sokiller的issue作文贴

KssandraUID: 2766998

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-27 20:55
－第二个例子不是ma农。。。 哎 是网站新闻编辑。。。 我真心不知道该怎么写。。。

－中间 ...

这样啊~文章写做漂亮的网站，我以为是写代码的意思 :P
编辑叫editor，不过多见于文字编辑，你也可以说website designer？

艾小卉UID: 3484633

University plays a crucial role in students study life; it guides students in choosing field of study they like at the beginning and offers assistance in finding job at the end. However, is it necessary that university should require every student to take a variety of courses irrelevant to their field of study? In my opinion, This requirement is necessary to the students who wish to become more competitive in applying job. But for the students who are studying in research field, the requirement is not suitable though many argue that students should be versatile

.



我觉得是不是先写I agree…………然后写with regard to the concern……比较好。个人感觉这样前面突出了你的观点，后面写了challenge

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-27 22:04
已点评

感谢老师 辛苦了！！

sokillerUID: 3446082

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-27 22:17
这样啊~文章写做漂亮的网站，我以为是写代码的意思 :P
编辑叫editor，不过多见于文字编辑，你也可以说we ...

表达太差了

sokillerUID: 3446082

艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-27 22:29
.

感谢点评 辛苦了！！

OK 修改文章的时候 我尝试一下 thx

KssandraUID: 2766998

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-28 01:12
表达太差了

我也在克服这个问题，慢慢积累，一起加油！

KssandraUID: 2766998

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-27 00:26
Argument 71

The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

这里是【5月28日 argument 71互改】

If the environmental protecters organize this survey, there is possibility that these people exaggerate, even make up, the result of survey in order to let government concern environmental issues, such as air pollution.

不过这个survey好像说的是上班的时间变长了，不是关于污染的调查？

However, we are not assured about economy of giving gas coupon

感觉你想说给汽油券的方式更“经济（省钱）”，但是economy好像不能这样用诶？

你的第三段好像主要是在讲道理，加入几个具体的其他可能性也许会更充实一点？

艾小卉UID: 3484633

Argument 71修改

In the letter, the author points out that the policy implemented by Garville is suitable for Waymarsh to adopt in addressing terrible traffic issues.

If the environmental protecters organize this survey, there is possibility that these people exaggerate, even make up, the result of survey in order to let government concern environmental issues, such as air pollution. Also, we do not know whether condition of road three years ago is similar to present. If the condition of road three years ago is better, but has turned into worse now, it is more likely that people take more time on the driving to work place nowadays.

我觉得你关于surveyors和road conditions 的切入点都挺好的，建议补充respondents: statistically significant number and respresentative(客观无偏见）

However, we are not assured about economy of giving gas coupon, unless we know the exact expire date of the policy. If there is no expire date for the policy, the cost of giving free coupon may exceed the cost of building roads. Moreover, even to argument that giving gas coupon can bring convenience, we should consider carefully. For example, if more cars appear on the road due to this coupon, bringing noisy and air pollution, we cannot agree that giving free coupon is effective in bringing convenienc

e.

想和你讨论一下，这个expire date和the cost of building roads 有什么直接关系？不是很明白

Finally, the editor thinks that according to implementing the policy in Waymarsh, the air pollution will drop and time for commuting will reduce, because Garville who is the designer of the policy has already received reduction of air pollution and commuting time.

according to the policy in W用的更多一些。老师的思路里的commuting times 减少的结论仅仅通过conversation就得出是不可靠的，这一点可以补充进来。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-27 00:26
Argument 71

The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

你这篇我看过没
你貌似没有按照给定的提纲写？

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-28 16:27
你这篇我看过没
你貌似没有按照给定的提纲写？

这篇应该是没看过

的确没看过老师的提纲 是按照自己的思路写的 周末我会对照老师的提纲自检

sokillerUID: 3446082

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-28 10:26
这里是【5月28日 argument 71互改】

不过这个survey好像说的是上班的时间变长了，不是关于污染的调查？ ...

非常感谢 辛苦了！！

第一段主要是对于survey本身提出疑问，出发点是survey的发起人以及survey中的内容关于路的；我后来回忆了一下 感觉还是有些不对劲儿 打算利用周末的时间看看老师的提纲改改。。。

第三段主要是针对editor的想法提出质疑，主要探讨policy与reduction的因果关系。

sokillerUID: 3446082

艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-28 11:27
Argument 71修改

非常感谢 辛苦了！！！

－这个expire date和the cost of building roads 有什么直接关系？不是很明白

－其实是我的问题－－没有写清楚为什么。cost of building road是个定值，可是如果没有expire date，the cost of providing free coupon是一个大坑，对于政府来说是一个巨大的经济压力，这是个long term和short term的关系。因为这段挖了两个点，所以，为了避免写过多内容，就写成了这个样儿。。。。

－第三段我曾经考虑过conversation这个点 结果 前面写得太啰嗦了 导致这个点没法写了 内容太臃肿了。。。

感谢你的建议！一起加油！

sokillerUID: 3446082

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-28 10:26
这里是【5月28日 argument 71互改】

不过这个survey好像说的是上班的时间变长了，不是关于污染的调查？ ...

－第三段前面写得太墨迹了。。。。给人的感觉有些头重脚轻。。。。准备改掉！！非常感谢！！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-27 00:26
Argument 71

The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

已点评

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-28 22:14
已点评

感谢老师 辛苦了！！