sokiller的issue作文贴

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue12

(12) Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to an university but who cannot afford the tuition.

Write a response in which you discuss the extend to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

政府被分类:发达国家和非发达国家；

—对于发达国家的政府，提供免费大学教育并不是一件棘手的事情；

—对于发展中国家或者不发达国家，提供助学贷款是一种方式；

—引入私人基金和国际教育基金是另一种非常好的方式；


TS:

One of government’s task is to encourage its citizens to receive education as much as they can. Therefore as student is admitted to university but in trouble with university tuition, government should offer helps. I agree that government in developed country who has adequate budget and takes education as its major working task should help the students through offering free education, while offering loan and introducing private financial support and international foundation is the best way for the government in undeveloped country to help those students.

pt1:

To begin with, for a government whose country is developed, helping students who cannot afford college tuition and want to continue their education is not very issue. For one thing, that government often has enough revenue that can be used to support budget of providing free education to certain student. In addition, one of its working task is to encourage citizens to receive higher education as possible as they can. For example,  
北欧的很多高福利国家的政府都有鼓励居民接受教育的政策,并且，当地的很多学校的学生都享受着免费的在校学习的机会。

pt2:

In addition to the government in developed country, the government whose country is developing and has limited revenue  can barely support the students by offering free college. Therefore providing loan is an effective method to help students. For example:
作为发展中国家之一同时拥有全世界第一大人口，中国政府每年都会提供全额的助学贷款给无法负担大学学费的贫困家庭的学生。

pt3:

Despite the providing loan, introducing private education foundation and international education foundation is another way for government in undeveloped country to help students. For example:
中国的壹基金以及联合国教科文组织都有相关的资助项目；

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-15 00:12
Issue12

(12) Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been adm ...

你可能要尽快开始计时写全文 不能纠缠于提纲
你的主旨句和主题句的呼应已经做得不错 将国家分类也是可行的思路 注意一般我们说 developed countries, developing countries或 underdeveloped countries   

关于第二点你可以引入opportunity cost的概念 就是如果花钱在学生身上 就会失去帮助或者支持其他更需要帮助的人的机会  

第三点也不错 despite用法不对
introduce- 改为encourage比较好 政府可以提供 tax credit作为incentive

感觉干货还是很重要的  

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-15 07:26
你可能要尽快开始计时写全文 不能纠缠于提纲
你的主旨句和主题句的呼应已经做得不错 将国家分类也是可行 ...

感谢老师点评 我当时写的时候就在想 用不用单起一段说明一下undeveloped countries为什么不应该这么做 但是不确定这么写是否合适 这个opportunity cost确实是个非常的选择

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue 21

Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

======

三个分论点：

1、真正的给予任何人以公正，法律应该是flexibility；

2、方便顺应时代的变化，法律应该是flexibility；

3、这种flexibility必须有个度，否则会被个人或者组织利用谋取好处；

======


TS:

Laws are the tool that government use to rule its citizens and make society stable. Therefore having laws is the sign of the country who is called as legal. To give justice to any one and have well preparation for change of time, I agree that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places, while extent of the flexible should be restrained rigidly by government.

pt1:

Giving justice to anyone evenly is the best way for government to rule its citizens, therefore as legislature, government should make law to be flexible enough to take account of various circumstance. For example:
中国的作为法制国家，在对待杀人罪的量刑时会根据犯罪分子不同动机进行不同的量刑。比如非蓄意杀人，根据犯罪现场的情况和证人的口供进行量刑，诸如受害者是否言语或者肢体上是否先对犯罪分子进行挑衅，如果是的话，量刑上会有所减轻。

pt2:

In addition, nothing can keep constant as time passes, and every government knows that laws should be changed for different time in order to govern citizens well. To be adaptable to the change of time, law is supposed to be flexible enough to take account of times. For example:
在互联网尚未兴起时，中国政府在刑法中就已经设立了利用高科技手段进行违法犯罪的量刑标准，而现在的互联网犯罪量刑标准正是由这一个量刑标准进化而来；

pt3:

The flexibility of laws no doubt can push the construction of laws forward. However, without limitation, some organizations, individuals and even departments of government can take advantage of this flexibility. For example,
一些国家的情报机关或者政客，利用flexibility of law关于国家安全的，对公民的隐私（电话或者邮件）进行监控，从而达到某些政治目的。

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue 20

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.


＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

1.拥有兴趣可以帮助学生更好的专注于所学习的领域；

2.拥有天赋有助于学生在所研究的领域里获得杰出的成果；

3.对于那些不想从事专门的研究工作而只是想毕业以后找份工作，那么他们所选择的领域是否与工作的实用性有关就显得非常重要了；

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

For the students who have already graduated from high school and attended college, choosing a field for study is crucial. Because it relates to three things that students concern a lot— finishing study smoothly, getting success in the study and improving working opportunity. While I agree that students should choose the field that they are interested in or have talent with, the field related to the availability of jobs should also be taken into consideration especially when students have little either interest or talent in the research of field they choose.  


pt1:
To begin with, the interest in a certain subject can help students to focus on the field of study and thus finish the study successfully. For example:
著名的数学家经济学家john nash读书期间由于对于数学有着强烈的兴趣，大学期间，他从一开始选择的化学工程专业转而学习他所热爱的数学专业，并最终取得博士学位。

pt2:

Moreover, with talent, students are more likely to get excellent result and therefore be successful in the field they choose to study. For example:
同样是nash，由于在数学方面有着惊人的天赋和专注，在大学期间，他就发表了著名的某经济学公式（这是真的），该公式影响极为深远，甚至被现在很多的经济学家反复的研究和利用。

pt3:

In addition to interest and talent, availability of jobs is also an important factor that students should take into consideration as they choose field to study in college.  For one thing, for the students who do not have too much talent and interest in research of certain field and only want a job after graduation, whether the field of study they intend to choose is related to availability of jobs is significant. In general, the employer prefers hiring people who has necessary ability to finish the certain job properly, and whether people has that ability is determined by whether the field of study they choose can provide relevant knowledge for students to study. Therefore, if the field of study students choose could help students to acquire more knowledge related to availability of future work, there will be more possibility for students to be hired by employers.
实在没有什么例子，只好上干货。

KssandraUID: 2766998

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-18 21:50
Issue 20

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and int ...

especially when students have little either interest or talent in the research of field they choose.

either...or...好像是在肯定句里面用的，如果是否定的话好像只要or就可以

whether the field of study they intend to choose is related to availability of jobs is significant

whether好像比较少见单独用？见到whether or not比较多

In general, the employer prefers hiring people who has necessary ability to finish the certain job properly, and whether people has that ability is determined by whether the field of study they choose can provide relevant knowledge for students to study.

这段话我明白你想表达的意思，但是好像我个人觉得不是特别有说服力。。。是想说有些专业不能教给学生工作技能吗？感觉好像不是在强调the availability of jobs in that field？如果换成说有些field因为和生产实际联系不紧密所以工作机会比较少好像会好一点？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-17 21:47
Issue 21

Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and plac ...

argument 50 你又修改没 有没有参考我写的？  

sokillerUID: 3446082

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-19 01:30
either...or...好像是在肯定句里面用的，如果是否定的话好像只要or就可以

这段写得有问题 我准备改掉它 表达上出现了重大失误。。。 有些写法明显是思过的典型。。。

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-19 19:11
argument 50 你又修改没 有没有参考我写的？

我已经修改了 打算今明两天限时写出全文 我仍然犯了老毛病－－未审题 我以前不明白为什么老师你有的argument是提出问题有的是making assumputions，现在知道了！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-17 21:47
Issue 21

Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and plac ...

我觉得你这个提纲还是写的有些问题  这道题比较难写 或者你参考下我的提纲吧  

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-19 21:22
我觉得你这个提纲还是写的有些问题  这道题比较难写 或者你参考下我的提纲吧

是不是我在对flexibility的认识上有问题呢？

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue 10

Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.


Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝库布里克的分割线＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

自我点评（先）：首先感谢王老师友情赞助观点以及某些词汇的用法，受益匪浅，写的时候有明确的思路，但是，美中不足两处：1、表达不准确的问题依然在，不过明显见少，原因是主动避免YY产物以及悔过的成果，准备适当的增加阅读时间；
2、明显感觉写中间段落的思路仍然不是很清楚，导致写作速度上不来，准备再次研究王老师作文。可能又要抄了；


＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝闪灵的分割线＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝



As people started agriculture revolution, the area of wilderness also began reducing with deforesting for arable land. When people entered into industry revolution表达 , the pace of that reduction was doubled. At the present, the areas of wilderness has already become very small that some people suggest that nations are supposed to make a policy to preserve the remaining wilderness areas. In my opinion, although this proposal is positive, for the countries where people are fighting against the poverty or people have some basic demands of living, such as housing, the policy may not be suitable. Moreover in more developed nations, even if passing the policy can be achieved, certain adjustment should be given.

感觉你这个开头有点太麻烦 没必要说农业革命工业革命什么的 直奔主题比较好 直接说urbanization and industrialization of modern society

1+3模型的核心在于主旨句要和主题句之间有严格的一一对应关系
你的主旨句似乎只有两个point 并没有和主题句严格对应  
although this proposal is positive不太清楚你的意思
其实这里没有必要加这样的让步 直接说 for the least developed countries, this policy is not suitable because...
even if passing the policy can be achieved 同样的 不太明白你的意思 觉得可以简化一点  直接说这样做的好处   不要讲什么adjustment  




To begin with, for people living in the least developed countries, poverty is the biggest enemy that they have been fighting against for a long time and passing policy may not be suitable. Poverty means lacking enough incoming that can use to pay for food, medicine and some basic demands. In that case, the duty of any governments is to create opportunity of working as possible as they can in order to help people to acquire adequate incoming. However, the policy that preserving remaining wildness areas may hinder governments’ effort. Preserving remaining wildness areas means no place for new construction of factory, and new factories can provide more opportunity for people to get incoming. Therefore if the policy is passed, the number of factory would not increase and poverty might not be overcome. Even the government could be abandoned by its citizens politically  because of the negative consequence of passing the policy.

In addition to the fact that passing the policy is not suitable to people fighting poverty, people’s basic demand also can be affected by the policy in some countries. 这里的some countries不知道指的什么样的国家 这个点在主旨句里找不到对应点  For government of  countries who have large area 表达, for example, housing is not an exigent issue.这个过渡好奇怪  But government in Singapore cannot neglect this issue. Singapore is a small nation with large number of people living and working, and that number keeps increasing in recent years. It seems like constructing new housings on the limited, remaining area of nation is the only choice for government to solve this issue. Whereas, 用法  if the policy get passed (were adopted) , the housing issue would not be solved forever改写 by the government, since the suitable land for construction is preserved for wilderness area. 这种假设性句子不错 要注意时态 （语气）

这段可以直接用新加坡做例子
For developed countries with limited supply of land, ... Take Singapore as an example.  ...


For the (developed) nations who has large area and solid base of economy, protecting wilderness areas is not a big deal. However, the method for protection mentioned in the policy should be taken into consideration first. The policy suggests applying preservation. From my perspective, this suggestion is too strict and may not be suitable to the further development of nations who pass the policy. Preservation normally implies that any appearance of human being and commercial activities is forbidden in wilderness area, and this also implies no more chance for obtaining profit from these areas. Therefore it is not fair to the nations who still need further development but make contrition to passing policy. The method of protecting in policy should be switched from preservation to conservation.  The difference between two methods is the latter one protect the wilderness areas as well as allow nation to make profit from commercial but ecological activities, such as developing tour. With extra financial supports from these activities, the protection for wilderness areas can be even better.

你可以将国家分为欠发展国家、土地少的发达国家和土地多的发达国家 这个分类要在开头段列明 在中间段展开 这是1+3模型的核心所在 不知道你现在明白没
想知道你写这篇的时候为什么没有做到这一点  看来要让学生真正做到1+3模型的要求还需要较大的努力



In conclusion, protecting wilderness areas is indeed a critical action that nations should think over. Whereas, for the nations whose people are fighting against poverty or have demand of housing, the policy may not be suitable to pass immediately. Even for the nations who are capable of passing policy, the policy itself should be adjusted in order to be reasonable.

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝王老师的分割线＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

issue 10 示范 nations should preserve wilderness areas

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.



Human activities since Industrial Revolution have brought enormous impact to the natural environment of the earth. The size of wilderness areas worldwide has declined dramatically over the last few centuries. It is understandable that many environmentalists call for legislation to preserve the remaining wilderness areas. I believe that such policies are suitable for nations where people are still fighting against poverty or struggle to meet the basic demands of their citizens such as housing. On the other hand, for more developed nations, a policy focusing on conservation and sustainable development is more desirable than the proposed preservation legislation.

The preservation program would be neither sensible nor feasible in least developed countries where people suffer from poverty and other related social problems. Consider the opportunity costs of implementing such a policy. The land of the wilderness area could be used to build manufacturing factories that can provide jobs for the local people who lack the opportunities to create value via economic activities.  Development economists agree that unemployment is the root problem that causes poverty, lack of education, malnutrition and high fertility rates among women. Any policy that would exerbate unemployment should not be implemented. In fact, it would be politically impossible for the governments to develop such preservation programs that would deprive the people of valuable job opportunities. The democratically elected government officials have to consider the consequences of introducing a massively unpopular policy.

The preservation policy is not helpful for nations or regions where the supply of land is particularly limited. Take Hong Kong as an example. Due to the grave shortage of land for housing, the people in Hong Kong have to deal with outrageously high property prices and uncomfortably small living space. The preservation policy  for wilderness areas in Hong Kong would take away the land that could have been used for housing and related infrastructure construction projects. Again such a policy would not receive public support and the government officials and the legislators have to consider the public opinions when making decisions on this issue.

Even for nations that do not have problems of poverty or housing shortage, the governments should probably consider a conservation program rather than the proposed preservation program. The difference between preservation and conservation is that the former provides absolutely no opportunities for any human activities in the wilderness areas whereas the latter policy allows development in a sustainable manner. For example, under a conservation program, the wilderness areas could be developed for low-pollution industry such as tourism.  Low-density hotels may be built in the areas to attract visitors all over the world. Efforts would be made to minimize the impact on the environment without compromsing the opportunities of future generations to benefit from the resources in this area. I think conservation policies are more likely to win support of the public as it can strike a balance between the need for development and the protection of the environment.

In conclusion, for nations where poverty, unemployment or shortage of housing are major problems, the proposed policy should not be adopted for the sake of the livelihood of the citizens. Even for more developed countries, a conservation policy focusing on sustainablity is more reasonable and politically sensible for the legislators.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-5-22 21:13
Issue 10

Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural sta ...

已点评
如果你参考了我的文章 或许可以把原文也贴出来 我要检查一下有没有抄的过分的地方  
另外1+3模型你还有进一步学习

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-22 23:28
已点评
如果你参考了我的文章 或许可以把原文也贴出来 我要检查一下有没有抄的过分的地方  
另外1+3模 ...

我刚开始写这篇文章的时候确实就是想将国家按照欠发展国家、土地少的发达国家和土地多的发达国家，但是由于表达的问题，并没有将这一分类明确的表现出来。我觉得我想的过于复杂，总是希望句子写得更漂亮些，可惜适得其反。

sokillerUID: 3446082

Argument 32

The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.

During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝库布里克的分割线＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

自我点评（先）：
观点参考了王老师的范文；
觉得还是写的太复杂；
时刻提醒自己不是反对观点，而是要examine assumption；

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝闪灵的分割线＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

In memo, the author suggests that Quiot Manufacturing should shorten each of three work shifts by one hour in order to let employees acquire adequate sleep and thus reduce the on-the-job accidents as well as increase productivity, because the nearby plant who adopt lower working time has lower number of on-the-job accidents. In order to evaluate this suggestion, we have to check the assumption about situation of Panoply Industries plant, main reason of on-the-job accident and reducing working time.

第一句话太长了 建议分成两句
assumption about reducing working time搭配有问题


To begin with, the author assumed that the situation of Panoply Industries plant is representative and thus can be used as reference in any cases. However, this assumption may not be reasonable. In general, Using certain situation of a company as reference for another company is depended on a fact that two companies must have similar setting. In the memo, we do not know the exact situation in Panoply Industries plant, such as how many people working in there, how big the company is, etc, and thus using situation in Panoply Industries plant as reference may not be rational. For example, if Panoply Industries plant is a big corporation operating with an efficient management, the thing happened in this corporation cannot be referred by Quiot Manufacturing who has less workers. In that case, we have to know the exact information about Panoply Industries plant in order to decide whether it is suitable to use situation of Panoply Industries plant as reference.

Panoply Industries plant is representative and thus can be used as reference in any cases这个表达有问题
is depended on 语法
一个基本的意外总数和意外率的区别要讨论



In addition, another assumption is that lacking of adequate amounts of sleep is the main reason of more on-the-job accidents happened according to conclusion given by experts. This assumption implies that lacking of enough sleep can generate fatigue and thus lacking of enough sleep is the only main reason. It is true that less sleeping can let people feel tired. However, other factors are also able to bring the same effect. For example, if the company was located far away from the place where most of workers living, the long trip was capable of making people feel tired. Therefore, without deeper investigation, we can hardly assume that lacking of sleep is the only reason that why on-the-job accidents happened.

这里还有很多因素可以讨论


Finally, the author also assumed that shortening the working time can improve productivity and reduce on-the-job accidents effectively. According to this assumption, we know that author thought lacking of sleep is the cause of low productivity and on-the-job accidents. Whereas, this thought may be incorrect. For one thing, many kinds of factors can influence productivity effectively. A loose management, for example, can reduce productivity. On the other hand, according to second paragraph, we have already known that without deeper investigation, it is not rational to blame lacking of enough sleep for on-the-job accidents. Therefore, we need deeper examination to find true cause of low productivity and on-the-job accidents, otherwise the assumption may not be reasonable; shortening the working time may give nothing to improvement of productivity and decrease of on-the-job accidents.

Whereas, this thought may be incorrect.句型结构
这个主题句有问题 这段应集中讨论缩短时间可否让工人多睡觉  你这个主旨句实际就是全文的结论
请参考范文

In conclusion, although the suggestion given by author is exciting, it cannot be reasonable without deeper examination to the assumptions stated or unstated.