求大神给我的作文提点意见！！跪谢

velanoUID: 3615383

ISSUE第一题、：技术的发展使得人们独立思考能力下降？

我的作文如下395个字，个人感觉好烂啊，求大神狠狠地批~~~

The writer asserts that the gradually increasing reliance on technology has deteriorated the capability for human to think independently. While I concede that, to some extent, the writer has been on the true stand, the conclusion made by the writer still remains questionable.

The writer has recognized that currently there are truly some examples that illustrate the decline in the independent thinking of human beings. The invention of calculator is always the best case. Being replaced by machines that are much faster and more accurate than us, our ability in  math problems has always been deteriorating ,to such an extent that even the most simple equations could be solved wrongly by us .Besides, after the appearance of the applications that were designed to help us checking the grammar, people have used them to replace their own analysis of articles they write, which of course make us less capable of being so alert to the grammar mistakes we make in the writing. Sometimes we even find it so hard to decide whether a mistake has occurred that we have to turn to the applications.

Notwithstanding the cases that has proved the writer's assertion to be reasonable, there are still many examples that can illustrate the contrary side. For example, while many concede that the advent of computer has deteriorated the thinking process, we have to admit that it is the development of computer science that has promoted human beings to be much more clever and capable of dealing with more problems than before. With the storage technology of computer, we can put the data and profiles that we are not using aside without losing or forgetting them, which make it possible for us to do with an increasing number of matters. The programming, such as JAVA or C, has been a powerful tool that we can use to realize the accurate and fast automation on the machines, releasing us from not only numerous physical jobs and difficult thinking processes. The programming requires science knowledge as well as logical analysis, which actually promotes scientists to think for themselves.

Though the advancement of technology sometimes may bring us troubles like the decline of independent thinking ability, generally speaking the technology, except from improving human life, help make us smarter animals than before. We have to realize that some of the basic abilities may face challenges and make attempts to protect them from deteriorating. However, it cannot be the excuse that we can use to contribute all of the shortcomings to the technology.

velanoUID: 3615383

错了，419个字

RevrieRiverUID: 3470313

真要严厉，如果要评分的话，本篇只能给2分
最主要的问题是论点模糊不清，给人骑墙的感觉。个人认为这是写作的大忌。
技术究竟是不是降低了人独立思考的能力，你应该旗帜鲜明，yes or no？
你正反两面都举了例子，用力平均，好像两方面都兼顾了，但其实是眉毛胡子一把抓，没说透问题。
个人建议你Sharpen focus, 着力论述你认为更站得住脚、更认同的一面，而另一面稍微提及即可。

wsjenglishUID: 3643341

我觉得写的挺好了。
这个作文本来就不是让人绝对的讨论是对还是错，完全对和完全错都是片面的。
但是观点应该更明确些。什么时候有害独立思考，什么情况有益。
The ability to perform menial and repetitive tasks has deteriorated(第二段）,but technology allows more freedom with creativity....（第三段）