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renliqiUID: 3307781

楼主好人啊。。。8月G。。。求指教。。。谢谢谢谢。。。。

题目：Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could
What kind of things could get our notices in our daily life? The sun is rising from the east? The rose is opening in the morning in our garden? Or the transportation is going well this week? No, of course not, actruelly, what make our attention is that the sun is rising from west and the rose is closed the whole spring and the horrible traffic accidents happened this day. The scandals belong to this kind of things. They affect the dark part of our society even have some negative impact for our life, but we cannot deny that they could focus our attention on problems because they are special characteristics.

The first reason I agree the point is that people notice the special things easily even they are negative. In psychologically, the experts have a negative theory which acclaim that the negative emotion have much stronger power to affect people. In the same way, in our daily life, we are always interested in some “special” thing. And some these things could be contained in some scandals, which draw our attention easily and they have enough power to make us focus on the problem. For example, Lady Gaga who is a very famous singer in the Unites States is so well known by people. But many of them know her not for her song but for her secret of sexuality. The scandal helps her gain the notice of people and become popular in the whole world. It tells us the different thing even the scandal could make us notice it so easily.

The second reason I support the idea is that the scandals alert us to concern something that we are always careless about. The doctors have tell us that we could notice a part of our body when it have something wrong and it give us a alert to take care of it. In another word, problems make us pay attention to something we hardly know when they are going well. For example, in china, 2008, Wenchan have an 8.6degree earthquake, and hundreds of people die from this disaster. A few weeks later, a news from the internet claimed that the casualties could be much less or totally avoid if the government could inform people sooner after they detected information of the earthquake. This political scandal which we hardly know if it was the truth really alerts us the country and media really have the problem about the disaster alert. So after this misfortune, the people pay lots of attention to detection and protection of disasters, from which, we have to admit the sandal is useful for us to focus on the problem.

The last reason is that the scandals have the enough power to be effective educated lessons for us in our life. They remind me don’t make similar fault with some people and don’t rely on some wrongful ways to get success. Because lots of scandals come from some famous successful people in the society and they have an important impact, we look at them everyday, we learn much things from them including the failure which give us a lesson to help us do right things in our life. Also, the scandals come from their practice life, whatever they are truth or not, could have more persuasiveness for us than the speech or vague words from some speaker or reformer. So the scandals, in my opinion, are pretty effective lesson to educate us.

In a word, scandals are special enough to draw our attention, making us notice some problem, and effective lessons for us to learn something. So in my mind, scandals are very useful for us to focus our attention.

renliqiUID: 3307781

楼主好人啊。。。8月G。。。求指教。。。谢谢谢谢。。。。

题目：Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could
What kind of things could get our notices in our daily life? The sun is rising from the east? The rose is opening in the morning in our garden? Or the transportation is going well this week? No, of course not, actruelly, what make our attention is that the sun is rising from west and the rose is closed the whole spring and the horrible traffic accidents happened this day. The scandals belong to this kind of things. They affect the dark part of our society even have some negative impact for our life, but we cannot deny that they could focus our attention on problems because they are special characteristics.

The first reason I agree the point is that people notice the special things easily even they are negative. In psychologically, the experts have a negative theory which acclaim that the negative emotion have much stronger power to affect people. In the same way, in our daily life, we are always interested in some “special” thing. And some these things could be contained in some scandals, which draw our attention easily and they have enough power to make us focus on the problem. For example, Lady Gaga who is a very famous singer in the Unites States is so well known by people. But many of them know her not for her song but for her secret of sexuality. The scandal helps her gain the notice of people and become popular in the whole world. It tells us the different thing even the scandal could make us notice it so easily.

The second reason I support the idea is that the scandals alert us to concern something that we are always careless about. The doctors have tell us that we could notice a part of our body when it have something wrong and it give us a alert to take care of it. In another word, problems make us pay attention to something we hardly know when they are going well. For example, in china, 2008, Wenchan have an 8.6degree earthquake, and hundreds of people die from this disaster. A few weeks later, a news from the internet claimed that the casualties could be much less or totally avoid if the government could inform people sooner after they detected information of the earthquake. This political scandal which we hardly know if it was the truth really alerts us the country and media really have the problem about the disaster alert. So after this misfortune, the people pay lots of attention to detection and protection of disasters, from which, we have to admit the sandal is useful for us to focus on the problem.

The last reason is that the scandals have the enough power to be effective educated lessons for us in our life. They remind me don’t make similar fault with some people and don’t rely on some wrongful ways to get success. Because lots of scandals come from some famous successful people in the society and they have an important impact, we look at them everyday, we learn much things from them including the failure which give us a lesson to help us do right things in our life. Also, the scandals come from their practice life, whatever they are truth or not, could have more persuasiveness for us than the speech or vague words from some speaker or reformer. So the scandals, in my opinion, are pretty effective lesson to educate us.

In a word, scandals are special enough to draw our attention, making us notice some problem, and effective lessons for us to learn something. So in my mind, scandals are very useful for us to focus our attention.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

renliqi 发表于 2012-7-7 12:03
楼主好人啊。。。8月G。。。求指教。。。谢谢谢谢。。。。

题目：Scandals are useful because they foc ...

题目：Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could

What kind of things could get our notices in our daily life? The sun is rising from the east? The rose is opening in the morning in our garden? Or the transportation is going well this week? No, of course not, actruelly, what make our attention is that the sun is rising from west and the rose is closed the whole spring and the horrible traffic accidents happened this day. The scandals belong to this kind of things.【啰嗦的太多了，而且与题目没什么关系。】 They affect the dark part of our society even have some negative impact for our life, but we cannot deny that they could focus our attention on problems because they are special characteristics.

The first reason I agree the point is that people notice the special things 【为什么scandal属于special thing的一种呢，你总要说明白吧。】easily even they are negative. In psychologically, the experts have a negative theory which acclaim that the negative emotion have much stronger power to affect people. In the same way, in our daily life, we are always interested in some “special” thing. And some these things could be contained in some scandals, which draw our attention easily and they have enough power to make us focus on the problem. For example, Lady Gaga who is a very famous singer in the Unites States is so well known by people. But many of them know her not for her song but for her secret of sexuality. The scandal helps her gain the notice of people and become popular in the whole world. It tells us the different thing even the scandal could make us notice it so easily.【段落问题不大，只是内容上欠佳。整个论证流于表面。why people are interested in something special, like scandal?这才是问题的重心吧，而不是people are interested in scandals。段落的层次太浅了。】

The second reason I support the idea is that the scandals alert us to concern something that we are always careless about. The doctors have tell us that we could notice a part of our body when it have something wrong and it give us a alert to take care of it. In another word, problems make us pay attention to something we hardly know when they are going well. For example, in china, 2008, Wenchan have an 8.6degree earthquake, and hundreds of people die from this disaster. A few weeks later, a news from the internet claimed that the casualties could be much less or totally avoid if the government could inform people sooner after they detected information of the earthquake. This political scandal which we hardly know if it was the truth really alerts us the country and media really have the problem about the disaster alert. So after this misfortune, the people pay lots of attention to detection and protection of disasters, from which, we have to admit the sandal is useful for us to focus on the problem.【scandal被披露出来之后，民众的反应呢？事情总得表达完整吧。】

The last reason is that the scandals have the enough power to be effective educated lessons for us in our life. They remind me don’t make similar fault with some people and don’t rely on some wrongful ways to get success. Because lots of scandals come from some famous successful people in the society and they have an important impact, we look at them everyday, we learn much things from them including the failure which give us a lesson to help us do right things in our life. Also, the scandals come from their practice life, whatever they are truth or not, could have more persuasiveness for us than the speech or vague words from some speaker or reformer. So the scandals, in my opinion, are pretty effective lesson to educate us.【本段说的有些乱，究竟这个教育意义是从哪方面得出的？给人读着感觉调理不是很清楚，一会儿是failure，一会是normal life，核心是什么？而且，scandal就是failure吗？不见得吧？如果你要挂钩，你要论证它。】

In a word, scandals are special enough to draw our attention, making us notice some problem, and effective lessons for us to learn something. So in my mind, scandals are very useful for us to focus our attention.

先mark下，最近比较忙，没怎么上论坛，明天争取改了吧

yujintong001UID: 3276538

8G求指导，现在水平比较烂，字数也写的比较少
Argument 1:
题目：Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

  In the argument above, the author contends some conclusion only on some dubious evidences. On the surface, the argument seems to be somewhat logical. However, in fact it alone neither provides compelling evidence to make the argument persuasive nor organizes a logical argument in favor of the conclusion.
  First of all, the author makes the conclusion that the Woven baskets are made only by the Palean people barely based on the fact that the baskets have previously been found only in the vicinity of prehistoric village of Palean. However, this conclusion is not compelling. Maybe the baskets were bought from other places.
   Second, the author said that the Brim River is very deep and broad. He assumed that the river was unchanged from that time to now. Maybe at that time, the river was not very deep and broad like today, it changed due to the geometrical movements.
  The author also said the ancient Paleans could have crossed the river only by boat, I think this assertion is lack of proof. There have no evidence suggesting the boat is the only way to cross the river, maybe there has a bridge at that time. The Paleans may also went to Lithos by other route so didn't need to cross the Brim River.
  Finally, the author overlooks some other effect on the river. Maybe it was cold in winter and the river became ice so people can cross it by foot.
  In summary, the argument is not credible as is stands. To strengthen it, the author must provide some convincing evidence concerning the living condition and way of transportation of people at that time.   

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

yujintong001 发表于 2012-7-15 10:40
8G求指导，现在水平比较烂，字数也写的比较少
Argument 1:
题目：Woven baskets characterized by a part ...

字数太少！

题目：Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

  In the argument above, the author contends some conclusion only on some dubious evidences. On the surface, the argument seems to be somewhat logical. However, in fact it alone neither provides compelling evidence to make the argument persuasive nor organizes a logical argument in favor of the conclusion.
【首段无任何有价值信息。词的用法上还欠考虑，先不说因果呼应问题，为什么作者的evidence就是dubious的？既然已经在你看来是dubious的了，接着题目又能让你觉得logical？句子间的逻辑要先弄清楚哦....这段给我的感觉你还没有弄清楚argument该如何去写。】
  First of all, the author makes the conclusion that the Woven baskets are made only by the Palean people barely based on the fact that the baskets have previously been found only in the vicinity of prehistoric village of Palean. However, this conclusion is not compelling. Maybe the baskets were bought from other places.

   Second, the author said that the Brim River is very deep and broad. He assumed that the river was unchanged from that time to now. Maybe at that time, the river was not very deep and broad like today, it changed due to the geometrical movements.

  The author also said the ancient Paleans could have crossed the river only by boat, I think this assertion is lack of proof. There have no evidence suggesting the boat is the only way to cross the river, maybe there has a bridge at that time. The Paleans may also went to Lithos by other route so didn't need to cross the Brim River.

  Finally, the author overlooks some other effect on the river. Maybe it was cold in winter and the river became ice so people can cross it by foot.

  In summary, the argument is not credible as is stands. To strengthen it, the author must provide some convincing evidence concerning the living condition and way of transportation of people at that time.

建议：
1、先大量阅读官方范文，以及作文大讲堂和argument5.5，或是经典范文，做到对argument有一个宏观上的把握
2、argument重逻辑表达，在遣词造句方面，还得多多注意，谨慎对待
3、动笔写作之前要对题目进行逻辑线路的梳理，这项工作非常重要；在初期可以模仿范文进行写作，增进对argument行文的了解
4、有时间可以参加些写作小组，寻找些战友，这样提升会快一些，也不会觉得枯燥哦

yujintong001UID: 3276538

18. The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
  
  The speaker asserts that when many of people question its authority then the well-being of a society is enhanced. I agree with the speaker to some extent, however, the speaker extends the assertion to an extreme while overlooking some crucial factors influencing the issue.
  Questioning authority in lots of cases does enhance the well-being of a society. Question authority may bring lots of problems we previously overlook to our attention so enhance the well-being of a society. In the history, there were many people when invent something or do something to make the human better and better. For example, Martin Luther King, one of the most famous black people in the American history enhance the condition of black people in America a lot, if he did not question authority, he won't have such a great achievement.
  However, questioning authority does not necessarily enhance the well-being, it may even have some disadvantages. First, some people question authority because something that he thinks is bad but actually it is good to most of people, so this kind of question doesn't enhance the society. For example, the law which conclude the speed limitation of the car may make some people unhappy because they like to drive their car at a very high speed to find some happiness, however, for most people, the speed limitation make the people in the car as well as the people in the street more safe, so the question of this law is not an enhancement of society.
  Second, too many of people question the authority may make the society unstable.
For there are always some people having the ill-will and want to make some turmoil.
In this case, too much question may not enhance the well-being of a society and even reduce the well-being. There are lots of people make turmoil by question the authority in the history such as Hitler, he question the authority and build his own way of governing the people and bring a disaster
  To enhance the well-being of a society, we must distinguish what is appropriate and what is inappropriate so make a decision whether to question authority on this problem.
  In summary, the opinion of the speaker is partly right in some cases while is partly wrong in some cases.