习作批改专帖

LuckyKathy888UID: 3578539

先占楼点评芊荨同学的习作
ISSUE 81. All parents should be required to volunteer time to their children's schools.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Children are the future of the nation. How children are educated determines the future development of the whole country. So, topics about children's education have always been drawing people's attention. There is a recommendation saying that parents should volunteer time to children's schools, which has been widely supported on the internet. From my perspective, it is inappropriate to completely approve this suggestion, and we（改为I更合适些） should（改为will更合适些） analyze (缺少宾语) from different aspects according to the period children are in.

To start with, it is beneficial when children are in primary schools（主题句中it 指代的是什么? 另外也没有指出对谁有益）. For children, they just leave home, where they feel comfortable and secure, and come to a strange place. Some of them may be terrified at the beginning and could not adapt to new surroudings（surroundings）. If parents occiasionally occasionally （打了两遍）attend activities in schools together with them, children would be greatly comforted and quickly get familiar with new places. Also, it is a good chance for parents to stay with children and enjoy the precious parents-children (网上没搜出来这个单词) time. What's more, it would weight off the schools' shoulders since parents come to take care of children and children would be be（打了两遍）better behaved in front of their parents.

Secondly, it is also helpful when children come to high schools（这句的问题同上一段的第一句）. In this period, childrens（children） tend to behave against parents' or schools' guide, like truancetruancy(网上没搜出来这个单词) or fight with others, as many teenagers do. Besides, childrens（children） are facing to a crucial issue in their life: college entrance（children are facing to a crucial issue , college entrance,  in their life）, which is the prerequisite for an easy life for most people(这个观点说服力不够). Children may be too young to realize it, while（while用在这逻辑不对） parents should try to pull them back to the right track by paying attention to their phycological psychological （打了两遍）state and interfering if needed. Attending schools' activities would be a perfect opportunity to communicate with teachers and learn (觉得换为know更好些) more about their children’s performance. Then according measures could be taken to lead the children through various problems they may meet smoothly （这句感觉可以删掉）.
However, things change when children enter universities. University students usually come from different places around the whole country. It is unrealistic for all parents to attend activities, (逗号可以去掉)considering the long journey and expenditure（觉得journey用的不合适）. Moreover, most university students are grown-ups, learning to be independent and fully responsible for their behaviors（这个现在分词短语做什么成分）. If parents interfere too much on children’s affairs in the university, children may never truly learn how to deal with their own problems without parents’ help. Also, it would hurt their self-esteem if their identities in the university university（打了两遍） are their parents' children, instead of independent adults.

To sum up, whether parents should be required to volunteer time to children's schools deepens on schools that children are taking（表达有歧义）. For primary and high schools, children, parents and schools would benefit from this recommendation. Yet for university students, it would be neither realistic nor helpful.
写作方面我也是小白，上面提出的问题有不妥之处还望指正，加油，我们一起进步。

===========================下面是我的练习=========================
Issue 18:  The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

My response: Do challenging authority can enhance the well-being of a society? I think it can draw different conclusions in different occasions. For scientists, questioning the research findings proposed by the predecessors or their peer researchers can promote the progress of the science and technology. For citizens, challenging the policies made by the political leaders can facilitate the country to be more democratic. However, when it is comes to drivers’ or pedestrians questioning to the authority of traffic regulations, the society may be in a chaos state and thus the well-being of which may be decreased.
To start with, it is helpful to enhance the development of the science and technology that scientists question the previous research findings which may imply some errors due to the limited technology in that period. As many academic papers are accessible to everyone now, researchers can easily download the papers published by others through internet. They can propose their questions and challenges to the researchers when they found something written in these papers are unclear or wrong, and thus the development of the science and technology can be promoted with these challenges. At last, the well-beings of this society can be improved.
Moreover, the country will be more democratic if citizens challenge the policies set by political leaders with reasonable ways. Take the homosexuals as an example, the same-sex marriages are prohibited in many countries, which is unjust for homosexuals. After American homosexuals’ numbers of challenges of marriage law, same-sex marriage laws have been enacted in American this year, which is a big progress for America. So if we want the same-sex marriage to be legalized in our country, we should take actions to challenge the marriage law with just ways.
However, the society may be disordered if drivers or pedestrians challenge and disobey traffic regulations. As we all know, traffic regulations are made to help the traffic to be shipshape. If drives don’t stop their car or pedestrians came across the road when the traffic light is red, some tragedies, for example traffic accidents, may occur and further result in traffic jams. So in this occasion, challenging the authority will not enhance the well-being of this society.
Overall speaking, whether this argument hold true or not depends on the occasions it discussed, when scientists challenge the authority of previous findings or citizens question the authority of laws with just ways, the well-being of the society can be improved. However, when drivers or pedestrians challenge traffic regulations, this argument may not hold true.
这是我8月21日参加GRE考试的Issue题目，考前练得太少了，考场上写的一塌糊涂，希望在大家的指导下写作方面能有所提升。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

LuckyKathy888 发表于 2015-9-8 18:04
先占楼点评芊荨同学的习作
ISSUE 81. All parents should be required to volunteer time to their childr ...

it can draw ..这里主语不对 用we吧
facilitate ... to be 这个用法不太对
it is helpful to .. that .. 这个句型也有问题

感觉你的句子结构问题有点多 要注意多模仿范文里的句型

而从内容来说 你这篇基本是按照范文的思路分类讨论 我觉得挺好

这段时间刚开学比较忙 只能粗略看看了

EZ0928UID: 3454654

Issue 18: The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
---
Do challenging authority can enhance the well-being of a society? I think it [we] can draw different conclusions in different occasions. For scientists, questioning the research findings proposed by the predecessors or their peer researchers can promote the progress of the science and technology. For citizens, challenging the policies made by the political leaders can facilitate [make] the country to be more democratic. However, when it is comes to drivers or pedestrians questioning to the authority of traffic regulations, the society may be in a chaos state and thus the well-being of which may be decreased. [这句话有点怪怪的，我会写成　As for drivers and pedestrians, questioning the authority of traffic regulations will make the society become a chaos, and thus decrease the well-being of the society.]

To start with, it is helpful [beneficial] to enhance the development of the science and technology that scientists question the previous research findings which may imply [find out] some errors due to the limited technology in that period. As many academic papers are accessible to everyone now, researchers can easily download the papers published by others through internet. They can propose their questions and challenges to the researchers when they found [find时态一致] something written in these papers are unclear or wrong, and thus the development of the science and technology can be promoted with these challenges. At last, the well-beings of this society can be improved.　[内容可以，建议可以再举比较specific的例子]

Moreover, the country will be more democratic if citizens challenge the policies set by political leaders with reasonable ways. Take the homosexuals as an example, [Take sth as an example.(断句)/ Take sth for example, S+V+O] The same-sex marriages are prohibited in many countries, which is unjust for homosexuals. After American homosexuals’ numbers of challenges of marriage law [名词写太长了 建议可写成numbers of challenges of marriages law from American homosexuals], same-sex marriage laws have been enacted in American this year, which is a big progress for America. So if we want the same-sex marriage to be legalized in our country, we should take actions to challenge the marriage law with just ways, making the society be more democratic. ［建议内文提到same-sex marriages跟democratic的关系，并在结尾处拉回你的主题句］

However, the society may be disordered if drivers or pedestrians challenge and disobey traffic regulations. As we all know, traffic regulations are made to help the traffic to be shipshape. If drives don’t [不建议写缩写 do not] stop their car or pedestrians came [come] across the road when the traffic light is red, some tragedies, for example traffic accidents [觉得这句话有点多余], may occur and further result in traffic jams. So in this occasion, challenging the authority will not enhance the well-being of this society.

Overall speaking, whether this argument hold true or not depends on the occasions it discussed, when scientists challenge the authority of previous findings or citizens question the authority of laws with just ways [justice], the well-being of the society can be improved. However, when drivers or pedestrians challenge traffic regulations, this argument may not hold true.

论点由不同的角度去探讨，十分的到位，但是论证可以在具体一点，会更有说服力。
建议: 段落字数的比例上，中间三段尽量维持差不多的行数。

---
Argument #53
The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
---
The author of the health magazine argues that Forsythe citizens have a healthier lifestyle now according to the survey, increasing sales of more healthy food, and decreasing sales of less healthy food. In order to assess this argument, more information about the issues discussed above.

Firstly, the survey shows that the citizens’ eating habits have changed and been closer to the government’s recommendations. Nevertheless, the survey is not cogent since it does not provide the exact number of the populations in Forsythe who did the survey and how does the survey progress.  What if there are only ten people of the citizens who have taken the survey or there are only one question on the survey such as “do you eat healthier than before?” Accordingly, without these information, we cannot tell the survey can strengthen the argument.

Secondly, the author implies that the increasing sales of food containing kiran can bolster that the citizens have a healthier life. We need more information about this phenomenon, such as when does the increasing number compare with and whether the products are eaten by the citizens. Maybe the sale number is compared with a period of time, in which the food products containing kiran, do not grow well and thus not sold well or maybe the food products are bought for the citizens’ pets or as a gift for their friends out of the city. Besides, we also do not know whether or not the scientific study is convincing. More information about the study, such as where the study come from and who did the study is needed to be mentioned in the argument.

Last but not least, the author suggests that the decreasing sales of sulia can be the evident of his/her statement. However, like the increasing sales of food which contains kiran, we need the consider the weather situation, and the period of time of this decreasing sales. Moreover, sulia might contain some special nutrition which cannot be obtain from other food, although the argument shows that it contains few of the most healthy components. In other words, decreasing consuming sulia might let the citizens less healthy because of lacking the crucial nutrition. As a result, without the information, the assumption is unwarranted.

All in all, more information about the recent survey, the increasing sales of kiran-containing food, the scientific study, and reducing sales of sulia is needed. Therefore, we can see whether or not the argument is cogent.

LuckyKathy888UID: 3578539

tesolchina 发表于 2015-9-8 18:21
it can draw ..这里主语不对 用we吧
facilitate ... to be 这个用法不太对
it is helpful to .. that ...

谢谢老师抽时间点评我的习作，自己看没发现句子结构方面有这么多问题，我会按老师说的多去模仿范文里的句子结构。

suen123UID: 3651838

The author of the health magazine argues that Forsythe citizens have a healthier lifestyle now according to the survey, increasing sales of more healthy food, and decreasing sales of less healthy food (其实这个说法有点在灰色地带，题目并没有清楚说明这两种食物是好的还是不好的。像老师的范文论点，喜欢健康的人不太吃这个并不代表这种食物是不好，所以建议rephrase一下). In order to assess this argument, more information about the issues discussed above (没写完？Is needed?).

Firstly, the survey shows that the citizens’ eating habits have changed and been closer to the government’s recommendations (有点不太完整，可以考虑加: the author supports his argument by citing a survey showing that…. ). Nevertheless, the survey is not cogent since it does not provide the exact number of the populations in Forsythe who did the survey and how does the survey progress (conducted).  What if there are only ten people of the citizens who have taken the survey or there are only one question on the survey such as “do you eat healthier than before?” Accordingly (Therefore?), without these information, we cannot tell the survey can strengthen the argument (without further information, the survey could not be used to effectively support his argument).

Secondly, the author implies that the increasing sales of food containing kiran can bolster that the citizens have a healthier life (这句读起来有点怪怪的，我觉得应该是因为人们注意健康了，所以多买了这种食物。而不是这种食物bolster了healthier life). We need more information about this phenomenon, such as when does the increasing number compare with and whether the products are eaten by the citizens. Maybe the sale number is compared with a period of time, in which the food products containing kiran, do not grow well and thus not sold well (分成两句会好一点)or maybe the food products are bought for the citizens’ pets or as a gift for their friends out of the city. Besides, we also do not know whether or not the scientific study is convincing. More information about the study, such as where (does) the study come from and who did the study (where does the study come from和who did the study有点重覆。或许能改成 and how was the study conducted) is needed to be mentioned in the argument.

Last but not least, the author suggests that the decreasing sales of sulia can be the evident of his/her statement. However, like the increasing sales of food which contains kiran, we need the (to) consider the weather situation(建议改用一个更有力的论点), and the period of time of this decreasing sales. Moreover, sulia might contain some special nutrition which cannot be obtain from other food, although the argument shows that it contains few of the most healthy components (“a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat”, 理解错误了…). In other words, decreasing consuming sulia might let the citizens less healthy because of lacking the crucial nutrition. As a result, without the information, the assumption is unwarranted.

All in all, more information about the recent survey, the increasing sales of kiran-containing food, the scientific study (不建议加这个，有点像新论点), and reducing sales of sulia is needed. Therefore, we can see whether or not the argument is cogent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Argument 9
Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.  

In this memo, the writer predicts that the upcoming Nature’s Way store in Plainsvillie will be very successful based on the mere facts that 1) the Plainville merchants report an increased sales of running shoes and exercise clothing; 2) the local health club has more members and many of the classes are always full; 3) the schoolchild in town are required to participate in a fitness program. However, his argument rests on a number of additional assumptions and a careful inspection is needed to examine whether his prediction is reasonable or not.

First of all, the writer draws a hasty assumption that the residents lead healthy lives based on the fact that a Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. However, he fails to account for alternative factors for the increased sale, such as 1) running shoes and exercise clothing are the newest fashion trend in the city; or 2) the town has recently reduced its selling tax and attracted many tourists to shop in its merchants. Therefore the writer must consider and eliminate these possible factors, otherwise his prediction is unwarranted.

Secondly, the writer claims the residents lead healthy lives depends on the facts that the local health club has more members than ever and the weight training and aerobic classes are always full. He fails to account for alternative explanations such as 1) the residents in Plainsvillie has recently favored high calories and high fat food so they need more exercise to keep in shape; or 2) the club is having a promotion event and decreases its membership fee to all time low, so many residents are willing to purchase its membership. Therefore, a comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual courses of the increased memberships.

Furthermore, the writer supports his prediction by stating the schoolchildren in town are required to participate in a fitness program. However, his supporting evidence rests on two additional assumptions that 1) the schoolchildren understand the importance of eating health food simply by taking a fitness program that emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise, and 2) the children have the money to purchase the food from its store. Until the author substantiates both assumptions, his prediction is otherwise questionable.

In addition, even if the Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and the Plainsville residents do lead health lives, it is still problematic to assumption the new franchises store in Plainsville will become very successful. It is entirely possible that 1) there are many other stores in town selling healthy food; or 2) Plainsville is a self-sufficiency town that residents seldom need to purchase food in stores. Given no further explanation, it is unconvincing to conclude the upcoming store will become very successful.

In sum, since the evidences the writer provides rest on many additional assumptions, his prediction is poorly supported and his argument is unwarranted.

Question:
老师说过新G的重点已经不是批判谬误，因此在文字不宜出现flawed/dubious这类字眼。那其实我在文章中用 unwarranted, poorly supposed, questionable, draws a hasty assumption这些字可以吗？还是少用一些比较好? Thanks!

yuanguangzhouUID: 3647294

谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢

TrueyangUID: 3642895

In this memo, the writer predicts that the upcoming Nature’s Way store in Plainsvillie will be very successful based on the mere facts that 1) the Plainville merchants report an increased sales of running shoes and exercise clothing; 2) the local health club has more members and many of the classes are always full; 3) the schoolchild in town are required to participate in a fitness program. However, his argument rests on a number of additional assumptions and a careful inspection is needed to examine whether his prediction is reasonable or not. (这段主要问题是前后矛盾吧，文章到底是依赖mere facts 还是 additional assumptions?根据题意肯定是assumptions,既然如此，建议lz您把mere facts 改成assumptions 并且把后边罗列的facts 都变成assumptions的表达方式，这个改改挺方便的)

First of all, the writer draws a hasty assumption that the residents lead healthy lives based on the fact that a Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs（原文中没说health life based on …the fact，而且life在作生命的时候可数，作生活不可数，lz文章中做生活的life都用了lives,这个您记住就好了）. However, he fails to account for alternative factors for the increased sale, such as 1) running shoes and exercise clothing are the newest fashion trend in the city; or 2) the town has recently reduced its selling tax and attracted many tourists to shop in its merchants. Therefore the writer must consider and eliminate these possible factors, otherwise his prediction is unwarranted.

Secondly, the writer claims the residents lead healthy lives depends on the facts that the local health club has more members than ever and the weight training and aerobic classes are always full. He fails to account for alternative explanations such as 1) the residents in Plainsvillie has recently （have recently favored）favored high calories and high fat food so they need more exercise to keep in shape; or 2) the club is having a promotion event and decreases its membership fee to (for) all time low（可以省略low？）, so many residents are willing to purchase its membership. Therefore, a comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual courses of the increased memberships.

Furthermore, the writer supports his prediction by stating the schoolchildren in town are required to participate in a fitness program. However, his supporting evidence rests on two additional assumptions that 1) the schoolchildren understand the importance of eating health food simply by taking a fitness program that emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise, and 2) the children have the money to purchase the food from its store. Until the author substantiates both assumptions, his prediction is otherwise questionable. （这些中间段的问题都差不多吧，我觉得LZ您可能很清楚作文结构，先指出ASSUMPTION ,第二展开说明，第三举例发现其他的可能性，最后再总结这个assumption需要进一步被支持。在这个过程中，您的第一，第三，第四其实都挺明显是有的，关键是这些部分字说自话，我觉得还需要相互有照应和衔接）

In addition, even if the Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and the Plainsville residents do lead health lives, it is still problematic to assumption(assume) the new franchises（franchise） store in Plainsville will become very successful. It is entirely(totally更常见吧) possible that 1) there are many other stores in town selling healthy food; or 2) Plainsville is a self-sufficiency(self-sufficient) town that residents seldom need to purchase food in stores. Given no further explanation, it is unconvincing to conclude the upcoming store will become very successful.

In sum, since the evidences the writer provides rest on many additional assumptions, his prediction is poorly supported and his argument is unwarranted.（结尾段您可以把前边写到的ASSUMPTIONS再用别的句式复述一遍，这样就不容易成套话，而且多字数不是）


请各路英雄帮着改改，指出问题多多益善，感激不尽
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3642895

CandyisthebestUID: 3626719

已经点评过楼上的习作了哦~

详见你的作文贴~

CandyisthebestUID: 3626719

我的习作~谢谢老师和同学啦~

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=redirect&goto=findpost&ptid=1840324&pid=1779942378&fromuid=3626719

TrueyangUID: 3642895

已评楼上的文章。

下边还请各位英雄不留情面，谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3642895

hylshelleyUID: 3492733

大家好！关于如何得到习作批改我有三个疑问：

1、我是在网上看到“主题活动:GRE作文6分经验暨互改小组组员招募”，但时间在2014年，不知现在还是否在继续呢？

2、我9月6日一战GRE结果V160/Q170/AW4，写推荐信的professor们说让我考个5或者以上。但我在6分教学博客中看到老师强调要守候3分的童鞋能达到4分或4.5分，不知道像我这种情况能否通过这里的习作批改突破瓶颈呢？

3、若要参与批改，规则还是在本贴占楼-点评-发习作是吗？是否需要参加其他活动，例如另一个帖子里面提到的句子修改？每次习作是否有一个相同的题目，还是自己随意？

我准备在10月17日二战G，非常幸运能在坛里遇到如此精华的小组！！亟待参与到跟老师跟G友们的互动中！！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

hylshelley 发表于 2015-9-19 09:37
大家好！关于如何得到习作批改我有三个疑问：

1、我是在网上看到“主题活动:GRE作文6分经验暨互改小组组 ...

主题活动已停
希望拿高分的话要靠自己努力  可以加我微信讨论 (tesolchina)
目前本帖的基本模式就是先点评楼上 然后再发自己的练习

我争取近期搞一个反馈的模板出来

yswhynotUID: 3587542

已经点评了Candy同学的作文啦：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779942378

下面是我第一篇的argument练习，还希望各位多多指教~
/******20 Sep 2015*****
53.The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
**********************/

The piece of argument above tries to prove that the citizens of Forsythe live healthier lifestyles because of the following reasons: firstly, a survey showing that their eating habits is closer to a nutritional recommendations ten years ago; secondly, the change of food sales which seems to lead to healthier life. The information provided above is not sufficient enough to prove the statement, and other evidence is needed as shown below.

For the first evidence, a recent survey showing their closer eating habit to government nutritional recommendations ten years ago. There are two flaws in this point. Firstly, there is no information about this survey, so that it is not convincing that this survey will represent the conditions of most people. Secondly, the nutritional recommendations are not specified. To strengthen the argument, the writer needs to point out the number of people taking the survey and its percentage of the citizens. The writer then needs to prove the nutritional recommendations to be convincing. However, this might still weaken the argument for the reason that the recommendations ten years ago is very likely to be outdated and not suitable for current society.

For the second evidence, the increase or decrease sales of certain food product cannot prove the statement. For the first substance mentioned, the writer needs to show that cholesterol is bad for health, so that more kiran can be healthy for people. For the second substance, few of the most healthy citizens eat does not prove that sulia is bad for health. It might just be a matter of personal preference instead of general health concerns. Besides, to strengthen the argument, the writer could not prove the statement only with individual examples of the sales of food products. Instead, he should support the idea with a general discussion of the entire food markets sales in Forsythe. For instance, decrease sale in rubbish food in the local market will be more convincing to prove that the citizens are living more healthier lifestyles, and later give some specific examples.

In conclusion, the argument is not convincing and lacks evidence. To strengthen the argument, the writer should provide sufficient information about the survey and nutritional recommendations mentioned, as well as discussing the food market as a whole, instead of giving only specific examples on food sales.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

yswhynot 发表于 2015-9-20 16:26
已经点评了Candy同学的作文啦：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1840324&page=2#pid1779 ...

我觉得写argument的练习可以自己对比一下我的范文或提纲 然后有问题再提出来 这样其他同学想帮你也容易些

CandyisthebestUID: 3626719

这是今天的作文https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3626719

上次的作文https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3626719

老师貌似没有批改上次的作文，我把正文段主旨句标出来了，请老师指教！