【独立写作】mresc 作文贴

mrescUID: 2869511

大家好~

mrescUID: 2869511

0709. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: children should have similar jobs with you.

At the first glance, the assertion that children should have similar occupation with their parents seem to be a good way to help children climbing up the career ladders because they can obtain useful experience from the most closed relatives. However, some examples show that many parents may dissuade children from pursuing the same career and that some children also evade stepping into the same filed of their parents with their own purpose. In my point of view, children should choose their jobs by themselves, mainly based on their own interest.

First, I would not like to see my children follow my career track if what I do is not beneficial or attractive to me. If I were taking a job with little pity income and relatively low social position, it could be very hard to lead a happy life. Thus, in this case, I would put my whole hope onto my children with a merely prospection that they should have a different job. In addition, if I were undertaking a tedious work such as working at an assembly line, repeating one simple action every day, it must be very boring to my children too. Neither of these two assumptions, if happen, will possibly lead to an opposite view against the prompt.

Second, as a student myself, I still remember what I and other peers thought when we were teenagers: we wanted to strive for dreamed careers by ourselves, without too much help from our parents. We are afraid of being questioning that our success stems from some implicit relationship. The older we are, the more we desire to be independent, especially on career decision.

This personal experience tells me that children should decide their occupation actively and purposely. Namely they should follow their hearts rather their parents. When I become a father one day, I will encourage my children to seek interest by themselves and try different things as many as possible. Of course, I am happy to recommend my job to them if this job can frequently stir up my eagerness to do better. If they show no interest in my job, I will not be upset. On the contrary, it is good news that my children can tell what they like and dislike. Consequently, the job they select finally may possibly be the most suitable for them, and they may yield remarkable harvest in the filed they pursue.

In conclusion, children are not necessary to have the similar jobs with their parents. The most important guidance when deciding the career should be their own interests.(429)

yingziarniUID: 3329051

因为我觉得单是句子而言我没看出什么大的问题[擦这货语法很烂]
但是对于文章结构也有一些小的疑惑！
1. 我个人觉得开头的跳转有些突兀。首先是说跟父母一个job不错然后莫名其妙地说however有一些人不那么做。然后再次点出你的态度是不同意的，因为你觉得个人的兴趣最重要。我觉得如果是这样的话会不会在前面多描绘balabalabalabala在今天什么好多人都觉得跟爸妈一个职业好啊比如好多人就这样怎么着啊更合适一些了。其实您的读起来也还好= = 擦我水平太差了好么
2.lz举出了三点，一个是如果父亲职业衰爆了难道还继续跟着么，一个是要求独立，一个是主要是说自己的个性。这三点是不同方面的，所以我觉得lz不应该在第一段的时候就说 children should choose their jobs by themselves, mainly based on their own interest.这样子就有点限定在own interest上了。所以读起来有些奇怪，为什么说着interest突然跑到老爹职业弱爆这么个情况上= =
3.其实我觉得我没有资格啰啰嗦嗦这个题目我都写不出来啊QAQ
4.例子方面还是稍微薄弱了一些虽然我也不知道该用什么例子= =
5.倒数第二段开头是this personal experience= = 这个experience是哪个？？？
6.lz请多指教！

mrescUID: 2869511

yingziarni 发表于 2012-7-10 11:48
因为我觉得单是句子而言我没看出什么大的问题[擦这货语法很烂]
但是对于文章结构也有一些小的疑惑！
1. 我 ...

哈哈，你的评论好可爱吖~嗯，我的第一段有些论述确实唐突了，还有指代不清一直我的问题，我按照你给的建议改一改吧，到时候再给你看看~谢谢！

mrescUID: 2869511

0709. [Revise 1] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: children should have similar jobs with you.

At the first glance, the assertion that children should have similar occupation with their parents seems to be a good way to help children climbing up the career ladders because they can obtain useful experience from their most closed relatives. However, some examples show that many parents may dissuade children from pursuing the same career and that some children also evade stepping into the same filed of their parents. In my point of view, children should choose their jobs by themselves rather than simply follow others' patterns.

First, I would not like to see my children follow my career track if what I do is not beneficial or attractive to me. If I were taking a job with little pity income and relatively low social position, it could be very hard to lead a happy life. Thus, in this case, I would put my whole hope onto my children with a merely prospection that they should have a different job. In addition, if I were undertaking a tedious or menial work such as working at an assembly line, repeating one simple action every day, it must be very boring to my children too. Neither of these two scenarios, if happen, will possibly lead to an opposite view against the prompt.

Second, as a student myself, I still remember what I and other peers thought when we were teenagers: we wanted to strive for dreamed careers and seize success by ourselves, not with too much help from our parents. We are afraid of being questioning that our success stems from some implicit relationship. The older we are, the more we desire to be independent, especially on career decision.

This personal experience of being independent from my parents tells me that children should decide their occupation actively and purposely. Namely they should follow their hearts rather their parents. When I become a father one day, I will encourage my children to seek interest by themselves and try different things as many as possible. Of course, I am happy to recommend my job to them if this job can frequently stir up my eagerness to do better. If they show no interest in my job, I will not be upset. On the contrary, it is good news that my children can tell what they like and dislike. Consequently, the job they select finally may possibly be the most suitable for them, and they may yield remarkable harvest in the filed they pursue.

In conclusion, children are not necessary to have the similar jobs with their parents. The most important guidance when deciding the career should be their own interests. (429)

yingziarniUID: 3329051

我还是觉得倒数第二段里面this person experience不是很合适 其实我好奇lz是想他们独立成两段了还是说指代一个意思 这样把independent 和自己个性连在一起了诶0 0 好像也是一个部分的内容一样了

mrescUID: 2869511

yingziarni 发表于 2012-7-10 16:18
我还是觉得倒数第二段里面this person experience不是很合适 其实我好奇lz是想他们独立成两段了还是说指代一 ...

你的意思是应该合成一段对吗？

mrescUID: 2869511

0710. The advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years.

I disagree with the statement that our grandparents' suggestion cannot rightly guide us in contemporary lives. It is admitted that the world has changed a lot during the past 50 years, especially in economics and technology. However, many things remain unchanged and are permanent forever, such as the virtues to be a good man. In addition, elder people learn a lot from the history, they can discover fundamental principles or motivations that push this world make new progress, which is very useful for young people who are not easily confused by changeable surroundings. Thus, grandchildren should value the advices from their grandparents.

First, senior people make acquaintance with a lot of people during their lives, and hence they know what characteristics are essential to be a good and successful person. My grandfather is a high school teacher, teaching Chinese for nearly 50 years. He has faced so many students grow up from little kids to adults. He told me that a student's habit and virtue at his or her teenage will largely determinate the future achievement. However this world changed, the good virtues such as curiosity and persistence are always helpful for the students. I believe the advice from him that one should possess a good virtue from early ages. In addition, he also gives me useful tips to distinguish good men from hypercritical people. For example, the manners of a person can be told from his behavior to strangers rather than to the familiar people. Such tips are very important for me because today's social relationships are so complex that one can hardly discover the truth. My grandfather's advices indicate that the permanent virtues of a person are the best criteria.

Second, grandparents have much more life experience than their grandchildren and consequently, they can provide fundamental suggestion that help new generations deal with the changing world. Elder people have the similar life patterns with us: there was a time that they confronted embarrassment of adolescence, faced numerous choices when deciding majors, and considered when to get married and when to have children. These kinds of topics are permanent issues for human beings and we will not evade them. Our grandparents have managed to solve these issues and they must bear in mind what should do and what should not. Thus, the advices from our grandparents are indispensable and valuable. Of course, they will not provide concrete solutions such as which field of study are suitable for their grandchildren because the situation has changed a lot. Instead, they made a more fundamental suggestion that children should find their true interest and discover which kind of talent today's society needs when deciding their majors. They can also provide vivid description of possible studying conditions of a field, which is of great use for young people.

In conclusion, Young children should listen carefully to their seniors about everlasting principles of lives. Are the old experiences useful to this new world? Yes. Because their stories are full of authentic details that can help us create our own stories. (506 words)

yingziarniUID: 3329051

QAQ 你不用总改的 我的想法也很片面的啊
我觉得三段挺好的 但是开头的那句话我觉得没有必要

mrescUID: 2869511

niin2005 发表于 2012-7-11 15:00
修改的作业

你都帮我改啦。。那么好

mrescUID: 2869511

7.11 do you agree or disagree with the following statement: the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

Many problems existing in this world can be called 'important'. Thus, before making any conclusion, we should narrow down which kind of problems we are discussing. Problems concerning energy crisis, for example, are a relatively long-term topic that cannot be merely controlled by human beings. Whereas environmental problems which are created by human beings should and can be solved by ourselves, especially with the growth of our awareness and technological advancement.

Our scientific development is advancing at an exponential rate that has never occurred ever. At the same time, better hygiene conditions enable us to live longer and make more contribution to solving sorts of problems. We can see more and more excellent high-school graduate choose environmental sciences as their major and many senior professors are able to work on these environmental problems for nearly 40 years. They develop many advanced methods to detect, prevent, and reduce pollution. Air pollution index in my city has been greatly decreased by 15% since recent 5 years due to the implement of new technology which mainly deal with PM2.5. With more grants for this kind of R&D from government and companies, it is doubtful that advanced techniques will contribute a great deal to today's problems.

In addition, there has sprung up an increasing social awareness in protecting our environment because we realize that it is mainly our responsibility for all of these terrible troubles. One thing is that many countries and worldwide organizations are enacting more stringent act on oil leak. In addition to clean-up jobs for the company who commits the leak, a huge amount of fine will also be paid. Another aspect is many NGOs of environmental protection have been more and more influential and government also support this kind of propaganda. For example, my neighborhood has employed rubbish sorting project. Now we have three rubbish bins of different and residents consciously throw their refuse into separate trash bins. Increasing social awareness of protecting environment both in making laws and throughout our daily lives has paved the way to future solutions to this important topic.

To sum up, I have a positive view on our ability to solve important problems in our lifetimes. Our scientific and technological development and social consciousness on environmental protection will provide powerful impetus for us. (379)

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

楼主，改完了，请过目，      我觉得逻辑还有点需要加强吧，有点让我云里雾里的。    托福作文根本上需要明确，并不是句子多花，

mrescUID: 2869511

niin2005 发表于 2012-7-11 15:00
修改的作业

谢谢你的批改！过奖了~
关于‘little pity income’我想表达的是卑微可怜的工资，你建议应该如何表达呢？
还有，‘prompt’应该是提示的意思，这里的意思应该是作文的题意

mrescUID: 2869511

Gyps_rueppellii 发表于 2012-7-12 17:44
楼主，改完了，请过目，      我觉得逻辑还有点需要加强吧，有点让我云里雾里的。    托福作文根本上需要明 ...

嗯 你说得很对~谢谢！