第一次写motivation letter，希望大家能看看，批评指错

fuzhiqiang1996UID: 3776106

Dear Mr. /Mrs.

I appreciate that you can take time off your busy schedule to read my letter. This is a letter of my motivation to apply for the Master Program at KTH.  
First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is xxx, and I’m an undergraduate of xxx University. My major is Bachelor of Engineering in Mechatronics Engineering. I am looking forward to apply for the KTH’s Engineer Design (the track of Mechatronics Engineering) this year. I have great enthusiasm for this promising major. On the one hand, I have had a keen interest in robots since I was 10 years old, which influenced me to choose Mechatronics Engineering as my major at xx University. With the deepening of learning, I have a deeper understanding of mechanical design and circuit control, which stimulates my greater interest in this profession. On the other hand, Mechatronics is playing an increasingly important role in today’s society with the advent of the INDUSTRIE 4.0. There are still many promising areas in this major for us to study. Interest is the best teacher and with my efforts, I hope I can make contributions to this field in the future.
In the first two years, I did well in mathematics, physics and other major courses, which I believe would also be beneficial to my further study. My general GPA is 3.95/4 and the average point is 90.6/100. Besides theoretical study, I have taken part in many competitions where I put all I have learnt into practice. For example, I attended the robot competition in my university and was awarded the first prize. Also, I participated in the iGEM (International Genetically Engineered Machine Competition) at Boston in October and got the international silver medal. Those experiences were very rewarding as it deepened my understanding of mechatronics-related knowledge. While collaborating with different students in my groups, I also improved my communication skills as well as leadership qualities.
Besides competitions, I also focus myself on the scientific research. I spent much time doing experiments about control of the mechatronics system in the laboratory. And now I have four patents which have been submitted. I have a desire to gain more advance knowledge in graduate school so that I can put fruits of engineering into practice and change people’s lives. It is this desire that drives me to long for further study. I would be appreciated if I could be a candidate for Master Program at KTH.      
I am applying for this program with careful and thorough consideration. I believe that being a student in this program would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials.

Sincerely yours,
xxx

只有4个币了，大家帮帮忙！

Dantered愛執信UID: 3774791

可以说是犯了常见的错误，你并没有对这个学校你要申请的program做很好的research，给人一种感觉这是一封能适用于所有学校的动机信。建议介绍自己的background要简而精，要挑重点。说下你要申请的学校和其他学校相比有什么亮点（就是说你为什么申KTH，而不是其他？肯定是因为它特别，可能是课程结构、实习机会、学校地理位置，或者其他），这才让人感觉有诚意

zaida112UID: 3762425

楼主，我记得以前看到过有人说 动机信归纳为 我爱我能我将来，感觉楼主可以加一些将来的打算。
然后，项目的网上应该有动机信要求，把那些要求好好写一下。

ConyardUID: 3774068

动机信要精简，自己的想法，自己喜欢什么，自己现在能做什么，自己未来想做什么，为什么要选这个学校，这个学校能为你带来什么

阿爆爆爆UID: 3772607

1楼说的对，你的动机信感觉是一份啰嗦的CV，这些内容都应该在简历里清楚地体现了，动机信需要更强的针对性，让人家教授感觉：哟！这孩子简直就是为我的项目而生的啊！   这样就稳了。
楼主需要好好看看这个专业的要求、特色和课程设置，然后有针对性地表达你为什么适合这个项目。
另外，楼主的语言也一般，用词比较单一，建议找文书机构或native speaker修改一番。
祝LZ能顺利拿到理想的Offer！~~\(≧▽≦)/~

fuzhiqiang1996UID: 3776106

Dantered愛執信 发表于 2016-12-24 22:03
可以说是犯了常见的错误，你并没有对这个学校你要申请的program做很好的research，给人一种感觉这是一封能适 ...

恩恩，我写的时候也有点感觉泛了，谢谢！

fuzhiqiang1996UID: 3776106

zaida112 发表于 2016-12-24 22:15
楼主，我记得以前看到过有人说 动机信归纳为 我爱我能我将来，感觉楼主可以加一些将来的打算。
然后，项目 ...

好的，谢谢指导了！

fuzhiqiang1996UID: 3776106

阿爆爆爆 发表于 2016-12-25 23:56
1楼说的对，你的动机信感觉是一份啰嗦的CV，这些内容都应该在简历里清楚地体现了，动机信需要更强的针对性， ...

谢谢了！英语渣渣的DIY之路。。。。