....而且乡村部分和传统文化根本没关系，成了探讨lifestyle了...乱了。】

At the same time, it is our rural area that our most important characteristic generated and preserved. Villages and small towns are less affected by the outer culture, thus can preserve the cultural traditions. It is these traditions that characterize that society. Speaking to Chinese culture, spring festival may come into mind; and it is Chinese villages where the traditions of celebrating this festival preserved. New York, can not represent life conditions of American Indians, and it is Indians once thought to be the most characteristic and most traditional peoples in America.

In conclusion, major cities, small towns, and villages are fundamental parts of a society. To fully understand the characteristic of one society, studying to either of them are indispensible. It is in major cities where historical recordings and relics preserved. It is in small towns where our cultural traditions generated and preserved. If we restrict our views in major cities, we may come to misunderstanding that culture.

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题目有些偏了呢....characteristics of a society不等于cultural tradition，这是两个概念。cultural tradition包含于characteristics of a society中，只是一个组成部分，而不是等同的概念。你的全文几乎全部都在写cultural tradition这个概念了。

SakuraguoqiUID: 3148198

69# 咖啡盐

谢谢斑竹！不改不知道我问题这么多，之前在列提纲，现在看来应该把结构在加强一下，逻辑也太过混乱。打算最近开始看看别人怎么审题，怎么列提纲。
再次感谢！！

lansir002UID: 3125688

准备issue一周，每一篇都憋的好辛苦= =，摸不着门道啊..., 望版主指导啊，谢谢啦~


17、68 .It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

In my point of view, the assertion, of Education tends to restrain our minds and spirits, stands only under the condition that students are passively accepting knowledge and do not think independently. However, if we encourage our students to keep thinking independently than solely accept knowledge, I believe their minds and spirits would be more and more free and unlimited.

In our common Education life, teachers often teach, tell, students with lots of kinds of rules or restrictions. Such as, in the physics class, we are taught to obey a lot of rules and laws, like the Newton's laws of motion, the energy conservation law, laws of thermodynamics, Faraday's law of induction, etc. These laws are the fundamental knowledge in physics. They help us to understand the world better. Sometimes these rules or laws we get from classes, will help keep us away from making mistakes, wasting time, money and efforts. There is nothing more pathetic than devote the whole life to a hopeless career, such as making a perpetual motion machine. If understanding the energy conservation law, I believe those meaningless efforts could be better used to some other issues. So the Education offers us the tools to understand the world.

Moreover, having the tools offered by education at hand, and making good use of your minds and spirits, we can push our society further and may find some new tools. The way to achieve that is to think independently. For example, from Newton's era, the light was believed to be in particle form. But, in 1670s, Dutch's physicist, Huygens argues that light consists of waves and then proved by Young's double slit interference experiment in 1803. And through the further work by Plank, Einstein, de Broglie, Compton, Bohr, we all share a belief that all particles also have wave nature. Those efforts help found Quantum Physics and affecting our every day's lives. From this process, we can infer that by understanding the conventional ideas as well as independent thinking, we could challenge conventions and make innovations to push our world further.

Lastly, we cannot ask students to think independently at the beginning without offering help, and Education institutions should play an important role. For instance, when some questions or problems occurred, you cannot just tell them: you cannot make it in such a way, that way doesn't make sense... Those actions are very frustrating and would restrain students' minds. Instead, teachers should explain the reasons to them and help them understand the limits, then encourage them to think independently. Only by this, can student free their minds to make innovative solutions to those problems.

In sum, without knowledge and tools offered by education, we cannot understand the problems and the world well. Without independent thought, we cannot make progress and push our world further. And that's all what Education institutions should be responsible to.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

9.Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.

结论：NW在P城的分店会成功

理由：以往经验，关注健康的地方，他们的产品就卖得很好，P城人关注健康

依据：1、当地运动服装卖得好
        2、当地健身俱乐部很多会员
        3、当地的孩子们是潜在客户，他们被要求进行体育锻炼
正文：
       The argument is well presented, but is not thoroughly well reasoned. Merely based on the reason that in Plainsville the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time high, that the local club has more members than ever in this area, as well as that the weight training and aerobics classes are always full, the author assumes that the store in Plainsville should prove to be very successful. However, this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to the success of the Nature's Way.【题目的逻辑分三步：三点依据==>P城人关注健康==>NW在P城的分店会成功。】

   What's more, 【刚开始论述就what is more了？】in this argument author claims that Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives. The author is failing to consider other possible alternative reasons to be successful in these areas. 【可以合并为一段，两段太罗嗦了。】Such alternatives may include the facts that the stores in these areas offer the good service and comfortable shopping environment, which attract lots of customers buying healthy products here. In addition, the author has failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of these areas. Maybe there exist only a few stores selling healthy food or products, this leads to the facts that residents are forced to take things in these areas,【Maybe the former chain stores are opened in small towns with no other similar health food stores that local residents have little choice but choose NW to satisfy their demands, 】 and 【or】it is possible that the stores in these areas situate around the hospitals or clinics where people often go there to examine their body health, therefore these factors contribute to the results that stores are the most profitable in these areas.

   On the one point, citing the facts that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs, the author states that the store should be very successful. Concerning about this, the author made a unsound connection between the well selling of athletic objects and well selling of healthy products. The people who always buy running shoes or exercise clothing maybe the sports enthusiasts or they just enjoy do sports during their leisure time. It is not proved to be the facts that the people in Plainsville are likely to buy healthy products. And on the other point, considering the facts that local health club has more members than ever, and that the weight training and aerobics classes are always full, this won't lead to the result that store of Nature's Way should be successful. There is the possibility that the people in Plainsville regard their athletic exercise as a more important status than ever, and also that there exist fewer and fewer health clubs or weight training and aerobics class in Plainsville.【你这段的论证就比较散了。因为本段中得依据都不能够直接服务于题目的结论，也就是NW的分店会成功，而是服务于前提：当地人关注健康生活，如果你在前一段中对于前提进行一个提点，P城究竟是否是题目所说关注健康的地方，那么这一段的论证就比较容易展开了，直接从这几点现象是否对关注健康起到支撑作用分析即可。】

   Overall, the reasoning behind the results that Nature's Way store in Plainsville would be successful seems logical; however, before any final decisions are made, the author should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the stores’ success in Plainsville.

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是不是少贴上来一段哪？还有关于孩子们这一潜在客户的论证嘞？缺不得啊，NW的成功并没说是一时的，而是存在一个延续性吖...

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

Issue 35
Educational institutions should dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed。

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
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In the speaker's policy, educational institutions should interfere students 's pursuits of study, dissuading them from pursuing fields of study that they are unlikely to be successful. At the first glance, it seems to  be the sensible  thing that in order to succeed in the fields of study, students should follow the educational institutions' dissuasion.After all, one may argue that to pursue the fields of study that you can not succeed means nothing but just a waste of time and the educational resources as well as the students' great efforts.In my point of view, however, in addition to what factors have been discussed above, the speaker should take other issues into consideration, such as students' interests , the well-being of a society etc. .

First, implementing the policy the speaker mentioned above, a consequence that might likely occurs to one is that those who follow the educational institutions' policy mentioned above , accomplish what they pursue in their fields of study significantly .Consequently, this policy, without a doubt, benefit this society a lot, bring a good reputation to those educational institutions and ,at individual's level, help those students make a big fortune,ending it up a win-win situation,which is brilliant.

However, another consequence deserves more concern is that after the educational institutions  successfully implement this policy, almost all the students choose those fields that is more likely to succeed. Eventually, the consequence , spontaneously , is that few to study those fields which seem unlikely to be successful yet quite critical, both to society or individual. Consider that if this is true, there would be hardly anyone to study such hard and unlikely(at least it seems recently) to succeed fields like AIDS,cancer diseases.If so, what would happen to our society? What a great price would we have to pay? How many people would have to be facial  with these fatal diseases?

And what is more, one also have to realize that whether one can succeed or not , lies not in the fields that is likely to be successful, but rather ,at a great extent, in one's every efforts one makes in the process of one's pursuit, in one's perseverance especially at the obstacles one may face in the way to succeed and others' objection or opposite opinions.Take Steve Jobs who wildly regarded as a guru in electronic devices,as an example.While he was still a student, he dropped out after only one semester in college due to financial matter. After that, he still persisted his field of electronic devices , attending meetings of the Homebrew Computer Club,founding  Apple computer in the garage of his parents .Though resigning rom Apple in 1985 due to the conflict between Sculley and him, Jobs founded NeXT Computer in 1985 after leaving Apple.And finally, he became the  The Walt Disney Company's largest single shareholder  and came back to Apple Inc, the company he co-founded ,after overcoming  a great obstacles and persisting his belief.
To sum up, before lanching this policy,educational institutions should take the above consequences and at the same time, the social needs as well, into consideration rather implement it hastily.While at the individual level, one might also rethink the policy and listen to the one's inner voices and  realize that whether one can succeed or not is not determined by others' dissuasion but one's capabilities and the necessary qualities of success.

MARK，等下再来...