sokiller的issue作文贴

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue 113

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.        

Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.        

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.



Before we decide which one is the surest indicator of a great nation between achievements of its rulers, artists,or scientists and welfare of people, we need to know what definition of a nation’s greatness is.（定义greatness，准备按照这个定义展开全文） In my opinion, a nation can be called as great is related to its positive influence to contemporary world. In this case, I disagree with the reason and claim in the statement that welfare of people is the surest indicator for a great nation. On the contrary, I think the achievements of nation’s ruler, artists or scientists can be used to indicate a great nation（主旨句）.

a nation can be called as great is related to its 句子语法  前面漏了whether In this case, - given this criterion
disagree with the reason and claim- 看清楚题目




To begin with, the welfare of a nation’s citizens cannot reflect that a nation is great.（分论点1） Take modern Greek as example. Greek people’s welfare is admirable; they enjoy low personal tax, low living expenditure, and many convenient facilities provided by government. Many may be striking when they know that most of Greek people can have one-third of year for vocation.（介绍greek的welfare） However, Greek cannot be considered as a great nation because its disadvantageous influence to the world.（有好福利并不代表国家伟大，因为国家对于世界的不良影响。准备下面详细阐述） Its notorious debt crisis, partly is due to high welfare, makes other countries have to curtail financial budget that are important to their development and offer financial support to Greek government in order to prevent Greek from bankrupt. Moreover, the debt crisis even impacts the order of Europe, for it makes many countries consider to quit European Union in order to avoid negative influence.（详细阐述对世界的不利影响）

Greek- Greece  词性
partly is due to high welfare- 句子结构
makes other countries have to- 用法  force ... to


prevent Greek from bankrupt- 语法
impacts the order of Europe- threaten the future of European Union ...
你这段写到后面就忘记了主旨即人民福祉不是判断国家伟大与否的标准






On the other hand, in the modern world, the achievement of a nation’s ruler, artists or scientists is able to indicate a great nation.（分论点2，现代社会中，achievement可以用作indicator） U.S, for example, is considered as a great nation because the achievements of a nation’s ruler and scientists influence the world positively.（以美帝举例，为下文做引子） Its military operation in Afghanistan, though has debt, overturns Taliban’s government, saving a lot of people from atrocious ruling. The Manhattan Project initiated by U.S government and involved with many U.S scientist ends Word War II, bringing peace to world people. Many American technology firms change the world as well as people’s daily life with their products, such as iPhone, the Internet tech, and etc.（列举美帝的成就对世界的积极影响）

though has debt- despite its enormous financial and human cost
atrocious ruling- an atrocious regime
你举了太多的例子 却没有解释例子如何支持分论点  
建议减少例子 花篇幅解释例子如何支持分论点

In addition, from the historical view, it is clear that the achievements of nation’s rulers also can indicate a great nation adequately.（分论点3，以往历史中，achievement同样可以作为indicator） For example, ancient Roma is a great nation.（举例古罗马） Although Caesar, a famous ancient Roma’s ruler, conquered a great number of countries with intense resistance, his triumph ended chaotic order of Europe, making people stop suffering from pain of war.（ruler的成就对世界的积极影响） Ancient China is also a great nation. （举例古中国）The paper making technology invented by Chinese scientists not only bring a new writing material to world, but also let more people have a chance to read, write and study. The ancient compass, another achievement of ancient China scientist, make intercontinental sailing possible and thus contribute to world communication.（科学家的成就对世界的积极影响）


注意时态 Ancian Roman Empire was a great nation
你很喜欢用make  
问题同上 太多例子 太少解释



In conclusion, the people’s welfare cannot be a surest indicator of a great nation. Oppositely, I agree that achievement of nation’s ruler, artists or scientists can indicate a great nation. （简单归纳自己的观点）



Oppositely没见过这么用

---

Before we decide which one is the surest indicator of a great nation between achievements of its rulers, artists,or scientists and welfare of people, we need to know what definition of a nation’s greatness is. In my opinion, whether a nation can be called as great is related to its influence to contemporary world. In this case, I disagree with the reason in the statement that welfare of people is the surest indicator for a great nation. On the contrary, I think the achievements of nation’s ruler, artists or scientists can be used to indicate a great nation.

To begin with, the welfare of a nation’s citizens cannot reflect that a nation is great. According to the definition of greatness mentioned above, if this nation brings disadvantageous influence to the world, even if people have higher welfare, their country cannot be thought as great. Take modern Greece as example. Greece people’s welfare is admirable; they enjoy low personal tax, low living expenditure, and many convenient facilities provided by government. Many may be striking when they know that most of Greece people can have one-third of year for vocation. However, Greece is not recognized as a great nation by public because of its disadvantageous influence to the world. Its notorious debt crisis, partly caused by high welfare, makes other countries have to curtail financial budget that are important to their development and offer financial support to Greece government in order to prevent Greece from bankruptcy. Moreover, the debt crisis even impacts the order of Europe, for it makes many countries consider to quit European Union in order to avoid negative influence.

On the other hand, in the modern world, the achievement of a nation’s ruler, artists or scientists is able to indicate a great nation because of its positive influence to the development of the world. U.S, for example, is considered as a great nation because the achievements of a nation’s ruler and scientists influence the world positively. Its military operation in Afghanistan, despite its enormous financial and human cost, overturns Taliban’s government, saving a lot of people from an atrocious regime. The Manhattan Project initiated by U.S government and involved with many U.S scientist ends Word War II, bringing peace to world people. Many American technology firms change the world as well as people’s daily life with their products, such as iPhone, the Internet tech, and etc.


In addition, from the historical view, it is clear that the achievements of nation’s rulers also can indicate a great nation adequately through their advantageous influence to the world. For example, ancient Roma is thought to be a great nation due to its ruler’s achievement. Although Caesar, a famous ancient Roma’s ruler, conquered a great number of countries with intense resistance, his triumph ended chaotic order of Europe, making people stop suffering from pain of war. Moreover, the paper making technology invented by Chinese scientists not only brings a new writing material to world, but also lets more people have a chance to read, write and study. The ancient compass, another achievement of ancient China scientist, make intercontinental sailing possible and thus contribute to world communication. Because of these achievements and their influence to the world, ancient China is also considered as great nation.  

In conclusion, the people’s welfare cannot be a surest indicator of a great nation. Oppositely, I agree that achievement of nation’s ruler, artists or scientists can indicate a great nation.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-6-8 23:01
Issue 113

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, ar ...

总的来说 写得不错 你觉得这样对每句话做动作分析对你有什么好处或影响么  

sokillerUID: 3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-9 07:26
总的来说 写得不错 你觉得这样对每句话做动作分析对你有什么好处或影响么

谢谢老师 辛苦了！

我觉得思路更清晰了 有助于写出更有逻辑的文章 形成惯性思维

我觉得最主要的还是要记住你说的那句话－－与主题句无关的句子是废话 应该去掉

sokillerUID: 3446082

Argument 78

The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.

"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



In the memo, according to comparison to loss of food in two cities, the vice president of a food distribution company suggests that the company should return to Buzzoff service in order to save money for long run.（概括statement的内容） In order to evaluate this suggestion, we need more information about value of food in both cities, future loss of food in two cities and the exact cost of Buzzoff service.（主旨句）
comparison of
in the long run
food stored in ...
future loss of food? Hmmm~~~




To begin with, the vice president assume that Fly-Away service can lead to a higher loss of food than Buzzoff service because about 20,000 worth of food in Palm City, more than in Wintervale, is destroyed by the pest damage.(提出author的观点，为质疑做准备) It is not reasonable to make this assumption when we do not know the exact value in both city.（提出质疑）Maybe the food stored in Palm City is more value than one in Wintervale. If it is so, loss of food in Palm City may surpass one in Wintervale as amount of lost food is equal in both city. （提出一种假设呼应质疑）Therefore, we need more information about the value of food in both city to decide whether the assumption made by vice president is reasonable. （回应分论点）


$20,000
was destroyed
这里不能说assumption不合理 而要说什么证据会使assumption不成立
而且你的第三句并不能支持第二句  
is more value than one  -严重表达问题
as amount of lost food is equal in both city 怎么会equal  
感觉你的语言表达严重影响了你的分析 建议去看看范文和其他同学写的
或许要先把整件事想清楚再写  


In addition, the vice president thinks that returning Buzzoff service can contribute to long-term saving for the company.（提出author的观点，为质疑做准备） This assumption may also be problematic when the vice president only refers to loss of food in one month. （提出质疑）Maybe the loss of food in Palm City is temporarily higher and after that the loss becomes lower than one in Wintervale. (提出一种假设呼应质疑)If this is the case, returning Buzzoff service may not contribute to long-term saving. On the contrary, as Buzzoff service is more expensive than Fly-Away service, returning may cost company more money in pest control.（进一步的提出假设） Therefore, before we agree with president’s assumption, more evidence about loss of food in future is needed.（回应分论点）

may also be problematic这样hedge一下 效果就好些  
returning to ...
这里的重点不是more evidence about loss of food in future 而是more comprehensive records of past pest control performance  然后基于这个来better predict future food loss


In the end, the vice president assumes that the financial loss brought by using Fly-Away service is much higher than the cost of returning Buzzoff service.（提出author的观点，为质疑做准备） We can barely agree with this assumption before we know the exact cost of Buzzoff service. （提出质疑）Maybe returning Buzzoff service is quiet costly and even surpasses the amount of cost of Fly-Away service and value of lost food. Or maybe canceling the contract with Fly-Away Pest Control Company could cost a huge money that is more than saving brought by returning Buzzoff service. （提出两种假设，回应质疑）If these are the cases, president’s assumption may not be reasonable.（提出结论）Therefore, we need more information about the exact cost of returning Buzzoff service.（回应分论点）

这里比较financial loss 是不对的 你的假设是不管用哪间公司都会有经济损失？  用cost会更准确一些
而且这里的违约成本 可能并不是重点
反而 the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower这个点应该回应





In conclusion, we have to collect more information about value of food in two cities, future loss of food in two cities and exact cost of returning Buzzoff service in order to evaluate president’s suggestion. （总结主旨）

---

In the memo, the vice president of a food distribution company suggests that the company should return to Buzzoff service to replace Wintervale service in order to save money in long run.（概括statement的内容） In order to evaluate this suggestion, we need more information about two warehouses, past performance of two companies and the detailed cost of two services.（主旨句）

To begin with, the vice president assumes that Fly-Away service can lead to a higher loss of food than Buzzoff service because loss of food is higher in Palm City than in Wintervale in one month.(提出author的观点，为质疑做准备) It may be simplistic to make this assumption when we rely on numeric but not percentile loss in two warehouses.（提出质疑）In fact, if we use percentage of loss as reference, we need to know the total value of food in two warehouses. Moreover, we also need more information about detailed condition in two warehouses. Maybe pest issue faced by Fly-Away service is more challengeable. Or maybe the food in Palm City is much more vulnerable to the pest damage. If these are the cases, it may not be reasonable to compare loss of food in Palm City with one in Wintervale.

In addition, the vice president thinks that returning Buzzoff service can contribute to long-term saving for the company.（提出author的观点，为质疑做准备） This assumption may also be problematic when the vice president only refers to loss of food in one month but neglect the past performance of two services. （提出质疑）In fact, we have to collect data about performances of two companies during the last ten or twenty year as possible as we can in order to acquire a comprehensive performance. By the comprehensive performances of two companies, we may conclude that which service is able to bring long-tern saving for the company.

In the end, the vice president assumes that the predicted cost of Fly-Away service is much higher than the cost of Buzzoff service.（提出author的观点，为质疑做准备） We can barely agree with this assumption before we know the exact pricing of two services. （提出质疑）Maybe the pricing of Buzzoff service is much higher and even surpasses the amount of pricing of Fly-Away service and predicted loss of food brought by Fly-Away service. Or maybe there are more costly services, such as transportation, along with pricing of Buzzoff service.（提出假设，回应质疑）If these are the cases, president’s assumption may not be reasonable.（提出结论）Therefore, we need more information about the exact pricing of two services and other cost accompanied with two services.（回应分论点）

In conclusion, we have to collect more information about value of food in two cities, future loss of food in two cities and exact cost of returning Buzzoff service in order to evaluate president’s suggestion. （总结主旨）

无敌浩克OneUID: 3605802

In fact, we have to collect data about performances of two companies during the last ten or twenty year as possible as we can in order to acquire a comprehensive performance.
感觉没有as possible as we can这种说法？
as much as possible吧

sokillerUID: 3446082

无敌浩克One 发表于 2015-6-11 17:51
In fact, we have to collect data about performances of two companies during the last ten or twenty y ...

这是抄老师的 呵呵。。。

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue 33

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



As technology and science advance, people get more opportunity to learn new knowledge. However, does it mean that as learning more, all the events happening in the world become comprehensible to us? （用问题来为主旨做铺垫）In my opinion, the answer for this question depends on which group of people we are discussing. （将人分类）For the general public, science brings a large number of answers to serval unresolved events in the world, making these events comprehensible to people. However, for the scientific experts, the things they study become complex and mysterious as they obtain more from research. （抛出分论点）

answer- event搭配 obtain more (what?)  
总的来说主旨句写得不错  



To begin with, science explains a lot of things about human being. Therefore, when public people learn more, they know themselves well.（分论点1）For example, before anatomy comes out, we know a little about our body. We can walk, sit and run, but we do not know how do we make it.（获取知识之前人们的状态） With advent of anatomy, we know what are inside of our body and how do they distribute. As we learn deeply, anatomy reveals the function of bone, muscle, joints and etc and their cooperative relationship in our movement. We even know the energy for the movement is mainly come from liver and distributed by blood to muscle we use. Because of these knowledge, we even know how does body movement complete. （获取知识之后人们的状态）

第一句话应该是概括分论点 你的第一句却是在举例了   而且你这里讲的是human body 不是human being
括号中应该做动作分析 而不是内容摘要 动作就是指句子在全文中实现的功能  
is come from 汗
how does body movement complete词序 表达
你想说明获取知识后事情变得更能理解 为了突出“更”，最好明确指出对于某些事情人们之前的理解是有限的，而新的知识能帮助我们有了新的理解
感觉你这一段并没有能够通过具体例子来展示这个过程


In addition, science also gives answers about mysterious events. According to that, the ordinary people are no longer confused. （分论点2）The Great Wall in China, for example, is a miracle in the field of construction. Almost every one admires its greatness as well as is confused with some questions about what is the purpose for constructing Great Wall and how did people overcome the difficulties to transport materials with limited facilities and technology during the construction. （获取知识之前人们的状态）However, this situation has been changed as people learn more from archeology. Now people know that Great Wall was built to defeat the Northern invaders who are eager in conquering and enslaving people living in other countries. The archeology also tells us, though partly, that through the artificial channel made by ice, people transported huge rocks from the bottom to the top of mountain, providing necessary material to construction workers.  （获取之后的状态）

According to that,- 这里that指代不明 according to用法不对
answer- event搭配
Almost这句话太复杂
archeology 关键词拼错了
最后一句话的例子前面没有铺垫 后面没有跟进讨论 不如直接删掉  写一句总结好些


我其实不太确定你上面两段的关系 你是按照things分类么  




On the other hand, for the experts in research field, the things they study become more complex and mysterious when they learn more. That is because every time they get answer for an old unresolved issues, the new harder one emerge automatically. （分论点3）For example, as biologists painstakingly found that the micro-electricity are in charge of building communication between brain and tissues, they start to be confused with characteristic of these micro-electricity and the question that whether these micro-electricity are similar to each other or not. （提出一种论据支持分论点的情况）Moreover, when archeologists are convincing about who gave the order for construction of the Great Wall, they begin to figure out who took the order and started designing construction. Meanwhile as they understand how ancient people transport the rocks from bottom to top of hill, the new question about where were these rocks for construction come from begins to challenge archeologists.（提出另一种支持分论点的情况）


new harder- newer and harder
the question that whether- the question of whether
convincing- convinced
例子太多解释和概括不够


In conclusion, for the public people, science actually give amount of answers about the events in the world, making many things become comprehensible. On the other hand, for the experts in science, the things they study become complex and mysterious as they learn more.

---

－主旨句进行修改；

－分论点段落全部重写；


As technology and science advance, people get more opportunity to learn new knowledge. However, does it mean that as learning more, all the events happening in the world become comprehensible to us? （用问题来为主旨做铺垫）In my opinion, the answer for this question depends on which group of people we are discussing. （将人分类）For the general public, science simplifies complex issues and brings answers to serval unresolved issues. Therefore as they learn more knowledge from science, the things people are confused with become comprehensible. However, for the scientific experts, the things they study become more complex and mysterious as they obtain more from research. （主旨句）

To begin with, science simplifies many complex issues. Therefore as public people learn more knowledge from science, the complex issues become comprehensible to them. （抛出分论点1）For example, how do people move their bodies involve with a series of complex issues that public people can barely get accurate answer by themselves. With advent of anatomy, this situation can be changed. The anatomy provides a great number of basic principles about body movement, such as energy, communication between brain and tissues, etc, and the combination of these basic principles can be used to explain complex issue about body movement.（举例说明） Therefore as public people learn more from anatomy, the complex issues about body movement is simplified and thus becomes comprehensible. （总结例子并回应分论点1）

In addition, science also gives answers about mysterious issues. In this case, the public people can be no longer confused with those issues. （抛出分论点2）The Great Wall in China, for example, is a miracle in the field of construction. However, public people are confused with many mysterious issues about Great Wall, such as why did people build it, how did people solve the difficulty to transport the building material to the high mountain. With appearance of archeology, it is possible for public people to solve those mysterious issues. The archaeology normally relies on amount of reliable antique writing materials and archaeological discovery to analyze every aspect of Great Wall and thus can give solid answer for mysterious issue about Great Wall. （举例说明分论点）Therefore, as people acquire more knowledge from archaeology, those mysterious issues about Great Wall can be solved automatically.（总结例子并回应分论点2）


On the other hand, for the experts in research field, the things they study become more complex and mysterious when they learn more knowledge in their study. In general, when the experts get answer for an old unresolved issue, the new harder one or more emerge correspondingly.（抛出分论点3）For example, although biologists painstakingly found that the micro-electricity are in charge of building communication between brain and tissues, they are still confused with body movement. The discovery of micro-electricity leads to appearance of many new issues, such as where do those micro-electricity come from, do they have difference with each other. These issues are even more challengeable since more sophisticated and expensive facilities are needed or the key principles are lacking.（举例说明分论点） As a result, when experts learn more in their research, more harder issues appear, letting study becomes more challengeable. （总结例子并回应分论点3）

In conclusion, for the public people, science actually give amount of answers about the events in the world, making many things become comprehensible. On the other hand, for the experts in science, the things they study become complex and mysterious as they learn more. （总结主旨句）

无敌浩克OneUID: 3605802

sokiller 发表于 2015-6-11 21:15
这是抄老师的 呵呵。。。

http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/157380878.html

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-6-11 21:15
这是抄老师的 呵呵。。。

应该是as much as we can或者 as much as possible
你抄的哪一句 也许我写错了

sokillerUID: 3446082

Argument 28

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.       

Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.       

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.



In the summary, the author thinks that the number of headaches can decline constantly with the commercial use of salicylates. （抛出作者观点）We need to know more information about similarity between salicylates and aspirin, participants’ report and effectiveness of using salicylates as flavor in attracting people first in order to agree with author’s assumption.（主旨句）

To begin with, the author assumes that Salicylates can be used to treat headache because it belongs to the same chemical family as aspirin, who is regular medicine for headache. （抛出作者的论据1）In fact, without more information about effectiveness of using salicylates in treating headache, we can hardly agree with author’s assumption.（抛出分论点1）Maybe salicylates has no effect in treating headache while it belongs to the same chemical family with aspirin. Or maybe salicylates and aspirin just share part similar chemical feature that cannot contribute to treating headache.（抛出可能的问题） If do so, salicylates may not be useful as aspirin in treating headache and the author’s assumption may not be reasonable.（抛出可能引起的后果）

In addition, the author also makes assumption that the commercial use of adding salicylates to food as preservative can lead to decline of number of headache, according to result of participants’ report.（抛出作者论据2） It is hard to agree with this assumption before we know more information about report. （抛出分论点2）Through participants’ report, we know that the decline of number of headache correlates with rise of commercial use of salicylates in food. But we do not know whether there is causality between them. （列举问题）Maybe the participants in report used some kinds of medicine constantly, such as aspirin, to treat headache in twenty years and thus the number of headache was reduced.（根据上面的问题提出可能性） If this is true, the author’s assumption may not be reasonable.（抛出可能引起的后果）

Finally, it is assumed that people can be attracted by salicylates flavor additive to buy food and thus the number of headaches will keep declining as more people consume these food.（抛出作者论据3） Before we know more information about the effectiveness of using salicylates as flavor additive in attracting people, it is not suitable to agree with author’s assumption. （抛出分论点3）Maybe only few people like the flavor generated by salicylates additive. Or maybe the flavor can let people who are suffering from headache feel even worse. （抛出可能的问题）If these are the cases, many people may not select food that use salicylates as additive. （抛出可能引起的后果）Therefore, we need more evidence about effectiveness of using salicylates as flavor additive. （回应分论点3）

In conclusion, before we agree with author’s assumption, we need more information about similarity between salicylates and aspirin, participants’ report and effectiveness of using salicylates as flavor in attracting people are needed first. （总结主旨）

无敌浩克OneUID: 3605802

sokiller 发表于 2015-6-14 09:53
Argument 28

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residen ...

个人感觉你这篇文章好像没抓住作者的论点和推理方法？
个人意见：
1. 作者的观点为什么是：商业化会减少头痛呢额？我觉得是随着使用s增加会减少头痛？
2. 第一个论点好像不成立吧？s治疗头痛的效果应该是很基础的一项吧？
3.作者没有提到添加s是为了吸引顾客吧？

sokillerUID: 3446082

无敌浩克One 发表于 2015-6-15 08:45
个人感觉你这篇文章好像没抓住作者的论点和推理方法？
个人意见：
1. 作者的观点为什么是：商业化会减 ...

－文章的最后一句话表明了作者的观点；

－作者的第一个论据有可能是不正确的，他只是说和阿斯匹林一个化学家族，但没说是不是在治疗头疼方面有同样的功效；

－第三点我的想法是作者认为用S可以导致更多人买food 因此会降低头疼病人的数量

sokillerUID: 3446082

issue 65

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.




Law is one of basic structure of a society. Without principle of law, the society will become disordered.（抛出引子） Therefore, I agree that every one has responsibility to obey the laws, because laws are important to personal right and social stability while some argue that people should disobey and resist to the unjust laws. （抛出主旨句）

主旨句里为什么会有别人的Argument
整句话太长


To begin with, it is necessary to obey the laws because the personal right can be protected by obeying laws. （抛出分论点1）For example, in a car accident, if the victim crossed the road by following the principle of traffic law, the traffic law would punish the careless driver who is responsible for the accident and ensure that the victim can receive proper compensation from that driver. Meanwhile, if the driver follows principle of traffic law to deal with accident, he would be allowed to collect favorable evidence and defend for himself. Otherwise, he would receive the most harsh punishment from the laws without mercy. On the other hand, if the victim did not obey the rule of traffic law, the personal right would lose protection from traffic law—the driver would not be responsible for accident and victim had to pay for the personal loss by himself or herself.（提出支持分论点的例子） In this case, it is clear that obeying law can protect personal right from infringement. （回应分论点）


主题句里都没有回应 just unjust





In addition, to the social stability, the laws is also important that every people should obey them.（抛出分论点2） For example, the principle of traffic laws give instruction of driving to the drivers. As drivers obey the laws, the traffic will run orderly and number of traffic accident will be limited. Tax is a main revenue of government. As people obey the rule of taxing laws to pay the tax, government will have adequate financial support to develop society in many aspects, such as establishing safe, stable living circumstance. The law designed to punish crime offers definition of illegal behavior. As people follow this law, their appropriate behaviors will let the society become safe and order. （抛出支持分论点的例子）Therefore, it is safe to say that laws play a crucial role in maintaining social stability and thus every individual should obey them. （回应分论点）

主题句没有回应unjust  just  
to the social stability, 表达
the laws is also important that every people should obey them 表达  


Tax is a main revenue  和上句完全没有衔接  怎么就一下跳到tax



Some argue that people should disobey and resist when they think laws are unjust.（提出挑战） However, I do not agree with this statement. （抛出自己的观点）In general, the law is made by ruler to respond to actual demand and passed by congress. In other words, law is recognized by most people to be just and thus it may be unjust to minor people. （提出观点背景）For these people, although they feel discontent to the law, adopting disobedience and resistance is not good choice.（提出分论点） For one thing, disobedience and resistance of law mean violation of laws and people who adopt them will be punished by the government’s enforcement. On the other hand, disobedience and resistance of law may make conflict between people who think the laws are unjust and people who support the laws, letting society to be subjected to unstable and disordered.（提出论点的论据） In my opinion, people who feel discontent and unjust to the law should express their opinion in legal frame.（提出一个解决方案） For example, if some feel the current rate of personal tax is not just to them, instead of violating law to organize illegal protest in public and thus receiving punishment, writing letter, which is allowed by laws, to local congress is obviously the best choice.（提出例子支持分论点）


哪里在挑战你的观点 ？  



In conclusion, I agree that every people in society should obey the laws because laws are important to personal right and social stability. Moreover, I think people should express their opinion in legal frame when they think the laws are unjust to them. （总结分论点）

sokillerUID: 3446082

argument 15

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.

Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

大家都用表格了 你也用吧


In memorandum, according to servers’ report and the fact that only few people complain for replacement, the manager explains that it is successful to use margarine to replace butter in the restaurant. （总结manager的论据）In order to evaluate manager’s explanation, we need more information about actual attitude of people who did not give complaint, cause of customers did not distinguish and whether customers know the change. （提出主旨句）

In this memo  
according to --> based on
complain about the replacement
explains that后面跟的不是解释  
这道题的要求是探索其他解释 不是收集其他信息  
cause of customers did not distinguish 严重句子结构问题  
主旨句完全没有按照题目要求来写



To begin with, since only 2 percent of people complained the change, the manager explains that about 98 percent of people are happy with the change. （提出manager论点1）It may be problematic to agree with this explanation before we know whether those 98 percent of people are happy with change. （提出分论点1）2 percent of people complain the change does not necessarily mean 98 percent of people are happy with change. If people who did not give complaint are discontent to the change but are not used to leave feedback, the potential number of people who are not happy with change may be higher than manager think.（提出支持分论点的可能性） Therefore the manager’s explanation may not be reasonable.

explains that 中式英语  
2 percent of people complain the change does not necessarily mean严重句子结构问题
你这里要明确提出alternative explanation  



According to servers’ report, there is a number of people who did not complain when they are given margarine instead. The manager explains that these customers do not distinguish from butter to margarine and thus they are happy with change.（提出manager分论点2） It may be simplistic to give this explanation before we know the actual cause that customers do not distinguish from butter to margarine. （提出分论点2）Maybe butter is virtually similar to margarine. Or maybe margarine has the same flavor with butter. If these are true, it is hard for customers to tell difference between butter and margarine. （提出挑战manager分论点2的可能性）Therefore, they might not distinguish from butter to margarine intentionally and we will not be sure that they are happy with change.


there is a number of people- there are
the actual cause that表达


Finally, another explanation for a number of people did not give complaint in servers’ report is the customers use term “butter” to refer to either butter or margarine and thus they are satisfied to the change.（提出manager分论点3） It may be unreasonable to agree with this explanation before we know whether the customers know the fact that the butter is replaced by margarine. （提出分论点3）If the customers did not know the restaurant is going to replace butter, they might just call for butter as usual. Or perhaps the customers just want to emphasize that they want nothing else but butter. （提出挑战manager分论点的可能性）As a result, it is hard to know whether customer are happy with change since they did not know their butter is replaced. Therefore the manager’s explanation may not be suitable.


for a number of people did not give complaint in servers’ report is the customers use term “butter”严重句子结构问题
Or perhaps the customers just want to emphasize that they want nothing else but butter.不懂这句话


你说的 If the customers did not know the restaurant is going to replace butter和原题中的
these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine并不矛盾啊 不算rival explanation


感觉你这篇问题很多 建议你去看我的范文


To conclude, in order to evaluate manager’s explanation, we need more information about actual attitude of people who did not give complaint, the actual cause that people did not distinguish and whether customers know the change. （总结主旨句）

无敌浩克OneUID: 3605802

sokiller 发表于 2015-6-17 11:02
argument 15

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaura ...

我的感觉，explanation这种问题，是否应将思路定为：作者的解释不够全面，而非作者的解释不够合理。

然后感觉你第三段对于原文的叙述是不是有些长了？（我也总是这样，感觉一半是在重复原文，最后总结一句套话，实质内容太少）

另外是否可以提出一种解释是：顾客发现替换，可能不是抱怨，而是直接放弃了这家店，也不参与调查。