艾小卉的5月作文帖

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6月11日    Issue 33
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

整个思路根据老师的范文展开，开头的主旨句借鉴了Kassdra 的，中间的例子部分用了老师的germ theory,写的比之前快一些，但是例子还是花了一点时间构思。

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
Whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people we are talking about	观点概括		which groups ...
For the general public, I agree that the advancement of science gives them a better understanding of puzzles and provide more solutionsHowever, for the scientists and researchers, I believe that science create more complex puzzles and presents a mysterious world	主旨句		solutions.   creates
Para 2
To begin with, the development of science help the general public know more about the complexities by providing experiment process and specific explanations	主题句1		experiment process意思模糊
Take the theory of evolution as an example. For thousands of years, people had argued that life could have been created by a supernatural due to the incredible complexity of nature	例子1
Thus it is very remarkable that Charles Darwin explained human beings’ existence by means of Evolution from Natural Selection, which can be easily understood by most people	解释
Likewise, the discovery of germ theory have enabled general public to learn that some diseases are caused by microoganisms	例子2
With these scientific discoveries, people learn more about the natural world and have more interests in solving difficult puzzles	本段小结
Para 3
In addition to natural science, social science also play important roles in touching all of general public’s lives	主题句2	主题句偏离了题目的主旨
In everyday thinking, senior citizens living on fixed incomes wonder how fast prices will rise. Business executives forcasting the demand for their products must guess how fast consumers’ incomes will grow. Under such circumstance, macroeconomics, the study of the economy as a whole, attempts to help people understand these related questions	例子1
Macroeconomic issues also play a central role in national political debates	进一步解释
Gernal public are aware of how the economy is doing		和上句的连贯有问题
As a result, the popularity of the incumbent president ofter rises when the economy is doing well and falls when it is doing poorly	结果
Likewise, the knowledge of game theory, such as Nash Equilibrium, support businessmen by predicting their competitiors’ behaviors in market economy	例子2
Such insights from social science bring the public a lot of inspiratioans and contributes to our understanding of the complex puzzle[/td]本段小结[td]		整段的例子太多 条理不够好
Para 4
While the discoveries from both natural and social sciences have greatly promoted the public understanding of the world, however, for scientists and researchers, the well-established theories may not be so useful for them to give actual situations an accurate explanation	主题句3		give actual situations an accurate explanation 搭配和选词问题
For example, the reality often stirred up a controversy among some famous economists	例子social science
Ecnonomists still find it difficult to explain why all countries experience recessions and depressions, recurrent periods of falling incomes and rising unemployment	解释
When it comes to astronomy area, it’s even harder for researchers to make sure the origin of the universe and whether or not there are other some other creatures living in the Galaxy	例子natural science		make sure the origin 搭配
With more knowledge acculumated, things become more mysterious and some even challenge the prevailing theories, which require scientists and researchers to find new answers	本段小结
Para 5
In conclusion, I think that whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people	观点概括
For the general public, we are lucky to have a better understanding of the world thanks to the development of natural and social sciences	重复主旨句1
But for scientists and researchers, they have to do deep research to put forward more comprehensive theory and push the boundary of human understanding	重复主旨句2

总的来讲写得不错 语言表达的问题还需要慢慢处理
主题句的写作要注意呼应题目主旨

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Argument 24, 26 & 28

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods.With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.       

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

结论：we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.   
论据：
（1）Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches.
（2）This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study.
（3）food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods.

在前两点展开比较顺利，第三点在展开时不知道怎么详细展开了，主要借鉴老师的范文写的。感觉范文里挖掘得好深啊

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
According to the argument, it is assumed that the number of headaches in Mentia would decline because the food companies are expected to use salicylates as flavor additives for foods	观点概括
A number of assumptions about the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies have to be reexamined to evaluate the argument	主旨句
Para 2
To begin with, we need to know that whether salicylates have the same effect for headaches as aspirin and the extent of side effects	主题句1		that删掉 and the extent of side effects (of what?)
While salicylates are of the same chemical family as aspirin, it does not mean that the two chemicals have the same effect in treating headaches	让步
Maybe salicylates have no effect for headaches or even aggravate illness	提出可能性		aggravate the condition
Also, it is important to look into the extent of side effects	另一方面
If the side effect of salicylates far outweigh its advantages in the long term, it is not wise for food companies to use this chemical as food additives	提出可能性	感觉side effect并不靠谱 如果这个东西有害的话 估计过不了FDA审查
Unless we have direct evidence to prove that salicylates can treat headache and its side effect is small, we cannot get the conclusion that salicylates can treat headaches as aspirin does	小结本段
Para 3
Moreover, the argument assumes that there is a correlation between the use of salicylates and the steady deline in headaches	主题句2	你这里要质疑不是correlation 而是causal link correlation是观察到的结果 而不是假设
However, correlation does not mean casual relation	借鉴老师范文句型
There could be other factors that contribute to the reduction of headaches in Mentia	有其他可能性
Over the past twenty years, maybe residents in Mentia used some other drugs or had better eating habits, which could improve their health condition	提出可能性
Under such circumstance, the use of salicylates cannot help residents in Mentia suffer fewer headaches in the future	结果
That is to say, salicylates should not be used as additives by food companies in Mentia	小结本段	这句话和前面没有关联啊 公司决定用不用做调味剂不会考虑这个东西的健康好处啊   这句话实在太无厘头了
Para 4
The third assumption implicitly made is that many food companies in Mentia would actually choose salicylates as flavor additives for foods	主题句3
The first question we need to ask about is that whether the chemical get approval from medical institution and the government	第一点质疑
If the government does not approve the use of salicylates as food additives, the assumption is meaningles	解释
In addition, we need to compare the costs of salicylates and some other alternatives additives	第二点质疑
Maybe some other additives are cheaper and have the same taste	可能性
Finally, the consumers’ preferance is also important for us to take into account	第三点质疑	第三点没有展开 不过这段已经很长了
Unless we have specific information about the actual decision of food companies, we cannot make sure that salicylates can be use as flavor additives for food in Mentia	小结
Para 5
In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the argument, such as the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies	主旨句重复
If one or more of them are proved to be unwarrented, the prediction of the argument will not be convincing	小结

总感觉你第二段和第三段的内容有些重复
另外对于原文中的self-report的可靠性这个点 我觉得比较重要   

艾小卉UID：3484633

雲靉玥 发表于 2015-6-10 17:43
同学不好意思，我来看的时候老师已经点评过了。。。
我觉得总体写的很好，唯一想说的就是断手第一句不知 ...

非常感谢点评，第一点我的开头写的可能是不太准确。第二点，是应该的在可能性后写结果的。但有时候因为卡时间，写着写着就跳到本段小结了，都还有待完善吧。

艾小卉UID：3484633

issue 65
65) Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


30min 写到第四段，所以第四段就没有写例子了，结尾也没有写。。。想了一下还是就这样原始版本交上来吧（修改的时候补上去），以后不断比较自己的30min到底能写到哪儿。。主要还是中间的例子部分写了比较长的时间。

主题句2关于unjust laws部分，我对unjust的理解是从不同对象的角度来看的（比如穷人与富人），用了超额累进税率的例子，不确定是否合适

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
I  agree with the statement that all the citizens should obey the just laws and protect their legitimate rights	观点概括
I also believe that people should obey laws which may not be just but would ensure the stability and development of the country.To address the concern about the unreasonable laws, the citizens can resist unjust laws within the sound legal framework	主旨句
Para 2
To begin with, there is no denying that all the individuals should obey laws that are considered just by the whole society	主题句1
For justice and righteousness of the society, we pay for the books in a bookstore instead of stealing it which is a violation of the property rights of the bookstore. We must pay money back to person or bank before the deadline, otherwise we will broke the economic law. We obey the criminal laws, instead of stealing private or public property or commiting a robbery, so everyone can have a better sense of security	举例 动作分析应该逐句进行
Unless people obey just laws, social stability and politics firmness cannot be ensured, and no one can live a happy life	本段小结
Para 3
In addition, citizens should still obey the laws which can guarantee the normal operation of the society and development of the country, even though they are not just for all the citizens	主题句2
Take the civil tax laws as an example.According to Chinese law, income from wages and salaries shall be taxed at progressive rates ranging from 5% to 45%. For the wealthy, higher tax rates means they have to pay more taxes, while the poor only need to pay a little or no tax.Under such circumstance, the civil tax law is unjust for most of the rich	举例	你怎么就得出civil tax law is unjust for most of the rich这个结论的？
But when it comes to the contribution to the whole society, government redistribute income through regulatory measures such as taxation, and then provide the poor region with greater support such as investment projects, transfer payments and gradually build up long-term and stable sources of its development.  If the rich refuse to pay higher taxes, the country will not have enough money to ensure of basic needs of living for the poor	后果	这不正说明tax law是合理的么
So, people should also obey the laws that contributes to the normal operation of the country	本段小结
Para 4
Finally, there are also concerns about the implement and consequency of unreasonable laws	主题句3	你没有指明这个是对你的观点的挑战
For example, in China, the financial resources disposal emerges urbanized and has ownership tendency, so the citizens cannot impartially share the financial resources, and result in wider come gap	举例
To adress such problems, people should find different methods to improve the unjust laws within the legal framework of legislation. They can publish polemical articles on the newpaper and put forward constructive suggestions.They can also write letters to congressmen and pressure the government to improve  unjust laws.	提出解决方案
In that way, violence can be avoided and just laws can take place of the unjust laws	本段小结

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月16日 Argument 15

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.

"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."


Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
According to the memorandum, Happy Pancke House restaurants has replaced butter with margarine and claimed that had little impact on customers	观点概括	注意claim的主语不是restaurant
A number of alternative explanations on the attitudes of customers, the effectiveness of the survey and influence of the relacement in the long term have to be taken into account in order to evaluate the soundness of the argument	主旨句	原题没有对the effectiveness 做出过解释
Para 2
To begin with, we may explain the real attitudes of the customers when the butter is replaced with margarine	主题句1	整句意思有问题 没有提出具体的解释
The fact that only 2 percent of customers have complained does not mean 98 percent of customers are satisfied with the replacement	事实陈述
Maybe some customers feel disappointed about the new arrangement and decide not go to HPH restaurants the next time, instead of wasting time to lodge a complaint to the restaurants	可能性	这类题目的套路应该是先指出原题里的事实和解释 然后提出其他可能的解释
Therefore, giving consumers questionnaires about the new arrangement can provide a better explanation for the real attitudes	本段小结	未必需要讲如何调查
Para 3
In addition, we need to collect more information to reexamine the effectiveness of the survey, including the percentages of food and the consumers that have been affected by the new arrangement	主题句2	没有回应题目要求
Maybe 20 percent of the consumers choosed the cakes made of magarine or only half of the food on the menu was prepared with magarine	可能性1	这个好像和原题的内容偏离了	chose
It is also possible that only 30 percent of consumers left feedback aftering eating at HPH restaurants	可能性2
Under such circumstance, the fact that 2 percent of consumers complained was more serious than the small number of percentage suggested	后果
Therefore, surveys of consumers’ complaints should expand the scope of the investigation and take the percentage of food into account	本段小结
Para 4
Finally, it is important to look into the influence of the new arrangement in the long term	主题句3	切入点不靠谱 未能回应题目要求
Maybe consumers just can’t distinguish butter from magarine at the beginning. When consumers find that butters are replaced by cheaper materials and they are deceived by HPH restaurants	可能性
In that case, this deceit may be regarded as unethical arrangement and make known to the public by angry consumers	后果
In the long run, the reputation of HPH restaurants will be seriously harmed and its profit will not increase	后果
Therefore, we need to consider the influence of the new arrangement before beliving the conclusion of the argument	本段小结
Para 5
In conclusion, a number of alternative explanations may be advanced for the 2% complaints of the consumers	回应主旨句
Unless we could find specific evidence to rule out such explanations, the argument is not very strong	观点

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issue 122
122) The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
I do not agree with the statement that the character of heroes or role models can best reflect the character of a society, since outstanding figures are often selected by government or certain coporations to propagate political values	观点概括
Some people may argue that this approach is best because it is cost-effective and can be widely accepted by the public	主旨句1
I believe that the living condition of ordinary people is a mirror of the times and we can analyze people’s behaviors quantitatively with the help of the huge data bases	主旨句2
Para 2
To begin with, heroes and role models often go with the mainstream，have their peroson achievements and satisfy government’s political needs, but not reflect the characters of society	主题句1
在信息匮乏的时代，政府主导思想主流，可以通过树立反映政治理想的杰出人物来教育大众，但这些往往体现了政府意志而不是社会的真实特点。以雷锋为例，他舍己为人、无私奉献，在那个年代被誉为国家英雄以及人人学习的楷模。但是在中国改革开放后新思潮涌入后，人们发现雷锋精神实际上与理性人相违背，并且不利于市场经济的发展。因此，我们不能通过雷锋这样的英雄人物来观察社会的发展特点。 (想不到其他例子。。。。就借老师的例子了)
Para 3
In addition, these heroes or role models can be selected by certain corporations or some incidental opportunities in the view of profit purpose	主题句2
Certain corporations: 用自己的话描述现在的明星，通过综艺或选秀节目被大家认知，因为有好的外部形象和杰出艺术才华，被很多人奉为偶像。但他们身上的特点往往是那些宣传公司包装出来的，不能反映真实的大众的特点
Para 4
However, some people may argue that this approach is better than other approaches because it is cost-effective and can be widely accepted by the public. However, with the development of social media and upgrade of data base, it is easier than before to observe and analyze the behaviors of ordinary people	主题句3
可以通过谷歌搜索次数以及数据库中的信息存量来分析人们在生活中的关注点。比如在中国两会前，都会通过网络调查以及投票的方式反映人们现实生活中最迫切解决的问题，这可以更好的反映当前中国社会的特点	观点概括

tesolchinaUID：2191404

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-19 01:16
issue 122 提纲
122) The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the chara ...

已点评

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84) The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.
Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.


35min,先放在记事本里写，然后在word里检查。第一段主旨句概括部分耗时较多

TS3本来想用Human activities对amphibian的影响的，后来改成了生存竞争，但感觉还是有点论证不足

有一点想请教一下，老师您的两篇alternative explanation范文的第一段里，主旨句为什么没有概括后面的三个主题句呢，而是用there are a number of alternative explanations 一笔带过？
确实没有严格做到 TS (pt1, pt2,pt3) 可能这种题型要落实这样有一定的困难
为了做到言行一致，我把主旨句改了一下

There are a number of alternative explanations for the two different results and the decrease of amphibian population involving issues such as study settings, environmental changes and other possible scenarios.  

句 子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
According to the letter, the author cited two studies conducted in 1975 and 2002 and proposed that the significant decrease of amphibians population was mainly caused by the introduction of trout in 1975	观点概括
In oder to evaluate the argument critically, we need to explore other alternative explanations for two different results and the decline in the number of amphibians , such as different seasons the study conducted, deteoriation of the environment and human activities	主旨句		in which the study was conducted
Para 2
Given the fact that there is a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians in the 2002 study, the author believe that such decline results from the introduction of trout.But there might be other reasons why the amphibians population decrease drastically	主题句1		there was .. in the ... compared to ... study why the observed number of ...
Maybe the 1975 study were conducted in summer when the amphibians were more active, but the 2002 study were conducted in winter when most amphibians were hibernated in caves	可能性：调查季节不同		hibernated用被动？
Under such circumstance, more amphibians can be observed in1975 study	带来的后果
Therefore, the different seasons when the study was conducted might explain the two different results	本段小结
Para 3
In addition, even if amphibians populations indeed delined, another explanation could be the deteoriation of ecological environment over the past 27 years	主题句2
Maybe the water pollution and worsening of air quality is responsible for the decline of the numbers of amphibians	可能性：环境恶化		were responsible
For example, the water was polluted by the factory since 1980s and poisonous materials was harmful for amphibians	举例：水污染		might be 要注意情态动词和hedging的使用
Or the global warming increased the tempature of water that was not suitable for amphibians' survival	另一种可能性		to the extent that ...
Such factors other than the introduction of trout canbe the reasons of the decrease of amphibians population	本段小结
Para 4
Finally, we also need to consider the possibility of fierce competition among amphibians	主题句3
Scientists have found that, under the background of space limitation and food shortage, there is fierce competition among species and some may hurt members of the same species	解释		under the background of- due to
For example, the amphibians that are not very strong may die in the competition	举例		as a result ...
Thus it will lead to decline of amphibian population and number of species	本段小结
Para 5
In conclusion, a number of alternative explanations may be advanced for the two different results and possible reasons of population decline	本文小结
We need more information about different seasons the study conducted, change of the environment and fierce competition to better evaluate this argument	呼应主旨句

内容结构还不错 主要问题在语言表达

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6月22日 快速练习issue 65

Scientists and other researchers shouldfocus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number ofpeople.
Write a response in which you discussthe extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explainyour reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendationwould or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape yourposition.


对这篇Issue分类的思路比较明确，社会学科、自然学科、工科。先写主旨句主题句，再些例子。例子有一点超时，社会学科借鉴了老师的一个例子。不合适的例子还请老师和同学赐教

但中间有两点想请教老师的：
1. 这篇作文第一句就写agree/disagree合适吗？我纠结了一下，最后用whether or not……depends on 来表示分类了

我觉得可以写I agree/disagree

2. 我先写用英文写提纲再用中文写例子，语言转换感觉不太适应，所以明天应该会考虑例子也用英文写，有时间就写全篇，时间紧就用英文写概要

我感觉你每段写两个例子时间肯定不够 把一个例子写清楚就ok了

句 子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
Whether the statement holds true or not depends on group of scientists we are talking about	观点概括
For researchers in engineering, I agree that the group of elites with good education and abundant resources should try their best to solve problems that can benefit the greatest number of people. However, for scientists in natural science and social science, I think they should  pay attention to research areas  which may not benefit a  lot of people but also very important, since these basic subjects lay the groundwork for further development in engineering	主旨句	你这里提到为工厂的研究奠定基础 这个点到中间段就没有回应了
To begin with, scientists in engineering should focus their attention to solve pratical problems which are closely related to people's daily life and can benefit as many people as possible	主题句1
—提出原因：工科注重解决实际问题，而这些实际问题与人们的日常生活密切相关 —提出例子：汽车研发专家，研究汽车的安全稳定性能。New car assessment program —解释：人们购买汽车时首先关注的就是安全性能，好的安全性能有利于减少紧急事故时的对人们的危险损害	例子
When it comes to researches in natrual sciences, it is important for them to explore scientific areas which may not help most people, but of great importance in the long term.	主题句2
—提出例子1：达尔文的生物进化论 —解释：对当时的普通大众来说并没有特别作用，但从根本上否定了“神创论的传统观念，在哲学、社会学、伦理学、经济等领域产生了巨大影响。 —提出例子2：人类对太空的探索，宇宙空间站 —解释：对宇宙的探索更多是出于人类的好奇心，天文学短期内很难有产出，对普通大众几乎没有什么帮助，但可以开拓人类的眼界，强调人类的责任	例子
Finally,  it is unrealistic for social scientists to try to help people all over the world, instead, they should choose their research projects on some specific problems	主题句3
—例子1：经济学家思考问题更多是从全局出发，考虑供求双方，寻求最优配置。而不可能benefit most people —解释：社会学家想要帮助所有人是不现实的，社会学科更多时候是针对某个问题提出解决方案。 —例子2：社会学家研究同性恋问题 - 解释例子： 同性恋问题只涉及少数人，但仍然需要做研究。	例子

其实感觉例子都不错
就是要注意前后呼应
同时不要写太多例子 会不够时间

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月24日  issue 34

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

这篇Issue看完题目我的第一感觉是完全肯定，然后就按学术（自然科学和社会科学）、艺术和政治领域分类了。学术领域的例子写的挺快的。

有两点想请教老师的：
1.艺术领域一时没有想到什么好的例子，然后就自己编了一个，老师觉得这样可行吗？还有就是看到大家写的都是不完全肯定，想问问老师我这样写是不是合适？


2.我的考试时间因为跟学校其他一些事情冲突，所以改到8月21日了，7月10号以后基本上可以脱产复习，老师能不能根据我之前的写作结果给我一些建议,我是利用剩下50多天把题库刷一遍写提纲，还是计时写全文更好呢? 谢谢老师!

下周开始我估计会回到5月的题目上去 你可以把以前写过的文章再修改一遍 全文和提纲都很重要 可能要平衡一下  具体再商量


明天根据指导意见写全文

句 子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
I agree that in different fields, progress requires discussion among people who hold constrasting points of view	观点概括
For scientists and researchers, different opinions can promote the development of science	主旨句1
For artists, constrasting points of view can give them more inspirations	主旨句2	除非题目明确讲art  我不主张写这方面的内容 毕竟太难写
When it comes to political areas, expressing different views demonstrates democracy in action	主旨句3
Para 2
To begin with, the discussion of different views among scientists is of great importance to the development of natural sciences and social sciences	主题句1
—例子1(social science)：经济学以理性人假说为微观经济学的发展奠定了基础，但是行为金融学将心理学引入经济学中，挑战了传统的理性人假说。 —解释：有利于进一步完善金融市场的发展框架，促进证券市场和商业银行的发展 —例子2(natural science)： 地心说与日心说的争辩 —解释：使人类加深了对宇宙空间的理解	例子	我觉得一个例子就够了 这里关键在于不同的学派对于一些基础问题的假设不同 比如人是否理性 这样的冲突对于更全面的认识问题是有利的 你要把这一点写清楚 论证才站得住脚
Para 3
In addition, progress of arts needs discussion among people who have contrasting points of view	主题句2
—例子(natural science)： 齐白石画虾，别人指出他的鹅和真实的不一样，于是他特地去池塘观察了很久 —解释：其他人对齐白石的画持不同意见，这给了他纠正了原先的错误，并且从对自然的观察中得到了更多的灵感，后来齐白石画虾成为画坛一绝	例子	前面已说 艺术这种大坑能避开最好
Para 4
Finally, when it comes to political areas, if the politians don’t have different opinions, the society will lack the trasparency that democracy brings and the smooth progress will be hampered	主题句3
—例子：朝鲜一党专政，任何反对金正恩的政治主张的人都会受到处罚 —解释：挑战权威、表达不同意见才能体现民主。朝鲜因为缺乏不同的声音，整个国家处于自我封闭的状态，得不到很好的发展	例子	这里的关键是 政客往往代表不同的利益阶层 通过讨论可以达到某种妥协 避免冲突    北韩这种奇葩国家 这里并不合适 你可以选一些美国的例子 比如 Obamacare   Abortion ban Homosexual marriage 等等

KssandraUID：2766998

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-24 00:48
6月24日  issue 34

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contr ...

三个点都挺好的~
我觉得第一点的例子稍微有些笼统，可能是因为有三个，所以每个的篇幅都有限。也许更多解释一个例子中的两个观点如何不同，这种不同如何促进了进步会更切题？

抱歉作业交晚了，互改也很晚。。

dingchenchenUID：3602968

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-24 00:48
6月24日  issue 34

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contr ...

你的表格做得好乱啊，跟我之前的一样。你是不是用“高级模式”中的html语言进行编译表格的？这个太费力了。
我上次问了同学才知道怎么做。先在excel中把内容粘贴上去，然后选定、复制到编辑框里，要记得把“高级模式”下的编辑框的右上角的“纯文本”的勾去掉，这样就可以把表格粘贴上来了。

艾小卉UID：3484633

57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


自己想了一二两个点，第三个点是借鉴老师的。不太确定中国近代的那个例子是否合适

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
I strongly disagree with the statement that main benefit of studying history is to help us recognize that there is no significant difference between people living now and our ancestors	观点概括
From the perspective of living conditions and belief system, people nowadays have changed a lot from people in earlier times	主旨句		In terms of 好些
What’s more, we can draw lessons from the past events, so the educational value of studying history should not be ignored	主旨句		断句
To begin with, human being’s living conditions have changed a lot from our ancestors thanks to the development of agriculture, tranportation and medical treatment	主题句1
农业发展提供了充足的食物，从而现代的人们有足够的营养摄入量；交通业的发展使人们的出行更加便利；医疗技术的进步使古代一些死亡率高的病能够得到治疗，比如流感发烧、肺炎等等	例子	这里不用写太多小点 深入写1-2个点就ok
In addition, modern people are significantly different from people in ealier times in terms of belief system	主题句2
随着三次工业革命的推进，人们逐渐破除了封建迷信思想，新技术新能源不断创新 举例：中国被动卷入世界资本主义市场，促使中国开始探索西方世界，“民主”与“科学”开始在中国传播	例子	封建迷信思想是啥？  这种汉语里的词汇搬到英语里就说不通了 民主与科学 讲清楚其中一个就很好了
As far as I am concerned, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion, instead, the study of history help us have a better understanding of the modern world	主题句3	主题句要更具体 比如帮助制定政策等等	断句
学习历史对我们当今有很重要的作用。 生活中的例子：参加高考的学生可以从过去的考试中总结经验 大的例子：2009年美国次贷危机，美国政府后来借鉴了1929年罗斯福新政中的措施缓和局势	例子	高考这个例子不行 这里的history是指一个学科 不包括过往事件

艾小卉UID：3484633

6.24     Argument 占楼


明天补上来

雲靉玥UID：2888572

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-25 22:54
57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are si ...

老师已经看过了呃，我很同意老实说一个点就把一两个例子讲清楚就好
我觉得主题句什么的都挺好的~

一些语言方面的建议：比如What's more感觉应该写what is more这样比较formal
还有老师说断句的地方可以尝试用分号？