求Romanus修改作文，，感谢~~~

rebecca小芊UID: 3202689

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer

As the development of society, more and more people are moving to big cities longing for a higher quality of life. Meanwhile, others hold that it is easier to take care of their families by living in rural areas. However, I disagree. I believe that cities can provide a better environment for people to take care of their families though there maybe some little advantages by living in countryside.

First of all, it is more convenient for people to care for other members by living in cities. It is because there are more facilities which can offer an easy life. For instance, there are many big hospitals and celebrated doctors in city. If one of family members does not feel good, others can take him to a big hospital in the shortest time. In contrast, people live in rural areas would drop into trouble if the small hospital give a wrong decision on the patient.

What's more, people live in cities can give more opportunities to entertain family members. For instance, one can take his family to see a movie or have a party in a big restaurant. On the weekends, a family can go to shopping malls and enjoy a big dinner in a famous restaurant. According to the latest survey released by China Daily, 85 percentage of the people confessed that they like city more than countryside because of family members. Among them there is a man called Tom who is 40 years old, he said that he move into Beijing from his hometown 10 years ago in order to make his wife and children live better.

Admittedly, living in rural areas may have some advantages. For example, people can have more time to stay with families and the workplace is not far from the house they live. However, these advantages can be achieved in cities, too. People can choose a low paid job which lay near the apartment they live. In this way, people can spend more time with their families.

In conclusion, there are more convenience and entertainment for families in cities. Though the life in countryside can provide more time to stay together, city life can share it. From my perspective, I believe that people who live in cities can take better care of families.

emma1987UID: 2783135

只改了下第一段，见谅哦。
It is true that living in the rural areas has a lot of convenience, such as big houses, plenty of rooms to hold the whole family. However, I believe that cities can provide a better environment for people to take care of their families though there may be some advantages  living in the countryside.

emma1987UID: 2783135

还是等着大牛来修改吧，哇哈哈:D

rebecca小芊UID: 3202689

谢谢哦！嘻嘻~~

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

As the development of the society (This is not a complete sentence. It needs a verb e.g. 'as the development of the society advances..'.), more and more people are moving to big cities longing for a higher quality of life. Meanwhile, others hold that it is easier to take care of their families by living in rural areas. However, I disagree.(There are 2 sentences before this 'I disagree'. Which one are you disagreeing with?) I believe that cities can provide a better environment for people to take care of their families though there may be some little advantages by living in the countryside.

First of all, it is more convenient for people to care for other members by living in cities. It is because there are more facilities which can offer an easy life. For instance, there are many big hospitals and celebrated doctors in a/the city. If one of the family members does not feel good, others can take him to a big hospital in the shortest time. In contrast, people living in rural areas would drop into trouble (People 'fall' into trouble, not 'drop' into it..) if the small hospital gives a wrong decision on the patient (Your point is very good, but you didn't express your arguments very clearly. For example, I don't know why you mention this 'small hospital' since you only mentioned that a city would have big hospitals – I think you assumed that people would understand that you mean in the contrary a rural village would only have a small hospital, but that's your assumption, not what you actually managed to communicate. Do not expect people to read between your lines – tell them every detail that's essential for your argument.).

What's more, people living in cities can give (After reading through this paragraph, I think you meant 'have', not 'give'.) more opportunities to entertain family members. For instance, one can take his family to see a movie or have a party in a big restaurant. On the weekends, a family can go to shopping malls and enjoy a big dinner in a famous restaurant. According to the latest survey released by China Daily, 85 percentage of the people confessed that they like the city more than the countryside because of family members (It took me quite a while to figure out that you meant to say they 'preferred' the city because they want the better things in the city for their family members..'liking' the city and 'preferring' the city are completely different ideas.). Among them there is a man called Tom who is 40 years old. He said that he moved into Beijing from his hometown 10 years ago in order to make his wife and children live better.

Admittedly, living in rural areas may have some advantages. For example, people can have more time to stay with families and the workplace is not far from the house they live. (This assumes those who live in the rural areas always work nearby..which isn't necessarily true.) However, these advantages can be achieved in cities, too. People can choose a low paid job which lay near the apartment they live. (This assumes highly paid jobs are always far away..which is, again, not necessarily true.) In this way, people can spend more time with their families.(This paragraph is good in the sense that you tried to counter the opposing argument. But, your logic overall has quite a few gaping holes..primarily because you made rather sweeping, hastily generalized statements about jobs.)

In conclusion, there are more convenience and entertainment for families in the cities. Though the life in the countryside can provide more time for families to stay together, city life can share it (Now I really can't guess what this sentence means.). From my perspective, I believe that people who live in cities can take better care of families.

总结：

其实你的论述想法非常不错，也很有条理，比上一次进步很多哦~~只是说你的语言表达，特别是用词，有时不够准确，导致会有‘我读完整段大概知道你想说什么但是你说出来的并不是你觉得你说出来的’这样的情况。。所以请认真选择用词~

rebecca小芊UID: 3202689

mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-31 09:08
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, peop ...

谢谢你的修改，我在写的时候就总感觉想到的东西不知怎么说那种感觉，用词不熟练，每次写都只能想到那些最基本的词，得多积累，嘿嘿