[求助] 彻底无语！！作文双good24分，口语3F19分，求分析~~ [复制链接]

wudiney
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-10-5 08:36:20 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

作文感觉写的不错，感觉比上次好，综合3个点都听很明白，独立感觉还行，考前写过，我附一下之前写的，应该85%一致，大家帮忙看看，如果着实不好，请提出需要改进的，因为我很快再战。由于写过一遍，考场写的感觉更顺畅，不过字数不多，360+，不过个人认为分数与字数无关，上次考字数也不多，双good28
口语三f，这次6题全听清且说完了，只能说。。很想知道19分的3f与23的3f差在哪，如果改进？？

111014NA
是适应新环境的能力重要还是 excellent knowledge for job 重要

Personally, I think the accommodation to new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for an employer.

To begin with, people with good accommodation on different jobs are usually more likely to find a job. We all have moments when we found many positions provided by companies not quite (suitable for) match our academic background. For example, my elder brother's major was economics, macro economics. But when he graduated from the university, he could not find any positions in economics, but many positions for accountants in the job market. He got an offer and became an accountant. Although he was really unfamiliar with much background knowledge in his job, he worked hard in the daytime and reviewed some major course in accountant after work. Then he gradually accommodated and did well in the job, and even got promotion two years later., sometimes people cannot find suitable jobs, especially in financial crisis. With better accommodation on different jobs, they can have more chance to get a job and do well on it.

What's more, with society keeping developing, knowledge and technology in all fields are updating all the time. It is totally possible that your excellent knowledge learned from university would be obsolete after ten years. For instance, ten years ago most engineers used the Visual C, a kind of programming software, at work. But know it has been replaced by Visual C++ and Java. Since no one can guarantee their excellent knowledge or skills would never be outmoded, good accommodation on updating technology and knowledge would enable people to be always competent on their jobs.

In addition, accommodation on new surrounding would enable people to communicate with other colleagues easier. When you come to a new company, with good accommodation, you would become familiar quickly with your colleagues and even your boss, which is important for your jobs. Everyone would like to help you and share with you their precious work experience on practical tasks, which help you finish the work more efficiently. Also, your good work would leave a good impression to your boss, which would offer you more trustworthy consequently.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that accommodation on new environment is more important for people.

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snowaaaaaa
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-5 09:52:26 |只看该作者

我给点意见吧，我大概看了一下，其实语法错误还是比较多的，大概的意思很清晰，但是很多时候你的词汇用得不够精准，比如accommodation我基本没见过这样用的。前面的employer应该写成employee。后面的几段也有比较多的错误，有句两个but连用的在英语不会出现。
还有with society keeping developing, knowledge and technology in all fields are updating all the time.这句with的短语不能这样用，或许你可以改成with the incessant development of modern science and technology, the pursuit for excellent knowledge would be fairly impossible

总体我感觉上是写得不够优美，不够地道，也有不少语法错误……
我不知道这样说是不是太狠了一点，逻辑上还是比较清晰的，其实个别句子也写得挺好，但是要是能换换词，换换句式，写得地道点，就可以拿高分
个人推荐《新托福全真题高分作文》这本书，胡敏那本……里面的范文好好研读~~我研究了3周，写了30分满分……

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